Patient Blue

Meet Blue - a planet with issues.

Forty five wasn’t that old, but lately Blue had been feeling decidedly rough, a forty five kind of rough seldom felt when younger more dynamic and still forging an identity. Maybe his malaise was caused by yet another virus, thriving and steadily multiplying unchecked. He really should consult the Great Physician for advice perhaps a diagnosis.

The Great Physician, GP as he preferred to be called, knew everything of course, but getting an audience was sometimes difficult , besides Blue was rather wary of GP and as already known from recent experience any cure offered was often far worse than the condition.

Blue thought about Red next door. The treatment GP prescribed and administered with the gleeful help of Fiery had certainly killed the virus but had gone too far, damaging Red seemingly beyond repair. Sure there was still some life left, but it was negligible, not worth mentioning. Now there sat Red, mysterious, inscrutable but effectively dead. Then there was Shiny to be considered, always waxing and waning, but good company as the aeon’s passed, a friendly face in the eternal dark. What effect might all of this have on him?

Shiny was only able to shine of course thanks to the Fiery Beautiful Orb or as more commonly known, FBO, though Blue preferred to use the shorter initials BO. Apart from being insufferable and pretentious, the name said it all, Blue considered him arrogant and potentially dangerous. Always boasting as to how Blue, could only function at all because of the fabulous heat, light and energy he exerted, using up precious fuel just to keep Blue cozy and the frigid deep dark cold at bay. Although locally he was the big player it was common knowledge that there were other bigger, better and let’s face it hotter orbs not that far away.

Feeling too rough to continue ignoring the symptoms, Blue came to the decision that the Great Physician would after all need to be consulted and much to his ambivalent surprise, he was available right away.

GP was as disarming as ever, exuding an easy effortless charm. As always Blue felt humble and rather awkward in his presence and to be honest, rather scared at what might be discussed and revealed and what those revelations might mean for his future.

‘Remind me how old are you now Blue?’

‘I’m not that old I still feel young, fresh, vibrant and ready for the next forty five’

‘I remember your creation and delivery well, we all had high hopes, still do, but forty five hundred million years old can be a funny age. Things start falling apart, environments once hostile to things like a virus become more fertile ground for the determined and I can tell you now that you have by far the most determined type of virus afflicting you. I did warn you of that the last time we spoke and took some remedial actions.’

‘I thought the last set of treatments had worked and this was something new. I certainly felt better for a while.’

‘No, same Virus I’m afraid only more numerous and determined to hang on in there. This means that if most traces are to be removed then more radical action will be required. Actually I feel slightly guilty as of course I had a hand in all this. Little experiment looked promising, but as is often the case it could all end badly.’

‘How do you mean badly?’

’Well let’s revisit the two recent treatments you underwent, Ice and Water. Of course you were used to ice and for longer periods, but that was before the virus was present and it was just part of your adolescent development following the earlier heat shaped what you are today and I was delighted with the way you had turned out, we all were.

Then the virus arrived and as "The Architect" I of course designed and brought them into being though I didn’t quite know what to do with them. I left them in the, “projects to be completed” section, ready for some alterations and modifications and to be honest just forgot about them. They didn’t seem that promising at first, but with work I thought they had potential. Then somehow, after some administrative bungle or other, they managed to leave the Deep Black storage area before they were quite ready to go and arrived on you rather unannounced.

At first they weren’t causing you many problems, settled in quite nicely with everything else and I really thought they might actually do OK. But, they showed signs of developing into something unpredictable and potentially dangerous for you. Started throwing their weight around and I could see how it was all likely to end, so we applied the ice and—’

‘I thought the ice treatment was effective, you said I wouldn’t be bothered by them anymore.’

‘Nearly effective, a few survived but it was enough. Tenacious little creatures, normally I would have expected them all to have expired but they learned to kill things skin them and wear those skins for warmth, discovered fire and ended up quite snug and multiplying rapidly. And you know me, easily fascinated I became more interested in them, took a bit of notice wanted to see how they’d develop despite the obvious design flaws. I even became quite fond of them, scurrying around killing anything that moved including each other, making it to the top of the food chain.’

‘So what about the water treatment why go through that farce if you didn’t really want to get rid of them?’

’Well they multiplied so rapidly and of course I knew they had the potential to harm you and didn’t want them getting out of hand. I decided to remove most of them, but I had a close look, picked out a very small representative group, a group who I thought wouldn’t be constantly fixated by sex and procreation, a rather austere bunch actually. Then I gave one of them some notice. It was fascinating they rounded up some of their food, some breeding stock and manufactured a floating platform that allowed them against all the odds to survive.

Only a very few made it but like the drowned majority they turned out to be addicted to procreation after all. I think somehow I made it all too pleasurable they just won’t leave each other alone. Even when they’re in mortal danger or about to face imminent death the only thing they seem to think of is sexual intercourse. A kind of, I’m going to die therefore I need a fuck mentality, most strange.

Anyway, in just a little while there were more of them than ever. Of course they all compete for space, kill each other by the score, they’ve started to seriously degrade and pollute their, or should I say your environment, with noxious chemicals and gases, a bi-product of their brief strange sex obsessed existence. That incidentally is why you’re feeling so rough. The results of all this reckless and nihilistic behaviour will eventually kill billions of them. But many will adapt and survive, procreate to their hearts content, any excuse, then come back stronger and ultimately far more dangerous to you.’

‘What’s to be done, how can I be free of this problem once and for all?’

‘A combination I think, some of the old quake shake and eruption, but ultra heat is likely to prove most effective, shrivel them up. That will have to involve Fiery of course and in anticipation of your request for some treatment there’s already been a bit of a start, you may have noticed the flash?’

‘The flash, now you come to mention it I did notice a bit of sudden brightening and temporary warming. So that was Fiery showing off a bit eh?’

‘At my direction of course.’

‘Just great, BO will love all this I’m already being constantly reminded that BO is at the centre of everything and we all revolve about the “brilliance.” I can hear him bragging now, last and only hope to restore poor old Blue, the Fiery Beautiful Orb the saviour of the day, that sort of thing. Will this combination of treatments finally rid me of them all?’

‘Perhaps, though they do still fascinate me I might deign to save a specimen or two. Maybe see if I can rework improve and modify some of them make them more benign, less hostile to your wellbeing, less procreation minded. You know how much I like a project, something to keep me occupied. Besides too much ultra heat could be bad for you, just ask Red about excessive treatments, oh I forgot you can’t, but take it from me, too much treatment and there you are Blue, pretty but lifeless, no trees, no little fluffy white clouds or fascinating fauna.’

‘I don’t think I like the idea of my health being a little project for you.’

‘Don’t worry you’ll soon be feeling much better, but now I have to go, big planning session at the Lump I’m working on some bold new ventures, you’ll be amazed and astounded, some of my most visionary ideas yet.’

‘I can’t wait, assuming I’m still alive and functioning of course.’

’Don’t be so negative Blue, I have your best interests and continued good health at heart, we’ll speak again later but I think Fiery wants a word so bye for now.

‘GP, couldn’t you just, you know, infect them with something or make them sterile so they all die out rather than all these other interventions? I mean why bother Fiery with all this?’

‘Fiery is only too pleased to help, besides you can tell by experience how inventive they are how they adapt and mutate to survive. We are considering introducing a nasty little pathogen at some stage, see how that runs, though they’d soon find a cure for any infection and already have millions of stored eggs and oceans of sperm just waiting to be united and off they’d go again. Besides a bit of reshaping and overall reorganization and restructuring won’t hurt, change is good.’

‘I see, but do you really think I’ll be alright, by the end of all this - change?’

‘Of course, you’ve always been an excellent patient, Blue you’ll emerge better than ever trust me. Later Blue, keep positive.’

‘Blue, you insignificant speck, how’d you like the flash, pretty impressive eh?’

‘Rather startling B- I mean Fiery. It didn’t last long was that it then, the ultra heat? All fairly painless, thanks a lot. Is the first phase over?’

‘No of course it’s not over, hardly even started yet, that was just a little show of strength, a taste of bigger, better and more dramatic things to come. The virus would have noticed caused a bit of panic and consternation, some damage too. I’ve also introduced a little extra ripple of energy just enough to disrupt all their communications, isolate them. I bet they’re running around in confused little circles and crying out, ooh what happened, what was that? Is The Fiery Beautiful Orb angry at us? I always like to apply my interventions with a touch of psychology attached. You really do get the whole package with me.’

‘Look, don’t overdo it or I’ll be gone along with the virus.’

‘Yes, it’s a fine line between kill or cure just ask Red, oh but I forgot you can’t.’

‘Did GP say anything to you about sparing some of the virus?’

‘It was mentioned in passing. GP can never quite let go of any of his creations, even the crap ones, must be an ego thing. GP is the Architect therefore everything designed by him must have a purpose, a use. Personally I think a lot of these creations, your virus, for instance, are useless and over indulgent, but I wouldn’t of course tell GP that and neither would you mention that I ever suggested such a thing. I’d hate to, in my disappointment at your indiscretion, overdo the treatment and have you end up like Red.’

‘Don’t fret I wouldn’t say a word. Anyway when will the treatment proper begin?’

’Soon enough, but GP says before the full “ultra heat”, you have to do a bit of groundwork and preparation.

‘Shake quake and eruption?’

‘Yep, shake quake and eruption. I may also give another flash or two, get some reaction. I’ve also been thinking.’

‘Oh yes?’

‘Yes; I’m seriously considering a bit of mix and match in your treatment, a bit of variety.’

‘Variety, what do you mean exactly? GP said nothing about variety, just shake, quake and eruption from me and ultra heat from you.’

‘GP certainly mentioned ultra heat, but his actual instructions were, help Blue with the treatment necessary to cure the problem. So anyway, my idea is to apply ultra heat quickly followed by ultra chill, fry em then freeze em. It’ll be great they won’t know what’s happening, they’ll blame themselves, have crisis conferences maybe even a war. Just as the survivors begin adapting to the heat they’ll suddenly freeze. Ice everywhere. All I need to do is flare up and then dim down, it’s so easy for me, flare up, dim down, flare up, dim down.’

‘Look, I’m not sure. GP didn’t mention anything about all of this it might be dangerous and cause me more problems.’

‘Forget about GP, just think of me as being in charge, I’m almost certain it will work, trust me.’

Blue felt very uneasy, a rampant BO and his radical treatment plan was starting to seem far worse than any little virus, poor dead Red came to mind. He would have to speak with GP again and soon.