Patient Blue

Julia has asked that I address the group this afternoon and tell them something of my own issues. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be to give it a go. I feel refreshed slept well courtesy of the Calmodine, and even more relaxed after breaking a self imposed moratorium and masturbating twice, once last night and once this morning, whilst imagining Rosslynne in a variety of outlandish and insane sexual positions. I had dreamed about her too, but this dream was different from the earlier ones. In this she meets me on a hillside, there is a view to the sea we embrace and are walking together hand in hand to a small village at the top of a hill. I pass Davey going the other way and he smiles as he passes by I feel peaceful and happy.

There’s a light knock and Chelsie says it’s time to get up and my breakfast is on a tray outside the door. I’m not exactly looking forward to talking about myself, public speaking has never been my forte, but the time has come to bite the bullet. Besides I don’t need to divulge anything I don’t want to and anyway once I leave here I doubt I’ll see any of these weirdos again apart of course from Rosslynne I definitely want to see lots more of her.

After lunch, Julia says, ’this afternoon the floor belongs to Michael our newest guest and I know that all of you will want to aid his recovery and restore his health and outlook. ‘So Michael, first of all are there any questions you want to ask me or anyone else in the group?’

‘OK, this is a general question for the group. Do you feel, any of you, that your time here has been beneficial, that you have moved forward and one day will be able to leave and lead a normal life outside?’

‘There’s nothing normal about outside.’ It was Guru George. ‘I mean the temperature today is expected to reach one hundred and three degrees an all time UK record and it’s still winter. In some parts of the world, near the equator for example I’ve heard its approaching one hundred and sixty. No one or anything can live there and as the summer arrives it will soon be the same here. Then there is the pulse.’

‘Wang’ I add helpfully. George just looks at me and carries on.

’The pulse, screwing up all communications. The human race is finished and pretty soon will become extinct. All of this I have already predicted would happen in my story The Sun has got his hat on and is coming out to play.′

Julia says, ‘Guru George is a prolific writer of short stories and rather dramatic and startling theories I’m sure he will be only too pleased to show these to you.’

‘Try and stop him’ said Andrew and the others laugh.

‘So George—’

‘That’s Guru George. My name has been changed by deed poll.’

‘So, is Guru your first name and George your surname?’

‘My name is Guru George and I don’t wish to be addressed in any way other than that. Please bear that very much in mind for the future, however short that future is going to be. Unless of course I say it’s OK to be more informal I am Guru George.’

‘I’ve gained something positive.’ It was Anne. I feel a real benefit to coming here and I am planning to leave in a few weeks and marry my boyfriend Daz, he’s from Bangalore and although he is profoundly deaf we communicate eloquently in ways other than speech. I believe I have at last found my true soul mate.′

I have to suppress a snigger, but think good on you Anne, go girl go.

’To answer your question Michael, it’s Andrew. ‘Despite days of black despair, one of those was yesterday I have valued my time here and feel I’ve made a certain amount of progress. I’m now back in touch with my wife and we hope to resume our lives together, put things that have happened behind us. In fact Helen, my wife, is hoping to have a child, maybe more than one.’

I catch the eye of Rosslynne and only barely manage to disguise my laughter.

Rosslyne now speaks. ‘I came here with no future, but maybe things will change, it may turn out that this place and the people I’ve met will have been good for me after all.’

Rosslynne looks directly at me as she says these words and my heart leaps as I analyze what she may have meant and decide it is definitely positive.

Dilys, who has been writing feverishly on a piece of paper, now holds it up for me to read. I realized that after my dark episode, with all my confidence drained my voice silenced and questioning the very point of my existence. External remedial help was required in order for me to rationalize my feelings of inadequacy and sense of inferiority. I had previously thought of myself as a strong and confident woman, but circumstances conspired to erode my confidence and feelings of self- worth. Being a guest at Sapphire House has had a therapeutic effect and I would prescribe for my own efficacy a further period of reflection,treatment and medication which will allow me to once more go out into the world.

‘Does that mean you like it here and the treatment is working?’

‘Yes Michael I like it here.’

‘Dilys, well done’ says Julia. ‘That is the first word I have ever heard you speak, excellent really well done.’

Dilys, smiles at Julia and then at me and I nod my head in encouragement and return Dilys’s smile.

‘Michael, please now tell us a bit more about yourself and why you decided to become a guest at Sapphire House.’