Pucking Ever After: Volume 1 (Jacksonville Rays)

“Come on, you know you can tell me. Do you have a preference?” Tess leans in, propping her elbows on the edge of my hospital bed, as she flashes me a conspiratorial grin.

I just laugh, shaking my head. “You know I don’t.”

“But if you did,” she teases.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t make me call the nurse. She’ll drag you out by your pretty red curls.”

“Fine,” she huffs, leaning away. “I mean, I can’t win my bet if you won’t just tell me…but it’s fine.”

“Ohmygod,” I cry as she laughs. I look around for something to throw at her, but nothing is close enough. “You are not taking bets on which of my husbands I want to be the father of my baby, Tess! You know I’m not going to choose.”

She snorts, leaning back in her chair. “Girl, just listen to that sentence, and tell me we don’t live in some kind of crazy world,” she says with a smile, shaking her head.

I play it back in my head, and now I’m smiling too. I guess she has a point. From the outside, I know my life seems unconventional. Very publicly married for three years to three wonderful men. We have a beautiful son. Another is nestled asleep in my arms, newly born.

Of course, the timing could have been a little better. This time last year, I’d just given birth to our sweet Jamie. I was ready to settle into the wonderful and weird life of parenthood. But then I had to go get myself knocked up again less than two months later.

Now it’s been over a year and a half of me being perpetually pregnant. Mr. Oops Baby came out early too, suffering a mild case of jaundice. We’ve been in the hospital an extra two days as our newest love bug has spent some time wrapped up in a UV blanket like a glow worm. I also had some heavy spotting that was a bit worrying at first, so they just kept me here too.

“How’s Lil No Name doing?” says Tess, peeking over the edge of my bed at the bundled baby.

I smile down at him, brushing a finger along his cheek. “Pink and perfect.”

“Y’all goin’ for three in three?”

“Hell no,” I murmur, shifting back against my pillows. “The Price Pussy Palace is closed for renovations. You realize I’ve been pregnant for two years straight, right?”

“Of course, I do,” she replies. “I ran out of creative mocktail ideas a year ago.”

“God, I want a drink,” I say with a sigh. “I wanna get trashed on shitty wine and dance in the kitchen knowing no one else inside my body is getting poisoned or jostled.”

“We can make that happen,” she replies. “Leave the babies with your boys, and you come over to my house for a rosé and sway party in my kitchen. We’ll strip down to our undies and eat whipped cream straight from the can.”

I laugh. “God, that sounds amazing.”

“When do they get back?”

I tap my phone, lighting up the last text on my lock screen. “They’re on the way.”

As soon as Tess arrived, I made them all leave. They’ve been toughing it out for almost a week here at the hospital. But they needed showers and clean clothes, and I needed space. My hospital room looks like the aftermath of a slumber party with all the added chair and blankets, open duffle bags, empty drink bottles, and food containers.

Not to mention, my boys all shed socks like Tess sheds hair. Even now, I see one on the floor. God, who was in here taking his socks off? It’s so unsanitary. I just shake my head with another tired sigh. I can’t help but love them, socks on or off.

“Geez, your guys are slobs,” Tess says, looking around.

“Only because they were distracted,” I reply, which is mostly true. Ilmari in particular is a neat freak. But a bedridden wife and a sick baby has him all spun out right now. I’m sure he went home and feverishly cleaned while the others showered.

The socks thing though…that’s been a staple argument in our house for three years. Jamie isn’t even one yet, and even he adds to the mayhem. I find his cute little baby socks mixed in with theirs all over the place.

Tess gets up and starts to organize the room, shuffling the trash into the big can by the door. “Does No Name finally get a name today?”

I nod. “We should get the paternity test results back this afternoon.”

The guys all agreed when I was pregnant with Jamie that the bio dad would get to name the baby. I came home from work one night to find them all sitting stoically at the kitchen table, the soft golden light casting shadows all around like something out of an oil painting. They were so serious as they sat me down too. I swear, for a quick second there, I thought they were breaking up with me.

Instead, they walked me through their reasoning for letting the bio dad pick the baby’s name. I was so relieved—and hormonal—that I broke down crying and Jake had to calm me down with ice cream while Cay rubbed my feet.

Before Tess can respond, there’s a sharp tap at the door. My nurse comes in, heading to the sink to wash her hands. She’s a lovely older black lady with kind eyes and a big smile. “Hey, mama. How’s our boy doin?”

“Good,” I say, shifting him a bit in my arms. “All he does is sleep.”

“That’s good. A well fed, sleepy baby is what we like to see. His tests all look great,” she adds. “The jaundice has cleared beautifully. And you’ve been okayed too. Doc is ready to discharge you both.”

“Yay,” says Tess, coming around to sit in the chair again.

“And we have the paternity test results back,” Nurse Kelly adds, her gaze locked on her tablet as she flicks and taps the screen.

Tess and I both go still, exchanging a glance.

“I…umm, well my guys aren’t back yet,” I say quickly. “I don’t really want to know without them being here too.”

“Ohmygod,” Tess cries, digging her fingers into her curls. “I’ve been waiting nine months for this, Rachel! I can’t wait any longer.”

I slow turn to her, eyes narrowed. “You have a bet on this too, don’t you?”

Her pouty pink lips open as she bats those lashes at me. “I—no—”

Yeah, she’s a little liar. I’m sure the whole team has bets going. They did with Jamie too. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d have the energy to be more annoyed.

At least everyone is acting in good faith. They’re just excited to welcome the new baby. The Rays have been amazing. Sure, there were questions in the beginning. Lots of questions. The guys took most of that heat. But once we were all married and the deal was done, everyone settled. We’re Team Price now, and no one who knows us bats an eye.

Tess huffs, arms crossed under her breasts. “Fine. Okay, yes. I’m in the pool, alright? I didn’t win the due date bet. But I could still make a little money on the paternity results.”

“How big is the pool?” I say, handing Lil No Name over to the nurse.

“You don’t even wanna know,” Tess replies.

Kelly just laughs. “We can wait til they get back, hon. It’s no biggie.”

“But you have it right there?” says Tess, peering over me. “Right on that little tablet, you’ve got the results? You could tell us?”

“Mhmm,” Kelly replies, moving over to the corner to weigh and measure the baby.

“Leave her alone,” I say at Tess.

“I can’t believe you don’t want to know,” she huffs.

“I do want to know,” I reply. “I just want to know with my guys here too. If they find out I found out, I’ll never hear the end of it. Jake will pout for a month.”

“God, and nothing is worth that,” Tess grumbles.

Kelly laughs again, flashing a knowing smile as she shakes her head.

What can I say? Jake leaves an impression.

“Besides,” I add. “I’ve waited this long. Another thirty minutes won’t kill me.”

A second nurse slips in and washes her hand before going to help Kelly. The sound of fussing starts. No Name doesn’t like being unswaddled from his cocoon. The moment I hear the first wail is the moment the door swings open and my guys all come back in.

Jake is in the lead looking washed and fresh, balancing a drink carrier with four coffees from our favorite local shop. Caleb shuffles in behind him, Jamie propped on his hip. Our firstborn is every inch his daddy, with Jake’s dark hair and pretty green eyes.

“Nugget!” Tess squeals, hopping out of her chair to snatch him from Caleb’s arms. She takes her godmother role very seriously, showering him with love and affection endlessly. We quickly had to put an embargo on toys though. Auntie Tess is now only allowed to express her love through experiences, not material goods. With exceptions for Christmas and birthdays, of course.

Ilmari comes in last, letting the door swing shut behind him.

Jake’s bright smile falls as he hears the baby crying. His gaze darts from me to the corner. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I reply.

“He just didn’t like getting his vitals checked,” Kelly adds. She turns around with No Name bundled in her arms. “You’re all going home today,” she tells the guys.

“But the jaundice,” says Jake.

“His bili count is great. He’s good to go,” she replies patiently.

“Oh, thank god.” His shoulders slump with relief as he sets the coffees down on my hospital tray. “No offense, Kel. I mean, you’ve been a solid ten. But I wanna get the hell out of here.”

She laughs again, handing the baby off to Ilmari.

I try to stop my lips from pursing in annoyance. I’m still not used to his hair. He did it on a whim last week. One minute he was downstairs on the couch with us watching TV. The next, he disappeared and came down an hour later with his top knot gone. He’d shaved the whole thing off. He left a little hair on top, thank god. But his golden mane is in my trash can.

“I felt like a change,” was all he said as we gaped at him.

He wanders around the end of the bed, baby in arms, and sits in the chair, humming and rocking to get No Name to settle. We’re formula feeding him so the guys can all be more involved. As I watch, Jake gets a bottle ready. Meanwhile, Tess is bouncing Jamie on her hip by the window, blowing raspberries on his cheek to make him squeal and laugh.

Caleb takes the free moment to come around to the other side of my bed. “Hey, babe,” he murmurs, his gaze not half so relaxed as his tone as he takes me in, kissing my forehead.

I take his hand, brushing my lips against his knuckles.

“Lunch is ready,” Jake calls, holding up the bottle. “You or me, man?” he says at Ilmari.

“Me,” Ilmari replies, reaching out his hand.

Jake stretches over the bed, passing him the bottle. Then he ducks down, kissing my lips. “Hey, gorgeous. You rest at all while we were gone?”

“Are you kidding?” I reply. “Tess was here.”

“I heard that!” Tess calls.

“I got you a coffee,” Jake laughs, handing me my cup. “And we can help you shower if you’re up for it. Mars brought all the stuff you asked for.”

I take the cup eagerly. It feels so warm against my palms. I lean my face over it, breathing deep. God, this scent is nirvana. I’m trying to give myself grace, but the feelings still creep in at least once a day. Am I monster for being this excited about not breastfeeding my own baby? Because I literally cannot wait to drown my liver in coffee and booze. It feels like I should be feeling sorry about that, but holding this coffee, it’s hard to remember why.

“Tess, I didn’t get you anything,” Jake calls over his shoulder, snatching up his own coffee and handing one to Caleb. “Want Cay to go to Starbucks for you?”

Caleb punches his shoulder. “Volunteer yourself, asshole.”

Tess and the nurses laugh. “I’m fine,” she says. Then she glances over at me, biting her lip. “Actually…hey, uhh…what if I take my godson on a little trip down to the cafeteria? I’ll just get a coffee down there.”

All three of my guys go still as statues. Yeah, she’s terrible at subterfuge. Her voice got all high and squeaky at the end.

“Oh shit,” says Jake with a big grin. He spins around to face Kelly. “Are the results in?”

“The results are in,” she replies.

“Okay, breathe everyone,” he says, hand to his chest. In his crisp white t-shirt, black athletic shorts, and backwards Rays cap, he looks every inch my Sporty Ken doll.

“I’ll just come back in a bit,” says Tess, hitching Jamie up on her hip. The sound of his happy gurgling follows them out of the room.

Caleb slips around the end of the bed to snag the empty seat by Ilmari, peering over his shoulder as Ilmari feeds the baby.

“So, how y’all wanna do this?” says Kelly. “Want me to read it out for you? Want me to write it down, and y’all can read it out when I leave?”

“Just tell us,” Jake begs as Caleb says, “Write it down.”

She looks to me and I look wide-eyed back, my coffee raised halfway to my lips. “Well, I can’t decide—”

“Babe, it has to be you,” Jake urges.

“No way,” I say, shaking my head. “Nope. I birthed these babies back to back. That was my job. I’m out. You’re all deciding this.”

“Write it down,” calls Ilmari softly.

Jake sighs. “Fuck, that’s two against one. Write it down, Kels.”

With a smile, she shakes her head and pulls a pad of blue Post-its from her scrub pocket. She makes a show of turning around and using the wall to write on. Then she folds up the little Post-it and hands it out to Jake.

“What?” he squawks. “No way! I can’t take it. God, are you kidding me?” He slinks away from her, ducking around the end of the bed to go sit on the arm of Caleb’s chair.

“Well, someone has to take it,” she teases, extending her arm.

All three of my guys lean away, like she’s offering to let them pet a rattlesnake.

“God, just give it to me,” I say, holding out my hand.

“You sure, mama?” she says, one dark brow raised.

“Yeah, hand it over. This way means I get to know first,” I add, leveling a smirk at Jake.

“Hey, no fair,” he cries.

“She literally just offered it to you first,” Caleb reasons. “You could have read it to yourself and swallowed the paper. You could have kept us dangling for another hour. You chose to chicken out instead.”

“Fuck,” Jake mutters.

I sigh, handing the folded Post-it back to Kelly. “Just tell us.”

“You sure?” she says again.

“Yeah,” I reply. “We all know, or we all don’t. Tell us, Kelly.”

She glances over at the guys. A pregnant pause hangs in the air as we all wait. My heart is pounding. Not that this matters in the grandest scheme of things. My guys are all in three times over. Jamie may be Jake’s biological son, but no one could love that baby more than Ilmari and Caleb. And they show their love every day. In that sense, bio dad status doesn’t matter.

At the same time, I know just how much it matters. They can’t help but be competitive. Protective. Possessive. They want to know, and I want them to know. It changes nothing collectively, even as it changes everything individually.

We all lean in, holding our breath.

Kelly’s gaze settles on Ilmari and my tears start falling before she even speaks. “Mars is the father.”

“Yes!” Jake whoops, hopping off the edge of Caleb’s chair and punching the air. “God, I fucking knew it. Didn’t I call it in the car on the way over here?” He hurries around the bed to wrap Kelly in a bear hug and kiss her cheek. She laughs, giving him a good natured shove.

I turn to the side to take in Ilmari and Caleb. Ilmari looks shocked, his massive hand rhythmically patting the baby’s back. My gentle giant holding his son. My heart can’t take it.

Caleb is smiling too, tears in his eyes. He leans over in his chair, one hand squeezing Ilmari’s arm. “So happy for you, man.”

I wipe under my eyes as Jake swoops forward to wrap me in a hug.

“I’ll let you all be, and come back with the paperwork in a bit,” says Kelly, heading for the door.

“Thanks, Kel!” Jake calls. Then he rattles down the side of my bed and climbs in with me, squishing me with his weight, but I don’t mind. He slings a leg over me, nestling his face in at my neck.

I feel tired and unwashed. I’m still wearing those mesh underwear things with the witch hazel cooling pads on my battered vaj. But none of that matters now. Jake certainly doesn’t care.

“Babe, you are so fucking amazing,” he murmurs, nuzzling me and kissing up my jaw. “You make us the most beautiful babies.”

Tears sting my eyes again as I look at little No Name in his daddy’s arms.

“We’re so goddamn lucky. You know that, right?” Jake adds, his hand brushing my shoulder. “You have us, and we have you, and we have two beautiful, healthy babies. We’re so lucky, guys.”

Caleb nods, his eyes still locked on Ilmari and the baby. “He needs a name,” he says. “It’s time.”

Ilmari goes still, his gaze unfocused as he holds the baby closer to him. No Name is quiet, already happily asleep again in Ilmari’s arms.

“Mars never wanted to play the name game,” says Jake. “I had like a thousand good ideas if Glow Worm was mine. I know Cay had one or two. But I could never squeeze any names out of you.”

“It felt like tempting fate,” Ilmari replies.

“Well, bio dad names the baby. That’s you, champ,” Jake says, kissing my shoulder. He’s careful of my IVs, ghosting over them to pick up my hand, massaging it. “I just did a mash-up of mine and Amy’s names. Jake and Amy became Jamie. Boom. Done.”

I smile, taking another sip of my coffee with my free hand.

“Yeah, but Mars doesn’t have any siblings to do a mash-up like that,” Caleb reasons.

“He can just combine his name with Rachel’s,” Jake replies with a shrug. “Like…Ilchel.”

“Ramari,” Caleb teases.

“Ilra,” Jakes adds with a laugh.

“Shut up, and let him think,” I say.

“Ooo, let’s stick with the gods thing,” Jake says, ignoring me. “We’ll have Mars and his son Jupiter. Or—who’s the other god of war, Cay? Mars is Gree…” He drags out the sound with a raised brow.

“Roman,” Caleb and Ilmari correct at the same time.

“Right. So who’s the Greek one?”

“Ares,” Caleb supplies.

“Ohmygod,” Jake gasps, sitting up and nearly spilling my coffee. “How freaking perfect is that? Mars is an Ares and his son is named Ares!”

“Nah, it’s two different spellings,” Caleb corrects, sipping his coffee. “Aries and Ares.”

“Yeah, but no one would know unless it’s written down,” Jake shrugs.

“That’s just confusing,” Cay replies.

Jake leans over me. “Hey Mars, who’s the god of war in Finnish mythology?”

“Iku-Turso,” he replies, not looking up. “Or sometimes he is called Tursas.”

Caleb holds back a cringe, glancing at me. “I mean, I know we’re not voting here, and there’s no veto option…but I would veto Iku-Turso.”

“Same,” I reply.

“I still think we were onto something with the whole gods thing,” Jake goes on. “We’ve already got a Mars and a Poseidon. What about Thor?”

“Thor is Norse,” Ilmari replies.

“Yeah, so?” Jake says with a shrug.

Ilmari stares at him. “I’m Finnish.”

“Well, then I’m out of ideas,” Jake says with a shrug.

“Thank god,” I reply with a teasing smile.

While Jake huffs at me, Ilmari shifts the baby off his shoulder, cradling him in one arm. He lifts his free hand, brushing a finger feather-light along his sleeping son’s brow. “Tuomas,” he says softly.

“What?” I say.

“His name is Tuomas,” Ilmari replies. “Tuomas Caleb Price.”

“Thomas?” Jake repeats.

“The Finnish way,” Ilmari corrects. “Tuomas.”

“It’s beautiful,” I say. “Why Tuomas?”

Ilmari shrugs, his eyes still on his baby. “I had no father figure in my young life. I had hockey and I had music. Tuomas Holopainen is the lead songwriter for Nightwish, one of my favorite bands. I listened to their music in the gym, on the road. I never had a father giving me confidence before a game. I had Tuomas Holopainen.”

“I love it,” Jake says. “Really, Mars. It’s perfect. Is Nightwish some of your heavy metal stuff?”

Ilmari nods.

Jake grins. “That is so rock n’ roll. Grandpa Hal is gonna flip. Our little Tuomas the rocker. And Glow Worm still makes a cool nickname,” he adds, kissing my brow.

“Why Caleb?” I say, glancing over to Cay. He’s still yet to say a word or make an outward reaction to our son’s new name.

Ilmari sighs and looks to Caleb. A long moment stretches between them where he doesn’t say anything. “Jake makes me happy,” he says at last. “Rachel makes me feel whole,” he adds. “But you make me feel safe.”

Caleb sucks in a breath, leaning away.

Tears sting my eyes as I watch them. Next to me, Jake is utterly still.

“You know…you’ve never said it to me before,” Ilmari murmurs. There’s a vulnerability in his voice that I don’t know I’ve ever heard before. “It’s been almost four years, and you’ve never said it,” he says with a shake of his head. Tears rim his blue eyes.

“Mars,” says Caleb, mirroring his head shake.

“I feel it every day,” Ilmari goes on, glancing down at the baby. “I see it. I know it to be true. But…will you say it now?” He looks up, holding Caleb’s gaze again. “Will you take this son I name for you, and say it?” He leans forward, holding the baby out to Caleb.

A silent tear slips down my cheek as I watch them.

“Please,” Ilmari murmurs.

Hearing that word, Caleb breaks, his own tears falling. He leans forward in his chair over the baby, gripping Ilmari’s bearded face with both hands. “Of course, I’ll fucking say it.” Then he’s kissing Ilmari’s temple, his forehead. “I love you, Mars. Fuck, I love you so much. I love you. I’ll tell you every fucking day.”

Ilmari breaks too, one protective hand holding Tuomas close as he reaches out with his free hand, fisting the front of Caleb’s shirt, burying his face at Caleb’s shoulder.

It’s only in hearing it now that I realize it’s true. I tell Ilmari I love him every day. Multiple times a day. And Jake has never been stingy with his affection. He hugs Ilmari all the time. He’ll snuggle him on the couch, saying he needs his Finny Bear. Jake’s the best at Christmases and birthdays, making everyone feel special and loved.

I always knew Caleb was the most reserved with words of affirmation. I’ve grown to accept it seeing how well he proves himself with action. But I at least have heard the words. I can’t imagine being in Ilmari’s position, never hearing them uttered.

I cling to Jake, watching Ilmari and Caleb break apart. Ilmari keeps ahold of his shirt and Caleb keeps his hand on Ilmari’s shoulder.

“Will you love our son?” Ilmari asks. “Will you keep him safe as you keep me safe?”

Caleb nods, one hand dropping down to cup his son’s head. “I will.” He leans down, kissing his brow. “I’m gonna love you so much, little guy. You and your daddies. Your mom. Your beautiful brother.”

He glances up, looking at me. The depths of his dark eyes are bottomless as he pulls me in. Ilmari’s soft confession has shattered his walls to dust. “I love you, Hurricane. So fucking much. You made me a father, a husband. You’re the reason I have any of this,” he adds, gesturing around the room. “You make Mars feel whole, but you make me feel seen. You see me, baby. And I pray to god you never look away.”

I shake my head. “Never,” I reply. “Cay baby, never.”

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, his hands still on Ilmari and Tuomas.

Next to me, Jake shifts, wiping his eyes. “Well, Mars feels whole and Cay feels seen, but you set me free, Seattle.” He tucks the loose strands of dark hair back behind my ear. “Meeting you in that bar is the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m free now. Free to love, free to live. You’re amazing, Rachel Price. You’re a gift.” He kisses my brow and we breathe each other in. I know he feels the same as I do, his mere presence enough to spin me up, even as he calms me down.

Ilmari gets out of his chair and Jake takes my coffee so he can place the baby in my arms. With his hands free, Ilmari cups my face and kisses me. “Mä rakastan sua.”

“Niin mäkin sua,” I whisper against his lips.

“You know, you’ve never said it to me in Finnish before,” Jake teases, looking up at Ilmari.

Ilmari stills. Then he leans over me, cupping Jake’s neck to kiss his forehead. “Mä rakastan sua, Jake.”

Jake smiles bright, one hand on his chest. “Okay, I legit just felt a heart flutter. Why was that so hot?”

Ilmari and I both laugh as he leans away. “I’m already married.”

“Love you too, Mars,” Jake replies.

Ilmari steps back to let Caleb in.

Caleb looks at the baby in my arms before giving me a kiss. “More than my own life,” he intones. “All of you. The five of you. I love you more than my own life.”

I nod, shifting my hold on the baby to cup Caleb’s stubbled cheek. A curl of his reddish brown hair falls over his brow. “You’re mine, Cay. You’re ours. These babies. This family. We need you. Love us and let us love you.”

Caleb heaves a grateful sigh as he nods, his shoulders relaxing.

Ilmari steps in beside him.

Next to me, Jake sits up, setting his coffee aside. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m ready to get the fuck outta here. Why don’t we go track down Kelly, let Mars sign the birth certificate, and we all go home?”

I smile as the other two groan with relief.

“I’ll go hunt down Tess and J-man,” says Caleb, heading for the door.

“And I’ll go find Kelly,” says Jake, slipping off the bed to follow him.

“And you’re going to take this,” I say at Ilmari, gesturing to the baby.

He raises his brow. “What? No, I’m going to pack your things and make you ready.”

“No, you’re gonna take this baby,” I reply. “Like, now Ilmari. Take him from my arms. Now.”

At my urgent tone, he doesn’t hesitate, reaching out for the baby. “Why, what’s wrong? Are you unwell?”

“No,” I reply, flinging back the thin hospital sheets to expose my unshaved legs poking out the bottom of my unflattering hospital gown.

Ilmari shifts the baby to one arm, reaching for me. “Rakas, what—”

“Jeez, nothing’s wrong,” I laugh, shuffling forward in my ugly red hospital socks. “I just really have to pee.”