Speak To Me

(Katrina)

How did my life get to this point? Perhaps this is my own version of hell and I am finally getting everything I deserved. This is the type of Karma that so many have spoken about.. The pain that radiated from my body was so intense, that even just the effort to breathe was exhausting. Would it have been better if I died in that fire? Why did I even live? I felt deep down that I didn't deserve it..not after everything I have done.

The moment Gabriella came into our lives, I felt a deep sense of excitement.

The thought that I would be getting another sister was thrilling..I wouldn't be the youngest anymore and perhaps we would get along even better than I did with Cecelia.

Then when the small girl with those big blue eyes appeared, she was even more adorable than I pictured. I was just a few years older than her..but she seemed so small and frail. But once I noticed how my mother reacted towards her..I knew it wouldn't end well.

I saw the hatred and the anger mom threw at Gabby. The first time she hit her, I ran to Gabriella's side..the shock of seeing my mother physically strike her was enough to knock me out of character.

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly, seeing blood coating the small girl's bottom lip.

"Get up Katrina right this instant. How dare you show that abomination an ounce of kindness." My mother snapped, her hand gripping my arm as her fingernails dug into me.

Our mom was never fully involved..we had nannies and caretakers to look after us while she went to fancy parties or traveled the world with Dad.

But she never physically hit us..not like this.

"Or would you rather take her side? I have no problem making you both sleep in the basement tonight." She hissed, making me shake my head no adamantly..and that's when I knew I could never show an ounce of kindness to Gabriella.

I was weak..I was just as bad as them because I stood back and let it happen. I saw how much they hated her and I knew I wasn't immune. If I stuck up for Gabriella, I too would be hated..

Cecelia was always my mother's favorite. It was no secret..and my father, well..he clearly favored Gabriella.

So when it came to me, I was just there...

I found my escape in my phone..creating Insta content and posting on social media..and I ended up being pretty good at it.

But deep inside I felt that jealousy and hatred..so I took it out on whoever I could.

So perhaps I really did deserve this fate..even my own father hasn't come to visit me..definitely not Gabriella...But I can't blame her.

I wouldn't either..

I don't know how long I have been at the hospital..and I can't even remember exactly what happened. All I know is that Cecelia, Grandma Georgie, and my mother died.

I remember that so freaking clearly..how they found me through all of the smoke and flames..

"We have a surivor! This one is still breathing!" A loud voice called above me as my whole body throbbed with pain.

A survivor..that is what they called me..but I felt far from it. I didn't want to survive..I didn't deserve to survive.

I wished I would've died that day..but no, my punishment wasn't over yet.

Suddenly I heard the sound of a door opening, making my eyes fluttered open as I glanced across the room.

He was here again..

When I first laid eyes on him, I thought it was a dream..that perhaps he was some type of angel of death brought down to cast judgment on me.

But no, he just comes into the room..looks me over, and reads.

So I think he might be a volunteer at the hospital.

Obviously I have never met him before..I would remember a face like that.

I turned my head away, feeling self-conscious as I knew I must look like some type of monster.

This really is the cruelest fate..my whole life was focused on my looks. My job was literally just to look pretty and review products that different companies would send me. So what else do I have left?

I haven't seen myself in the mirror yet..but from the cream and ointments they put on me, I know the burns were everywhere.

"Good morning sunshine, did you sleep well?" The man asked cheerfully, making me internally roll my eyes. He was always in a good mood..and for some reason that bugged me. Why was he so happy? I didn't answer..I didn't even know if I could. I haven't tried.

Suddenly the curtains were pulled open as the guy walked around the bed, eyeing me carefully.

"Are you in any pain?" He asked and I just laid there, not wanting to answer.

I thought if I didn't respond he would freaking leave...but that never worked.

Suddenly I felt a cool hand swipe across my head, causing my eyes to widen.

"Your fever went down. Doctor Raya was a little worried about that." He went on..boy could this guy talk too when he wanted to..

I was never really a talker, that was all Cecelia..I honestly felt more similar to Gabriella in the sense that I liked to watch.

"Want some water?" He suddenly asked, making my eyes meet his as a huge smile soon filled his face.

"There are those beautiful green eyes." He said smoothly making me roll them as he let out a laugh.

"Do I annoy you Katrina?" He asked while fiddling with something on the side table.

"I get the feeling you don't look forward to our little visits." He added before coming back into view and giving me a pout.

The way his bottom lip jutted out caused my stomach to flip, prompting me to look away once again.

"Nah..I bet you love it..having to look at my handsome face all day can't be that bad right?" He teased while raising my bed slightly..the movement making my body ache.

What a freaking arrogant jerk..I have a feeling he seriously believes that too..

"Do you dream about me Kat? I can call you Kat right?" He went on before placing the straw to my lips and I drank the cool liquid greedily, trying not to choke. Wow..that did feel pretty good.

"Well, anyways..I was thinking we would read something a little different today.." He added before lifting up a book that I recognized instantly.

No freaking way..oh god..how much more can this man torture me.

In his hands was a copy of 'Fifty Shades of Grey'..which I knew was a book full of smut..I haven't read them, but I have seen the movies obviously.

"Pride and Prejudice was a little too tame for me..and girls like this kind of stuff right?" He asked before smiling widely and walking to his usual seat across from me.

Then he delved in..I can't lie..hearing his voice calmed me. It made me feel relaxed and not alone..but I didn't know if I deserved that.

After everything I did to Gabriella and those people online..I didn't know what I had left to live for.

Sometimes I pray to God before I go to sleep that maybe this time I won't wake up..but when I do..I can't help but feel a little relieved, because then I get to see him again.. Does that make me even more selfish?

Or maybe I was given this second chance to ask for forgiveness..maybe Gabriella will come to see me one day so I can beg on my knees and say I am sorry..that I never should've abandoned her and that none of it was her fault. Maybe she will forgive me..even if I don't deserve it..

I guess I have that to look forward to..

First I just have to gain enough strength..then I will call her and Dad and apologize. After that, I might put an end to this misery..because once I get that out of the way..what else do I have to live for?