chapter 8
I watched the buttons light up for each floor I went down, it was like time slowed as I watched the numbers tick down. I was nervous, impatient, and trying to hold all my pieces together, Sally's voice going through my mind on repeat, repeating the words that I felt would stop my heart from beating. Only there it was still thumping painfully in my chest.
When the elevator doors opened on the bottom floor, I took off running, my shoulder smashing into the elevator door having not had enough time to open completely on my way out. The hospital wasn't far, and I made it there in under five minutes. My heels slid on the floor outside my mother's ward door as I gripped the door handle and walked in.
The ward was full of doctors moving other patients out. Sally stood amongst them, her green scrubs standing out amongst the doctors in their white coats. Sally was looking at the clock, probably wondering if I was going to get here in time. Seeing me, she came rushing over and wrapped her arms around me. “I'm so sorry, Imogen.”
I nodded, watching as another patient was wheeled out and transferred to another room, leaving only my mother, a doctor, Sally, and myself.
The time had come. I was preparing myself for this but why didn't I feel like I prepared at all. I didn't know what to do. I didn’t know what to say to her now that this was goodbye. So instead, I just held her hand, rubbing circles into her soft skin. The doctor walked in with Sally. I looked up when they entered, Sally looked heartbroken for me and I turned away from her. I couldn't handle seeing the sadness in her eyes.
I knew once I let myself cry, I would never stop. So instead, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, telling myself I could do this, hardening my resolve. The doctor asked me to step out so she could remove the tubes and switch everything off. I shook my head at her.
When she pulled the tube out of her throat, my mother made a gurgling noise and started gasping, but the doctor said it was the body's normal reaction. I squeezed my mothers’ hand tighter, trying to ignore the noises her body was making. The doctor then unhooked all the machines that had now started beeping loudly.
When she was done, she squeezed my shoulder tightly before walking over to the side. The doctor said my mother could last a few hours or go quickly. Mum went quickly. Her breathing slowed, her lips started to turn blue, her body even convulsed, making me jump to my feet. I wrapped my arms around her neck pressing my head to hers.
“It's alright, Mumma. I'm right here, I'm right here,” I told her. After a few seconds, it stopped and so did her breathing. Her chest no longer rose up and down. The room went silent, the only noise was my heavy breathing. I lifted my head from hers, Mum's skin went dull and lifeless, and her hand lost its warmth. I knew she was gone. The doctor walked over and placed a stethoscope on her chest and listened before nodding, confirming her heart was no longer beating.
I stared at my mother’s dead body lying on the gurney, she was gone. I would never hear her voice again, never hold her again. I couldn't handle it anymore. Getting up, I pulled the blanket up, tucking her in as if she were asleep and I was saying good night instead of goodbye. I leaned down and kissed her head. My lips quivered and my eyes burned with tears that wanted to fall.0O0000O0