Ryan Renewed: New York Ruthless: Book 5

I lean back in my chair and rub my hands over my stomach. “I’m so full,” I groan loudly.

“You’ve barely eaten,” Conor says as he looks down at the half-eaten hot dog and the small pile of nachos I’ve left. I’ve eaten plenty, but I usually have a huge appetite.

“I have,” I protest. “And now I’m full.”

“Well, we can’t have this good food go to waste,” Mikey says as he reaches over the table and takes my plate.

“You don’t want dessert then?” Conor asks.

I look at the fudge cake in the center of the table and lick my lips. “I’m sure I could squeeze in a little slice shortly.”

“Hmm. Thought you might,” he says with a wink.

Shane is sitting beside me and he drapes an arm around my shoulder. “Are you feeling okay now, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. Thank you all for looking after me.”

“That’s kind of our job, Angel,” Conor says softly.

I smile at him. Right now I do feel fine, if slightly too full. I’m still disappointed but I count myself lucky that I have these four incredible men to share that with and to remind me that our life is about so much more than baby-making. And my period isn’t kicking my ass too much either. It’s definitely lighter than usual and apart from some initial cramps in the night, I haven’t had any further.

“We were talking earlier when you were drying your hair,” Shane says and my stomach drops. Serves me right for feeling too happy and smug.

“What about?” I whisper.

“We think we should stop with the ovulation testing.”

“What?” I blink at him. “Why? Don’t you all want a baby now?” My lip trembles as I speak and I curse myself for being so damn emotional.

“Yes, we still want a baby,” Shane replies and his brothers voice their agreement.

“We just don’t want you driving yourself crazy every month,” Conor says as he reaches across and takes my hand.

“I’m not…” I say as a tear rolls down my face and I swat it away. What the hell is wrong with me?

“We all love the baby-making part, Red,” Mikey adds.

“Yeah,” Liam agrees as he takes my free hand in his. “But we don’t want you to feel under so much pressure, baby. It will happen when it happens.”

“But w-what about… W-we won’t know when the time is right…” I stammer.

“Like you said yourself when we started this, there isn’t a day goes by without you being fucked by at least one of us. We’re not going to miss the window,” Shane assures me.

“I know you said this is for me,” I sniff, “so why does it feel like a punishment?”

“Jessie,” Conor says with a sigh as both he and Liam squeeze my hands tighter.

“It’s not a punishment at all,” Shane replies. “But we all think it’s for the best.”

I pull my hands from Conor and Liam’s. “So it’s decided then?”

“No, Red. It’s up to you,” Mikey replies but I see the looks that his brothers shoot him. It is decided, whether I like it or not.

“But none of you want to keep doing it?” I swallow as emotion balls in my throat.

“Jessie,” Shane cups my chin in his hand and turns my head so I can face him. “We don’t want you to keep on doing those tests every day and putting so much pressure on yourself to get pregnant, but we do want to keep trying for a baby. We all still want this with you, but just with a little less pressure. Tell me you understand that,” he frowns.

“I understand,” I whisper and the room is full of silent tension, because this hurts me and I can’t explain why.

“Cake?” Mikey offers in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

I force a smile. “Sure.”