Chapter Insecurities
[Arissa's POV]
Moans escaped my lips as Ivan's lips caressed the skin of my neck and breasts, alternating between the two. One of his hands cupped my free breast while the other worked my clit expertly.
Fuck, it felt amazing to be here with him after everything I had gone through.
Despite my attempts to calm down, I was still pretty damn shaken. Maybe using physical contact as a way to reassure myself was wrong, but it was all I wanted right now. Something in me deep down screamed for Ivan and I was helpless against it.
"Ivan, faster.” I moaned, digging my nails into his back. "This isn't enough.”
Closing my eyes, I tried to get lost in the pleasure, but the fear that lingered continued to claw at me.
"Are you okay?" Ivan asked, sitting up and meeting my gaze. "You're very tense."
Letting out a sigh, I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest.
"Honestly?" I asked slowly, eyeing him.
"Always." Ivan responded gently.
"I'm not okay.” I began. "I don't know what is happening to me and I'm worried that I may lose control again.” A shiver rushed through me as I remembered that dark place I had been in just moments ago. "Maybe it is better if I leave. I don't want to be a danger to anyone here."
It wasn't only Ivan and his pack I was worried for, it was all wolves. I still hadn't told Ivan about Gillian and his father's plans. I wanted to put it off out of fear of Ivan rushing into a battle with them blindly.
"You aren't going anywhere.” Ivan growled. "Why would you even think something like that? Is it because of what happened earlier? Don't worry, I am more than willing to provide you with blood anytime you feel you are about to slip.”
At his words, I felt my heart constrict painfully in my chest. When did this man decide that he would go to the ends of the earth for me?
Even thinking about allowing someone in like that scared the hell out of me. How was he able to do it so easily?
"What has gotten into you?" I asked, narrowing my gaze. This was just too much to process. "If you think you owe me because I slept with you, you don't. I'm just trying to get my freedom that was promised.”
I watched quietly as Ivan's jaw twitched and his lips pressed into a thin line. Even his eyes that had been sparkling brightly before were slowly darkening. Uh oh, it seemed that I pissed him off with what I had said.
"You think I'm doing this to thank you?" He asked coldly. "Do you really think I need to thank a woman for sleeping with me? Especially when I have many of them throwing themselves at me willingly?"
I knew he had a point, but the stubborn part of me that didn't want to let anyone in stayed put. I couldn't possibly accept that this outstanding man may actually have real feelings for me.
"Then why?" I asked quietly, averting my gaze from his out of fear of seeing something I didn't want to. "Why are you suddenly being so gentle and why did you come look for me when I was kidnapped?"
Did I really want to hear his response? No, but I couldn't stop my damn mouth.
"Do you really have to ask?" Ivan countered, grabbing my chin.
Gasping, I felt myself stiffen as he pressed his lips against mine ever so gently.
"Do you understand now?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes.
"No," I whimpered, trying to control the sudden need that raced through me. "I don't understand.” Letting a low grow! of frustration escape him, Ivan moved to kiss me again. However, he stopped as someone began to urgently bang on his door.
"Who the hell?" He growled, getting up and heading out of the room.
Remaining in place, I extended my hearing to see if I could eavesdrop on what was happening. "...hunters.... Grounds."
Shit, was there another attack happening?
Jumping up, I rushed into the main room to find Hans and Ivan deep in hushed conversation. It was clear that Ivan had intended for me to not hear, but my senses were intensified since I drank his blood. Odd.
"Sir," Hans hissed, spotting me first.
Tensing, Ivan slowly turned to meet my questioning gaze.
"What's happened?” I asked, not beating around the bush. "I heard something about hunters."
For a second, a look of shock rushed across Ivan's features, but then he seemed unsurprised. "Seems you're back to normal.” He huffed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Did I hope I wasn't?" I challenged, crossing my arms. "Sorry to disappoint, old man.”
I knew now wasn't the time to take a hit, but I was angry he actually wanted to keep me in the dark about what was happening outside the safety of the estate.
"It isn't that big of a deal.” Ivan snapped while amazingly ignoring my dig. "There was just an attempt at a breach of the grounds by hunters.”
"Oh," did this mean that after Gillian and Ivan's bastard father ran away like bitches they sent their helpers to try to retrieve me again? Why would they do that instead of having Elder Theodore and that bitch Carina help again. "Speaking of..." I supposed now was a good time to reveal what I knew. "I may or may not know who is helping them right beneath your nose.”
From the look that crossed Hans and Ivan's features I knew they had an idea. Bristling, I began to pout.
"No fair." I growled. "And here I thought I was holding top secret information.”
"It isn't hard to spot horrible acting when it is plain as day.” Ivan pointed out smirking
"If you knew, have you thrown them in a cell yet?"
If he had, I wanted to go pay them a visit. I was a very vengeful person and the urge to cut their beautiful skin to shreds began to surge through me.
"Down girl." Ivan said, reaching out and patting my head. "You will get your revenge in due time. I want to catch them in the act before I reveal my knowing of their betrayal.”
"Bah!" I didn't like that idea at all. "And what about your father and his lying grandson Gillian?"
At my words, Ivan's features turned dark and his alpha aura began to slowly seep from him.
"Who did you say?" He asked through gritted teeth.
Uh oh, it seemed he didn't know about those two and now I had poked the sleeping beast awake. Shit.