Signs of Cupidity (Heart Hassle Book 1)

They can’t find me. They just can’t. If I get taken, I have no idea what will happen to me. I could run for it, maybe, but I know I’m weak and even if I managed to run without tripping, it would be seconds before they caught up with me.

I can’t fly. Not that well, and I’m already really sore from all the practicing. If I open the outhouse door, the guards will see me right away. I am totally screwed.

I look all around the small outhouse, and my eyes land on the bench and the hole that acts as a makeshift toilet seat.

Shit, shit, shit.

Without giving myself a chance to think about what I’m about to do, I lift up the top of the bench and jump in, letting the top close behind me with a quiet creak. I land a few feet down, in a pile of…yeah. Shit and piss.

I immediately start to heave, but I clamp a hand over my mouth and nose. Luckily, to managed to keep my left hand clean when I fell in. My right hand was not so lucky, since it helped to break my fall.

The pit is wider and deeper than I thought it would be, and I scramble to the edge and squat down at the dirt wall, huddling close to the sides and bottom and trying to make myself as small as possible, just in case the guard looks down the hole in the bench.

I hear the outhouse door creak open, and I look up. I don’t dare breathe. Tears stream down my cheeks as my eyes sting from the revolting filth I’m surrounded in, and my stomach clenches, threatening to throw up all the fruit from earlier.

There’s shit and piss squelching under my toes, splattered on my legs and feet, and covering my arm and wings. It’s everywhere. It’s all I can see and smell, even without breathing through my nose, and I squeeze my eyes closed tight to keep myself from panicking.

I hear the guard above me walking, his steps scraping against the wood. I feel him hover over the hole, looking down, and I wonder if I just jumped into this filth for nothing. If he looks down and finds me, I’m going to be so pissed.

The only thing that might be worse is if he drops his trousers and adds to the pile right on top of me. Then I might seriously snap. I’m never going to be able to feel clean after this.

I wait for the shouts and the hollers to ring out, all but convinced that I’m about to be taken prisoner. But instead, I hear footsteps recede and the door closes again. I let out a huge sigh of relief, except it’s not all that relieving since, you know, I’m still trapped in a hovel of shit.

The blood starts to pound in my ears. I need to get out of here. Like now. I’m starting to lose it. I can hear voices again, but I can’t make out what anyone is saying.

I don’t dare move from my spot, and I have no idea of knowing if the guards are still around, so all I can do is sit, huddled in revolting filth, and wait.

It seems like hours go by. My left hand is still held tightly against my nose and mouth, and I can only take in quick little gasping breaths that sound a lot like hyperventilating. I gag some more, but I don’t dare move my hand.

Just when I’m sure I can’t hold my stomach back any longer, I finally, finally, hear the door open again and the top of the bench is lifted.

“Bloody fucking shit,” I hear above me.

I look up and see Evert lift the lid of the bench up. He reaches an arm down and I quickly take it with both hands. He lifts me up, my wings snagging on the top of the bench as he pulls me out. I nearly topple into him, but he holds me at arm’s length and then backs out of the outhouse.

I stumble out after him, and then I fall down on my hands in knees onto the grass and vomit violently. As if the pee and poop weren’t enough, I have to add vomit to the mix.

I hear noises and voices, but my ears are too full of my own brutal heaves to decipher anything. My stomach clenches again and again, until there’s nothing more to throw up.

Then I’m being doused in cold water. I shriek at the sudden onslaught and cough as water floods my nose and mouth, but I feel bucket after bucket being tossed over me. When the assault stops, I’m a soaking wet, smelly mess, but at least the clumps of shit have been rinsed off of me.

I sit back on my heels and look up at the three guys standing over me, each of them holding a pair of empty buckets in their hands. We stare at each other for a moment and then Ronak drops his buckets. “You’d better start talking,” he says, his black eyes trained on me.

I glare up at him from my puddle of muck. With as much dignity as I can muster, I get to my feet, my legs shaking so much that my knees nearly knock together, and I turn around. I walk away from them, my face burning with embarrassment and anger and nausea.

They all just saw me…covered in their own crap. And even though they didn’t give me up to Chaucel, I hate them right now and I don’t want to be anywhere near them.

I’m also desperate to get clean, and I heard the sound of running water last night while I was practicing flying, so that’s where I head. It’s now my sole mission to find that water and scrub my skin raw.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Not-First asks, catching up to me easily and stepping in front of me to block my path.

I sidestep around him and realize that he won’t physically stop me, because he doesn’t want to touch me in my current state. Yay for small victories.

“I just had to jump into a pile of your shit to hide from the high fae, or else I would’ve been taken prisoner and probably killed. So unless you want me to rub some of this filth onto you, leave me alone,” I snap, continuing to walk away.

I’m surprised when he doesn’t try to stop me a second time, and soon, I’ve left the guys behind and I’m following my ears to the sound of water getting louder.

After a few more minutes, I come to a small river. The current is strong, so I keep going, walking against its flow until I come to a rocky cliff with a thin waterfall cascading down into a rocky pool. Perfect.

I nearly cry out in relief at the sight of it. I quickly strip down and get in the water, careful to walk around the sharp rocks that jut out of the water. I can’t swim, so I only wade in until I’m waist deep. I clutch onto one of the rocks coming up the side until I’m directly below the waterfall and stand underneath it, letting the water run over me.

I stay like that for a long time, eyes closed, water rushing over my head and hair and torso, while the bottom half of me just soaks in the cold pool. I let the unending stream of water rinse every bit of grossness off me. Then I take a deep breath and dunk down, plunging my whole body underwater, and scoop up some fine sand from the riverbed to use to scrub my skin and scalp.

I do this several times, rinsing under the waterfall in between each scrubbing session. I rinse my fingernails, mouth, nose and ears, lady bits…everything.

My skin is pink and feels raw by the time I’m satisfied that I have every last trace of filth washed off of me. I drag myself out of the water and rest on the grassy riverbank to let the sun dry my body and hair.

When I stand on the edge, I look down at the water and see my reflection for the first time. I have a heart shaped face, smooth, pale skin, thickly arched brown brows, and full lips with a prominent cupid’s bow. Because of course I’d have that. It’s probably a job requirement.

My long, pastel pink hair nearly reaches my waist, and my wings look even more awesome behind me than I thought they would.

I stare at myself for a while, I’m not gonna lie. I make every face I can think of, just to see what I look like. I pretend to laugh, cry, frown, scream, and of course, I try out my resting bitch face. I pull that one off rather nicely.

When I’m done admiring myself, I lie down and close my eyes, relaxing under the warm sun as it kisses my skin. The cool relief of the air on my sore skin relaxes me.

If it weren’t for the three moody members of a certain covey, and the fact that the prince is hunting me, I might have wanted to stay here forever. Lying naked under the warm sun with the smell of the grass and the sound of the water is paradise.

“Ah, hell.”

My eyes fly open and I sit up with a shriek. I find Sylred and Evert standing a few feet away, staring at me with wide eyes. My hands fly to my chest and my wings come up and around to shield my body. “What are you doing here?” I yelp.

Sylred whirls on his heel to turn around. Evert just stands there. “Evert!” I snap at him.

“Fine,” he says, grudgingly turning around.

I peek through my wings first to make sure they’ve both turned around, and then I scramble to pull on my clothes, only to realize that there’s no way in hell I’m wearing those filthy things again.

Poor Sylred. They’re probably ruined, and he’ll have to go shirtless forever. Well, at least the view will be nice. He has nice, taut muscles. Even the view of just his bare back is pleasing.

“Dammit,” I mutter, not knowing what I can wrap up in.

Before I can explain my dilemma, Evert reaches up and pulls his tunic off, rips it down the middle of the back, and tosses it over his shoulder at me. My face catches it.

I put my arms through the long sleeves, but struggle to keep it tucked under my wings. I try to keep the back up, but I fail miserably and have to hold it up against my chest so it doesn’t fall off. At least it’s long enough to cover my bottom. The shirt reaches me mid-thigh.

“And pants?”

“Sorry, Scratch. It’ll take a bit more effort on your part to get me out of my pants.”

“Ha ha,” I say dryly. I sigh. “I need help,” I say, hating the words. I don’t want to ask them for anything right now, but I can’t just go around with my top falling off every time I move.

The guys turn around and I see both pairs of eyes trail up my bare legs. A smug expression crosses my face at them checking me out. Evert steps forward and motions for me to turn around.

I clutch the back of the shirt and then turn around for him. I keep my wings in and pull my damp hair over my shoulder to allow him full access. I hear his breath quicken and smell his arousal again. I worry for a second that maybe he can see my butt, but even if he can, oh well. I’ve checked it out. It’s a pretty nice butt.

Evert tugs at the tunic and I can hear a few quiet rips as he tears a few strips on both sides, and then ties them together in the space between my wings. His fingers are warm on my cool skin, and I try to ignore the shiver that threatens my spine.

“There,” he says, his voice gruffer than usual. “That should hold.”

I arch a brow at him over my shoulder. “Should?”

He gives me a roguish look. “Accidents happen.”

“Hmm.”

I turn and flip my hair over my shoulder, letting the shirt go. It holds together just fine, and all my goods seem to be covered. “Thanks,” I say, running hands down the shirt. “What are you two doing here?”

“Looking for you.”

“Why? Afraid I’ll run away and tell your deepest, darkest secrets?” Admittedly, I’m in a terrible mood. Hiding in a pile of poop will do that to a person.

“No. It’s obvious now that you aren’t a spy.”

I open my mouth and laugh humorlessly, the sound falling flat on my ears. “Oh, now it’s obvious? When were you tipped off?”

Evert widens his stance and crosses his arms to mach my own posture. “Well, I think it was right around the time when you decided it was better to roll around in our shit rather than have the high fae bastard find you.”

“Yeah, well, even though you guys are assholes sometimes, I’d rather take my chances here with you than be taken back to the prince.”

“Why were you with the prince?” Sylred asks.

I don’t say anything, and he and Evert study me. I don’t want to think of Prince Elphar. I don’t want to think about how close I came to being caught, or about my failure with Princess Soora. Every time a heart breaks on my watch, I feel like even more of a disappointment.

The guys stare me down, trying to intimidate me. They aren’t menacing with their size and muscles like Ronak, but they still have a head of height on me and are obviously much stronger with their lean forms and sculpted muscles.

We watch each other for a moment longer until Evert finally sighs and says, “Come on. We’re here to bring you back. You’re lucky it’s us coming to get you and not Ronak.”

I snort. “Yeah, I’m so lucky,” I say, my tone dripping with sarcasm. “And I’m not going back, so you can leave now.”

“Yes you are.”

“No. I’m not. I’m grateful to all of you for not turning me in. I really am. But I’m not going back. You don’t trust me, you don’t like me, and you don’t want me there. And believe me, it’s probably better if I stay away from you. I don’t want to complicate your lives, and I don’t want anyone getting beheaded for me, not even Ronak.”

Evert rubs a hand down his face. “Look, Scratch, you can’t stay out here alone. You need to come back and finally tell us who you are and why the prince is looking for you.”

I know he’s right, but I realize just how nervous I really am to admit the truth. What will they think? At my continued silence, Evert tosses his hands up in the air in frustration. “Fine. Stay here, then.”

I feel a jolt of triumph, but then he walks toward a rock by the river and sits down, leaning back on it. Sylred chooses to take a seat beside a tree. I look back and forth between the shirtless guys. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Evert looks over at me with a cocked brow. “You won’t come back, so we’ll stay here.”

I shake my head adamantly. “No. Nope. Uh uh. You need to leave.”

“Not happening,” Evert says, stretching his hands behind his head and looking as comfortable as a cat in a basket. “We go where you go.”

“So that you can spy on the spy?”

“I already told you, I don’t think you’re a spy anymore. Never really did to begin with, to be honest.”

“How observant of you.”

I turn around and decide to ignore them. They’ll get sick of babysitting me eventually, right? Besides, I can still do what I decided to do, which is to learn how to properly fly and build up my muscles. Now that I’m out of my bindings early, I might as well continue my exercises.

I turn away from the guys and walk through the forest in search of the perfect tree. I pick a yellow flower from one of the branches as I go and run my finger over the soft petals.

For my exercises, I decide that I’ll change things up by choosing a sturdy tree branch to jump from. It doesn’t take long to find a tree with low-hanging branches. My arms are weak, but I manage to pull myself up on the low branch, hauling my legs over the sides. Hmm this would probably be better to do when I’m wearing panties…

“What are you doing, Scratch?” Evert calls over.

They haven’t moved from their spots, but I can see both of them watching me. I continue to ignore them. I carefully walk to the end of the branch and then without hesitation, I jump off.

I hear a shout, and both Evert and Sylred are on their feet in an instant and rushing toward me, but I just throw my wings out and catch myself in the air. I flap repeatedly, forcing my wings to hold me up. I manage to circle around the tree once before I drop to the ground. My landing is a little shaky, but I’m able to land on my feet without falling, so I call that a win. I pass the guys and go back to the tree, pulling myself up again to repeat the act.

Just as I’m about to lift myself up on the branch, I feel hands on my waist. Heat from his hands burns into me, even through the shirt.

“Stop it. You could get hurt,” Evert demands, holding me in place.

The feeling in my chest makes me want to turn around and bury myself against his neck. What? No. Stop it. Get a grip, Emelle.

I slap his hands away and turn around to face him. “What do you care?”

He lets me go and shrugs. “I don’t want to have to heal you again.”

Jerk. I snort and turn, hoisting myself up on the branch again. “Well, then you’re in luck, because I release you from that duty.”

Instead of jumping from the first branch, I pull myself up to an even higher branch. “Emelle,” Evert warns. I’m not going to lie, hearing him say my new name gives me a little thrill.

“Go away, Third. Tell Not-First that you couldn’t find me. Tell him that you did find me, fraternizing with the enemy. Or tell him that my wings turned black like a demon’s and then I blew away in the shadows,” I spout off. “Or better yet, tell him you tossed me off the island to get rid of me. I’m not interested in being responsible for screwing up your lives. I’ll leave you alone, and you leave me alone. It’s better for everyone involved.”

As much as I hate it, it’s true. I don’t want the high fae to find out that the guys hid me. Because if something happened to the guys because of me… I couldn’t live with the guilt. I have no doubt that Chaucel was telling the truth about executing them.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“No, I’m not. I don’t want any of you to get killed because of me,” I say quietly. Evert’s eyes soften at my admission. “So let’s just pretend I was never here. I’ll leave this island as soon as I can, I promise.”

With a deep breath, I walk to the end of the second branch and jump. My wings come out faster this time, even as my muscles hurt sooner. I’m at least twelve feet up, but feeling the air under my wings is freeing, even under the weight of the guys’ stares. I catch a breeze and soar for a few seconds before landing on the ground again. I can’t help the smile that stretches on my lips. That felt good.

Sylred and Evert are now standing sentinel in front of my tree, trying to block my way, so I simply pick another one. I pull myself up the first branch before they can get to me.

“Dammit, Emelle. Stop it. You’re going to get hurt,” Evert says, looking up at me from my spot on the branch.

“And like I told you before, it’s no concern if I do.”

“Why are you doing this?” Sylred asks. His tone isn’t incredulous or frustrated, just curious.

I pull myself up two more branches. I’m twenty feet up now. “Because,” I call down to him. “I need to learn how to really fly. I need to exercise my muscles and train my wings so that I can get off this island.”

“You’re saying you don’t know how to fly?”

Oops. “Umm…I’m just out of practice.”

The branches are thinner up here, so I step carefully as I walk to the end. But not carefully enough. When I’m halfway to the edge, the branch suddenly snaps under my feet and I start to fall.

I hit the branch below me and go spinning forward. There’s not enough space or time to open my wings, but instead of falling to the ground, I’m caught by a pair of strong, warm arms. The air gets knocked out of me. “Oof.”

I look up and see that Sylred’s the one who caught me. Our eyes lock for a moment and I swallow. “Thanks.”

He makes a noncommittal sound before setting me down, and I try to calm my racing heart. I try to take a step back from him, only to slam into a wall of man-chest behind me. I turn to Evert with an innocent smile. “Excuse me, you’re in the way of my tree. I need to climb again.”

“Like hell,” Evert snaps. He has a terrific scowl on his face and his blue eyes are stormy.

“You’re not in charge of me.”

“You can’t even walk without tripping and hurting yourself. You’re going to break your bloody neck. I’ve had enough of this shit.”

Without warning, he bends down and in one fluid motion, catches his shoulder on my belly and lifts me up, flinging me over his shoulder.

   “Hey!” I yelp in surprise, scrambling to pull the tunic down over my ass. “Put me down!”

   He ignores me and starts walking, his long strides jostling me with every step. I struggle to keep the shirt tucked over my bottom. Sylred walks behind us, and I glare at him, too, because he’s guilty by association. I punch Evert’s back, but really, the guy is a solid mass of muscles, and I’m probably just hurting my hand more than I’m hurting him.

      I try to kick him instead, but he brings up his other hand and smacks me on the butt. I squeal and try to kick him again, but he just holds my legs together with his free hand so that I can’t. “Don’t make me spank you again, Scratch.”

   My face burns with embarrassment. “I hate you. I hate you both.”

   Sylred raises his brows. “Why both? I just caught you from falling out of a tree.”

   “You’re letting him manhandle me!”

  “I can’t control him.”

   “No, he can’t,” Evert agrees. “Besides, I’m hungry. You must be, too, after you so colorfully tossed out the contents of your stomach earlier. I gotta say, the fruit looked much better going in that pretty mouth of yours than it did coming back out.”

   I knock my fist against his skull. I don’t even manage to move his head. It’s embarrassing.

   “You like food too much to pass on dinner,” Sylred agrees.

   My stomach growls right then. Traitor.

   I sigh dramatically. “Fine. Can you please put me down now?”

   “Are you going to follow us back like a good little Scratch?”

   I want to retort something sarcastic, but I also want for my butt to not be in immediate danger of flashing anyone. “Fine,” I agree with a huff.

   When he sets me down, I fix the shirt to make sure its not riding up anywhere. The guys walk on either side of me like they’re waiting for me to break out into a run. But they mentioned food, so I’m not planning on getting away anymore. My stomach has taken over. Maybe I’ll try to sneak out when they’re sleeping.

Our pace is leisurely as we walk in companionable silence, which is actually nice.

It’s not until we’ve been walking for a minute or so that Evert’s voice breaks through and says, “Can’t keep your hands off me, eh, Scratch?”

I jerk my head to the side and notice that I’ve got hold of Evert’s arm. My hand is clutching his bicep and my thumb is…stroking his skin back and forth. How embarrassing.

I quickly snatch my hand away and glare down at it like the hussy it is.

“Sorry,” I mumble under my breath.

But really, I just wish I could reach out and touch him again without him noticing.

   Evert laughs. “You always do that,” he muses.

  “Do what?”

   Sylred is the one to answer. “Touch one of us.  Or grab something to hold. It’s almost like it’s subconsciously done.”

   A red blush stains my cheeks. He’s right. I keep catching myself reaching out toward them, or impulsively grabbing something as I walk by, just so I can remind myself that I can.

       But come on. I went decades without being able to touch another person. Without being able to feel anything at all. Every time I tried to, my hand would just go right through it. So yeah, maybe I overstep personal boundaries.

   I change the subject, because they won’t understand and I don’t want to admit how much I crave to feel their warm skin. “What happens when I tell you all everything and you don’t believe me?” I ask, because this is what I’ve been dreading all along.

   Evert and Sylred share a look. “Look,” Evert says with a sigh, stopping to face me. “This won’t be forever. We have the culling in a couple of weeks and then this will all be over. If you aren’t here to bring us harm in any way, then you have nothing to worry about. So just play nice, tell us what we want to know, and I promise, we won’t let Ronak hurt you.”

   “But what if you don’t believe me?” I say again.

   Evert shrugs. “If you’re telling the truth, we’ll be able to tell.”

   I perk up. “Why? Is that someone’s power?” I ask, remembering that they all have one.

   Evert smirks, but doesn’t answer. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

As we continue walking toward the cabin, my hand snakes out to grab his arm again. Neither of us comments on it.