Silent Runner

“Can you please tell me what that was all about?” I asked as we got out into the empty hall.

‘You don’t want to know.’ She signed dejectedly.

“Yes, I do.” I insisted, raising her chin to look into her eyes. “Trust me.”

I reached down, taking the paper from her hand slowly. I was surprised when she let it go without a fight. I allowed my finger under her chin to slide down until they entangled with her own.

Riley,

You know it’s incredible what you can find over the internet nowadays. Especially in small towns. They make such a big deal of some poor orphan girl going mute due to the trauma of being assaulted by her foster father. Sad story right?

I have my own ideas about what happened, but what do I know. Just in case I’m wrong and you didn’t ask for it, I’m giving you a little gift to help you next time. It sucks but you know, once a victim, always a victim.

Signed a concerned friend

I could feel bile rising in my throat. A whistle, a rape whistle. I wanted to find Brittney and finish what Riley had started. I had never hit a girl, but right then nothing sounded more satisfying.

Riley exhaled shakily, reminding me how close to losing it she was. Unsure what else to do I reached out wrapping my arms around her waist. To my trumenous surprise she buried her face in my chest, grabbed a hold of my t-shirt, and began to sob quietly.

I buried my face in her hair breathing in the scent of her shampoo, something minty and sweet. I couldn’t imagine hurting her in that way and the idea that somebody else had nearly killed me. I wanted to reassure her, but I had no idea what to say.

“Let’s go to my place. We can get some popcorn and watch a movie. It’ll take your mind off of the whole mess.” I suggested quietly.

She frowned up at me as if trying to read my expression. ‘You don’t have to do this.’

“Do what?”

‘Pretend like it doesn’t matter to you. Act like you aren’t at all disgusted with me.’ Her hands trembled so badly I struggled to catch everything she had signed.

Even though it was hard to understand what she was saying, the feelings behind her words were far from foreign to me. I had learned through intensive therapy that the abuse I had endured by the hands of my mother, and her men, was not my fault. Even though it was hard to believe sometimes, I had come to grips with the fact that I wasn’t less of a person because of them.

Riley hadn’t, and therapy until recently, as far as I knew. I couldn’t imagine the amount of self hatred blaming yourself for something that big for that long could cause. Now she expected me to blame her as well. She expected me to turn my back on her in disgust, but she was in for a surprise this time.

“Oh I’m disgusted, and furious.” I admitted with a shrug. Her face fell and I lifted her chin to meet her gaze again. “However none of those feelings are in any way directed at you. It wasn’t your fault. I think I love you, Riley.”

‘You don’t know me.’ She insisted.

“Yes. I do.” I continued, biting back the fear that begged me to stop. “I love your strength and determination. I love your stubbornness and sassy attitude. I love your gentle understanding and kindness that you can’t hide even when you try. I have known you for only three months now, but I am falling for you.”

Fresh tears lined her eyes and she stared at me with a guarded expression. It was as if she wasn’t sure whether I truly meant what I was saying, or I was just toying with her. At least the fact that she didn’t pull away comforted me, knowing that she didn’t expect me to hurt her.

Without thinking I gingerly laid my hand on the back of her neck and bent down till my lips grazed hers. She stiffened only momentarily before melting into my embrace. Her lips parted willingly allowing me access to taste her.

She tasted as sweet as she smelled and a yearning to get even closer flooded my body. Alarm bells rang in my head as she reached up, grabbing fistfuls of my hair. She was emotional, and not ready for this. I hated the idea that she may regret this.

I pulled back slowly, laying my forehead on hers. I kept my eyes closed and breathed deeply. I was suddenly terrified that she would pull back and run. I knew that probably would have been my reaction all those years ago when I came here.

To my surprise when I finally sighed and pulled back meeting her gaze, she seemed relatively calm. Her brown eyes were still bloodshot from crying but she smiled up at me timidly.

‘A movie sounds good to me.’ She signed with a slight smile.

“Good.” I grinned crookedly down at her. I’ll meet you by the car, okay?”

She nodded, still smiling shyly. As she turned to walk away I couldn’t help beaming. It was true that I could have argued my case and fought the suspension. I had done nothing wrong, but I had a history and was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It wasn’t worth the fight. Though most people pretended my past aggressive behavior was gone or had never happened. Principal Brooks had never forgotten the trouble I had caused, and always seemed to watch me waiting for drama.

I knew he meant nothing by it. He had learned not to trust me, and how could I hold that against him when I knew that lesson all too well.

With a sigh I turned walking the opposite direction to get to my locker. The empty halls seemed foreboding, and I fought a chill that ran down my spine. Despite my thrill of where my relationship with Riley seemed to be going, I couldn’t fight the feeling something was coming.

With a slightly shaky hand I opened my locker. Wishing, not for the first time, that Riley’s wasn’t so far away. I knew it was silly but I felt a sudden urgency to get outside before her. I didn’t want her out in the parking lot alone.

Shoving my books in my bag, I mentally chastised my ridiculous behavior. Even so I headed out the door as soon as I could. Eager to get to the car before her. However what I saw when I stepped out the front door froze me in my tracks.