Scheming Against Devotion (Book 2 of The Transition of Pinn)

Ivy:

I carefully close the door, praying it doesn’t creak as the door slips into place. I breathe a small sigh of relief when it clicks shut quietly. I don’t want Giddean to notice I was watching him from the far side of the courtyard.

I wander down the hall back to my room. It’s late into the night and my nightgown swishes against the floors and my steps echo softly against the floor. It seems so quiet after the ruckus in the courtyard.

I don’t know what that was, but it’s clear that Giddean is reaching his breaking point. Despite it all, my heart reaches out in sympathy for him. He is lost, upset, angry. I am putting the blame of an entire religion on his shoulders, he wasn’t there, he didn’t kill her.

Yet, he believes it was…justifiable. Something that just happens, neither good nor bad. Something he cannot influence or prevent.

And that is so hard for me to swallow. It feels like the sense of stability I had begun to feel with him was ripped away and replaced by a pit of bile slowly whirling in my stomach.

I can still see her hanging lifelessly between the two poles, the gold of her skin slowly marred with red. I was nowhere near close enough, but somehow I remember the taste of copper in the air. It’s horrific, it’s traumatic.

But I have to repress that, push it down fast to the back of my mind. I have to be rational. Giddean reaching his breaking point could have repercussions for me and my life. He could send me away. I remember Henik telling me that there is no going back and his vague answer as to what happened to the other women. What if that was because they were sent somewhere horrible? Somewhere far worse than here, to somewhere that I too would break and volunteer to become a sacrifice? Everyone keeps telling me I will be fine- if I keep Giddean happy.

And perhaps, despite my feelings, I have to suck it up and at least try.

***

The smell of coffee waffles through the air as daylight shines through the stone walls of the house.

Survive today and save the world tomorrow.

I have always felt that if there was something you dreaded doing, it was best to do it first thing in the morning. And I was about to do something I dread doing.

I cross the threshold into the dining room with a winning smile on my face. Or at least what I hope is a smile.

The young blond servant standing to the side of the room almost drops the small jar he was bringing to the table.

And Giddean…. Giddean is sitting in his usual spot at the far edge of the table, surrounded by papers and books and notes. A plate full of food rests on top of some papers largely ignored as Giddean scribbles something furiously on a sheet of paper.

“Just set it over there, Andrew” Giddean waves off to the servant without looking up from his work.

I watch Giddean for a moment as Andrew places the jar carefully just outside of the ring of papers.

He messes with his hair when he pauses to think about the next thing he wants to stay. For once his clothing is more comfortable looking, a rumbled shirt with no jacket or attached gold chains. His hair is messy and his face looks sleepy. It’s… cute almost if one could describe a man with such power over my life as cute.

I pull myself together. Now is not the time to get moon-eyed; I have work to do.

I walk further into the room approaching Giddean who looks up in a start. Shock crosses his face.

“Good morning” I state softly as I pull the chair out next to Giddean.

Giddean just blinks at me, once, twice, three times before mumbling good morning.

I smile at him as I sit down; pretending that there is nothing wrong between us, all is forgiven, smoothed over, okay.

He just watches me. I’m not sure if he is shocked or suspicious. But I have to convince him of my sincerity, I have to.

“What’s for breakfast, Andrew?” I ask the servant standing in the corner.

“Uh, whatever you would like, Mrs. Senator”

“Great” I smile at him, “I’ll have the usual”

“Yes, Mrs. Senator.” Andrew exits the dining room, heading in the direction of the kitchen.

I turn back to Giddean who is still watching me.

“What is your plan for today?”

He blinks twice before answering in that smooth voice of his, “I have meetings.”

“Ah, anything interesting?”

“No”

I frown. Damn it, this isn’t going as well as I hoped.

Andrew walks in and places a large flat bowl with oatmeal and loaded with berries right in front of me along with a coffee. I still remember the day that Giddean ordered his chief to look into some earth food. How long ago was that? Could that only have been a month ago?

Giddean goes back to his food and his papers. I grab my coffee and take a sip.

Damn it. I tap my fingernail on the side of the mug as I think. I really thought Giddean would welcome me back with open arms- I was the one mad at him!

I open my mouth to tell him to stop being such a dick, he had no right to be mad at me, but then I close it again.

It doesn’t matter if he is mad for a stupid reason, I can’t risk making him more so.

I swallow my pride and reach out my hand to touch Giddean’s arm, which he just looks down and stares at for a moment before looking up at me.

“Well,” I lick my lips “if you do want to discuss any of it, let me know” I smile at him.

“Right”

I withdraw my hand. I don’t know how this could get any worse, honestly.

We pass the next few minutes in a heavy silence with nothing but the scraping of utensils against dishware and the shuffling of papers.

“I have to go. We’ll talk later Ivy”

I look up to see Giddean exiting the room.

Shit.