Rejected

‘Who was that? What was it? What were they talking about? Why does Nadia seem troubled once again? I need to do something to get her mind off of all this, but what can I do?’

My feet halt and my eyes sear into him, pushing my frustration forward for him to feel.

“Could you PLEASE stop?!” I force my wolf forward and tear through the woods as fast as her feet hit the ground. The cold air rushing through our fur does little to calm me and my overflow of emotions only further drives the emotions of my wolf. I can feel the culmination of it all pushing to the surface, threatening to blow like the top of a volcano that will eventually rain down molten debris on everything around me. We stop running as my wolf unleashes a loud, haunting and feral howl, silencing every sound in the forest around us, leaving an eerie and unsettled silence in its wake. I feel the shift taking hold while my wolf retreats, no longer willing to be responsible for our actions. I sit hunched over on the ground, my head tucked to my knees and hands holding my head while my mind is plagued by the words of the goddess.

“Hey, what was that all about?” His deep voice washes over me like a blanket of warmth on a cold winter day, further digging the metaphorical knife into my already bleeding heart.

“I…I don’t know.” I let my hands slide from my head to my neck while I try to breath through the current of emotion that is working overtime in its attempts to pull me under.

“Who the hell…or what the hell was that back there?” A nervous rumble of laughter slips from my lips.

“Just another person telling me how royally fucked my life is.” He walks closer and I feel something warm fall over my naked flesh…a literal blanket. I grab it tightly in my hands and pull it tightly around me before sitting up until I am sitting on my heels.

“I don’t understand.” I look at him, my pain, confusion, sadness and anger all pushing through in a single glance.

“Well, that makes two of us.” I release an unintentional sigh, rising to my feet and adjusting the blanket around myself.

“Talk to me, Nadia. I can feel the emotions falling off of you in waves.” I stomp my foot like an angry child and whip around to face him.

“Do you think I wouldn’t stop it if I could?!” My anger spills out, though I know he has nothing to do with it, at least nothing he has any control over.

“Whoa, what did she say to you?!” His tone is sharp, but there is still a sense of calm just beneath the surface, almost as if he is trying to sooth my nerves…and I will be damned if it isn’t working.

“She told me that I am screwed. I can choose happiness at the expense of someone else’s future, or choose to make a difference for the short time I have left and then eventually implode. How the fuck is that even considered a choice?!” He is wrapping his arms around me before I can even process what is happening.

“It’s ok. We can go talk with your mom and aunt and together, we can figure this out. There has to be something we can do.” His words snap my mind back to the problem at hand. I can’t let him get close…I can’t let him figure out who he is to me…I can’t hurt him. I pull away and stare into his eyes, trying to suppress the emotions that the mating bond is creating. If I can’t distance myself, I will not be able to hide it from him for long.

“I do need to talk to my mom. I need to know more about this witch who damned me.” His eyes hold so much concern, but he gives a single nod and walks beside me as we head back to the town so I can confront my mother. When we arrive at my aunt’s house, both my aunt and mother are sitting on the top step of her porch, watching us approach with cautious gazes.

“Dia, are you ok?” I look down, observing the glow of my skin under the moon that is already rising in the night sky.

“No. Can we talk?” My mother stands and gives me a hopeful smile, one that will soon be ripped away. She follows me into the house, down the hall and into my room. We close my door, sit on my bed and then I unleash the heap of knowledge that I gained from my run in with the moon goddess herself. There is a long moment of silence before she breaks down, diminishing into nothing more than a crying mess on the edge of my bed. After a short time, she settles, still sniffling, but able to speak through her tears.

“You need to tell him, Dia. You need to give yourself a chance to be happy.” As my mother, this was the response I expected, but I need her to see things from my point of view.

“Mom, how can you ask that of me? How can you expect me to ask that he forego an heir simply to be with me? I can’t ask that of him. I couldn’t ask that of a low ranking wolf, but he is an alpha! I would be asking him to welcome the end of his line simply so that I can live. I can’t be selfish in this. I won’t be.” More sobs ripple through her and I would be lying if I said my heart wasn’t breaking for her. Before coming back, while sitting in the forest, I had been so angry with her for doing this to me, but now I know it was out of love. Because she loved me, she was willing to do whatever it took to ensure my wellbeing, consequences be damned. Now, I must do the same. I will do what is necessary, whatever it takes, to ensure the wellbeing of my mate…even if that means staying away. I feel the full effects of the chaos of the day taking its toll on me and decide to put an end to the conversation.

“I’m going to get some fresh air and then I’m going to get some rest.” Her eyes follow me as I walk out of the room, leaving her to soak in, and hopefully grasp some understanding of, why I am resigning myself to my expiration date. As I walk out of the house, I can feel his presence, smell his intoxicating smell, tantalizing and intrusive as I hurry out the door. I know he deserves an explanation, but I know I can’t give it to him without sacrificing my plan. To let him know what he is to me would be to make him equally responsible for my fate. If he chose to take me as his mate, he would suffer a childless future. To reject me, he would be left feeling responsible for me meeting my tragic end.