Speak To Me

(Katrina)

"Katrina, if you're not ready to do this..you don't have to." My nurse Amanda said as I shook my head no.

It's been weeks since I woke up after my accident..and still, I haven't looked in the mirror once. I was scared of what I might see..the pain I felt all over my body told me that it was just as bad as I thought but I had to prepare myself mentally for the worst. I needed to know how far the scars went..I knew they were on my arms and legs..but the moment I looked in the mirror..my heart dropped.

My eyes darted to my neck, the rough red skin making me swallow hard as I followed it up past my chin. I had a bad scar across my cheek..this didn't look like a burn though, more like a cut.

I had no eyebrows or eyelashes and down the side of my cheek was another burn. Then I looked up at my hair. I guess they had to shave it because of how matted it was..all of that long hair I worked so hard to grow and maintain..gone.

I didn't even recognize the person staring back at me.

"Remember..there are so many medical resources that can help you along the way..skin graphs and new cell growth." Amanda tried to remind me..but there was nothing that could fix this. I was a monster..I guess the outside finally matched the inside. I turned on my side, looking away from that stranger that now stared back at me as I closed my eyes tight. I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks..my hands balling into fists as Amanda patted my back gently.

"I know it's a shock..but you continue to get better and better every day..it won't always be like this. I promise.." She encouraged me as I just let out a sniffle before burying my disfigured face into my pillow.

"I..I just want to be alone..please." I whispered..wishing for a moment that I could just disappear..nothing will ever be the same again..and the sad part about it all? I deserved every single part of it.

I have come to terms with that..having all this time to reflect on the mistakes I made...every rude comment or poor decision..all of it.

I cried myself to sleep, that image of my face haunting my dreams as the memories soon came with it.

"Kitty Kat..it's okay..I'm right here." A voice called out to me, making my brow furrow as I tried to shake myself awake.

"You are safe now..I promise.." Grayson whispered next to my ear, his palm stroking my head and cheek gently as I fluttered my eyes open.

"There you are, pretty girl." He smiled at me, making my stomach drop as I quickly looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

He started calling me that a week ago..for a moment I started to believe it..thinking that just maybe my face wasn't so bad..now that I know what I look like..is he mocking me? Is he saying that just to rub it in my face? There is no way he would mean it. "Please..don't..don't call me that." I whispered, feeling my heart clench as Grayson's hand froze in place.

"What's wrong? What happened Katrina?" He asked worriedly, the feel of his eyes scanning my face making me turn away from him even more.

Honestly..I have never met someone like Grayson in my life..at first he kind of annoyed me...constantly talking and never shutting up. But I soon realized all of that talking put me at ease. Like I began to look forward to his random chats and hearing all about his life. He seemed so happy all the time too. It was something foreign to me..even before the fire and all of this..I can't really remember the last time I was truly happy..I spent half the time hiding away in my room or on my phone..and the rest walking on eggshells around my mom, trying not to upset or offend her.

"I don't know how you can even bear to look at me.." I breathed, making Grayson scoot closer to me.

"Tell me what's wrong..please."

"What's wrong?! This..this is what's wrong! Look at me, Grayson! I..I look like a monster!" I choked out..His words striking a nerve..making me lash out at the only person who has been by my side every day.

"Stop..look at me Katrina." He ordered, making me shake my head no as he suddenly gripped my chin, forcing me to turn my head towards him.

"Please..I can't." I pleaded, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes.

"Look at me." He said much more firmly this time as I let out a rush of air before doing as he said.

But instead of pity..I saw something else..anger..annoyance maybe..the exact opposite of what I expected.

"I know you went through something tragic..something that has changed your life forever. But this right here..these negative thoughts and disgusting words you use..that needs to stop now." He snapped, causing my jaw to drop as he leaned in closer.

"I know who you used to be..the kind of girl that bases everything off of looks and appearance..living off of compliments and praise by strangers you have never even met..but that was never the real you. That was a facade..and now..now you don't have that to hide behind Katrina..and that scares the shit out of you doesn't it?" He said firmly, making me flutter my eyes shut as his words seeped inside of me.

"Who are you, Katrina? Who are you without all of that?" He asked, making my lip quiver as my tears finally spilled over.

"I..I don't know." I confessed, making Grayson go quiet as I began to feel useless..what did I even contribute to the world? What memories have I created that people can look back fondly on? What do I have to offer to anyone?

"Well..we can figure that out okay? Together.." He whispered, his hand sliding down to my own before weaving our fingers together.

I couldn't help but look at him in shock, the soft smile he now wore making my heart flutter as I just nodded my head.

"Now..stop being an asshole and trying to push me away..you're not going to get rid of me that easy..we're besties now." He added playfully as I felt my cheeks redden. Why did he have to say that cheesy type of stuff?

"So..tell me about what you did yesterday." He said with a smile, making that heavy feeling lessen as I began telling him all about my day. I don't know when it happened..but Grayson has become a big part of my life..like a part I didn't know could even exist. And these feelings that keep rising up..I know I need to push them away..because while Grayson sees me as a friend..I'm afraid I might be feeling more.