Remembering You

It is that lingering feeling, you feel when things are in the heat of the moment. The one where you get so entangled in each other. The feeling of another human’s warmth against you. Their hands exploring your curves and edges. Intertwining fingers, being locked into a position you cannot escape. It is that lingering feeling, you cannot stop seeing in your head whenever someone touches you. It is that lingering feeling, you wish you could forget.

The emptiness you feel, it comes with the incident. It happened out of nowhere, by the one person you trusted the most with your body. The emptiness you feel, it comes with the pain. It happened out of nowhere, with no remorse at all. You try to forget the whole incident, but somehow. Just somehow. The memories of the way their hands ran down your legs. The tingle you wish you did not have. The kiss you wish you never tasted on your lips. The memories of the way they were so forceful. But oh no, you cannot resist. If you resist those hands of theirs tighten around your neck. Not in a good sexually sensational way, but instead in a hold you down to make you stop moving. To make you stop resisting. To make it so you know, your body is not yours.

Our body, what is that? Is it truly ours? If it is, then why does it feel like anyone who you are with sexually owns your body? Why is it, when someone touches you, even if it is just a hug? You completely shutter at their touch. You are afraid that the next will damage your body even more. That the next will make you afraid to open up again. The sensation of the wrong touch can destroy you on the spot.

It is a lingering feeling when you forget when there are hands holding you down and your voice is gone. It is a lingering feeling when things in life seem too far from reach. It is that feeling you wish you could speak up and fight against it. But their forceful hands holding you down are what stop you. They have the power over you, because they are in control of what happens next.

Many in this society, have no idea what it feels like to have a certain part of you taken away or used for someone else personal gain. To be afraid that at any moment, your body can be taken from you. It does not matter what gender you are, that person gains more control over the body you inhabit than you do at that exact moment. It is as if the person sees no evil in what they do to you. As if raping you does not hold any effect on you in the long run. But for them in this society, it is laughed off as if it was a joke. We could not understand. It was as if the body we were born into was theirs for the taking.

But that is thing. We have a body people cannot resist. Being nice is something they mistake as flirting and wanting it. But what they do not understand, is the lingering feeling that is always going to follow. The lingering feeling, that your body is never yours.