Revolt (Legends and Love)

“Dal.” Raff races after me, and when I feel him reach for me, I duck under his touch and spin, slamming my hand out. It hits his chest, and he flies back with a grunt, his ass landing on the street. He doesn’t even try to fight back. He just sits there, looking up at me with sadness in his eyes.

The moon shines down on the empty street, the music from the party pumping to us even here, rumbling under my feet, and somewhere in there is my girl.

My life.

My very fucking reason for breathing . . .

She looked at me like everyone else did, like the shroud had finally been pulled back and she saw the beast inside. Her lip curled in disgust, and I saw the pain in her gaze, but all it did was rip me apart.

My body has been used, abused, and tortured and I have stood against it all, but one look, one sentence from her, and I’m dead.

I’d take war over this any day.

If this is living, I don’t want it.

It hurts too fucking much.

“Dal,” he repeats. “Just stay calm.”

He thinks I’m going off the rails, ready to kill everyone, but he’s so very wrong. There is no anger, only a pain I can’t understand nor survive. It’s too much, and the emotions are too strong.

“I can’t live without her,” I say, suddenly understanding. “She calms the storm, and without her . . .” I stumble away from Raff. “I can never go back. I’m not him, not the killer, and now I’m not the man who loved her either. I’m . . . nothing.”

“Dal,” he repeats slowly, getting to his feet.

I see the others racing toward us. I’d left swiftly, unable to look at her without feeling everything she did—disgust, rage, and hurt.

I did this. I knew the pain she felt, the loneliness, and the scars she bore, and I still let us lie to her.

I begin to spiral back into that dark place where nothing hurts, and I feel nothing but hopelessness. It seems easier just to give up. Her life would be better without me. She wouldn’t hurt anymore. Even my brothers would be better off without me. They wouldn’t have to constantly worry about what I’m doing or monitor my actions and words and shelter me.

No, this world would be a much better place without a beast like me.

Isn’t that what she meant?

“I won’t hurt her anymore. I won’t,” I state calmly. “My mother was right. This world would be better off if I were never born.” I step back and into the path of the truck I saw coming out of my peripherals. Its brights splash across me, and for a moment, I’m cleansed of all the pain. I’m free.

A honk splits the air, and as I close my eyes to welcome oblivion, a hand grabs mine.

One touch holds me to this world and all that darkness parts, letting me see how foolish I’m being.

I was a fool. I can’t give up, not now, but it’s too late.

I feel the air as the truck swerves and hear the squeal of its tires, and I know it’s going to hit me. My eyes open and meet wide, terrified ones I’ve gazed into a million times—eyes that made me understand love.

My Reign.

She glances at the truck then to me, and something hardens in her gaze as I gape at her.

A firm yank tugs me into her waiting arms, and the truck barrels down on us. Now we both stand in its path. Her arms wrap tightly around me, her face pressed to my chest, ready for the hit.

She came for me.

She saved me.

No!

She can’t die like this. With a burst of energy, I throw us as far as I can, turning midair so I land on my back, grunting as I hit the hard sidewalk. The truck avoids us by inches and skids to a stop down the road.

For a moment, all I hear is my racing heart, and then yells invade the silence.

“Dal!” Raff, Astro, and Cillian are all shouting. “Reign!” They rush to us, checking us over, but she pushes their hands away, shaking in my arms as she sits up.

“Reign?” I murmur. The sound of my voice seems to break her out of whatever stupor she was in.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” she says, running her hands over me. “You chose to live. You’re okay.” She meets my eyes, and I see tears splashing down her face. “How could you? How could you do that to me?” Her fists pound against my chest. The sharp pain feels so good. It reminds me that I’m alive. How could I ever miss the beauty in the sweet agony? “How could you ever try to leave me? You selfish bastard! How could you do that?” she screams, hitting me.

I feel something hit my cheek so I touch my face, and as I pull my finger away, I see a teardrop.

I’m crying.

“Reign,” I rasp.

“You bastard!” she screams, hitting on me. “You selfish bastard.” Her sobs cut into her words as she collapses against my chest. “How could you let me lose someone else? Haven’t I lost enough? How could you?”

Crying with her, I hold her tight, understanding for the first time that emotions are not easy to control but they mean we’re alive.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Reign,” I murmur, shame filling me.

“You fucking bastard,” she sobs, pulling away.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I repeat. “I thought you were better off without me. It was just a second, but I was so stupid. I’m so fucking sorry.”

She scoots away from me, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Reign,” Raff says, shaken. “Are you okay? Please, baby.”

“What were you thinking?” Astro roars at us. “You,” he seethes at me before turning to Reign. “And you. What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” she whispers, her eyes on me. “I couldn’t let him die, but I can’t forgive you either.”

A shadow falls over us, and we all glance up to see a terrified-looking Beck.

“Reign, are you okay?” Beck asks, shooting me a watery glare as she takes Reign’s hands and pulls her to her side. I watch Reign shake in the embrace, her eyes on me.

“If you ever want me to forgive you, you will never pull something like that again. Do you understand, Dal?” she snaps.

Nodding stiffly, I watch as Beck glares at me and leads her away.

“I’m going to make sure she’s okay.” Cillian shoots me a look. “If you ever pull something like that again, I’ll kill you myself.” He smacks my back. “She needs you, brother. We need you. Don’t ever forget that.”

“It was just all too much,” I admit. “It hurt too much, and then I realized it would stop. No more pain, no more worry, no more nightmares—”

“And you’d be dead,” Astro roars. “Then what? We’d be in pain, filled with shame and guilt until it killed us. Did you think of that? Did you even care, you prick?”

I shake my head, hanging it in shame.

“Enough,” Raff barks. “Cil, take Astro and make sure they get home okay.” I hear them stomp away, and Raff strokes my hair.

“Let it out, brother. It’s okay, you’re okay, and she’s okay.” My tears fall silently as he holds me. “God, Dal, death is never the choice. Never, do you hear me?” I lift my head and meet his glassy eyes, watching his tears fall for me. “Think of those you would leave. Astro, Cil, me . . . Reign. It would kill us. You wouldn’t hurt, but we would for the rest of our lives. Think of everything you still have to do. No matter how fucking dark it seems, brother, there is always a way out. You are too fucking strong to give up.”

“I regretted it immediately,” I admit, “but I didn’t think I could stop it. I’m sorry, Raff. I really am.”

“I know.” He sighs, wrapping his arms around me. “Promise me you won’t do it again.”

“I promise,” I vow. I would never hurt my family like that.

When he pulls back, I see the shadows in his eyes, and I know I put them there. He doesn’t believe me. I need to regain his trust as well as Reign’s. Shame battles with my determination.

He’s right. There’s always a way out, no matter how bleak it seems.

There is so much to live for, and even in the darkness, there is a light switch . . . a hand.

She was mine, and I promise to always be hers.