Sheer Cupidity: A Standalone Cupidity Romance (Heart Hassle Book 5)

LEX

The fae realm.

Floating islands, glittering night skies, magic, and so many different types of fae that there’s no shortage of new people and cultures to experience. There’s also no shortage of opportunities to spread love.

But that’s not why I’m here. Not this time, anyway.

Taking stock of the place I’ve popped onto—Cupid of the Month perks really are handy—I glance around the town square of the genfin island.

It’s nighttime here, but it must not be too late, based on how lively the streets are. The last time I saw this place, it was still being rebuilt after the sneak attack ordered by the late King Beluar. Now, you’d never be able to tell that the domed buildings once lay in ruins or that genfin bodies once lined the streets.

I shove away the morbid memories and instead enjoy watching the townspeople. Their genfin tails remind me of lions, and the mated males have their fur wings out on display proudly. Their ears are pointed like every other fae, but the genfins move with a feline grace. Every single shop and inn has their doors wide open to the lantern-lit street, and the people are mingling about, going in and out, their voices loud with friendly merriment.

There are far more male than female genfins, but I smile softly at how the male coveys dote on their mates. They have to earn their mates, and it shows in the way they walk protectively around them, or make sure their females are carrying nothing, or feed them from their fingers inside the restaurants.

Yet my smile is tilted with sadness. It’s a slant of emotion that always seems to be hanging along my edges lately. It seems unfair that a smile, the very gesture we make to show happiness on the outside, can instead expose the truth on the inside.

Turning away, I choose to stay invisible inside the Veil as I begin to make my way down the road. A cupid appearing in the middle of the square would only draw attention, and that’s one thing I don’t want.

I used to enjoy attention, or perhaps recognition. It was part of why I always worked so hard to be the very best cupid. I liked to excel at my job, to be heralded as a model cupid who exceeded expectations in every category. I liked winning Cupid of the Month and earning my pat on the back.

But now, I work hard because everything else in my afterlife is hardly working. I have nothing except for my work. Plus, if I’m always hyper-focused on my job, there’s no room in my head to think about anything else.

At least, that’s the feeble theory.

I soon walk out of the square, the sounds fading behind me as I choose a quiet grassy path that leads to the genfins’ homes. Each one is made of smooth domed wood and usually nestled into the hillsides, and I see a few wooden toys scattered around the grass just inside the fence.

It isn’t until I make it all the way to Emelle’s front door that I realize I probably should’ve warned her I was coming. It’s not very polite to just…show up.

Hesitating, I almost turn back until I hear muffled voices from the other side. I can’t use the excuse that they might be sleeping, and I know that if I leave now, it’ll probably take another year for me to muster up the courage to come back. I’ve avoided Emelle for long enough. And considering time is finicky between realms and the Veil, I don’t even know how much of it has passed.

When I hear children laughing, I finally force myself to pop out of the Veil. I take in a deep breath, needing the fresh pull of oxygen in my lungs before I raise my hand and knock. My knuckles rap against the wood in three quick jabs, and then I quickly smooth my skirt and blazer before nervously running a hand over my pulled-tight hair.

The voices quiet for a moment, but then the door jerks open, and one of my boss’s mates is there to greet me, brown eyes crinkled with friendliness.

I give a smile. “Good evening, Sylred.”

The pink-haired genfin blinks at me in surprise. “Lex? Is that really you?”

I shift on my feet. “Yes, I know this is unexpected, and I’m sorry to intrude, but I was wondering if I could speak with Emelle?”

He seems at a loss for words for a second before he quickly jerks the door all the way open. “Of course. Come on in. We were just finishing up dinner.”

“Thank you.”

Unable to help myself from wringing my hands, I walk down the steps of their home, and Sylred leads me straight into the dining and kitchen area. One sweep of my eyes shows me a busy, bursting-at-the-seams space.

The kitchen area is a bit messy from whatever meal they cooked. The tails of fresh veggies are left on the countertop, and flour is powdered along the sink, but whatever they ate smells delicious—like spiced meat and warm bread. The dining table is stuffed with nearly empty plates, while Emelle, her mates, and children all sit crammed together around it.

My gaze lands on Emelle immediately, but her back is to me as she wrestles with a little girl in a wooden high chair while she tries to clean the girl’s face.

As soon as I step through the threshold, all three of Emelle’s remaining mates immediately look over at me. Stopping, I blush beneath their attention, while they start to dart furtive looks at my boss.

Luckily, their attention gets diverted when a little boy in another wooden high chair decides it’s a good time to chuck a fistful of green goop from his tray. It lands with a splat on Okot’s shirt, making Evert and Ronak snicker. But the lamassu fae just smiles lovingly at the boy as he wipes himself off.

Dinnertime seems to be quite hectic here.

“Syl, who was at the door?” Emelle asks, jerking my attention back to her.

“Well…” Syl says from beside me.

His hesitancy makes Emelle turn, and when she does, her prism eyes widen and she goes still, rag forgotten in her hand. “Lex?”

I give her a silly wave. “Hello, Madame Cupid.”

One second, she’s sitting down at the table, and the next, she’s launched herself at me, pulling me into a hug. “Oh my gods! I can’t believe you’re here!”

The strength of her embrace nearly chokes the air right out of me, but I manage to pat her on the back. “I’m here,” I squawk.

“Oh, sorry,” she says, releasing me from her chokehold to instead grip my arms and lean back to get a look at me. Her beautiful face lights up into a smile, and my eyes nearly go misty. “You look just the same. Sexy librarian schoolteacher kind of thing.”

My blush comes back full force.

“We’ll clean up dinner,” Sylred offers as he walks over to the sink.

Emelle tosses him a smile. “You’re earning lots of points right now.”

“Suck up,” Evert chimes in, just as all four of the males begin to scoop up the kids.

“Yeah,” Sylred says, “Which means she sucks my—”

“Are you hungry?” Emelle blurts loudly, cutting him off. “Thirsty? Need a bathroom break?”

I shake my head. “I’m alright, thank you.”

With a nod, Emelle takes my arm and pulls me into the living area. “Come in and relax. I want to hear everything. We have so much to catch up on.”

Both of us have to step over a few wooden blocks and sewn dolls as we make our way to the couch. “Excuse the mess,” she tells me. “I’d make up some excuse about it not normally looking like this, but…we have four kids. It would be a lie.”

I sink down onto the cushions next to her and fold my hands into my lap, wings resting down.

Emelle is still smiling as she looks at me, and not an ounce of judgment or bitterness enters her expression. I don’t know why. If I were her, I’d definitely be judging me.

As if she can sense this dip in self-confidence, she reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I want you to know that I’m super glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

Guilt fills my stomach, making it ache. “I’m sorry for neglecting my assistant duties for so long.”

She waves me off. “Oh, I don’t care about that. Sev and the others have been doing just fine in my stead.”

“You still can’t go into the Veil or Cupidville?”

“Nope. Ronak goes full feral if I do, like I’ve died or something,” she tells me with a roll of her eyes. “So dramatic.”

“I heard that,” Ronak growls from the kitchen.

Emelle shoots me a wink and laughs under her breath. “But anyway, it’s fine. Sev calls me if he needs something.”

“Calls you?”

To demonstrate, she lifts up her arm where her cupid boss markings are just below her number. “I light up like a neon sign whenever he needs something, and then I know a visit is impending.”

“I suppose it’s good to have a warning before Sev comes.”

She snorts. “Tell me about it. We have to hide him from the kids now because they think it’s hilarious to say fooking.”

In the other room, all three children start chanting, “Fooking! Fooking! Fooking!”

“Emelle!” Sylred groans.

She winces. “Whoopsie.”

Just then, three kids come racing into the room. I say racing because they do just that—they race so competitively that one of the girls takes out the boy by purposely pushing him, while the other girl tries to kick a toy block at them. The boy retaliates by suddenly shifting into a tiny black bull with red wings sprouted from his back. Who would’ve thought a half-cupid half-bull fae would be so darn cute?

“Aww,” I croon.

But I’ve awwed too soon, because he suddenly drops his head, scratches his front hoof on the rug, and then starts charging at the girls as fast as his short legs can go. Both girls let out high-pitched squeals, part terror and part laughter as they turn and race for the hallway.

Before the little bull boy can collide horns-first into his retreating sisters, Emelle plucks him up and then holds his face in front of hers. “Arrow, it’s not nice to shift and then charge at people, remember? We’ve talked about this.”

The little bull slumps with a grunt and then nuzzles at her neck in what I’m guessing is his bull apology.

“Good boy,” she says, peppering a kiss on his snout. “Now go play nice with Kalila and Ettie.”

He clops away as soon as she sets him back on the floor, picking up a block in his mouth as he goes.

“Can he fly?” I ask curiously.

Emelle shakes her head. “Not yet—though it’s not for a lack of trying. His wings are too underdeveloped for the size of his lamassu body, but Okot says that will change once he hits puberty.”

“You’re going to have a lot on your plate.”

She lets out a laugh. “Tell me about it. Amorette can already fly. Her daddies have been teaching her for a couple of years now, and she gets better every day.”

“Which one was she?”

“Oh, you haven’t seen her yet. Amorette is sleeping over at my friend Mossie’s house. She’s been talking about having ghost nightmares here. But I’m pretty sure it’s just so she can go to Mossie’s, since she lets Amorette have entirely too much sugar,” she tells me before waving her hand in the direction of the hallway. “You’ve just seen the triplets. Two lamassus and one genfin.”

I blink in surprise. “Wait…”

“Yep,” Emelle says, popping the p. “My super amazing genfin mates knocked me up while I was already knocked up. Isn’t that freaking rude? I can’t even begin to tell you what it did to my cherish channel, if you know what I mean.”

I hear a chorus of male groans.

“I swear she calls it something different every time,” Ronak grumbles.

“When are you going to forgive us for that, Scratch?” Evert calls out, just as he and the other three males saunter into the room.

She arches a brow at them. “Oh, I’ve forgiven you. I’m just not going to ever stop talking about it. Because you made me give birth three times in a row.”

They have the good sense to wince.

Okot looks at me, his red mohawk nearly identical to his son’s. “We left a plate of food for you in case you are hungry.”

“Oh, thank you,” I reply, surprised at their thoughtfulness. I always forget to eat when I’m in this physical form, especially when I’ve been staying in the Veil so often lately.

“We’ll get the kids washed up and ready for bed,” Sylred tells Emelle, and then all four of them turn and disappear down the hall, giving us privacy.

Emelle watches them go, tucking her long pink hair behind her ear before she turns back to me.

She opens her mouth to say something, but I cut in. “Tell me all about them,” I urge. Yes, I’m stalling, but I’m also relishing in the love I can feel inside these walls. It’s so prevalent that it makes my heart ache.

As if just the mere thought of her children fills her with unimaginable joy, Emelle smiles again before leaning back on the couch to get more comfortable. “Well, Amorette was our first, but she’s five years old now.”

My brows lift in surprise. “Five years?”

How long was I gone?

As if she can read my mind, Emelle gives me a knowing look before continuing. “It’s been six years since the battle,” she says gently, and I sit back breathlessly, reeling in the information. Sure, I checked in with Sev every time I went to Cupidville, and I was admittedly avoiding things, but six years? I am the worst Cupid of the Month.

“As for the triplets, they’re three,” Emelle goes on, like she’s trying to soften the blow by distracting me. “Arrow is the only one who can shift into a bull like Okot. We aren’t sure if Ettie ever will. So far, the only lamassu thing about her is her red-rimmed irises.” She pauses at that. “Well, that, plus the fact that she’s ridiculously stubborn and can act downright beastly when she’s tired. Okot is great with her, though.”

“And the genfin girl?”

“Kalila is a sweetheart. Hardly ever makes a fuss except when her sister yanks on her tail.”

I let out a laugh, but then my previous guilt shoves its way forward again, making me shift in my seat. “You have a beautiful family.”

She beams. “We’re an odd, loud, crazy, very messy covey, but…they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Eyes dropping, I watch my fingers twist together in my lap. “I’m sorry.”

The words tumble out of me all wrinkled and stretched, like clothes shoved aside and neglected for far too long. It’s time I hang them out. “I’m sorry I ran away and avoided you. Especially since you’ve had your hands full here, and my absence probably made things harder when you’ve had so much on your plate as a mate and a mother. You should’ve been able to simply enjoy your family. I should’ve done my cupid duties and been around to help you.”

My throat tries to close up, but I know I have to get the rest out now, or I’ll jumble it all up and lose the pitiful courage I have. Emelle stays perfectly quiet and still, like she doesn’t want to spook me, and I’m grateful for that, because to be honest, I’m feeling timider than a startled deer.

Taking a deep breath, I say, “The truth is, I ran away from it all because I couldn’t face you. I couldn’t face anyone who was there with us on that field that day. He…” This time, my throat really does tighten, strangling on that one word. He. The he that has consumed my guilty thoughts and tangled feelings since that fateful day. He told me to stay in the Veil, but I didn’t. I didn’t, and I got him killed.

Finally, I lift my eyes to hers. “He died for me. He took the blast that was meant for me, and I never understood why.”

“No?” she asks, cocking her head.

Mine shakes in response. “No. I mean, why would he do that? Why jump in front of me like that? He died for goodness sake.”

Her eyes flash with sadness, her lips tilting down. “I know.”

“But why? Why me? We barely knew each other.”

After all this time, I’ve finally let out the question that’s been haunting me. Since I knelt over Belren’s dead body and wept my eyes out. Why would he die for me?

It doesn’t make any sense.

“I can’t answer that,” Emelle says, and I feel my shoulders slump. “But I can say that Belren never did anything he didn’t want to.”

That doesn’t make me feel better. “I still shouldn’t have avoided you or my responsibilities.”

“I understand why you did,” she replies softly. “You don’t have to feel guilty, Lex. Things have been going just fine. And according to Sev, you’ve been crushing the quotas again.”

“Yes,” I say simply.

Once more, Emelle reaches over to squeeze my hand. “Never apologize for needing a break or for taking the time for yourself to heal.”

How do I tell her that I haven’t healed? That I’m still one giant injury that refuses to mend? How do I explain that even that makes me feel guilty, because who am I to complain? I’m alive because of him.

With a soft squeeze, she releases me before getting to her feet. “You look tired. Why don’t you go eat the plate they left while I make up a bed for you? Ronak and Evert built another add-on downstairs to expand the house. We use it as a guest suite when any of the in-laws visit or when Mossie gets drunk off agave during the celebratory sowing season.”

“Oh, no, you really don’t have to go to any trouble. I was going to return to the Veil after I spoke to you.”

She frowns. “No, you just got here. Stay the night at least.”

“Well…” I waver. “If you’re sure it’s not too much trouble…”

“Of course not.” Emelle jumps to her feet. “I’ll go make the bed. You eat and then head downstairs and rest. Oh, and you might want to get an early bedtime.”

“Why?” I ask curiously as she starts heading down the hall. Not that I’m a late sleeper.

She tosses a look at me over her shoulder. “You think these kids are cute tonight, but you won’t when they’re up before the sun and wake you when they start screaming like banshees for their oatmeal. Trust me. Try to go to bed early so you hate life a little bit less. Try as I may, I still haven’t found their volume buttons.”

I laugh as she disappears to the end of the hall, passing the bathroom where playful shrieks and splashing sounds are currently emanating. My stomach takes that moment to grumble, so I quietly head to the kitchen, finding the plate they left for me on the now clean and empty table.

After I finish eating, I wash up after myself and then search the hallway until I find a set of steps that lead downstairs, where I then find the guest bedroom. It’s nice and simple, with a bed made up with cream linens and fluffy pillows, and a nightstand made of the same wood that’s curving over the ceiling and polished on the floors.

A soft shard of moonlight is spilling in from the half-circle window high on the wall, and the reminder of night makes a yawn crack my jaw. I didn’t realize until now how tired I am. I’m actually looking forward to sleep. It’s one of the things I miss dearly when I’m in the Veil and have no need of it. Sleep—the restful oblivion of it—is a wonderful escape. One I have every intention of relishing tonight.

After closing the door behind me, I remove my bow and quiver from my back and lean them both against the wall. I take off my blazer, blouse and skirt next, carefully draping them over the small dresser next to me so they don’t wrinkle.

In only my skirt slip and thin undershirt, I climb into bed and lie on my side, wings tucked in tight as I let out a sigh. I did it. I came back.

I finally faced Emelle, finally spoke about him. But…why don’t I feel any better?

Tears prick my eyes, and l loosen the shroud of guilt that’s been covering me, letting it peek out for just a moment. Maybe it wasn’t enough to just come here. But I think a part of me knew it wouldn’t be.

My entire afterlife changed the moment a thief stepped in front of me. It’s time I figure out how to put him behind me.