SILENCE

Wangu sat silently as she watched Larna cry her lungs out, she knew that this was good for the healing process but something in her also told her that maybe this might just cause her more pain.

When she was calm, Wangu moved closer to talk to her.

‘How do you feel?’

Larna rolled her eyes.

One minute she was in tears, the next she was a totally different person.

Wangu sighed

‘Larna do you want to get healed?’

‘How do you ask me that question when nothing is wrong with me?

‘Larna everything is wrong with you, you just lost children, your memory and a leg. Don’t you want to know what your life was like before this?’

Larna looked at her intently before struggling with her clutches. She slowly walked over to the window and breathed in the air before she began speaking

‘I know something is not right, I understand I had a life before this but have you people asked me if I want that life back?’

For a minute Wangu felt like she had heard the wrong thing, for a minute she thought Larna was joking but when she turned around to look at her she knew she was dead serious.

‘I usually have night mares about the accident, I remember getting into an argument with that man you say is my husband. I remember it was heated up and he lost control of the vehicle.’

‘Oh my word Larna but why haven’t you mentioned anything?’

‘To who? You? So that you can use me for your own benefit? So that I can be just another case that you have helped solve?’

There was silence between them.

‘So what are you saying?’

Larna turned to look at Wangu before she smiled

‘I can see that you are a good woman and very good at your job too but you missed one thing when it came to my case, you didn’t ask me if I wanted to be healed.’

Wangu tried to speak but Larna signaled her to be quiet because she wasn’t done.

‘That is what you medical practitioners miss, it’s not everyone that gets sick that wants to be cured, especially things to do with the brain.’

‘You lost me there.’

‘Wangu, that’s your name right?’

‘Yes.’

‘I have a strong feeling that my past is something that I am better off forgetting, I have a feeling that my past is something that will only bring me pain and so I would rather not go back to the same past.’

‘Larna but you are angry, not only at yourself but the people around you.’

‘I can learn to control that anger, I can be a calm person. Like I am right now.’

‘You can’t be serious Larna, have you seen how your mother suffers? Have you seen how your husband is battling at the loss of your two children?’

‘I have but all I can feel is sympathy, I have no connection whatsoever to them because I can’t remember how life was with them. I plan on moving on and without them, so I would advise you stop coming here.’ She said dismissively

Wangu wanted to say more but it looked like Larna had made up her mind and there was nothing more that could be done about it, now the only thing to do was to let her be.

She walked out of the room with the weight of the world on her shoulders, this was the first time a patient was telling her that she didn’t want to be healed. Wangu felt like she had failed as a counselor, she felt like she had just not done enough.

Joshua, Elisha and Mrs. Chishala were all busy chatting when Wangu walked into the living room. They turned to face her when Elisha called out her name.

‘Babe are you okay?’ Joshua asked now on his feet

She didn’t say anything but just embraced him as she allowed her tears to fall.

‘Hush my baby.’ He said not knowing what had happened.

‘I have failed my baby, I have failed.’ She cried some more

‘Hush now.’

Mrs. Chishala got up and rushed to the kitchen where she made her some strong black tea.

‘Here, it will help calm your nerves.’

Wangu took it graciously and she was half way drinking it when she told the three Larna’s decision.

‘What do you mean she doesn’t want to be healed?’ Elisha asked

‘Yes she doesn’t want to be healed, she says she wants this life. In my own understanding I think all she is trying to do is run away from her past.’

Elisha excused himself and went to Larna’s room, he knocked once before allowing himself inside.

‘Hey.’ He said when she didn’t look at him

‘I thought Wangu has told all of you my decision, I think it’s high time you forget about me and everything we ever shared.’

He kept quiet before saying anything.

‘So you are saying that you want me to forget everything that we shared?’

She looked up then back to what she was doing.

‘That is exactly what I am saying.’

He sighed, got hold of the door, slightly opened it then closed it before locking it.

‘You know what Larna, I think you are the most selfish person that I have ever met.’ He began

‘I think you are talking to your formal wife and not me.’ She said

‘You are not even remorseful huh? We were married for over twelve years, made memories. Had a beautiful home together and even bore beautiful kids and all you can tell me is that you don’t want all that?’

‘Yes, that is what I am saying.’

‘God damn it Larna, you want me to pretend like we didn’t have a life together? You want me to start afresh on my own when I still have you in my life?’ he asked

By this time she was looking at him like he was insane.

‘Babe please don’t do this to us, I swear I will be a better husband. I won’t leave any clothes on the bathroom floor, I swear I won’t leave the toilet sit messed up. I will be a better man, I will even try to learn how to cook; just for you, for us.’ He said now holding her hands

‘Let me go! Leave me alone Elisha, I don’t want anything to do with you.’

He moved in and forcefully embraced her, as he took in her scent he remembered the old times and the urge to kiss her rose. He placed his lips on hers even as she struggled with him to let her go but he just couldn’t stop. He was hurting and hungry for her, as he intensified the kiss; he got her hands and placed them on her hard on. She had loved this whilst they were married and he was hoping it could ignite something in her until she froze and closed her lips.

Senses finally coming, he pulled back.

‘Oh my word Larna I am sorry.’ He said not looking at her

‘Were you going to force yourself on me? Like my father forced himself on dead people?’ she asked a certain part of her past coming back with fear and hurt written all over her face.

‘Babe you remembered?’ he asked now moving closer but the look on her face told him not to move any closer

‘My father was a monster, he slept with dead people.’ She said more to herself than to him

They were both quiet not knowing what to do or say until the knock on the door startled them both.

He slowly opened the door and let his mother in-law in.

‘I came to check on the both of you.’ She said sensing the emotions hanging in the room

‘You disgust me, how could you have stayed with such a man.’ Larna said looking at her

‘What do you mean?’

‘Larna don’t.’ Elisha begged but it fell on deaf ears

Larna laughed an anguish laugh.

‘How could you lay with a man that was lying with dead people? At what point was I conceived? Whilst he was still an animal or before he became one?’

‘Elisha what is she talking about?’

‘Oh, so you have no idea that your husband was having sex with dead people whilst he was still alive?’

Mrs. Chishala looked at her daughter with disbelief as the blood on her face got drained.