P.S. You’re Intolerable (The Harder They Fall)

P.S. I’D RATHER GIVE birth a hundred times than be in your presence.

It was mean and most definitely overkill, but my grumpiness had reached nuclear levels. Insomnia was an absolute bitch. I’d know since I’d been dealing with it since childhood. If I got two or three hours of consecutive sleep, it was a good night.

I leaned back in my chair and smoothed my hands over my bump. It had grown to epic proportions, and I still had two more weeks to go. There was no way I’d ever look the same after this, but that wasn’t anything I needed to worry about now. My cup was already overflowing with worries.

My eyelids were growing heavy when Elliot’s lean, imposing figure came into view, cutting down the long corridor like an apex predator. It wasn’t until he was almost at my desk that I noticed he was holding a drink carrier and headed for me, not his office.

“Good morning, Catherine.”

“Hello, Elliot.”

He placed the carrier on the edge of my desk, and the scent of coffee wafted toward me. I’d been trying to wait until lunch and hadn’t had my hit of caffeine yet. Seeing as I’d almost nodded off, that probably wasn’t happening.

“This is for you. Iced, with milk and vanilla syrup.” He nudged the cup toward me and placed a paper straw on top.

I almost couldn’t form words, but my mother’s voice in the back of my head overpowered my shock. “Thank you. This is exactly what I needed.”

He inclined his head. “I’m early, so take your time.” Then he swiveled around and walked away without another word. “I’ll be in my office when you’re ready.”

His kind gesture almost made me feel guilty for my postscript, but I’d learned not to give Elliot too much credit this early in the day. I didn’t doubt he’d earn my harsh statement by the time I left our morning meeting.

I sipped my coffee, which was exactly how I liked it and took five minutes to let the caffeine work into my system before I ventured into Elliot’s office.

Our meeting went as usual, going over his schedule and taking note of tasks he wanted me to do. Once we reached what I thought was the end, Elliot clicked his mouse twice and leaned back in his chair, exhaling heavily.

“Have you chosen your replacement?” he finally asked.

“It’s between two candidates. I was going to send you their résumés this afternoon.”

“Their names?”

I swiped my tablet, double-checking since my memory was shit lately. “Daniel Nussbaum and Ariel Seagram. They both graduated from CU this past spring. Their qualifications are pretty similar.”

“Daniel,” he pronounced decisively.

“Daniel? But…is there a reason?”

He sat up, his forearms sliding forward on his desk. “I don’t hire single young women.”

I couldn’t hide my reaction. My eyes flared and lips parted, surprised he’d come out and said that. “Are you allowed to say that? Or even think it?”

“No, definitely not, but I trust what we say in the office won’t go any further.”

No further than my postscripts.

“I have no one to tell, but will you explain why you don’t hire single women?”

“Sure. I’ve had enough experience to know unwanted complications arise too often. There’s nothing more annoying than losing a perfectly fine assistant because she threw herself at me.” His mouth twisted before he went on. “I’m aware it sounds bad, but I didn’t come to this decision lightly. In my position, I can’t be too careful with whom I surround myself with.”

I lowered my tablet and notebook to my lap, frowning at him. “I would hope hiring me disproved that theory. No complications have arisen in all these months, and I have not, nor will I, ever throw myself at you.”

“True, but I was under the impression you had a partner when I gave you the job.”

My eyes narrowed. I knew for a fact I hadn’t mentioned Liam in our interview, and I certainly never would have referred to him as my partner.

“What kind of background check did you do? Did you look at my dental records?”

“Yes. You’re due for a cleaning,” he deadpanned.

Oh, my middle finger twitched. I’d been schooled in manners by my society queen mother, but I’d also spent a fair amount of my teenage years in the punk scene. Flipping rude people off came as instinctively as saying please and thank you.

“I went a few weeks ago, actually.” I tapped my pan on my notebook. “I would ask for a refund on that background check since I don’t have a partner now, nor did I then. Someone gave you faulty information.”

“Like I said, I trust you now, so no harm, no foul.” He opened a drawer in his desk and slipped out an envelope, extending it to me. “Here. For you.”

I took the envelope from him, my heart fluttering. I should have waited to open it, but I was too eager to see what was inside.

I ripped the top and pulled out a card with the name of a spa I could never have dreamed of setting foot in. Opening it, I found a gift card for five hundred dollars inside.

“What’s this?” I squeezed out of my tightening throat.

“For you. I’m told they do prenatal massages, foot treatments, anything you want. Or you could save it and use it after she’s here.”

I was nearly speechless. Elliot had barely acknowledged my pregnancy since our initial conversation—which had been more than fine, honestly—but hearing him call my baby she nearly undid me. I didn’t know why. Maybe because I had no one to talk to about any of this with besides Davida and Raymond. Having her acknowledged sent me into a mini tailspin. It made this even more real.

“This is incredibly generous. Thank you so m—”

My words were cut off when Baby Girl decided to do a death roll and shoved aside my lungs to stretch out and get comfortable.

“Catherine?” Elliot leaped to his feet in alarm. I would have told him I was fine, except I’d lost my breath. “Are you okay?”

When I didn’t reassure him quickly enough, he was around the desk, crouching in front of me.

“Catherine…”

“I’m fine,” I managed to say.

“You’re not—” His gaze caught on my belly. My moving belly. Through my light-gray shift, there was no disguising the creature living inside me was up to something.

“She’s doing an imitation of an alligator.”

“That’s normal?” Elliot stared at my belly being prodded from the inside.

“I think so. It’s normal for her anyway.”

As if of its own volition, his hand started toward my middle. I held my breath, watching him move in slow motion. At the last second, his eyes flicked to mine, asking permission.

For reasons I couldn’t explain, I gave it to him with a nod of my head.

His palm stretched out on top of my belly, and Baby Girl pressed against him.

“Jesus,” he uttered. “Are those…feet?”

“Yeah. She must feel the pressure of your hand.”

His brow crinkled as he watched my stomach, and a swirl of emotion rocked through me. I’d been living through this shock and awe all on my own, celebrating milestones quietly by myself. Having this man, my boss, share this with me was so surreal, but it also made me incredibly wistful.

It should have been like this all along.

Liam should have been here for all of this.

How could Elliot care more for this baby than Liam had?

That wasn’t saying much since Liam didn’t care a single damn, but still. Elliot Levy was touching my belly to feel my baby kick with the kind of terrified astonishment her father should have had for her.

“Is this always going on inside you?” he asked, never taking his eyes off my bump.

I was starved for attention. That had to be why receiving this intensity from Elliot was so heady. I could have eaten it with a spoon. My chest heaved like I was in a bodice ripper. I dug my fingers into the arms of my chair, so I wasn’t tempted to lay my hand on top of his.

That the idea of weaving my fingers between Elliot’s made my toes curl inside my shoes said a lot about my emotional state. Elliot Levy, my intolerable boss.

“No, not all the time,” I told him. “She’s more active when I’m at work than anywhere else.”

He slowly shook his head. “There’s a real person in there.”

I had to laugh. “I think so, yeah.”

“She’s going to be here in two weeks.”

“Wild, huh?”

His long fingers curled over the round curve of my middle, and the heat of his palm passed through my thin top to my skin. It dawned on me how incredibly intimate this was. Elliot kneeling at my feet, touching me in a way I hadn’t been touched…maybe ever, with reverence and wonderment…it was difficult not to let it affect me.

“Never heard anything crazier.” My words came out husky, and my cheeks immediately flamed. Thankfully, he wasn’t looking at my face.

He brought his other hand to my belly, cupping it from both sides. The position we were in was more proximate than suitable for a workplace, but there was no part of me that felt the urge to ask him to step away.

My breaths came in short pants, and Elliot’s warmed the parts of my belly he wasn’t touching.

“She’s been hearing my voice all this time,” he murmured.

“Yep. I’d say she’s formed an opinion of you.” My fingers twitched again, this time with the need to run them through his thick, dark hair and ruffle it up a little.

“Lucky for me, she won’t be able to tell me for a couple years.”

I laughed again, jouncing my belly. “I don’t think you have to worry about that. She won’t be hanging around the office too much.”

I hoped. If I didn’t figure out how to afford day care along with my house payments and the contractor, I might have to put Baby Girl in my drawer and cross my fingers Elliot didn’t notice.

Just like that, a bucket of cold reality splashed over me.

“Right.” He shook his head. “Right, of course.”

Like reality had fallen on him too, Elliot rose to his feet and circled to the other side of his desk. He stood there, focused on his screen, clicking his mouse.

His absence had been so sudden I found myself momentarily bereft.

I waited for him to say something, but he stayed quiet, so I shoved myself out of the chair and exited his office, the incredibly generous gift card I absolutely didn’t need clutched in my hand.

In a daze, I wandered to the break room. Davida was preparing Jeffrey’s morning smoothie. She did this every single day, cussing throughout the entire process. She absolutely despised being made to do this and had hinted more than once she was looking into where she could procure a little arsenic.

“Hi.” I lurched into the room with as much drama as I could put into my movements. “The strangest thing just happened.”

She stopped smashing berries and gave me her attention. “Do tell, darling.”

“Elliot and I had our morning meeting, and—” I had to cover my face. “Baby Girl started doing her crazy rolls, and she took my breath away. Elliot must have thought something was wrong with me. He rushed to my side, and then—”

“What?” Davida whispered with unguarded excitement.

“I let him touch my belly.”

“Elliot Levy?”

“The very one.” I peeked at her from between my fingers. “And it went on for a long time.”

She pushed her glasses on top of her head, staring at me with rounded eyes. “How long?”

Raymond wandered in. He didn’t have a reason to be in the break room other than gossip. “How long what?”

Davida’s glasses fell back down to her nose. “Elliot touched Kit’s bump.”

Raymond whirled on me. “No.”

I nodded, my face on fire. “He did. And it lasted…at least five minutes. In the end, he was holding my belly with both hands and—”

Raymond arched a brow. “And you liked it?”

Unbidden tears stung the back of my eyes. “I did. It’s just…I can’t remember the last time anyone even hugged me, and I’ve been to all my appointments alone—”

Walking right up to me, Davida pulled me into her arms and hugged me so tight a grunt popped out.

“There.” She pulled back, her hands on my shoulders. “Come to me for hugs. Don’t go searching for human contact from inappropriate sources.”

“I don’t think I was searching for it,” I protested. I hadn’t protested Elliot touching me, though. Not even a little bit.

“You allowed it because you needed something. Not Elliot—you don’t need that kind of complication in your life.” She went back to Jeffrey’s smoothie, smashing the berries into vanilla yogurt. “You think I don’t want to tell Jeffrey to piss off? But everything’s simpler if I come in, do my job, go home, and forget about it. I like simple.”

Raymond tugged on the cuff of his tweed sports jacket. “Personally, I’m into messy—but not the kind of messy that comes from getting overly involved with the man signing my check.”

He gave me a look that was long and pointed. Then, his expression softened so much I had to wonder if I was giving off the wounded creature vibe Liam told me I sometimes had.

Without warning, he lunged at me, giving me a hug more gentle than Davida’s. Raymond smelled like Christmas morning, all pine and cinnamon. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he let me.

The scene in this room was far from professional, but no one was watching. The assistants were the only ones who ever came in here, and we had our own code. Hugs weren’t outside the lines of acceptable, though it was fair to say this was the first time we’d ever indulged.

Davida looked up from her task. “Now, tell me, darling, you mentioned no one’s been with you for your appointments. Who’s going to be there for the birth?”

My lips pressed together, the panic I’d shoved aside since Liam admitted he was gone for good, threatening to rise.

“I’m doing it on my own,” I admitted, pulling myself away from Raymond’s delicious scent.

“No.” She put her hands on her hips. “All of this is foreign, but as the official daddy to the child, I can’t allow you to go through this by yourself. I’ll be there.”

Raymond groaned and folded over the counter. “I’m going to have to be there too, aren’t I?”

“You don’t have to, Ray,” I whispered.

Their offer was too big for me to speak at full volume. I’d been mentally preparing myself for going it alone. To have even one of them there was more than I could have ever asked for.

“No, no.” He pulled himself upright. “I don’t take my title of Daddy lightly. I’ll be there too, but I’m not looking. Strictly moral support.”

“I didn’t give you that title,” I reminded him.

He pressed his hand to his heart. “I’m a daddy now. I’ve got this.” Then he spun himself toward the door. “Anyway, duty calls. I’m out.”

When it was just Davida and me again, she picked up the envelope I’d tossed on the counter. I’d been in such a daze I’d forgotten I’d brought it in here with me.

“Oooh, this place is supposed to be posh.” She slid the gift card out and gaped at the amount. “Oh, Elliot Levy is far more generous than I assumed.”

“Me too.” I took the card from her, rubbing my thumb over the embossed logo.

“You don’t seem thrilled.”

“It’s a generous gift. It really is.” I huffed, frustrated I couldn’t be happy with what I’d been given. “It’s hard to get it up for spa treatments right now. I don’t really need a massage, and I sure as hell won’t have time to lie around and get beauty treatments after Baby Girl’s here.”

Davida shook her head slightly, obviously seeing my point.

I tossed the gift card down on the counter. “If he really wanted to get me something I could use, a gift card for Target would have had me singing his praise. Do you know how many diapers I’m going to need?”

She shook her head again, less subtly this time.

“I didn’t either, but I looked it up, and it’s staggering.” I sighed. “I—”

“Excuse me.”

I whirled around at the sound of Elliot’s voice coming from behind me. He was standing there, holding my iced coffee out to me.

“Elliot—”

He shoved the cup toward me. “You forgot this in my office. I thought you might want it.”

“Thank you. I do want it.”

I took it from him gingerly, trying to catch his eye. He allowed his gaze to graze mine once, then he nodded and walked away.

Davida broke the thick silence first. “Shit.”

I turned around to face her. “How much did he hear?”

“All of it, darling. Didn’t you see me shaking my head?”

I slapped my hand on my forehead. “I thought you were going along with what I was saying. You need a better signal.”

“I can’t do better than shaking my head aside from covering your mouth with my bloody hand.”

I fell down in a chair and moaned. “I’m such a prick. He made this nice gesture, and I can’t even appreciate it.”

“You’re in a right state, darling.” She shoved the lid on Jeffrey’s smoothie and walked over to me. “Elliot isn’t the kind to have tender feelings. I’m sure he’s already forgotten all about this.”

“Probably.” One could only hope.

My hopes were dashed by noon.

When I returned to my desk after lunch, there, sitting in the very center, was a small red envelope with a distinctive white bull’s-eye.

A knot in my throat, I opened it and nearly shrieked at the amount.

One thousand dollars.

Holy shit.

My hands trembled as I read the note.

Catherine,

Something useful to go along with the luxury.

The spa card doesn’t expire. Use it when you have the time, even if it’s three years from now.

Congratulations on your impending arrival. I should have said that sooner.

-Elliot

It was strange being this grateful to a man who drove me up the wall on a daily basis. He didn’t hire single women, for Pete’s sake. I didn’t know how to reconcile these warring feelings.

The sound of Elliot’s voice approaching instantly sent me into professional mode. I circled my desk, standing behind it with a practiced smile.

I needn’t have bothered. Elliot was conversing with a pair of men older than him by at least two decades in starched suits with serious, no-nonsense expressions. Elliot gestured toward his office, and the men swept in with Elliot right behind them, disappearing inside without a single glance my way and pulling the door closed.

Exactly as expected.

This was the Elliot I knew.

The world had tilted back on its axis, just as it should’ve been, and I breathed easier.

But that little red envelope glared at me from my desktop, telling me there was more to my boss than what was on his slick surface.

Glaring back at it, I whispered, “Go fuck yourself. You’re just a card. What do you know? You don’t even have a brain.”

Now that I’d told the inanimate object off—undoubtedly a new low for me—I sat down in my chair and turned on my computer, getting back to work.