Palindrome

Conflicting feelings battled inside me, I wanted to slam the door in his beautiful face, but I needed answers more than anything. Maybe this was my mission — not to BE with William, but rather to stop him, being close to him. I crossed my arms over my chest, putting up a physical barrier, and I had yet another barrier to test his intentions with. I smiled bitterly, “You`ll have to explain more, won`t you come inside?” I struck out my arm, inviting him inside. He hesitated shortly before taking the step over the threshold, but nothing stopped him. That should have calmed me, but I saw he was uncertain if the spell would stop him, and that said heaps. The silence after I closed the door shut was deafening, I looked at him but refused to meet his eyes. Just last night had he made love to me in this hall, too eager to wait for the bedroom. I walked into my father`s study, the room being untouched by William`s influence. The leather chair squeaked when I sat down, and William took a seat in the small sofa in front of the desk. The room gave a subtle smell of whisky and cigarettes, comforting me with dad`s presence.

“What do you want with us?”

I pressed my fingertips together, happy that my voice held and waited for another evasion.

“I`m not allowed to say.”

I snorted, “Bullshit.”

William stood and walked around the room, pulling his hair.

“Father will kill me.”

I didn’t snort this time, but I did roll my eyes. “I bet you can take your father.” William didn’t deny the statement. His ripped, black jeans hung low on his hips; a small strip of bare skin appeared as he reached for a book on the upper shelf. I smiled devilishly when he dropped the book quickly and swore while he shook his hand. “Fuck, you boobytrap the books?” I shrugged nonchalantly, only persons with our blood could open the books in this library, keeping our secrets inside the family. The small feeling of victory faded quickly.

“Tell me.”

He pulled his hair again; it was a mess at this point.

“If you tell Belinda or Benjamin I`ve told you this, I don’t care how much I love you, I will put you over my lap and beat the shit out of you.”

My heart reacted before my mind did, had he really used those words? Love me? He hadn’t said it so straight forward before, the small words making me shiver and tears gathered in my eyes. Talk about wrong place and wrong time, I had to ignore it. “I won`t tell.”

He sat down heavily; I shielded my heart from his beaten look.

“We are looking for a way to expand the life-span to our mates. Our beloveds.”

I couldn’t believe what I heard. “What, like a fountain of youth or philosophers` stone -thing? And you think witches have the answer to that?”

“Seth asked his mother if she could ask her sister, but she denied. The sister that is. She never said she didn’t have the spell, she just refused to give it. So for all these centuries we`ve had to watch our loved ones die, while you just sit there and watch us suffer.”

“What? Watch you suffer? How many loved ones of us have you killed?” The anger flared in me, threatening to cover me completely, forcing me to take a calming breath, and then ten more. No good would come of anger.

William stood again, “I had to watch my mother die, withering away in the bed before our eyes.”

“I saw your mother almost two weeks ago, she was fine then.” William looked annoyed, “Catarina isn’t my mother. She`s just this decade`s wife. There have been many, my father doesn’t like to grow attached, not after my real mother.”

I sighed, “William, I promise you. We don’t have an eternal youth-spell, or anything similar. We believe in rebirth, in having multiple lives, not one long one.” The chair squeaked again as I sat back, tired. And if it harm none, do as ye will. If I were to believe William, he hadn`t harmed anyone, but could I forgive him for his father`s sins? I sounded like a Christian; sin wasn’t a word we used. I needed to stop this.

“Let me talk to your father, let me try to persuade to him. We DO NOT have that kind of magic; I promise on my father and mother.”

William laughed, “My father has believed you do for 1200 years, he won`t believe a witch telling him otherwise. Another one.”

“Who takes the decisions, you didn’t have a clear leader, is that because Noah is getting on the old side?” William drilled his eyes into mine, surprised by my conclusion, then he nodded short. “I guess Grand-father is the closest we come to a leader now, although Father is taking a claim.”

I put my hands on the desk before me, “Then can I try to talk with him? Can you arrange a meeting?”

Sheer horror flashed purple in his eyes, “No, absolutely not. Have you heard the term “go old testament on someone`s asses”? He WILL. He hasn’t kept up with modern age at all, he still lives like in the early ages of Christianity, when he was treated like a God. You are not to go near him.”

I pulled out the bottom drawer and pulled up a tumbler and dad`s whisky. William didn’t say a word as he watched me pour the 14-year-old Oban and take a big gulp before I pulled my hand through my hair and cracked my neck. “Right. What if I get someone else to talk to him?” William raised his left eyebrow, “Like who?”

“A friend of mine.”

The only thing heard was the granddad clock in the hallway.

“I`ll talk to Father when he comes back tonight, but I can`t promise anything.” I poured some more whisky, I wanted to drown the burning in my heart with another fire. How could I be with someone who was responsible for so many deaths?

“Do you believe me when I tell you we don’t have that kind of knowledge?”

William walked over to the chair but didn’t sit down.

“I believe you don’t know that witches have the knowledge. You are young, without guidance. This world is so much more than this small village you`re protecting.”

My anger flared again.

“I may be young, but I have the wisdom of thousands of witches inside me, and the guidance of the Mother Goddess herself. DO not underestimate me.”

William walked around the desk and span my chair around so I was facing him. Now his eyes were completely purple and foreign, burning with so many different emotions. I could almost taste his exquisite smell, mixing my anger and fear with lust and desire.

“I`m not. I know what magic you can do. You have me spellbound.”

I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to cry now, but I could feel the tears building amongst other emotions.

“I understand you might need some alone-time after this, I will talk to Father about the things you`ve told me, and then I`ll come back to you. Please don’t hate me for the sins of my fathers. I want to be better; I promise to do better.”

I kept my eyes closed, calming myself. When I thought I was ready, I looked up at his glorious face, feeling my heart shatter, could I trust him?

“Hannah, my love. Be safe.”

He kissed me gently on my forehead and walked out the door without looking back. I was left with a feeling of being told to sit in the corner and wait like a child. Luckily, I wasn’t opposed to being a little brat.

Goddess of mischief,

Goddess of play

My words won`t fumble

When I ask for a stumble

I didn’t try to contain my giggle when I heard William trip over the doorstep, swearing loudly.

It took me a couple of seconds to realise that this was probably a break-up. It sounded so mundane, so normal. Nothing had ever been normal between us. The tears I`d been holding back started rolling down my cheeks, strangling my giggle. I took the whisky-tumbler and tossed back the last of the beverage, wishing I had the temper to smash the class against the wall. But it was dad`s, I couldn’t do it, just because I wanted to behave childish. I swallowed my sobs and started working. Now that I knew more about what they wanted, I could aim my research better.

The fountain of youth had been sought after for as long as mankind existed. There were several myths about people discovering it, but they were exactly that: myths. I wondered if the descendants of Seth had thought about the fact that they might have discovered the only reliable “drink of life”, they becoming thousands of years old. One of the first mentions of the Fountain of Youth was from Herodotus in the 5th century BC, but the people in that story only became 120 years old, nothing to brag about. Some say Alexander the Great stumbled upon it on his travels, or that it was situated in India. The way William talked insinuated something more of a potion, like maybe the Philosopher`s Stone or a panacea. Alchemists and so-called scientists used years trying to find the magic combination, no one succeeded. They thought of it as Magnum Opus, the Great Work, the one thing to discover in life. One Elias Ashmole claimed that Adam had gotten the knowledge of the stone directly from God, thus the longevity of his descendants. I knew now that it was because of the bite from the first Beast. I stopped dead with a book in my hand, something didn’t sit right. Why was the first bite contagious and not others? Was it something special with the first Beast, or maybe Eve hadn`t told the story truthfully to Adam? Could it be that Seth wasn’t Adam`s son? I shook my head, I had to think about that later.

The alchemists seemed to agree on one thing, first you needed prima materia, the first matter in the world of which the four elements all derived. The way the stone could transmute metal into gold or silver took over as the main force to discover it later on. ALL cultures seemed to have a version of the stone; some believed it was a powder, some a jewel, and some dragged God or Jesus into it. None of the potions I had heard about resembled anything like this. The vampires didn’t have eternal life, in fact they were prone to die easier because of their fragile skin. The blood they drank just kept the internal organs working, making the skin brittle and dry. Jesus may have risen from death, but he didn’t last long after that.

Panacea was named after a Greek Goddess, the daughter of Asclepius, the God of medicine. Panacea supposedly had a cure for every ail that troubled men and could thus prolong their life. The Latin name for Ginseng is panax, derived from the name, because the root was used for so many things it was considered a “Cure-all.”

I groaned out loud, nothing of this was helping me the last bit. What about the prophecy then? It didn’t say anything about eternal youth, or something like it.

The Beast is stilled by magic`s touch

The first is the last, know this much.

Blessed is the Last day that brings the Holy Oil,

Look for the Flesh that rises from the soil.

I rubbed my eyes, did the two things connect at all? I had too little information, I couldn’t connect the dots. As soon as I lost the drive to research, the thought of William came crashing over me. I bit my hand to stop me from crying, I knew I`d been warned, but it hurt like a bitch anyway.

Determined to not let it beat me, I made a cup of one of mum`s secret tea-recipes. It made my drowsy before I finished the cup, and I was already half asleep when I brushed my teeth. I slept through the night, but it didn’t stop me from having vivid dreams about William.

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