Palindrome

Confused with my feelings, I stood before my door for too long. His smirk, the way his hands gripped the steering wheel. The smell of him and the car mixed; just the sound of his beating heart made mine run a little faster. Part of being raised a witch is learning to listen to your body, and we didn’t believe in sin as many Christians do. Want to have sex? Go ahead, as long as it`s safe and consensual. No need to worry about what someone might say; the shame is all in your head. When two people come together, it`s one of the most beautiful things on earth. It just bugged me that he brought forward those kinds of feelings in me. My mind told me to stay away, not trust or talk to him, but my body wanted something different. The sheer force of the feeling scared me; I was a sensible girl; I should know to keep myself in check. I slapped my hand on the door to wake me up. “Fuck.”

If you think we are like the sisters in Charmed, you are wrong. We do have a book of spells, that`s true, but it isn’t kept up in the dark attic. We try to keep out of people`s life; we believe heavily in free will, but if I can help, I try to. It can be something small like saying a blessing over someone`s garden or severe things like ailing an illness. There`s a spell for almost anything, but I can`t always go around casting magic. The world can pretty much handle itself. The townspeople didn’t show up at my door and ask for a love potion or a spell, but they did talk to me. Every day at work, people talked to me, telling me about their life, their problems. And if I can help, I try. Like the other day when seven-year-old Peter cried because he`d lost his bike. A small location spell in the backroom, and I could guide him in the right direction.

I fell asleep on the couch that night, and nothing woke me. The sun shining on my face finally got me up, and I had to take a minute to remember where I was. It was very early, but I stood to greet the sun, letting it bless my soul. My mother`s voice sounded in my head, “Don`t believe the darkness when the light goes away; there`s always a sunrise blessing the day.” Or, as the Bible says, “Sufficient unto the day is evil thereof.”

I had two days off, with nothing special to do, what a wonderful feeling! Or, I had some gardening, and it was time to wash the curtains; Evans would be by to trim the hedges. As I opened the fridge, I realized it was due for a trip to the supermarket. I needed to make some more tea; I`d promised Mrs. Jensen the one that helped her psoriasis. As I brushed my teeth, I marveled at the difference from yesterday, what a good night`s sleep can do. My eyes sparkled back at me in the mirror, almost frantic. What was the cause of this flow of energy? An image of William sliding his shades back on jumped into my brain, and my stomach flipped by the memory. I waved it aside, refusing to believe he was the reason for my good mood, him and his family were nothing but bad news.

I tore down the curtains with exaggerated force and sang loudly to keep my mind occupied as I put them in the washer. There was a knock at the door, and I checked before opening it. Evans was outside in work clothes and some equipment. I smiled and greeted him, “Evans, up early?” His wrinkled face cracked as he smiled back, “Not one to sleep in, me.” He turned to look at the hedge and shook his head,” You should have asked me last fall, but I can manage. Sorry, I couldn’t make it here sooner. Do you have something to put the leaves and twigs in?” I helped Evans find everything he needed and thanked him profusely before he started. Evans shook his head, pulled on some ear covers, and got to business. When I was sure he didn’t need my help, I went into the kitchen to make a list of things I needed at the supermarket. I`d done some shopping the other day, but I was running low on items I needed from the superstore a bit further down. I had the radio on, and the kitchen was warm and cozy; I sang along to the song playing, and the distant hum of the washing machine was soothing. I reminded myself I had to find my bike and wondered if we had a thief in our town since two cycles had gone missing as I knew of. I said the spell inside me and got an image of a place with trees and a path. It looked like an area near Lady`s Dwell, just outside town. I breathed heavily, it took too long to walk there, but I could get Evans to drive me. Lady`s Dwell was part of my family history; the Lady in speaking was one of my ancestors, who had fallen asleep near the road, tired after a long and hazardous journey. A man woke her, carried her to his cabin, and tended to her. She fell in love and stayed here. The man never asked where she came from, and the two opened an Inn, offering food and bed to weary travelers. This town grew up around the Inn, and the ground where it stood now held the Sunshine Cafe. The Lady was my great-great-great-grandmother, whom I had my name after. They had built the house I now lived in when the children came, and Grandma Hannah wanted a place for herself that wasn’t filled with guests all the time.

When I looked down, I saw that I had written several items on my list I didn’t know I needed, but I let them stand, trusting my intuition. I wiped down the kitchen bench and did the dishes before I could hang the curtains to dry and put on another machine. I saw Evans worked hard, so I decided not to bother him about the lift. Grabbing my wicker basket and card, I went outside and locked the door behind me. I lifted the basket and pointed toward the town to tell Evans where I was going; he saluted me and kept working.

The day was one of those mellow mornings, still quite cool, but a promise of a hot day later. I stopped to talk to Mrs. Jensen, who sat outside, drinking her morning coffee. “Good morning, Mrs Jensen! I`ll stop by tomorrow with more of your tea; I`m going to the store now to get some supplies.”

“Morning, sweet Hannah. Is everything ok? I thought you looked tired yesterday, and then I saw that boy driving you home. You be sure to keep safe now, will you.”

You can always count on the neighbors to keep track of you. I reassured her, “I just slept badly but am much better today. Someone stole my bike; he was kind enough to offer me a lift home.” She gave me a stare; “Who was he, can`t say I`ve seen him before?” I blushed, feeling interrogated. “Oh, he`s one of the Adamsons; they`ve moved into the Pevensy-house.” Mrs. Jensen nodded, “Oh, I heard about someone moving in, a big family, supposedly. Stay safe; I bet your mother would have wanted me to warn you about them boys.” My smile broadened, and I thanked her kind heart before I resumed my mission.

I`d gotten halfway down my list when I heard some commotion in the aisle next to the one I was in; someone was arguing. They tried to be quiet, but they were obviously fighting about something. I felt a tingling in my fingers before a voice popped into my head.

“Listen. It`s about you.”

Why had the Goddess started to talk to me regularly? Sometimes she was a drama queen; I wondered if this would end up bad if I followed her advice.

“Don’t you think we don`t know you drove her home the other day? Her smell was all over the car; it reeked of witch and magic. We agreed to stay away till we found out some more.”

It was a woman speaking; from the context and lilt, I guessed it was William`s sister.

“I was trying to do just that, find out more. She was in the car for under five minutes; no harm was done.”

My heart hammered by his voice, conjuring up visions of him in sunglasses smiling at me.

A third voice.

“Oh, I can think of many things I could have done to her in five minutes...” There was the sound of a slap and a groan.

“Try to pretend you`re not an animal, will you?”

A low laughter ensued. “I saw the way you looked at her, brother. I bet you would have loved to get her alone in your car more often.”

“Stop acting like an idiot; some of us can think with other parts than our dick.”

“Hey, hey...” The sister tried to calm them down, “We`re in the middle of the store; keep it down, please. You can fight it out at home.”

William sneered, “You brought it up, don’t act so innocent.”

“I just wanted to remind you to keep away; Father will be angry if he hears about it when he gets here.”

I stood at the end of the aisle, hugging the shelf filled with cereal. I`d put the basket on the floor beside me and almost didn’t dare to breathe. Why were they supposed to keep away from me? How could they smell me in the car?

“Why should he hear about it if you don't tell him? I swear, she has no idea. If I can get some information from her voluntarily, wouldn’t that be the best? Maybe we can live here longer than six months; I`m tired of constantly moving.”

“When have we ever met a witch that wanted to help us? They hate us. They think we`re an abomination to nature.”

My mind was swimming; what were they talking about? An abomination? The same word Samuel had used. We saw all life on earth as sacred, all things blessed by the Goddess. Forgetting about the basket, I took a step back and knew instantly I would fall on my back. I tried to grab something, but there was nothing to hold on to. The fall seemed to last an eternity, but I finally hit the floor, tipping my basket filled with groceries. I let out a loud oomph when I landed, hitting my head on the edge of the shelf on the other side. Footsteps rambled my way, but I had my eyes closed, the pain radiating from my head. I lay still for some moments, trying to calm the nauseousness building. When I looked up, I met three pair of eyes. Two pair of brown and one pair of blue eyes. All perfectly still, staring at me without blinking.

“Are you ok?” William kept his voice down, but I saw his nostrils flaring before his warm hand found the wound in my head. I saw the blood on his fingers, and Benjamin stepped back and put one hand on his sister`s shoulder. In slow motion, I saw William lick one of his fingers, and the way he closed his eyes in bliss afterward made me wish we were alone in a bedroom. Then the pain woke me up; what kind of fantasy was that? I tried to get up, but my legs wouldn’t respond. William saw me struggling and pushed me down again. “Keep still; you hurt your head pretty bad.” He turned to his sister. “Belinda, can you get one staff member to help us? We need a first-aid kit, I believe.” She didn’t respond at first; her eyes were fixated on me. Instinct made me push myself closer to the shelf, further away from her body. Benjamin gave her a shake, and she woke like from a trance.

“Sure? We can just hit her again and say it was an accident?” I struggled to understand what she meant, and when her words finally made sense, I grabbed William. “Help me up.” He shot a menacing glare at Belinda. “Don’t be ridiculous. Never mind her, Hannah, she`s just joking.” I doubted it but said nothing as she slumped away for help.

Benjamin kept his distance as William slowly helped me up. “You should stay still; you might have a concussion.” My head hammered; I almost saw the pain pulsating red around my skull. “I`m fine.” I touched the wound gingerly; my hand came back covered in blood. I knew head injuries tended to bleed a lot, but I couldn’t help but pale at the sight. I looked at William to distract myself; what I saw in his eyes should have scared me half to death, but instead, I leaned closer. I saw his lips, blood-red and half open. He had a stubble, enough to empathize the sharp jaw, and my bloody hand crept towards his face. It was like in the car when time seemed to stop or move slowly. Not a sound was heard other than our synchronized breathing. Gazing into his eyes, I saw visions of a dark forest and animals running; I saw myself standing in a field, dressed in a white dress and a wreath, waiting for someone.

My lips were just centimeters from his, and William`s pupils almost covered his eyes. My hand rested against his chin, the beard soft under my touch. William was dragged away from me when I was about to lean in that last distance. I saw the blood smear left by my hand and stumbled forward. I got a hold at the last second, keeping me upright. My body bent forward, heaving after the air. What the fuck just happened?

That was almost the exact words Benjamin yelled at his brother.

“What the fuck was that? You looked like you would have her right in the middle of the store.” He raised a hand and pointed at me. “She`s a witch; you should know to stay the fuck away from her.” William shook his head, his eyes glazed. I couldn’t speak; I didn’t know what was happening; I was losing control. He swallowed. “Not a spell, I think.” He whispered, but Benjamin heard him. My hands covered my mouth, trying to still my harsh breathing. I met William`s eyes and did the only thing that seemed fitting. I fainted.