Sail

The voices inside my head wouldn’t shut up. They were like a sugared up gnat, one in each ear, spinning donuts inside the canal. They sounded vaguely familiar, so maybe I knew these gnats from somewhere. Hello gnat who can talk. Can you please be quiet and stop touching me?

Because there was that, too, enough prodding and poking to shoot pain to every nerve ending in my body. The voices stopped then, and a flood of melted chocolate through my veins washed everything away.

A gnawing in my gut wouldn’t leave no matter what, though, and finally it sharpened so much, I cracked open an eye. Bright light blinded me, and I let out a pained whimper.

“Absidy.” Not a gnat this time. Ellison.

I opened both eyes, blinking at the intense glow of the room.

“Hey,” she whispered and squeezed my hand. “How do you feel?” She sat next to me on a stool, the harsh light seeping all the bronze from her skin so that it matched the white wall behind her. She’d swept her dark hair off her face and into a loose braid that tumbled over one shoulder, like how she wore it aboard the Nebulous when she was working. But she didn’t have on her doctor’s coat, just a pair of baggy tan pants and an extra-large smock that swallowed her petite frame whole.

I flicked my tongue over dry lips so I could speak. “Hungry.”

She nodded. “Let’s start with water first, okay?” She slipped her other hand under my back and pushed until I sat upright.

My ribs felt stiff, but there wasn’t too much pain. The hand not clasped in Ellison’s looked severely bruised, but nothing felt broken. I didn’t know what the rest of me looked like under all my blankets, but I felt whole again. Still a bit spaced out, but that was kind of how I felt every day.

Ellison put her face close to mine with lifted brows. “Okay?”

“Yeah.”

She let go of my hand and backed away, keeping a close watch on me while she filled a cup with water at the sink along the wall. Always fiercely protective, my sister.

I sat on one of the padded gurneys in the infirmary, and it looked like Ellison had completely taken over for Doctor Daryl. She’d cleaned up, and by that I meant that the room had been organized for the highest efficiency and scrubbed to a spotless perfection. All traces of Doctor Daryl’s blood and hair caught in the broken glass in the door were gone. When and if Ellison released me out of here, she’d probably make me glue cotton balls to the bottom of my feet before I stepped on the floor.

“Nice and slow,” she said, tipping the cup toward my mouth.

Cool water slid down my parched throat, and it tasted like the best thing ever. I didn’t down it like I wanted to, though, because I’d been here before, in this exact same situation with Ellison telling me that ‘Slow and steady gets all the healing done.’

My stomach grumbled for something more substantial, but I put a hand on it to silence it. “How long have I been out?”

“Forty-seven hours, six minutes, and thirteen seconds.”

I sighed, letting my shoulders sag a little. There was so much to do, people I needed to see, so much to talk about, and I’d lost two whole days? I slid my feet off the gurney, but Ellison’s hands flashed out and shoved them back.

“Don’t you dare,” she said, her voice a sharp warning.

“Ellison, I—”

“No. You need to heal. You know that, Abs. Then we’ll think and process and plan what’s next.”

I blinked. “We?”

“Do you think I can just waltz back onto the Nebulous like nothing has happened? When people think I’ve turned traitor to the human race so I could work for the Saelis? And you, a known fugitive and suspected murderer with a bounty on your head? Were you just going to go back to Mayvel?” She squeezed my toes with a warm hand while avoiding my eyes. “We. Us. You know that’s how it’s always been.”

I stared down into my cup, at the drops of water clinging to the edges, and tipped it so the beads would absorb themselves into the rest. “What about Pop?” I asked, my heart heavy.

“I’ll get word to him somehow. He’ll understand.” She sank onto her stool and gave a brief smile that didn’t fool me for a second. She didn’t know if he would or not. How could he when both his daughters were sailing around space like a couple…sailors? Rusted balls, I felt loopy.

“Why did you go to deep space without telling anyone?” I asked. “And don’t dodge around the question either.”

Ellison released my foot and folded her hands in her lap while she chewed her lip. Finally, she said, “For you.”

“You’re going to have to help me connect the dots a little better than that.”

She stood and stepped to the sink again to post her arms on its edge. “The shot I gave you…” she began.

“Yes, I remember…” I prodded.

“It contains a parasite that thrives on solid iron, especially inside a host that consumes iron, like the Saelis. Saelis used to live on a cannonball planet, a planet made completely out of iron. The parasite would worm itself between the female’s sparse scales and make a home inside it.” She glanced at me, I guessed to be sure I hadn’t fallen behind in my fogged state.

I nodded.

“It was a mutually beneficial arrangement because the parasites combined with the iron emit a kind of energy through the females, almost like an extreme high.”

Sitting upright and listening to talk of drugged-out aliens was making me sleepy. I sighed heavily but fought the urge to lie back down and said, “Someone needs to tell those aliens that drugs are bad.”

Ellison looked at me for a long moment, her lips pushed together tight. “I injected the parasites into both our bloodstreams when you were sixteen.”

I blinked. “What? Why?”

“Because they make you crave solid iron, the only thing that repels ghosts. Iron is the only thing parasites need to thrive, which is exactly why I needed them.” She spun around, her eyes shining and bright. “To save you.”

“But…” I shook my head while her words broke around me before they could make any kind of sense. “Both of our bloodstreams?”

“I wasn’t about to inject something into you that I hadn’t already tested on myself. I had to make sure it worked. I had to make sure it was safe.”

“By essentially making us into druggies with an iron habit? Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“Because you were sixteen,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You wouldn’t have understood.”

“When were you planning to tell me, then? When I was thirty? Fifty? Never?” Good Feozva, just because I was her little sister didn’t mean she had to treat me like an idiot.

Her eyes fell closed while she shook her head. “I thought that telling you iron would keep the ghosts away would be enough. Ghosts were trying to murder you enough as it was. I didn’t want you to freak about alien parasites living inside your body too. I didn’t want you to compare yourself to the Saelis. I just wanted you to be safe and the whole ghost thing to be over so you could finally live your life in peace.”

I lay back on the gurney, too stunned to listen to any more of this. Iron-eating parasites swam through my bloodstream, just like they swam through half the lizard-like species who destroyed Earth. We were connected. Similar. Part of me was terrified by that; the other part kept thinking about all the Saelis females hanging in the hallway and in the Vicious room. Was it the parasite that the sweaty man was looking for inside them with his scanner?

Then there was the issue of addiction. I’d always thought I was addicted to the safety iron provided, but there was more to it than that. It was also a high when metal and parasite mixed. I’d always found that first taste of iron soothing, though my body did jolt, especially when I swallowed a piece whole. It was going to take some time to wrap my head around this.

Ellison kept silent for several minutes, then sat on the stool and clasped my hand. “When my sweet baby sister woke up screaming, bloodied and broken because a ghost flung her against the wall before she turned three…” Her voice thickened just before she cut herself off. “I knew I had to do something, anything to protect you.”

She held her head in her hands, great big tears rolling behind her fingers, and her shoulders hitched. Crying. Seeing her so defeated softened the blow she’d just given me, but why hadn’t she told me the truth from the get-go? Would she ever see me as more than a little sister she had to protect from everything, even the truth?

I’d just survived much more than I ever thought possible. Did she see that? Did she know what I did to come after her through deep space? I squeezed her hand, maybe a little too hard, to remind her that I wasn’t made of glass and to urge her to continue.

She looked up, her gray eyes sparkling wet, and brushed the tears from her face. “Research told me that iron would attract enough electromagnetic energy to shield you from the ghosts. But I knew I needed more than that, something to make you crave iron at all times so you would never have to be terrorized again. When I read about this parasite, I studied it, analyzed it, and I thought it might work.”

“By testing it on yourself.”

“At first, yes,” she said quietly. “And it did work. Iron was all I thought about, but I kept it hidden inside my cheek around you and Pop. After I was sure it was safe, all I needed to know then was if it would still work to keep the ghosts away from you.”

“So you slipped some parasites into my bloodstream.”

“Yes. The electromagnetic energy you were inhaling and exhaling from the iron kept you virtually invisible to ghosts. Before I injected the parasite into you, I’d see you watch the corners of the room like there was still something lurking up there that I would never be able to see. But after this, nothing. You were living a normal life. Until the parasites started to die.”

I looked at her sharply.

“You noticed it too, didn’t you?” she asked, nodding. “My saliva dissolved twice as much iron in a day as usual while it worked to keep itself alive. I think it was even starting to absorb the hemoglobin in my blood. The parasite doesn’t live forever, and it was dying off, which meant I needed more.”

“And you had to go all the way out to deep space? Where did you get it to begin with?”

“A man who was fired from his job because he gave it to me.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Josh?”

She broke from my gaze and trailed a finger down her long braid. “Yes. Right after he gave me the first dose, I was with a patient, and I accidentally cut myself on a sliver of glass I was expelling from a man’s foot. His eyes glowed a strange green color, and then he just…attacked. Thank goodness Josh was there to pull him off me.” She shivered at the memory.

Our experiences were frighteningly similar. “Were you attacked because of the parasite?” I asked, and decided to leave off the part about my attacks.

“I think so, yes,” Ellison answered. “Remember all the people in the tubes on The Black?”

I nodded. Their synchronized movements would haunt me forever.

“Saelis kinked their own DNA to make artificial humans. Lots of them, and they developed a synthetic parasite, too. And just like the real thing, the parasite drives the male A.I.’s mad.”

Which had to mean that Daryl and Nesbit weren’t real humans. They were made by Saelis. But why? What was the point in creating fake people?

Ellison glanced up at the sound of someone clearing their throat, and breathed a long sigh. “Hi, Mase. I’ll give you two a minute.” Her expression slid into her familiar frown, but I thought I saw a trace of relief there, too, which made me wonder what else she was keeping from me. She stood and slipped past Mase in the doorway.

He smiled, a soft one, not his customary wicked grin.

I patted a spot beside on me on the gurney, but as he strolled closer, I stiffened. Had the Saelis mangled my body? Would he still want me if I looked like bloodied spaghetti noodles sewn together? I reached up to stroke my face and touched a few bandages, but I didn’t how bad it was.

“Listen, Absidy…” He must’ve sensed my doubts because he stopped several feet away while a grimace washed over his face. Was I that hideous?

Neither of us said anything for the longest time. Somehow I lost the ability to put all my questions into words. He seemed lost in thought while he stared at my bare feet sticking out of the blankets.

“It’s not cold anymore,” I blurted because the temperature on the ship mattered more than anything. Feozva help me.

“Nope. The captain actually turned down the heat.” He scratched at his forearm, which were so well-defined when he had the sleeves of his white thermal rolled up.

I wanted them wrapped around me for an eternity. That want sent a sharp pang straight to my heart, and it hurt worse than any other pain I’d ever experienced. I wanted him. Yes, even more than iron. He could be my new addiction if he was willing, and I would be willing to hand him my entire heart to be his. We could depend on each other while we sailed into the future with our matching scars, both physical and emotional, and no fear. If he was willing.

“What happened?” I somehow managed to choke out. I wasn’t sure exactly to what I referred, but it was a start.

He reached out a hand and smoothed it over my foot while his gaze followed the movement. His touch powered electrical pulses to every part of my body, making me shudder even in the warm room.

“You were taken from me,” he said. “By the Saelis.”

From him. A smile flitted across my lips.

“We dumped the rest of the Saelis on this ship into the airlock, and then I had to get you back. The Saelis ship was long gone, so I did the only thing I could think of.” His gaze snapped to mine.

“What?” I asked.

“I said the word sail into the telecom. I turned my back on the entire human race even though I didn’t know exactly what it meant or what would happen next.”

“Why would you do that?” I demanded, and my voice bounced back and forth between the walls of the small room.

“Why do you think?” he asked softly. “When we were about to land on Europa, a ship, a human ship, landed with us because it heard me say the word, and a man took me to The Black.”

“Let me guess,” I said, closing my eyes. “His name was Josh.”

“Bingo.”

Oh, Josh. We were going to need to catch up real soon, and when we did, I might punch him or hug him. Maybe both. Had he picked up Ellison, too, to take her to The Black after she’d said sail? Was he running some kind of spaceship taxi or something? Had the soldiers who abandoned the Black War been picked up, too?

He frowned while he trailed his fingertips under the blanket and up my calf, his gaze locked on mine. “I thought I’d lost you.”

I shuddered at both his words and his feather-light touch. He’d risked everything for me with little regard for his life or his future. Feozva, did I know how to turn people against the human race or what? It wasn’t funny, and I wasn’t laughing, but what a dramatic way to show someone how much you cared.

He rubbed the scruff on his jaw, his expression troubled. “I owe the drug baron money. I haven’t paid him off because he’s part of my past and the fucked up things I did to cope with my family.”

It took a while for me to comprehend the rapid subject change, but when I did, I flipped open my palm to offer him some kind of small comfort. I hated seeing the turmoil talking about his family caused him.

“I haven’t paid him because I honestly don’t know if I have the strength to say no if he waves more drugs in my face. Up here, I know I can, but on Wix where it all happened…” He swallowed. “How did you do it?”

“How did I do what?”

“Refuse iron from your sister. Don’t you remember? Even with what the ghosts did to you on The Black…” He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head as if the memory haunted him too. “You told her to get it out of your sight.”

At the mention of iron, my stomach tightened, saliva filled my mouth, and a cold sweat leaked down my sides. If there was iron in here now, I wasn’t sure I’d have the strength to turn it down either. “I guess I don’t remember that part.”

“I imagine Ellison gave you some powerful painkillers. But you did tell her no. That and everything else you’ve done lately…” He strode toward my hand to grasp it firmly and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “You’re the bravest person I know.”

My smile floated on a sigh as I smoothed stray locks of his tussled hair away from his scar. Mine didn’t seem to matter much anymore.

“Mase,” I said, my eyes stinging at the emotions swelling through my chest. “Would you hold me…?” The forever part lingered on my tongue, but I decided that just for now would be good enough.

“I thought you’d never ask.” There was no hesitation, just an honesty so pure, it powered a burst of warmth straight to my heart.