Reckless

Everyone loves Fridays, but today it reminds me that I’m headed to my sister’s tomorrow morning and won’t be back until Sunday night.

When I reach into the kitchen pantry, I pause to stare out the back window, to try to sneak a peek at Ethan, but there’s only that picturesque red barn and two whinnying horses trotting along the back field.

I don’t know how long I stand there, but when the front door opens, I snap back into action, slicing apples for the kids, who are coloring at the table.

“Morning!”

Logan strolls in looking awfully perky. He must’ve gotten laid last night. At least someone did.

“Hey. What’s up?” I try to muster some enthusiasm, but I’m exhausted from worrying about the conversation Ethan and I obviously need to have. I mean, I guess I need to talk to him. That sounds like the kind of thing my sister would do—be an adult and talk through things even though I want to hide under my bed and pretend nothing happened last night. Pretend that I didn’t rub one out the first chance I had while I thought about him.

Sighing, I rub my forehead. I have no idea when I became such a wallflower. A year ago I would’ve marched into the barn, kissed the hell out of that man, and saved all of my questions for after he shoved his hand down my shorts.

Maybe that was your problem, Tori. You ran head-first into lust without thinking.

Logan gives me one of those Carter smiles. “I know you must be tired after cooking all week. I have a surprise for my brother, so you don’t need to make anything this evening. I packed a few sandwiches for lunch, and I’m taking everyone to the Lone Star Station for dinner, you included. My treat.”

While I love going out to eat, I’m almost disappointed not to have something to cook this afternoon to keep me occupied.

Hmm. I know. I’ll bake some cookies.

“Sounds great. Want some coffee before you head to the barn?”

“No, I’m good, but thanks.”

“You think Ethan would like a cup?” I ask before I realize I shouldn’t. I’m so out of practice. I used to have nonchalant on lockdown after I hooked up with a guy, but I can’t find that happy place where I don’t care.

“We have a busy day, so I’m sure he would.”

Nodding, I grab a to-go mug and fix it the way Ethan likes it. When I hand it to his brother, Logan squishes me into a side hug. “You’re awesome, Tor. We love having you here. Don’t we, kids?”

Cody responds by trying to eat his crayon, which I replace with an apple slice, but Mila brushes her blonde hair out of her face and nods. “I love-a-dub-dub Tori!”

I smile and reach over to pull Mila’s hair into a ponytail so it’s out of her way.

Watching her buoyant reaction, seeing how easily she gives her whole heart to those around her, twists something inside of me.

It would be so easy to love this family.

A strange melancholy settles in my chest that makes me want to call my parents. It doesn’t escape me that I’ve been living with total strangers for two weeks, and my parents haven’t called me once. When Kat moved in with Brady to help him with baby Izzy, back when they first met, my dad called her practically every day. I try not to feel hurt. I know my parents care in their own way, but I wish they’d try to show it more.

By lunchtime, my stomach is knotted like fishing wire. I’m dying to see Ethan and gauge where he’s at. Because if he acts like nothing happened, like he doesn’t care, then I’m more than happy to follow suit.

Shut up. You know that would hurt your feelings, you little liar.

Twisting my hands, I debate what to say and hope I don’t flub this.

I’d hate for things to be awkward when I was starting to think working here this summer might work out. Especially since I’m getting the hang of things. I enjoy taking care of the kids and cooking for the family. This might not be my dream job, but I’m feeling like I’m actually good at this, and it’s been so damn long since I’ve felt useful or good at anything.

Plus, I can’t exactly slack off. Sure, I want to work hard and keep this job so I don’t have to explain to my sister that I’ve failed at something else, but I really and truly want to help Ethan and his family.

Today, though, I’m not doing a great job of achieving that goal. In fact, the whole afternoon I’m so distracted that I burn the first batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and have to toss them in the trash.

Eventually, I give up on following any kind of recipe since I’m feeling like a space cadet and end up playing with the kids. We’re building a fort in the living room when the guys finally come in from the barn. Ethan beelines it for his bedroom to shower, which is his typical routine, while Logan ducks into the kids’ bathroom to clean off.

With Logan’s surprise dinner tonight, I’m starting to worry I won’t get a chance to talk to Ethan alone before I head for my sister’s in the morning. Not if he and his brother hang out after dinner, like I heard Logan suggest.

I’m staring off in space when Mila crawls into my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

“Hey, bugaboo.” I stroke her silky hair. Her sigh makes me frown, and I pull back to see worry etched all over her delicate face. “What’s wrong?”

Those big baby-blue eyes turn up to me. “How do you know somethin’s wrong?”

I rub the furrow in her brow. “Because of this. You get all crinkly here.” She doesn’t laugh the way I expect her to. Instead, she sighs again. “Want to tell me about it?”

She rests her head on my chest. “Momma’s supposed to come tomorrow. She said she’d take us to the zoo.”

“I bet you’re excited to see her, huh? The zoo sounds so fun!” Two weeks is a long time to go without seeing your mom at that age. Thinking back to the long stretches without seeing mine when I was a kid makes me want to squeeze the stuffing out of Mila.

But instead of agreeing, she shrugs. “What if she doesn’t come? What if she forgets again?”

Man, shoot me now. This poor kid. I’ve never met Allison, but how could she not adore Mila and Cody and move heaven and earth to see them?

“Oh, honey. Did she forget once?”

A sniffle escapes her as she nods. “A few times.”

The psycho part of me wants to punch that woman in the ovaries for making her kid feel like shit.

Nibbling my lip, I rush to think of something to explain Allison’s behavior. “Sometimes, when life gets crazy, people lose track of time. Like how I burned those cookies today when I forgot to set the timer. Or it’s possible she misremembered. Wrote down the wrong dates or got confused.” I hope to hell she didn’t deliberately blow off her kids.

Mila sniffles and looks up at me. “Yeah?”

“Totally. But that doesn’t mean your momma doesn’t want to see you and your brother. As I get older, I’m starting to understand that parents aren’t perfect. They try really hard. Like when you were trying to do that cartwheel the other day. Even though you didn’t quite nail it, you gave it your whole heart, right?”

Nodding, she sniffles again, but her eyes don’t look quite so downcast anymore.

“So we have to cut our parents some slack. Give them a break sometimes because everyone makes mistakes.”

“Okay.”

I run my hand gently across her back, wanting to soothe her. “But if you ever need to talk about this again, you can always talk to me or your daddy. He loves you so much, and I know your momma does too.”

She nods against me, and I kiss the top of her head.

Someone clears his throat, and I look up to see Ethan leaning in the doorway, his solemn expression telling me he heard the conversation I had with his daughter.

I stare at him while I whisper to Mila. “I think your daddy could use a hug. What do you think?”

Her head whips around, and a second later, she’s bounding into his arms. He’s so sweet with her, so tender and reassuring that the sight of him snuggling her close makes my breath catch.

I start to wonder, if he’s that gentle with his daughter, maybe he’s the type of man who could be gentle with my heart too.

The five of us head for Ethan’s enormous four-door truck. Logan yells “shotgun” and grabs the passenger seat, but Ethan smacks him with a baseball cap. “Where are your manners? You should let Tori sit up front.”

Logan nods and starts to get out.

“It’s okay,” I yell from the other side of the cab. “Really. I’ll sit between the kids. It’s easier for me to fit back here anyway.”

Once Cody is all buckled in, I’m debating how the hell I’m getting into this huge vehicle myself when a hand on my hip makes me turn. I’m finally face-to-face with Ethan after this crazy day where I’ve been making myself nuts debating what’s going on between us.

He gently pulls me away from the truck and half-closes the door behind me. “Just wanted to thank you for what you told Mila earlier.”

“No problem.”

There are so many things I want to say, but with his family waiting for us a foot away, now’s not really the time. Instead, I stare at his broad chest, at the tats that extend down both arms, and I shiver when I remember how it felt when he touched me.

I kick the ground between us, feeling too awkward to look him in the eyes. “You know, the Astros lost despite that grand slam.”

He hums in the back of his throat. “I have a feeling they’re not the only ones who lost out last night.” His rough palm slides up my arm. That sexy voice drops to a whisper. “Let’s talk later, okay? I think I need to apologize.”

That makes me pause.

Does he want to apologize for things that almost happened or for letting things get that far?

Does he want to apologize for not coming back out to the living room?

Or worse, am I all wrong about him finalizing his divorce and maybe he’s getting back together with Allison so he feels guilty for flirting?

The younger version of me would blurt out that this whole thing is fucking confusing me. That I know I shouldn’t be so wrapped up in whatever we’re doing, but I can’t help it. That this is the very reason why I shouldn’t do relationships.

But I can’t ask the questions burning my lips because the kids are within earshot, and it would be irresponsible to freak out in front of them.

Biting my tongue, I nod and tuck my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and hope I’m not headed for a repeat of last summer.