Say You Still Love Me: A Novel

2006, Camp Wawa, End of Week Six

“Smirnoff?”

“Hell no. That tastes like ass.” Eric cringes. “Absolut, all the way, baby.”

Kyle rolls his eyes. “You can’t even tell the difference.”

“Sure, I can!”

Kyle turns to Ashley and me. “What do you want me to grab you?”

“Mike’s Hard Lemonade,” Ashley requests, handing him a ten-dollar bill. “I think that should cover it?”

“Piper?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Whatever’s good. Surprise me. Just not beer.”

“Mike’s Hard, Surprise Me, Smirnoff—got it.”

Eric smacks Kyle in the shoulder. “Absolut!”

Kyle holds his hand out. “Fork it over, and fast. They close at nine.”

“Nah, man, you owe me.” Eric waggles his finger between Kyle and me. “Don’t think I didn’t notice. Seriously? You couldn’t leave me just one?” he adds when Kyle dips his head, grinning.

Meanwhile, my face bursts with heat. The door had barely shut behind Shane this afternoon when Kyle and I landed in his bed, the week of waiting leaving us pent up with frustration and anticipation. He had two condoms and I accidentally tore one with my nails, trying to roll it on him.

And one apparently wasn’t enough for us this afternoon, so Kyle yanked on his shorts and darted over to Eric’s cabin to “borrow” the fresh box.

We didn’t use them all, but we definitely used a few.

“Yeah, fine . . .” Kyle digs out his wallet and thumbs through the few dollar bills in the fold. We just got paid, but he’s been saving his money.

“Here.” I pull out my wallet and count out ten dollars.

“You haven’t cashed those yet?” Ashley frowns at the three Wawa employee checks that are tucked inside.

“Best way to save.” It’s the truth, but it’s also a lie. The fact is, I don’t need the money. I have an account that Mom transfers money into plus my Mastercard that she pays off each month. “Here. Just use this for everything.” I hand Kyle the credit card. I don’t have enough time to get to a bank machine to pull out more cash, and the card will definitely cover whatever he’s buying for us.

“Dude.” Eric’s eyebrows rise. “Must be nice.”

I ignore him. “Do you think they’ll check against the signature?”

“Probably not. This place is small.” Kyle studies the card sitting in the palm of his hand a moment, as if considering whether to take it.

“Tick tock!” Eric taps his watch. “Five minutes left.”

“All right.” He shrugs. “Let’s see if this works.”

“And grab me another box of condoms, too, you thief!” Eric hollers after him.

“Why? They’ll just expire,” Kyle throws back.

We pile into the car and wait for him, because a bunch of teenagers loitering outside a store that sells booze on a Saturday night is a touch suspicious.

As it is, I’m wary of bringing alcohol back to Wawa. “Is this a good idea?”

“Darian’s chill on Saturdays. And we’re not gonna be dumb enough to get caught,” Eric says, biting on his thumbnail, his eager eyes locked on the entrance to Provisions. He’s the main instigator in this whole plan to get drunk tonight, though we are willing accomplices.

Kyle returns five minutes later, his arms filled with brown paper bags.

“No issues?” I ask when he climbs into the driver’s seat after loading the trunk.

“Didn’t even I.D. me. I didn’t know what to get you, so I grabbed some coolers and Jägermeister. Hope that’s okay.”

“It’s fine.” It’s not like my mom will have any idea what I bought. Provisions sells everything.

He slides my credit card into my hand and leans in to kiss me. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I don’t mind at all.”

“Let’s rock and roll!” Eric drums his hands on the back of the driver’s seat.

“Shhh!” Ashley warns as Eric stumbles over his own two feet in the dark and the bottles stuffed into his backpack clang together, the sound unmistakable.

“Shit, I’m not even drunk yet,” he whispers, tipping the bottle of vodka back to take a swig of it straight. He smiles through a cringe. “Wait ’til I’m drunk.”

My attention veers to Darian’s cabin. Light flashes in the tiny window. She doesn’t usually venture out on Saturday night, preferring to spend the night in front of her TV. However, a loud and obnoxious Eric might draw her out.

I have to admit, while a part of me wonders if maybe we should just stay in our respective cabins and keep out of trouble, the other part feels the thrill of a Saturday night, having fun with friends. We’ve been under watch for too long.

“Where are we hanging out tonight?” I ask.

“My cabin, I guess?” Kyle offers. “Unless you think Christa wants to play drinking games with us.”

“Uh, my guess would be no to that. So . . . what kind of drinking game are we playing, anyway?”

Kyle and Eric exchange a look.

“The only drinking game.”

“Oh, God, have I told you guys how much I hate black licorice?” Olivia’s tongue hangs from her mouth as if that will dispel the taste of it.

“Only, like, a thousand times already,” Avery mutters, rolling her eyes.

I grin from my spot sprawled across Kyle’s bed, my body relaxed and buzzing from more shots than I can count. Kyle sits on the floor in front of me, the perfect spot for me to draw lazy circles over the back of his neck and toy with his wild hair, reveling in the feel of gooseflesh sprouting along his skin every time I touch him.

We picked up Avery, Olivia, Colin, and a counselor named Frank—a decent-enough guy whose only fault is his crush on Olivia—on the way to Kyle’s cabin, and the eight of us have been playing Never Have I Ever as the rain softly pitter-patters against the roof and the glow of a camp lantern casts a dim light. Much cozier than the naked bulbs overhead and perfect to hide flushed cheeks and sheepish smiles as the questions quickly turn more risqué.

“It’s your turn,” Avery prompts Ashley.

“Aren’t we done yet?” Ashley whines, falling back into the bunk across from me.

If she’s irritated about Eric messing around with the beautiful redhead, she doesn’t show it anymore. “Fine. Never have I ever . . .” Ashley’s nose pinches with thought, “experienced love at first sight.”

Colin groans. “Seriously?”

Kyle looks over his shoulder at me, smiles, and then takes a shot.

I follow suit, cringing at the taste of black licorice. I sense Avery’s curious eyes on us. I know it’s wrong and petty and unnecessary, but I feel somehow victorious, that I have achieved something that she—even with her allure and beauty—could not.

I won Kyle’s heart this summer.

“My turn,” Eric warns with an impish smile, filling our plastic shot glasses for the next round. “Never have I ever rubbed one off while fantasizing about someone in this room.” He tips his head back and downs a shot. Frank and Colin follow almost immediately.

Giggles erupt around the cabin, but slowly, hesitantly, everyone else takes a shot. Kyle casts another knowing glance my way, his eyes hooded and slightly red, as he downs his.

“Okay!” Eric tips the bottle upside down to drain the last of the Jäger. The emptied bottle of vodka has rolled under one of the beds. “Well, that didn’t last long. Last question. Never have I ever—”

“Hey, it’s my turn!” Colin scowls.

“We brought the booze, we get the last question. You assholes are buying next weekend, by the way. Never have I ever gone skinny-dipping with my fellow Wawa camp counselors!”

They all let out a cheer and down their shots.

“Really?” I whisper, the only one left with a drink.

Kyle gives me a crooked smile. “It was fun.”

“So much fun,” Eric climbs to his feet, stumbling a step, and then claps his hands, “that it’s now tradition!”

A surge of adrenaline courses through the cabin. Everyone fumbles for support as they climb to their feet and then dart out the door, engulfed in a bubble of laughter and excitement.

I let out a nervous laugh. “They’re actually going skinny-dipping? Now? In the rain?”

“It’s barely raining and they’re going to get wet anyway.” Kyle gets to his feet and holds out a hand.

My stomach flutters.

“Trust me?”

“Of course.” I hesitate. And then I weave my fingers through his.

The light rain is a mere drizzle by the time we reach Wawa’s sandy beach, to the sound of laughter and splashes. We couldn’t be more than a minute behind everyone else, and yet most of them have already peeled off their clothes and darted into the lake. I catch glimpses of movement from two shadows nearby, but without the glow of a fire it’s impossible to identify anyone.

“Oh my—ow!” I stumble a few steps over something—a shoe, I think—and then laugh. “It’s dark out here!” And I’m way drunker than I thought.

“That’s the idea. No one wants to see Eric’s bare ass.” Kyle lets go of my hand and I sense him yanking his T-shirt over his head. “Come on, don’t be lame,” he taunts, the jangle of his belt and the pull of his zipper sounding. “It’s tradition.”

Taking a deep breath—what the hell! Everyone else is doing it!—I quickly strip off my clothes and follow Kyle’s lead into the lake, feeling every inch of bare skin that enters the water as we plunge farther in.

“Where is everyone?” Colin calls out from the distance.

“Over here!” Kyle answers, and I feel his voice deep within my belly as he curls an arm around my waist.

One by one, voices call out, followed by nervous giggles and squeals as people splash and dive.

“Vetter, where you at?” Kyle calls out.

There’s no response.

“Vetter?”

Still no response.

I sense the tension creeping into Kyle’s body. “Eric, come on.”

“Yeah! All good,” Eric finally answers.

Kyle’s body relaxes against mine. “Is Ash with you?”

“Oh, Freckles is here all right.” And there’s no mistaking the grin in his voice.

Ashley’s giggle follows.

“He’s grown some balls. Finally.” Kyle pulls me flush against him.

My hands skitter over his body as if unsure where to sit idle. I want to touch all of him. And maybe it’s the alcohol, but a second after I think of sliding my hand down his stomach, and farther, I do it, gripping onto him.

The responding kiss is searing. He reaches down to guide my legs around his hips, shifting so I’m sitting on his thighs, facing him. It’s a provocative position. All it would take is me shifting a few more inches forward. “We’re not doing that out here!” I warn him in a whispered kiss.

“But we’ll be doing it as soon as we’re back to my cabin.” He laughs, pulling me tighter, until I can feel him pressed against me. So close . . . an ache swells inside me, the urge to slide him into me overwhelming, even if for just a moment. Maybe we could do it out here. What would that be like? No one would know and I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first time.

I have had way too much to drink.

“Shh! Someone’s coming!” Avery hisses suddenly.

We freeze and stifle our giggles, turning to watch a beam of light bob up and down, lighting a path for a lone figure heading toward the beach.

Darian’s short blonde hair is unmistakable as she passes beneath the path light. “Is someone out there?” she calls out.

“Shit,” someone whispers.

“Shut up,” someone else warns.

Kyle cuts noiselessly through the water, moving us deeper just as the beam of light dances over the lake. Others must have done the same, because no one is outed in her search.

She shifts her flashlight to the sandy beach, and the scattered clothing.

“If she finds out we were drinking, we’ll be gone tomorrow,” Kyle whispers into my ear.

My stomach clenches with the thought. Tonight has been fun, but it’s not worth that. Why do we keep getting ourselves into these messes?

Oh, right. Because of Eric and Kyle.

“Huh. Gosh . . . I guess my camp counselors must have forgotten their clothes on the beach when they were swimming here earlier,” Darian says loudly. “I guess I’ll just bring all of it up and leave it at the pavilion, so they can come and find it tomorrow at breakfast!”

“She wouldn’t,” I whisper.

Darian bends down and begins collecting everything.

“It’s a good thing all my counselors are already asleep in their beds and getting well rested for tomorrow,” she goes on, and there’s no doubt she is fully aware that we’re all out here, watching her.

Has she figured out that we’re all naked?

My guess would be yes. “We have no clothes to get back to your cabin, Kyle,” I whisper.

“None of us do.” He sighs. “But at least it doesn’t look like she’s going to wait for us.”

True enough, the flashlight is moving back in the direction it came from. When Darian passes beneath the overhead light, we catch a glimpse of the heap of clothing in her arms. She’s left us nothing but our shoes.

Whispers and hisses erupt as we watch her disappear into the distance, heading back for her cabin.

“She’s evil!” Olivia declares with a nervous laugh. “What are we going to do?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Eric cuts through the water with force, not far from us, heading toward the shore. “We’re going streaking!”

I gasp. “He wouldn’t.”

“He will,” Kyle counters.

Eric’s bare feet slap against the wet sand as he exits the lake. Without a flashlight, there’s nothing to see, not until the overhead light catches him stumbling across the path, highlighting his lean body and bare white ass. Several whistles and catcalls sound, followed by laughter.

“Is he insane? If Darian catches him, he’s gone!”

“Trust me, Darian is going to hide in her cabin all night to avoid the chance of seeing a naked Eric running across the lawn.” Kyle chuckles. “He’s a nut case when he’s drunk, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“I’m noticing.” I giggle, picturing him doing laps around the cabins. Someone’s going to get an eyeful.

“You’re shivering,” Kyle notes, pulling me closer to him. “Do you want to get out?”

“No!”

He begins moving us toward the beach. “Let’s get this over with.”

I take a deep breath as nervous flutters erupt in my stomach. “Are we actually doing this?” Both the boys’ and girls’ cabins are a good five-minute walk in either direction, beneath pathway lights. Five minutes, dressed and sober, that is. Drunk and naked . . . this is going to be a disaster.

“We don’t have a choice. She’s not bringing our clothes back.”

“Maybe we should wait?”

“You want to do this with Colin and Frank?”

“Good point.” I’ve been crouching for as long as possible. Now I stand. The cold air hits my bare, wet skin.

“Ready?”

“No!”

Kyle grabs my hand. “Come on!” We leave the lake and dart up the path. I hold my breath as we run beneath the impossible-to-avoid floodlight and a round of whistles and catcalls sounds out from behind us. “Oh my God!” I giggle, but I’m less bothered by the fact that five other counselors have now seen my bare ass than I expected to be. Probably because I’m drunk.

We run hand-in-hand, my free arm held across my breasts, adrenaline coursing through my veins. Getting to the boys’ cabins takes less time than I expected, my breaths ragged as we do our best to avoid all the lights, my eyes scanning the cabin doors and windows to make sure no one’s watching.

Thankfully, we make it into Kyle’s cabin without a humiliating run-in with any unsuspecting counselors.

“Holy shit.” Kyle pushes the door shut, his chest heaving with exertion. “I’m fucking cold.”

Now that we’re inside and safe, my teeth begin to chatter wildly and my entire body shakes.

“Here.” He grabs his towel and quickly dries me off. “Get under the covers.”

I scramble to get into his sleeping bag, shivering violently as I watch him towel-dry himself with frenzied hands. He dives into the sleeping bag in another minute, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close to him, chest-to-chest. Our ragged breaths and sporadic giggles are the only sound in the cabin for what seems like forever, until our bodies begin to warm and calm, and the fact that Kyle is naked and pressed against me finally moves to the forefront of my thoughts.

“That was fun,” I admit. “Even the running-through-the-camp-naked part.”

He chuckles. “We won’t forget this night anytime soon.”

“I won’t forget anything about this summer anytime soon.” I press a kiss against his lips.

“We’ll have to do it again next summer. Darian just upped the stakes on the skinny-dipping tradition to include streaking.”

“Right.” Next summer. I try in vain to push aside the dread that comes with talk of next year. It’s so far away.

“You warm enough now?” he whispers, his mouth finding my throat.

I let out a soft moan of yes.

“Good.” His lips begin moving downward—along my collarbone and over my breasts, pausing to suck on a nipple, the cool metal of his lip ring tickling me. “I need to undo this.” He pulls down the zipper on the sleeping bag, opening it up so he can shift freely. He keeps moving downward, his mouth trailing softly against my skin, the nervous flutters in my stomach growing.

He pauses at my belly button, and I giggle as his tongue dips into the center, as his eyes lock on mine.

And then Kyle’s shifting farther down.

To let me experience another of so many firsts.