Chapter envy will eat you
Esther and Delilah spent their first days at the Eye of the Goddess temple trying to cope with how everything and everyone in their lives was just lost. The Benjmin-Naphtal wolves had all been killed; their friends, their Alpha, their great-grandmother, and their father, now lived in the fields of the Moon. Esther found herself staring in the mirror at the long scar in her hair. When she measured it with her hand, it reached from the tip of her pinkie to the base of her thumb. Margo said it should have killed her, but she wasn’t dead.
She still wasn’t talking to Del, if she had died she would be with their loved ones, and she wouldn’t have this annoying sound of static where the sound of the Tides should be, and she wouldn’t have the throbbing pain under the scar, and she would be able to hear everything her sister thought, instead of just the whimpered apologies Del pushed into her mind. She wouldn’t even sleep in the same room as her sister, and by sleep, she meant tossing and turning until she was black and blue, until she finally passed out from exhaustion. She tried not to notice Del’s dark circled eyes and bruised knees as though she spent every moment praying.
The Healer Margo and a Servant named Kaiyou took both the girls to a pack hospital located about 30 miles from the temple. Both had full body MRI’s and x-rays, blood work and physical exams. They cut Del’s cast off and told her to do certain exercises to strengthen her arm. But they could tell Essie nothing to help her except to stare at the images of where her head had been bashed in and murmur in amazement. In a fit of rage and grief, Esther had started screaming at them, not talk about her like she wasn’t there.
When Delilah had come rushing into the room, Esther had yelled at her, “This is all your fault! If you had let me die, I wouldn’t be a freak. An Oracle who can’t see or feel the Tides or hear the Moon! I hate you!”
“I’m sorry, Essie. Please, don’t hate me, I pray every moment of every day that the Goddess will help us. I didn’t know you’d go Tide-deaf, that you would go blind and numb to the Moon’s pull. It’s not my fault, I just wanted you to live,” Delilah yelled back.
“You wanted me to live?! Would you want to live like this? With your ears ringing all the time and your skull cracked like a boiled egg and throbbing. Imagine that you can’t even meditate because you feel like your falling? Huh? Tell me, Del? Would you want to live if you weren’t an oracle any more?” Esther fired back. “I hate you.”
Suddenly, Delilah’s face flushed and her eyes turned cold. “I would never give up being an oracle, I want to be one more than anything, but you never wanted to be one. So what’s the big deal? I never had a choice as to what I saw, but you always did. It was so easy for you to just turn it off. You always wanted to leave me, leave us, and abandon our gift, so go! Now’s your big chance Esther, go on, go! Because I hate you too!”
Del turned and ran from the building, shifting into her wolf and shredding the sundress she had worn, leaving her flip-flops on the sidewalk. Cursing like an adult, Esther yelled after her, then yanked her shirt off over her head and dropped her cut-off denim shorts to pursue her sister. Two brown juvenile wolves sprinted toward the Eye of the Goddess lake and no one dared stop them.
Esther had forgotten how much Delilah had loved to go running with Nicole and Petra, while she hung out in the pack kitchen and cooked with Monica and Stellina. They were all the way to the shore of the lake on the inside of the crater before Delilah stopped. Esther's wolf crept up on her sister's wolf as she whimpered at the edge of the lake but before either could speak, a third wolf joined them.
“What? No hugs for your old grandfather Eli? And I brought your backpacks all the was from home,” the old wanderer’s voice teased.
“GRANDPA!” Both girls shifted and screamed, throwing themselves into his arms, their feud forgotten.
He chuckled as he held them, a slight incline of his head and Kaiyou’s ebony wolf backed away into the forest. His younger brother Ketsu joined him.
Kaiyou spoke in a strange, old Asian dialect, “I feared you were lost, little brother.”
“I almost was, big brother, but Eliazar saved me, then we found the oracles’ backpacks by a looking pool with no sign of them, other than they had gotten in the water. How did they get here?” Ketsu wondered in question.
“Even the oracles do not know. One of the shining ones led me and Tlingtli to the sacred cavern and they washed up beside the Hidden Eye pool,” Kaiyou started.
“Washed up? What does than mean?” Ketsu looked confused.
Kaiyou had seen it and still did not know if he believed. He shook his head trying to find a believable explanation when he knew there was none. “The sacred water boiled and churned and heaved them onto the side of the pool. Then the shining one told us to take her daughters to a room and have them tended.”
Ketsu blinked at him in disbelief, “So they jumped in the pool at their home pack in the middle of a tornadic storm and got splashed out here? That’s... that’s incredible!”
Kaiyou nodded, “The Earth Goddess healer says one was healed of an injury that even a grown wolf could not survive. It is a miracle and a blessing of the Moon Goddess.”
Ketsu watched the two girls hugging and crying over their grandfather for a moment, “Big brother, they are children and yet they have seen so much of suffering. You did not see what we saw. What they saw. I... I have never seen such brutality, such bloodshed just for the sake of killing. It will haunt my dreams. How can children recover from such horror?”
Kaiyou puts his forehead against his youngest brother’s, “With love and moonlight, my brother. Love and moonlight.”
To protect the two young girls, all acolytes and oracles of the temples begin to wear hooded headscarves and veils. The Servants decide that the twins will never be seen in the same place at the same time. Esther and Del both studied diligently, but Eliazar worried. They are not as close as they were before the fall of their pack. They no longer shared a room or spent the hours of their free time together. Neither seemed like the girls that snuck out of their lesson to braid flowers into each other’s hair and hide in the gardens or forest. Delilah was always studying or sketching or reading one of his many books. Every dawn she ran the edge of the crater with Kaiyou, and learned to fight to protect herself. Esther ran the perimeter of the lake with young Ketsu every evening, or cooked in the kitchens, and her free time was spent training diligently to fight and she often hurt those she sparred with in her rage.
They spent hours every night training as oracles, Del’s power amazed even the most doubtful, but sadly the twins could only share their visions for a few minutes, and not a few hours as they once did. Soon, Essie refused to participate in the shared vision exercises at all. She had only her intuition left, and was almost Tide-blind. On her own, she still could see a few simple things and into the hearts of wolves to discern deceit, but she could wade no deeper into the Tides than the shallowest vision and then she suffered great pain to see it. Meanwhile, her sister walked upon the sacred waters into the great unknown where feet and courage failed and only faith prevailed, seemingly without effort. The resentment Esther feels toward Delilah grew every day.
Delilah had given up apologizing and seeking her sister’s companionship. Esther hated that she and her sister had to pretend to be the same person to the outside world, so no one outside the Servants highest ranks, would realize they both lived through that night. Much of the werewolf world believed the storm of that night destroyed the Benjmin-Naphtal and not the truth. The truth that every male, female, and juvenile was murdered by the power hungry Des Rues.
The Servants of the Moon watched and waited for the next Delphi to reach sixteen, but already, the 13-year-old Delilah Ayala of Naphtal was the most powerful oracle in thousands of years. A burden she now carried alone.
Fifteen year-olds Esther and Delilah Ayala passed each other in the hall between their rooms with barely a glance, “Sister,” they both said at the same time, in the same cold tone.
“Enough of this,” Eliazar growled and dragged both into Esther’s room. “Two years and you have barely spoken, but I can feel the pain this is causing your wolves. It is time to make up, you are sisters, you will act like it.”
Esther’s face twisted in rage, as she spat, “Would a sister destroy everything her sister was because she was a cowardly little pup too scared to sleep alone?!?”
“Oh for Goddess’ sakes! You would have died! I couldn’t let you die, Essie! I didn’t know you would be Tide-blind after, I didn’t see that.”
“Ohhh the great and powerful Del didn’t see something, call the scribes, alert the media,” Essie mocked.
“What does that mean?” Del hissed.
“It means you can play with bowls and mirrors all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact you let our pack die and robbed me of my gift so you could be the special one, ba-by sis-ter,” Essie accused.
Del stared at her, tears forming from the cruelty of her sister’s pain. Her voice a tremulous whisper, “I tried to warn them, you know that, but they all died anyway... And I felt every one of them leave us, I still feel it, and I couldn’t let you die too.”
“I would have let you die, baby sister. Let you die rather than curse you to face a silent, empty life reading runes like a fortune teller in a carnival.” Essie’s face was pinched and angry, her eyes pressed into narrow blue slits.
Eliazar just gaped at his granddaughters. Delilah drew herself up, her face the passive mask of a trained oracle, when she spoke, her voice has a distant, empty quality. “I am glad I am not you then. Enjoy the cotton candy.” She turned on her heel and walked out, leaving the door open behind her.
“Fuck... you... bitch!” Essie screamed after her before rushing into her bathroom and slamming the door.
Eliazar groaned and rubbed his face, thanking the Goddess his daughters had never had any sort of conflict beyond who got the bigger slice of cake. His granddaughters however had fought constantly since the night their pack fell and Esther had been hurt. He heard the sound of shattering glass behind the bathroom door.
“Esther, are you okay?” He asked softly. She didn’t answer.
“Esther, open the door.”
Again she didn’t answer. He pushed the door and bumped into her. Craning his head through the gap, he peered at Essie slumped on the floor, the shards of her bathroom mirror scattered around her.
Trembling, she was staring into four pieces laying close together, the surfaces rippled like water. “No... oh noooo...” Esther whispered over and over.
“Esther! Esther! Look away... Esther, LOOK. AWAY!” her grandfather shouted at her.
He didn’t dare shove the door open any further open for fear of bumping her might cause her to get lost in the Tides. Delilah pulled him back into Esther’s bedroom and squeezed through the gap between the door and the door frame into the bathroom. Del knelt on the broken pieces next to her sister, taking her hand.
“Essie, come back.”
Del’s eyes flashed with moonlight, suddenly Esther gasped and fell forward into Del’s arms. Carefully, her grandfather edged the door further open and stepped into the room. Eliazar picked up Esther and carried her to her bed. Del grabbed several towels and followed. She carefully cleaned Esther’s knuckles.
“How did you know to come back, Del?” Eliazar asked quietly as he watched his youngest granddaughter tend her sister.
“I felt Essie on the Tides, she was afraid of what she saw.”
“Afraid?”
Del looked away, a tear ran down her cheek, “She saw a very bad day.”
“Delilah....”
Delilah gave a little sob, as she shook her head. “I can’t... it isn’t your vision.”
Eliazar was silent. They could hear Kaiyou and Margo running down the hall toward them. Quietly he asked, “You said you could feel her on the Tides?”
“Yes, grandfather. I can feel the other oracles on the Tides, as if I am on the Tides with them. Sometimes I can see what they are seeking. Isn’t that what the Delphi does? Clarify the visions of other oracles.” Del looked up at him with innocent, curious eyes.
Margo stared at her mouth open, Kaiyou wore his usual stoic expression except that his eyes were wide and awed. The job of the Delphi was to seek clarification on difficult visions, but none of them had never heard of a Delphi who could actually travel the Tides to other oracles’ visions, or even sense other oracles on the Tides. They believed the vision sharing she had with Esther was because they were twins. Eliazar knew he needed to take Delilah to see the eldest oracle living, so he gave the only answer he could think of that was partially truthful.
“Yes, of course. It is the Delphi’s job to help clarify the visions of the oracles below her. Margo, Esther cut her hand when she saw something in the mirror before Del pulled her back from the Tides.” Eliazar explained.
Margo immediately began began tending Esther’s cut hand while Del sat holding Esther’s other hand. Eliazar and Kaiyou walked out of the room.
After Eliazar closed the door, Kaiyou spoke first. “Shall I arrange for the Delphi to travel to the Gate and meet with the New Wemyss elder oracle? We did receive a letter from her concerning the queen-to-be and the Oracle Tiene has seen another attack against them.”
“Make the arrangements. We leave after the twins’ birthday next week,” Eliazar ordered.
“Leave for where, grandfather?” Del was standing behind them.
Eliazar knew he couldn’t lie to her so he only answered with half the the reason, “The New Wemyss pack has a problem and their elder oracle cannot travel here so we are going to meet her at the Moon’s Gate temple. It concerns the possible future king and queen.”
“Ahhh, the she-wolf who was born to inspire those with good hearts and her protector mate to restore to nobility of the warrior wolf way,” Delilah said thoughtfully, quietly pondering that prophecy. Then she looked up. “Guardian Kaiyou, please do as the Wanderer Eliazar request. I will consult the Tides.”
She turned on her heel and headed for the oracle rooms at the top of the Temple. They watched her walk away. Eliazar and Kiayou smiled at each other, not even 16-years-old and Delilah was already acting like the Delphi.
Eliazar phoned New Wemyss, and arranged for his second, Miles, to run the Wanderers while he was traveling with his granddaughters. Delilah had the Servants of the Moon chasing down the wrongs of wolf-kind all over the continent, and keeping an eye on the Des Rues, who had been suspiciously quiet. She knew they were planning another big attack, but she could not tell against whom. They had chosen to make everyone who did not swear loyalty to Alpha Charles and his son Charlemagne their enemy. But Delilah had made it clear that those who were loyal to the Des Rues Royals, were not loyal to the Moon.
The arrogant Alpha Charles had even sent a request to the Temple asking for Charlemagne to be allowed to court Delilah when she came of age. It left a bitter taste in Eliazar’s mouth and his wolf howled to stain his teeth with Des Rues blood, but Servants did not have a pack, they belonged to the Moon from the day they were marked until the day She called them home. He wished he could make his eldest granddaughter understand this. The moon-painted marks she and her sister had worn on their skin since birth meant they belonged to the Goddess and not to themselves.
Every year Delilah’s marks had grown like morning glory vines, while Esther’s remained the same. Fortunately, they were entirely invisible to most and only visible to the few blessed by the Goddess to be her Chosen Servants. He knew Essie resented being used to safeguard Delilah, but she didn’t have a choice, she was barely an oracle, and if she wanted to be a Wanderer then she needed to learn her first duty was to protect the Delphi.
One week later, Esther and Delilah headed to the airport wearing identical acid washed jeans with neon t-shirts and big hair in scrunchies. They looked like typical human teenagers. They were dressed the way Esther like because she refused to wear anything else when she wasn’t wearing her acolyte’s gown. She still trained as an oracle using her mother’s silver-backed mirror, but her grandfather and the Wanderer Ketsu taught her about the outside world and the skills she would need to be a Wanderer. She could not wait to leave the temples and Delilah behind forever. She hated that she was forced to be her sister’s doppelganger when they left the temples. She was the elder sister, but now she had to bend her neck to her once timid, little sister.
Envy ate at Esther like a starving coyote gnawing a carcass. Someday she would be free and Delilah would be trapped in the walls of the Temples. Essie promised herself she would make Del regret the day she didn’t let her join their parents and packmates. Their Nonna had warned her not to regret the choice she made that night but she did, she couldn’t help it. Esther felt like she had nothing now.