Sheer Cupidity: A Standalone Cupidity Romance (Heart Hassle Book 5)

LEX

It takes me several seconds to come down from the explosive bliss Belren just gave me. Little white dots pop behind my closed lids as I breathe out with the last shudders of pleasure.

“Yuw nt tol etgo ow?”

Belren’s mumbled words yank my eyes open, and I look down at where I still have him plastered against my feminine junction.

“Sorry,” I quickly say as he tilts his head up to look at me.

I think I see his cheeks crease with a smile when I don’t move.

“Gonna let go?” he manages to say against my thigh.

Oh. Right.

Regretfully, I peel my fingers off his horns, releasing him. He sits back on his haunches, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand in a move that’s erotic for some strange reason.

“You were quite loud,” he says, grinning so hard I can tell it pleased him immensely.

“Why don’t you try having someone’s mouth latched onto you like a sucker fish and see how quiet you can be,” I shoot back as I straighten my clothing so I can look like a presentable lady.

I’m not sure presentable ladies let their nether regions get sloppy kissed in a stranger’s bathroom, but still.

Belren’s grin grows wolfish as he stands up, hands balanced on the basin as he leans in. “Is that an invitation?”

My eyes widen, and now I’m picturing that it’s me kneeling in front of him, his pants around his ankles while I lick and suck him until he comes. I’ve never ever done that, but I’ve considered the logistics many times and deduced that I’d be great at it.

Belren groans, making me blink away the scene. “Stop looking like that, or I’m going to put you on your knees right now.”

I tilt my head, wondering if I could pull it off.

“No,” he says, as if he can read my mind. “We don’t have time.”

“I bet you I could make you orgasm faster than you made me.”

His eyes narrow. “Are you issuing a challenge, Pinky?”

My wings wiggle a little, because I love challenges. I especially love winning them. “Yes.”

Belren’s gray eyes practically glow, so I know he likes the idea, but he shakes his head. “As much as I’d love to take you up on that right now, we’re going to have to take a rain check.”

I smirk. “Because you’d lose?”

“I’m not sure there’s really any losing in this scenario, but no.” Belren leans in, tongue licking over my bottom lip before he nips it with a hard kiss. “Because when I get your mouth on me, I want it to be just you and me, no distractions, no interruptions,” he says intently, eyes boring into me. “When I have you, I’m going to take my time, draw it out for as long as possible. There will be no rushing for your challenge—at least, not the first time.”

The first time. As in, he wants us to do this more than once. “Who said I was going to do it twice?”

Gods, when he smirks at me, eyes pinning me in place, it makes my toes curl. “Don’t lie to yourself, Pinky. You’re much too logical for that.”

My heartbeat flutters. I like it when he compliments my body, but I really like it when he compliments my mind.

“You’re very good at this,” I tell him.

“I’m very good with you.”

That too.

I smooth my hands down my clothes, and maybe it was the high he just gave me, but for some reason, my mind starts slipping down into a low. All the pleasure and happiness has gone stale with the stark cold reality, and doubts and fears take over. The seer’s previous warning filters into my mind, and although I’ve tried to ignore it, I must be too vulnerable right now, because I can’t block it off.

“What the seer said…” I begin tentatively. “About the way ghosts…fade. Do you think he was right?”

I’ve clearly caught him off guard at my sudden subject change, because the happy, sexy look on Belren’s face disappears. “Probably.”

“Are you worried?”

“About what? Getting squished down by my own madness after years of ghosting?”

“No,” I reply, trying to contain the fraction of frustration that starts to stir. “The other part. The unfinished business.”

He shrugs. “I have no idea. Why are you worrying about this?”

Flabbergasted, I shake my head. “Why are you not worrying about this?”

“You know my thoughts on worrying.”

“I think we should talk about it properly. We can’t keep pretending like you aren’t a ghost, just because you can touch me sometimes.”

His lips curve up. “I do more than just touch.”

“Belren, this is important,” I persist, and even though his expression grows annoyed, I keep going. “What if Soora really is your unfinished business?”

“What about it?” he snaps, making my pulse kick up. “Are you so ready to be rid of me?”

“What? No, that’s not—”

“You think I want to be like this? A useless fucking ghost who can go crazy or expire in the blink of an eye?” he challenges with a shake of his head. “No. I want to exist in the moment while I can still exist. So just let it go.”

“No,” I say, completely frustrated that he wants to continue to ignore this. “I know it’s not fun to think about, and I’ve been trying not to worry out loud because I know that’s what you want, but that isn’t reality. We need to confront this.”

He backs away from me to lean against the wall, and even though it’s just a couple of feet, I feel the distance like a chasm. “And what’s reality?” he lobs back, crossing his arms in front of him.

“Reality is that we might be on our way to finish your unfinished business, and we’re in here, hiding in a bathroom and doing things we probably shouldn’t be doing.”

Belren’s eyes grow molten with anger, deepening in color as he stares at me. “Shouldn’t be doing? That’s not what you were saying just a few minutes ago.”

Flustered, my hands twist together, pinching the skin. “I know, and it was wonderful, but it’s also distracting us. There’s a very real chance that the seer was right.”

“There’s also a chance he was wrong,” he counters. “Ghosts shouldn’t be able to touch anyone, yet I can touch you. Maybe I don’t play by the rules. Maybe things are different for me.”

I open my mouth to reply, but he suddenly jolts, body going stiff all over, and his silhouette wavers, becoming slightly more transparent. My chest squeezes at the grimace contorting his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he grits out.

“This is not nothing,” I say, eyes sweeping over the pained way he’s holding himself. “What’s happening? Talk to me.”

“Fucking. Deathplace.”

My eyes widen. “Oh my goodness, is it trying to pull you back?”

“I’m fine,” he tells me, which is ridiculous, because he obviously isn’t. “It happens sometimes.”

Something like betrayal slashes through me. “This has been happening to you, and you never told me?”

After a second, he rolls his tense shoulders, and the grimace leaves his face, like whatever it was has passed. “See? Like I said, it’s fine.”

Shaking my head, I pick up my bow and quiver from the floor before slinging them on my back. “I can’t believe you kept this from me.”

“Why would I willingly worry you?”

“You can’t just use worrying as an excuse to keep things from me!”

His eyes move away from me, and he shakes his head, like I’m being the ridiculous one. I wish I could live in that denial that he’s perfected, but I can’t keep ignoring everything. I can’t pretend like these things aren’t happening.

“I asked Emelle to help you. To see if she could reverse your ghost status. But she hasn’t contacted me—not once—so I’m losing hope. Which means we’re probably on a course to complete your unfinished business, and yet you want to keep going on in blissful ignorance.”

“And what would you rather do?” he counters. “Make a pros and cons list? Worry yourself into an early grave for me to haunt?”

“Don’t joke about haunting right now, Belren. I’m serious.”

“Oh, I know. You’re always serious,” he says under his breath.

Something sharp twists in my chest, but I try to ignore the jab. “Have you ever considered that this isn’t fair to me?” I ask him quietly, but as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I want to take them back because of the way he visibly flinches.

“Care to elaborate?”

Not really, but I started this, so I suppose I may as well finish it, even though it hurts.

Shoring up, I brace myself enough to look him in the eye. “At the end of the day, you’re a ghost. If Emelle can’t figure out a solution, then I might have to slowly watch you go crazy for years and years, until you finally disappear.”

Something slams shut in his gaze, his expression going flat. “Right. How selfish of me to drag you around for that long,” he seethes. “I guess we’d better get back to finding the princess. Get it over with in hopes that it triggers my unfinished business so that I can disintegrate into nothingness a bit quicker for you, and we can go our separate ways. Or maybe next time, I’ll just give in to the fucking pull on me and zap back to my deathplace and leave you in peace.”

I rear back like I’ve just been slapped. The scathing tone of his voice and the anger in his face make tears prick my eyes. As soon as the first drop trickles out, Belren’s face slackens, eyes rounding. “Pinky, I’m sorry. That’s—fuck.” He tries to run a hand over his horns, but it passes through, and he drops it again in frustration. “I was just pissed. I know that’s not what you’re saying, not what you want. But I fucking hate talking about this, alright?”

He hates talking about anything difficult or real, and that’s what concerns me. You have to have someone by your side who can help you handle the rain, not just enjoy the sunshine.

But that’s not him, that’s not what he wants.

I quickly wipe at my cheek and blink down at my shoes to make the rest of the tears go away. “Alright.”

In two strides, he’s right in front of me again, and he reaches for me to either pull me against his chest or to hold me by the arms. I’m not sure which one he intended though, and I never will, because his hands go right through me.

He lets out a litany of curses. “Fuck, Lex. Let me touch you.”

Even if he’s right about me being the one to allow him to touch me, I’m not emotionally stable enough right now to figure out how to let down my guard. In fact, I’m relieved that he can’t. Because when he touches me, all thoughts go right out the window.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out between tight lips as I consider the reality of my options. At first, I thought it was luck and some muck that kept him with me, but that’s obviously not the case. I thought I needed to keep him focused on this mission to keep him sane, but I don’t think that’s true either. All I’m doing is driving us on a crash course toward his destruction.

“I’m going to go back out there and tell Miur that I can’t go to the princess,” I tell him, looking anywhere but his face. “If she really does have to do with your unfinished business…it’s just not worth the risk. We’ll go find Emelle and talk to her. Hopefully she knows something by now, and we can prolong this.”

“Pinky.”

I shake my head. “No, you’re right. We don’t need to talk. We’ll just be in the moment.” I lift my eyes to him and try to give him a smile, though considering how shaky it is, it’s bound to be pathetic. “I promise to try to help you get as many of those moments as you can have, for as long as you can have them.”

“Lex—”

I turn away, wrenching open the door and walking out. Once again, I’ve made a mess of things. I’d be a terrible hearth hob.

But I meant what I said. I’m going to do whatever I can to keep him here, to keep him sane, for as long as possible. I just wish I could live in the moment too. Instead, I’ll be feeling this cloud of dread hanging over my head every single second, until the end.