Rebellion

For the first time in a few days, I was alone. Since I’m still taking my medication, my unusual sex drive is around and it’s making me feel weird at seven in the morning. Of course I tried to ignore it but I was having a hard time. So I figured, it doesn’t matter and I should do something to relieve the tension.

It’s not like I haven’t done that before.

I was laying on the couch with my hand in my pants. It’s been like that for twenty minutes.

And for some reason, it felt like it was going to last longer.

I couldn’t stop fidgeting, I couldn’t stop touching myself, something was off about me today and unless I fix it, I’m going to have a lot of problems.

I turned on my side on the couch as my fingers pressed harder on my skin. My other hand gripped the couch for support, needing something to grab as I struggled. It was hard to breathe and it wasn’t helpful when I was constantly trying to keep my body on the brink of orgasm. The chills kept going up my spine and I gasped for air unevenly.

I wasn’t sure how much more of the stress I could take. My body was tensing up and shaking. As much as it hurt, I needed the feeling to last as long as I could make it.

Twenty minutes became longer than twenty minutes and everything was starting to feel numb.

But it was sure better than how I started this. I was definitely enjoying this. That’s what made it so hard to stop.

Then I heard a sound I wasn’t supposed to hear, at all.

“Hey, Aurora, I got-”

I closed my eyes and did my best to not lose the urge to keep going; I had to take a deep breath to want to keep going. My legs curled up too and I tried to hide myself but wasn’t that successful. With Sirus here, it’s going to be incredibly hard to keep control to myself.

“Are you kidding me-”

I shushed him because I needed him to shut up. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it in myself to actually stop but maybe I could pretend he wasn’t here.

He was coming closer though, wanting to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating cause it’s not every day he finds me masturbating on my own. Knowing him, he’d ask why I couldn’t wait for him. And I could tell him that my sex life doesn’t revolve around only him although it actually does.

“You couldn’t wait-”

“Sirus, shut up, please.” I said, irritated.

He sat down next to me without even saying another word. He didn’t touch me either which was odd, even for him. As long as he’s quiet, I’m not going to stop. Then again, if he put his hands on me I wouldn’t tell him to stop. I was more concerned with trying to get rid of this overwhelming feeling than worrying if Sirus was going to put his hand down my pants for me. As long as Sirus doesn’t pay attention to me, everything is fine.

I had no problem ignoring him.

My hand stayed in my pants and each second was filled with a burst of overwhelming heat that made my eyes roll. Today is definitely one of those days. I just...couldn’t...handle it.

“You could’ve just called me.” Sirus complained. If he wanted to do something about it, he would’ve done it already. “I’m shocked that-”

“Sirus, please, just stop talking for a moment.” I was losing my focus. If he wants to see me continue, he’s going to have to stop.

It was hurting to breathe, but it was the good kind of pain, the one that made me feel the heat throughout my entire body. When Sirus was quiet again, I could finally remember why I started this in the first place. My fingers couldn’t stop. If I wasn’t careful, I would start begging for Sirus to help me.

My teeth bit down on my lip, and I did my absolute best to hold back the cry that was about to make its way out. “...Fuck.” I groaned and turned over.

“Wow.” Sirus wasn’t even surprised anymore.

I had to shush him again, my other hand just pressing against his face so he could get the picture. That prompted him to touch me; his hand was in my hair, pulling it back from my face. That was the only thing he did. Even when I expected him to go further, he didn’t. His hand stayed in my hair, his fingers barely moving.

Sirus was watching. I knew when I looked up to see his face. He was definitely watching me and enjoying this. I wasn’t embarrassed. I knew what I got myself into. My face was already hot from blushing, but it wasn’t because Sirus was looking at me. I kept my eyes on him too. With the way I looked, I know I should’ve been embarrassed but I wasn’t. Sirus just watched me moan and it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before.

It was getting hotter, to the point where I just wanted to take off all my clothes. The sweat was beginning to form on my skin. The more I tensed up, the more energy I had to use to keep going. I was out of breath rather easily but in reality, this was the best part.

I wanted to keep my lips shut tight but I couldn’t help it. My voice shook as I tried to breathe. My body just about began to convulse as my hand pumped faster to the irregular rhythm of my hips.

My eyes closed and I bit down on my bottom lip, not like it helped anyway. It doesn’t matter what I do. Then again, I’m not embarrassed. Sirus doesn’t change that either. He’s seen way too many sides of me to feel any type of way about what I’m doing. I did my best to take deep breaths but they were just shallow gasps that didn’t help ease the fire in my lungs.

I was close.

So incredibly close.

And when it happened, I honestly felt more of a rush of sparks than the usual wave of pleasure. There was no other way to describe it. For a second, I was truly horrified of what I did to myself; I had to remind myself to not lose myself with how amazing I felt. And there definitely was no shame when I moaned out weakly as I began to settle down.

It was more than a moment. It took a while in fact. That was the embarrassing part. I pulled my legs up when I felt the twitching and shaking begin in my muscles. I kept my hand in my pants just to not expose the mess I clearly made on my own.

And then I remembered that Sirus was still here and he was incredibly quiet, which is not like him might I add. For a second, I wasn’t sure what it was but it clicked when I noticed he wasn’t paying as much attention as he usually would.

“Delete it.” I said when I could finally breathe again.

He had his tablet in his other hand. When I looked up, I saw he had his focus elsewhere and I could guess that he was using something he wasn’t supposed to use.

“What-” he tried to play stupid.

“The voice recording. Delete it.” I said and sat up.

Sirus remained quiet for a moment. If he won’t do it, I will. He thinks I don’t have access to everything he has but I do. So he doesn’t have to listen to me, I’ll delete the recording myself.

“Fine.” He gave up.

I wasn’t going to take his word for it. Later on, I was planned to find the file and delete it; hopefully by then, he doesn’t make copies of it.

I got up off the couch, my hand still in my pants. I rubbed my fingers on the fabric of my underwear but didn’t remove my hand. I wasn’t as tired as I expected to be. In fact, I was sure I could use more of a stress relief. My only problem was actually telling Sirus that I was bored and possibly...horny.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I said but he didn’t look up from that. Apparently that could mean anything. “Are you coming with me?” I asked.

The second I got to the point, Sirus was already up. And he was taking off his clothes as if he weren’t going to have enough time to do it ten seconds from now. I don’t know why I asked, but I didn’t say anything. He pulled me along when I didn’t walk fast enough.

There’s just something about doing...all this that gets him excited. I let him pull me along when I don’t mind that he wants to drag me with him to do his favorite activity.

Sex in the shower is one thing.

Sirus still being hyper enough to keep going after all that is another. I was hoping by now, we would’ve calmed down but that didn’t happen.

I don’t think I can handle a third time.

We were in bed, completely dripping wet from just stumbling out of the shower.

When Sirus’ hand trailed down my body, I knew exactly what he wanted. Just like before. My fingers pulled on the blanket as my body tensed up; even now I was shaking slightly but that’s because I won’t last if Sirus continued to touch me.

“Again, Sirus?” I sighed when his fingers were in me. “I’m tired.” I closed my eyes.

“No, you’re not.”

“If I say I am, I just might be.” I almost snapped at him but I didn’t have the strength.

“That’s the spirit.” He always gets cheery when he gets what he wants.

My legs pulled up when he pushed inside me. My body just barely relaxed when I could feel him. It’s the second time today but it feels like the first time ever. I let go of the blankets and moved my hands in my hair. My eyes opened so I could look up at him.

“Not a lot of fighting now.” He smiled.

“I said I was tired.”

“Then don’t move.”

Easier said than done. Sirus always does something that makes me shift around and squirm. And I know he does it on purpose.

I sighed again and as I adjusted to the feeling of him inside me. His hands gripped my waist and that’s what made me glare up at him and shift, hoping he would let me go.

I couldn’t stop the shaking once he started moving. My legs stayed pressed up against him, trembling and twitching every time I felt a burst of whatever amazing feeling this was. This was like usual. My fingers still played with my hair, curling strands around my skin to keep me distracted.

It’s not like it worked well.

My mouth opened and I moaned weakly while he continued thrusting inside me. It felt good and I will always admit that.

I was beginning to get loud. It felt like showing him that I was enjoying myself was more important than breathing. It was getting hotter and the water on my body was not helping; more drops of water fell on to my chest and stomach from his hair.

“...Deeper.” I moaned, my eyes closing.

He moved over me and I lifted my arms around his neck. He gave me what I asked for and I was definitely enjoying it. My fingers tightened in his hair to keep him to me. I felt him breathing on my skin, kissing me, touching me.

His hands moved to take my arms from around him and pinned them on the bed to keep me down. His movements were slower but I could feel every inch of him. When I squirmed, his fingers tightened over my wrists to keep my hands pinned down. It wasn’t enough to control me. As he moved, my body tensed up again, this time, arching off the bed as I got close again.

It was too much to handle in one day. I know I’ve dealt with a lot more than this but it’s still overwhelming at times.

My legs were shaking. No. My entire body was shaking. Sirus continued on but I know he noticed. He’d never stop until I absolutely couldn’t handle it. His fingers still pressed on my wrists but it was no second later when his hands moved in mine.

I tried to hold out but I couldn’t. I came again. The rush lasted a lot longer than the first two times. I had to bite the inside of my lip so I wouldn’t moan too loud, but even that wasn’t enough.

Sirus pulled out of me before he could cum. Instead, he just wanted to get it on me. At first, it didn’t bother me because my attention was elsewhere. With him kissing me, and me honestly trying to get a full breath in, it’s clear I had my own concerns. I could feel the warmth on my chest and on my stomach.

My hand moved to touch my skin, feeling the stickiness.

That’s when Sirus couldn’t keep me distracted for long.

My other hand pushed against his chest so I could get him off me. He wasn’t particularly angry that I abruptly stopped him from continuing his fun, but I heard his murmuring. My problem is that I just took a shower and he wanted to go and do this. Once again, I am going to have to clean myself off because of him.

It didn’t take me long but I had to warn him not to touch me again. I don’t think I will last if he ends up wanting to get close a third time. Well third time for him. As much as my body thought I could handle it, I didn’t want to, so that was the end of that.

I walked around with a towel over my face before settling down on the couch; I didn’t have any clean clothes of my own to wear so I had on Sirus’ clothes. At this point, I just take whatever I can find, no matter what it is. I didn’t say anything as Sirus roamed around in the kitchen; whatever he was making got me hungry. I laid down on the couch, the towel right over my face; I closed my eyes and just breathed in the nice smell before being interrupted by vibration near my leg.

I let my sleeved hand rest over my face before reaching for my tablet. I wasn’t surprised to see that it was Alara calling me; for the past few days she has been making my life hell. Sometimes, I want to ignore her but I physically can’t do that to her no matter how much effort I put into it. She’s my sister but she’s also making sure that I’ve been taking my medication because I’m sometimes non compliant.

So I had to pick up and talk to her even if I didn’t want to.

“Have you taken your medication?” Was the first question out of her mouth when the hologram showed up.

“Yes.” I lied.

I haven’t taken them. In a few days. Honestly, I feel better but the side effects are still there so I’m waiting for that to ween off. I peeked from under the towel to see her face, and she was not amused. At all.

“Hey, Sirus.” She said when he walked by.

“Little girl.” Some habits of his don’t change. “I heard you’ve been playing doctor for a year.” He said.

"Playing? I get my license in two months.” She told him.

“Guess you’re growing up.”

“Has Aurora taken his meds by any chance? He has this habit of doing things when it’s convenient for him so I have a feeling he’s missing a few doses.” She explained, a little more desperate than she has to be.

I don’t need to be monitored either.

“He hasn’t taken anything for the past four days-”

“Aurora!”

I glared up at Sirus. The least he could do was lie on my behalf but instead he just goes ahead and runs his mouth. Now what am I supposed to do? Alara was just seconds away from giving me a lecture about patient compliance and all that stuff she wants to enforce.

“You can’t just skip doses!”

“I feel better now-”

“Well it’s not going to stay like that unless you continue with your medication.” She nagged. “Your anxiety won’t stay under control unless you finish your prescribed doses."

“Alright, I’ll just take the ones I missed-”

“No!” She yelled. I put my head down on the couch. “Are you trying to overdose? I wouldn’t expect you to be that dumb.” She said.

I didn’t know what I should add to that. “Okay.”

“Sirus, please make sure he takes his medication. I get that Aurora left home because he was being constantly restrained to do what will help him. But I would hope that you like him enough to not see him end up in a mental hospital.” Alara explained and that touched a nerve with both of us.

Why would she bring it up like that?

Sirus stopped in place and he actually thought about it. Who knows what he thought, but I didn’t appreciate how he had to pause to get an answer. “Sure.” He said.

That’s how it is for now but ten minutes later he’ll forget that he told Alara that he’d watch over me and make sure I’ll take my meds. Sirus doesn’t do much, so he’s not that reliable.

However, Alara bought it.

“Thank you.”

There has to be a way I can switch medications. “Is there anything without side effects-”

“I’m sorry if you’re not feeling the way you should but the side effects really don’t outweigh the benefits of having your life together.” She didn’t really seem to care that I was complaining about the side effects.

“Alright, I’ll take the medication.” I sighed.

Clearly that was the only thing she wanted from me today. Whenever she calls me while she’s at work, it only means that there’s something she needs to check up on me for. Am I taking my meds, am I trying to keep my stress checked, does my chest hurt, anything worrisome to look out for. Those are the things.

The call ended but I was left feeling bitter and childish.

“You’re not going to force me to take my medication, are you?” I asked when I heard Sirus walk by again.

“I’ve never forced you to do anything.” He said.

That was the biggest lie I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. I tossed the towel off my head and looked up at him as he placed a plate of food on the coffee table. He avoided my gaze since he knew that he was lying.

“You’ve forced me to do a lot of things.” I pointed out loudly.

“If you really didn’t want to do-”

“Don’t start the ‘if I really meant it I would’ve fought back’ bullshit.” I said bitterly and went for the plate of food that was clearly meant for me. “I’ve hit you a number of times but you never understood.” I muttered.

“You hit hard, by the way.” He casually added.

Well I learned from someone how to defend myself. I can’t remember who but it was important. I know if I ever had to take Sirus on, I would lose in a just a second. He wouldn’t go easy on me either. Sometimes I say some things that makes him want to go for a hit but he just does his best to keep it in. All that pent up rage is going to go somewhere.

“Apparently not hard enough for you to leave me alone.” I continued to mutter under my breath.

Sirus came up behind me and leaned on the couch. He was just a little too close but I didn’t move away. I was more focused on eating.

“I’m not really that sorry about my behavior five years ago. There are just some things you have to let go-”

“I’ll just continue to remind you.” I said.

“Like I said, not sorry.” He moved up and walked away again.

Of course he isn’t sorry. I know Sirus, and honestly, I’m a little surprised that he remembered. He doesn’t focus on things for long. He also doesn’t remember details that aren’t important. At least, he makes it seem like it isn’t important.

I didn’t say anything when he came to sit next to me. I don’t know what idea he has in mind right at this moment but I want to make myself clear that we cannot do any more than what we’ve done today. I’m tired.

“We have somewhere to be later. Don’t touch me.” I warned him.

He did it anyway, tugging at his sweater that I was wearing.

I sighed and put my plate down as he continued to tug on my clothes. He doesn’t listen to me. “Why are you like this?” I asked and moved his hand away so he could stop.

“I actually don’t want to go anywhere.” He complained. “You and Serberous are just going to talk about nonsense the entire time.”

I was about to say something but this was the perfect opportunity to actually mess with him. I couldn’t hold back my smile and he knew I was about to tease him too.

“You’re not...jealous, are you?” I asked, only to mess with him.

“No, I’m easily annoyed.”

“Serberous actually likes your company, and the least you could do is stop avoiding your only friend that likes you.” I said kindly. Sirus, however, didn’t like how patronizing I sounded.

They’ve been friends for years, even longer than I’ve known him. Sirus isn’t much for getting to know people. The only people that tolerate him are the ones that have known him for years, a lot of years. Serberous is too nice and too friendly and Sirus isn’t going to ruin this for me.

We are going to California together because I need help with my chip, and he’s going to suck it up and endure it.

“Let’s not go anywhere.”

Is it just me or is Sirus acting weird?

“Well, I’m going to go. I don’t really care what you do, but I would appreciate your company since I need the help.” I told him truthfully. I already know Hariette told him everything that’s going on with my program, and Sirus doesn’t like doing extra work, especially when he’s not being compensated for it.

But he told me he’d do anything for me, and this is included in anything.

“This is so lame.” he sighed, giving up.

“Thank you.” I was sincere.

I just wanted to work on my chip and I need a little help. Granted, Sirus isn’t my first choice when it comes to doing work, but he’s here and he knows enough that I don’t have to explain the basics.

Sure, I basically had to drag him around but after a while, resistance was becoming too much work for him. And as much as Sirus likes to pretend that he likes being alone -although most of the time, he isn’t pretending- he genuinely enjoys being with Serberous because no one is going to get Sirus like Serberous does. Even I can’t cross that line. So I wasn’t going to be annoying with my talks and rants, and I decided to let Sirus have his moment since he doesn’t have a lot of friends.

I just needed to finish my chip so Hariette won’t yell at me anymore. She’s the one giving me deadlines and keeping me on track. The only reason why I haven’t been completely swallowed up in my anxiety is because she makes me do things by a deadline. It actually works because I don’t have to worry about everything all at once, and I can get things done one at a time.

I have no idea how long we were actually here, but Sirus was barely any help to me at all, until I started to yell at him to actually help. It’s my fault for always forgetting how distracting he can be when it comes to doing work.

Sirus yanked my hair tie out of my hair and used it to tie his back. We had a discussion earlier about all the things that pissed each other off and this is what gets me mad. I can’t stand when he takes my things and uses it himself. He’s so lucky that I’m trying to focus. Unfortunately, I was failing. There was just something about Sirus in a lab coat that didn’t make sense at all...but it was a nice view.

I have to admit.

“This isn’t as complicated as Hariette’s making it seem.” Sirus said as he worked on improving the range for the chip.

“Don’t mess up my program. I spent weeks on this.” I warned him when it looked like he was getting close to messing something up.

“It looks stupid.”

“Sirus, I swear-”

“You won’t do shit.” He glanced my way to stop my threat. I don’t want him to mess up my hard work so excuse me for caring.

I stared at him, tempted to actually do something. He stared back before bringing his hand up, like he was about to do something.

“Don’t mess up my program.” I warned him again as I turned back to the hologram for the chip’s system.

The hologram continued to change with everything he touched. If he wasn’t careful, the entire thing could shut down. The image changed again and I was tempted to hit his arm, but that would be a bad idea.

“Move to the left.” I said when the image changed the way I didn’t want to. The image did not change, instead, it began to glow orange. “Sirus, I said left.”

He didn’t listen to me.

“Left!”

“I am!-”

The image reverted back to the correct program. Finally. I continued to change the configuration when I got the right image.

“You are so annoying.” Sirus muttered.

“So are you.” I retorted as I pushed my glasses up. “However, I needed the help, and you’re not one to ask unnecessary questions.”

“Whatever.” Sirus mumbled.

I remained quiet for a moment and I wondered if he was irritated with me. That happens easily. I looked at him again and paused. My staring continued and he didn’t say anything; not like I wanted him to yell at me but I wanted to see some expression on his face.

“It’s just the two of us here. Wanna get busy?” He asked plainly because of my staring.

I rolled my eyes as I sat back in my chair. I’m not even surprised he asked. His ability to want to do something absolutely anywhere is completely beyond me. After five years, I still don’t understand.

“What’s with you and sex?”

“Five years later-”

“Even in five more years I’ll still ask.” I said to him.

I’m never going to understand. And I guess it’s because I don’t have the same interests like he does. It’s not like the sex is bad or anything, but I can go a couple days without needing to completely lose myself with someone else. Sirus on the other hand could and would do it any time at any place.

“Sex is...repulsive and straining and dirty.” My thoughts have not changed in years about the intense activity. I don’t care what Sirus does or how much he tries to persuade me. “The muscles spasm, pupils dilate, there’s sweat and increased heart rate and labored breathing and... it’s just...not my thing.”

“It’s not your thing to do it randomly.” Sirus clarified for me as I if I wasn’t specific enough. “You hate when I casually drag you into some room in a public place and make you see stars.” He easily explained. “But you still enjoy it anyway.” He smiled and glanced at me.

Well look at that.

“And don’t tell me that you don’t. We’ve gone through this argument a thousand different times and ways.”

I spun around in my chair waiting to hear if he had something else to say. I’m surprised he kept himself censored for once. I guess that’s why I’m not in a yelling mood. In fact, I was in a good mood.

“So we’re in some room in a public place and stars are nice to look at.” I continued to spin in my chair.

He put his stuff down and processed what I just said. It wasn’t a trap. I actually was in a mood to do something.

My stress keeps piling up. So why not do something straining and dirty to take my mind off reality?

Sirus began taking off his lab coat.

“Don’t take it off, you look good in it.” I said truthfully.

“Oh my God.” He laughed. “We are so doing this. Get up.”

I bit the inside of my lip as I rose from my chair. He held his hand out for me to take, and when I did, he pulled me down into his lap.

“Will you ever feel shame or disappointment once in your life?”

He ignored me. “Your clothes need to come off.” He said.

I sighed but began to strip.

He might not feel shame and disappointment but I sure will. That’s not going to stop me from letting him make me feel so incredibly good that I start to pretend that life is amazing.

It was two hours we could’ve spent working on the chip that we spent doing something that was not working on the chip. I have to admit that we’ve done things in weird places. A lab is now on the list. After some time, I stop worrying about where it happens and for how long.

Like usual, I was disheveled and shaky. I wish it was one of those days where Sirus didn’t want to completely annihilate me. I like being able to stand on both feet without discomfort in my hip. I would also like to not feel tense from the bruising.

“You are insatiable.” I sighed and leaned against the wall.

“And with those medications you’re on so are you.” Sirus tucked his shirt in his pants.

He liked saying that. I’m not always going to illegally take medication so he doesn’t have much time with me like this. I rolled my eyes and turned to walk out of the room.

“Serberous is going to know-”

“Does it perk you up if he does?”

Oh my God.

“I’m leaving.” I said as I left. I’m not surprised he thought that someone knowing that we’re having sex might just turn me on.

He’s thought that for years.

Nothing changes.

He caught up with me down the hallway. I was hoping he wouldn’t get so close to me but he did and it didn’t take him long.

“If you’re not busy later...”

“I work tonight.”

“Then I’ll come see you.”

I stopped walking and looked up to him. “So you can grope me again?”

“You’re the one that said you liked it when I come to see you.” He reminded me.

He’s not wrong.

I only like it when he doesn’t grope me.

He stared down at me. It was in that way where he’s trying to figure me out but can’t. It took a second for that to change when he took a step forward. I took one back immediately. I remembered this kind of tactic; he would back me up against the wall and threaten me.

Right now he doesn’t have anything to threaten me with.

Somehow I still ended up against the wall. I bit the inside of my lip and looked away because I didn’t want to meet his gaze.

I noticed he was getting closer and it didn’t make me nervous till he leaned too close to me. What was even more shocking was that he didn’t try to kiss my lips, which is the only thing I’m used to him doing, but I felt him kiss my forehead.

That...does not happen. Ever. I was a little shocked because Sirus never cares about doing things as kind as that.

So I was shocked.

I blinked slowly and tried to process these last few seconds only to come to one conclusion.

Sirus is so weird!

He pulled away and turned to continue walk without saying a word. Meanwhile, my face was getting so hot that I thought my head was on fire.

That’s not rational, even for him.

“Oh no.” I followed after him. I knew exactly what all this was about. “You don’t get to be all compassionate just because you’re scared of giving me another heart attack-”

He stopped walking and I bumped into him.

“Scared?” He turned around. I guess that’s not the word to describe it.

Again, Sirus was acting weird.

“I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on the fact that I said it was also your fault.” I mentioned.

I don’t believe it’s Sirus’ fault. With the way he’s been acting, he thinks it is. And he didn’t deny it either. That’s the only reason I phrased it the way I did and that’s not what he wanted to point out. There’s something wrong. He’s not mad. He just rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath like he usually does.

There’s something very wrong.

“Do not start acting all cautious just because I had a little incident.”

“Little?”

My eyes widened. He’s still not addressing the issue here.

“Since when is it like you to be careful with me?” I desperately needed some answers now.

He wasn’t going to talk.

That’s not like him either!

Is he nervous because I figured it out? Or is it because he doesn’t know how to explain it? His behavior isn’t what I’m used to so how am I supposed to know what to say?

“I’m fine.” I emphasized. “I had an attack because I was stressed. And believe it or not I can handle when you stress me out.” I explained since he didn’t know apparently.

“Okay.” He said.

“Now you’re not going to fight me because you think I can’t handle the yelling.” I caught on to that too.

He rolled his eyes again and turned to keep walking. I grabbed his arm so he couldn’t go anywhere. Sirus isn’t careful. He doesn’t care much about what I’m thinking about him. He doesn’t rephrase himself just because I might take it the wrong way.

Something happened. He’s acting weird for a reason.

Does he think I’m fragile? That I’m broken? It was just a heart attack. Why is he like this?

I stared at him, waiting for him to say something. And by the look on his face, he was trying to hold back his temper that was about to spark. He was trying hard. Now he doesn’t want to fight me.

I’m not okay with him wanting to take the fault for what happened to me. I suffer from anxiety. I’m stressed. That’s what caused my heart attack. I don’t know what Sirus is thinking exactly but I hit right around the mark.

He’s not going to talk to me about it. That’s fine. I’ll be here whenever he’s ready.

“If you ever kiss my forehead again, I’ll kick you.” I threatened him but he didn’t take me seriously. If there’s something going on, I would want him to tell me.

The only reason I would appreciate the change in behavior is because he realizes there’s no point to being aggressive for what he wants. I don’t want him changing his behavior because he thinks he could kill me. That’s the last thing that would happen to me because of him. Honestly, I didn’t think he would get paranoid either.

I can’t deal with that.

Sirus being scared does not help me. I need him to get over it.

I had nothing else to say. Well nothing that would convince him. Yet, I just had this feeling that something else was going on. It was annoying to have that intuition. Sirus is hiding something, but I wasn’t sure how big it was yet. I wasn’t sure what was the cover up, but there were clues today.

He wanted to stay home, he’s been distracting, he doesn’t want to do any work that has to do with the rebellion. Does that have to do with my health? He doesn’t want me to worry? No. It’s definitely something else and he’s using everything I mentioned as the cover.

Sirus isn’t much for keeping things from me when I’m involved. He tells me everything when I ask.

I just have a feeling that if I ask now, he’ll lie to me.

This goes on my list of things to worry about.