Rise of the Cheat Potion Maker #1: A Cultivation LitRPG Saga

Ihandled the late cleanup and closed the shop while Milia continued to instruct Harmony on the basics of magic and a little swordplay, though without the sword, of course. The dryad and I wouldn’t trust the cheeky teenager around so much as a boxcutter. Basics were important, people! She wouldn’t get so much as a wooden sword until my fiancée believed her to be ready. Let me remind you that Milia handling that katana did things to the geek inside of me. I had to focus and internally shake myself, else risk turning into a fanboy.

Milia did offer this training to me, but I waved it off. Don’t judge me for declining; my intentions hadn’t changed. Besides, the moment I did so, the system would likely flood me with endless quests to save the world, slay the big bads, deal with the darkness that suddenly manifested within myself, and then at the end of season god-knows-what would I finally have some romance time with Milia. If she survived.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t judge people who went on these quests after the system dangled it in front of them. Circumstances were all different, from getting pulled out of your world by dickish creatures that threatened to end your family if you didn’t comply, to being summoned into a war-torn environment where magic was as poison as nuclear fallout, the list goes on.

After the cauldrons were cleaned, new bottles brought out, I decided to tackle the laundry. Handwashing sucked and only made sense for the normal people of this era. I, on the other hand, got very creative. Not only did I have my own laundry room, but with a little help, built a stone box much bigger than a washing machine to account for plenty. Pipes were connected to it with the appropriate stoppers, pullable by cable upon completion. We had one that allowed in water from the river too.

Until I could invent modern detergent pods or some kind of cleaning agent, we’d have to rely on the washing powders bought from the town. The powders were strong actually, perhaps harsh, and it almost made me want to slap the alchemist responsible for its creation. But I was glad it existed. Clean clothes were clean clothes.

For the washing process, it was a bit tricky. See, ridiculous superstrength meant that everything around you had a level of fragility and squishiness, especially if you applied mana to the situation. It took a bit of trial and error, but by dipping a mana-coated finger in and running it into a pattern, the chaotic waters successfully imitated a washing machine for thirty minutes.

The first time I stuck a mana finger in and twirled it, I… basically created a stone-contained mini-tornado that continued to spin for roughly an hour. A hell of a spin cycle, right? I was lucky none of my clothes were damaged. It was better to test anything weird now before I got myself something fancier for business meetings.

Wolverine finished his afternoon meditation, thanked the land for its support, and considered looking for his master. Head pats and maybe some scratches would send the sunlight wolf on a relaxing trip to the great ball in the sky. No, he couldn’t. His next mission was important, for the peace and flame of his master’s will. Moments later, he found Beakwing snacking on a blue fruit Mistress Milia gave him.

“You’re looking comfortable, new disciple,” Wolverine said. “Recite to me your duties for the master and his land.”

Beakwing turned to him. “Greetings, Master’s Buddy, Wolverine, Mistress’s Lovey Cuddle Muffin, Woofy.” The griffin bowed. “And worthy foe. My duties are to Master Nate, Mistress Milia, and to the strengthening of this land. When the master needs me, I will be ready. I will be ready before he even steps out here and looks at me. My protection extends to his newest human disciple, Harmony, and to anyone he takes in.”

Wolverine howled in approval. “Good. I hope the next disciple our master takes will be as capable as you.”

Beakwing laughed. “I don’t deserve such kind words. I must prove myself when the time comes, even for the smallest things Master or Mistress asks of me.”

Wolverine nodded. “Naturally, I agree with you. We’ll make them so proud, they’ll shower us with treats and belly rubs.”

Beakwing hopped up in excitement, tail wagging. “Belly rubs! I love belly rubs! I love pats too.”

“They are the way of life, my friend,” Wolverine said. “But like many golden rewards, they must be earned.”

Beakwing bowed. “Thank you for your wisdom, Master’s Buddy, Wolverine, Mistress’s Lovey Cuddle Muffin, Woofy.”

Wolverine barked once in approval. “You’re always welcome, new friend. We will defy the heavens in the master and mistress’s names! It is always a pleasure to hear common goals, Disciple Beakwing Wingy. May you earn your title through honor and perseverance!”

After finishing the laundry, I made my way back into the main room. Milia had finished bringing the rest of her things thanks to the power of commanding the earth and even some of the forest inhabitants. Well, mostly fairies that looked like tiny women. They were using magic to carry dresses and even surprisingly provocative underwear. That earned them a light bonk from the dryad’s finger. Honestly, I wondered if the little pranksters showed them to me on purpose, not that I was complaining. Once again, don’t judge me. I did earn myself a pout.

“At first they were sad… hysterically crying,” Milia told me. “Until they realized that I wouldn’t be far and would still visit.”

I smiled. “I wonder if they would’ve been quite angry with the guy stealing away their… mother, queen?”

“Just friend,” Milia corrected. “While I am the guardian of the forest, I prefer everyone to actually enjoy their home. There are a few dryads that run things like a kingdom, but for me, it’s extended family.”

“Lucky them,” I said. “Well, lucky me.”

Milia laughed and within moments, we were making out. This time, anticipating Harmony coming back into the shop with Wolverine, we stopped messing around. Intrigued by how I chose to do laundry, the dryad asked about it. Including the heating part. That was easy thanks to mana. Kind of. You see, I had to be extremely careful not to release too much power at once or I’d likely torch not just the clothing, but probably everything around me.

“I’ve never even considered such a thing,” Milia said, fascinated. “We handwash our clothes like humans, hang them out to dry on a line. I know better components than the washing powders, less harsh with more sterilizing effects and have used them for cleaning just about everything.”

Dryads were actually naturally anti-bacterial, anti-viral, microbe-repellent machines and yet despite that, cleaned just like humans. No one was resistant to dirt anyway. The saying cleanliness was next to godliness applied to them, almost literally. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were responsible for helping mankind in this world develop some of the first forms of soap.

“I’ve never heard of a device like this,” Harmony said. “Perhaps the Lord Ruler and his palace? No, I’m sure word would’ve gotten out. Maybe all magicians clean by magic.”

Milia frowned. “Cleaning by magic is great for trips, but nothing replaces the feel of water and soap. Water is the blood of the earth and we as its inhabitants must never stray from it, lest we dry up and perish.”

Harmony smiled at the passionate dryad.

“You’re absolutely right,” I said. “What an interesting piece of wisdom. I’ll have to remember it.”

I glanced at the analog clock on the wall, which really only served to remind me of the town’s inflation. “Everyone ready for a little dungeon diving? I need ingredients, Harmony needs practice, and—”

Wolverine barked twice as if expressing his needs, prompting everyone into laughter. I picked up my best buddy, scratching beneath the wolf cub’s chin, as we headed outside the shop. Milia locked the door behind us.

“Woofy’s my little lovey cuddle muffin,” Milia said as she caressed his head.

Harmony giggled. “Talk about being the spoiled cutest wolf.”

I approached the griffin, first giving the creature a good head rub. The eagle-lion hybrid purred. I gave it a belly rub, which it really enjoyed.

“We’ll need you to take us to a dungeon, alright, Beakwing?” I said. Beakwing huffed. We boarded the giant beast’s back. Milia started glowing with some kind of golden mana, I assumed to be a guiding mechanism of some sort.

Flying on the back of a fast creature, I wish I could say this never got tiring, but my feeble ass still needed to get used to it. Yes, a grown muscular man felt slightly uncomfortable with heights. But just a bit. I fell into my element just fine, climbing ladders and building. Even climbed a utility pole back in the day, though the trip up felt weird the first few times.

Eventually, the griffin landed at the entrance of the northeast dungeon. Like the S-ranked, it appeared to be a cave with an entrance that emitted no light whatsoever.

“Well, here we are, our first real dungeon,” I announced the obvious. “I know you said it’s an E-ranked, but now I feel a little silly coming here unarmed.”

The only thing I brought with me were a few health, energy, and night vision potions. “I’ll have to buy a dagger after this.”

“You can try creating one with mana,” Milia suggested. “I’d lend you one if it could handle your strength.”

“Another thing to add to the learning list,” I said. “And yes, I’ll probably be that guy who slices bread with it.”

Milia sighed. “Not if I can help it.”

We tied Beakwing’s reins to a nearby tree and off we went into the dungeon. I felt just a bit of vertigo before the scene freakishly changed through a flicker of white and gold light. We found ourselves standing in a large plain of black and blue grass. Above was a cave ceiling, which stretched damn near endlessly. The light source came from giant and small pale green mushrooms that grew everywhere.

The path seemed straightforward. Entrance behind us, giant cavern plain before us.

[You have entered a dungeon. Rank: E. Boss defeated by your party: no.]

As we walked, my eyes scanned the area, just awed by what didn’t make sense. Blue trees with freaky spikes growing from the side of them. At the tips were glowing green fruit. Unknown plants and herbs scattered around, growing naturally in a sunless habitat.

That was when the thought of my mission jerked me back into potion maker mode and I found myself grinning. I brought a bag with me for a reason. I had no reason to give a fuck about the dungeon’s boss, ever. I wasn’t here to waste my time fighting, anyway, not when profit loomed around the corner.

“These potential ingredients won’t pick themselves,” I said. “Milia and I can analyze them and will toss whatever’s useless or unsafe out of the bag. Just… be careful. If you see anything, let us know. If it gives you poison vibes, don’t touch it with your bare hands.”

“Just don’t try to run off with Milia to find some place to kiss each other’s faces,” Harmony quipped.

“You’re a cheeky one, foiling my plans before I get the chance to enact them,” I quipped back.

Milia laughed. “The fruits and mushrooms do have an alluring romantic glow. Can you blame us?”

Harmony chuckled. “Perhaps not.”

We scattered only a bit and began picking. The first plant I analyzed were of course the glowing pale green mushrooms.

[Neonbrim Mushroom. Rank: C. Useful in: lighting, light potions. You’ll have to experiment to discover anything else useful.]

Useful enough for me. I tossed more than three dozen of those suckers into the bag. Now I kind of wished this system provided some kind of inventory. I could easily explain it away by being as mysterious as Yoda or simply calling it magic. Then when asked what kind, I’ll give them the ‘a magician never reveals his secrets’ line. That’d be bullshit in the old world due to Google, but here, no one could challenge me.

I looked up, taking notice of Wolverine sniffing around, Harmony picking a few plants, and Milia gathering some fruit and herbs into her bag. Listen, people, I tried to keep the stars out of my eyes, but right then, I felt like a real potion maker. Don’t get me wrong, the garden had some decent herbs, but nothing to pull me into the realm of the exotic.

My second finding was a plant with three crescent leaves growing on it. I analyzed it.

[Moonbaby Plant Leaf. Rank: E. Useful in: light speed booster potion, certain cleaning agents.]

Discovering only low-ranked, meh plants, fungi, and herbs would probably discourage those hoping to find a quick way to glory and fame. I saw them as possible combinations that could lead me to discovering a legendary potion or something.

My third interesting find turned out to be something that resembled a wilting red carrot. I tried to pull out the entire plant, but it was impossible, even for me. That thing felt as if it was cemented into the ground. Rather than bug Milia, I settled for its leaves. I didn’t know how I felt when it came to the description.

[Handmon Viagrio Leaf. Rank: D. Useful in: an ingredient perfect for potions that can improve one’s heart health. Stamina boosts, muscle relaxers, and other applications.]

Either the system believed itself to be the biggest comedian around or I had a dirty mind and could use a waterfall cleansing. The rank of D made me giggle to myself like a high school boy. Yeah I know, I was thirty-three years old. Don’t judge me.

The fourth finding, a grayish red plant with a few thorns seemed quite promising.

[Lugor Herb. Rank: C. Useful in: a great spicy herb, but also in minor potions regarding the fire element.]

Just as I was making my way over to a small tree with plum-like fruits dangling from it, Wolverine’s ears perked up and he began to growl.

“So the danger’s finally arrived,” I said. “Damn, we haven’t progressed much.”

However, Wolverine’s ears only remained perked up for just a few more minutes before he went back to sniffing around.

“Maybe it was something far off in the distance?” Harmony asked.

“Probably,” I told her.

We continued our picking for at least another half hour before I waved at everyone.

“Anyone need a break?” I asked. “Or shall we move on?”

“Dungeons have floors, right?” Harmony suddenly asked, stars seeming to shine in her eyes.

“Hell if I know, but take a look at this place,” I answered honestly. “It looks as if someone took a giant grassy plain and stuffed it inside a cave.”

I knew she just talked to Milia about dungeons, but I wanted to bring down some of her excitement just a bit.

“Think about it for a second,” Harmony said. “On the first floor of an E-ranked dungeon, we’ll only find this stuff. Boring herbs that you’ll probably find sold cheaply in a city marketplace.”

I gave her a thoughtful look than waved off her concern. “Every herb, plant, and fruit in here has its uses to me, for experimentation. The fresher, the better. I’m not making a trip to the city any time soon. Are you?”

“But the deeper you go, the more likely it is to stumble across an exotic,” Harmony argued. “Well… an exotic in an E-ranked dungeon is laughable, but you never know.”

I sighed. “Well, what the hell then. It’s an E-ranker. If we ever try our luck in an S-ranked beast, don’t suggest this to me.”

“Yes! I’d like to see if the stories of magical chests are true,” Harmony said, her voice practically a squee. Yes, a squee.

“Off to the second floor, let’s do this,” I declared. “By the way…” I turned to the bright and cheerful blue-haired teenager. “You increased an entire realm, from mortal to the beginnings. Try to keep that a secret, okay? If that gets out, well, your life could be ruined. Our shop could be surrounded by kingdom guards and who the hell knows what would happen afterward.”

Harmony nodded. “If I’m going to be your disciple, then it goes without saying not to spill any secrets. I’ve kept the magician thing under wraps, you know.”

“And thank you for that,” I said. I turned to Milia and admired her half-full bag.

“I don’t see a problem with low floor harvesting, but if you’re looking to create something special, we’ll have to move on,” she said. “Still, I think you’ll have a blast coming up with something. These herbs are actually pretty nice for an E-ranked dungeon.”

We started walking again, admiring the cool breeze that manifested somewhere, perhaps from the other side, I couldn’t tell you. My eyes scanned for something unique, anything that could take what I currently knew to the next level. Nothing. Disappointing, yes, but not unexpected given the dungeon rank.

About ten minutes later, Wolverine began to growl again, loudly, setting us on edge. This time, I sensed something. My eyes scanned the area until I finally discovered shapes. Focusing, I counted seven of them running toward us from afar. Moments later, I was finally able to make out their appearances.

These things… looked like fat, wolf-like skeletons with glowing red eyes.

[Enemy analysis.]

[Avenger Wolf Skelton. E-ranked demonic monster.]

“E-rank demonic monster,” I said. “As a rule, always assume monsters are stronger than humans. Because most of the time they are. Milia, Wolverine—”

Wolverine unleashed a Sunlight Flash, taking out the first critter, shattering it into a pile of bones.

“Alrighty then,” I said as Milia’s vines took out a few more. My eyes watched the bones and my mind spun, wondering if I could do anything with them.

That was when a fucking bony hand plunged out of the ground and grabbed my leg.