Chapter 12: Bonds and Worries
My breath passed heavily through my lungs. Chills ran through me as the touch of soft moist grass rested beneath my chest as I lied on the ground, my eyes scanning the undergrowth.
The hairs on my neck would stand on end in anticipation as something emerged from the forest. A sense of joy surged within me as we slowly began to stalk the prey.
My eyes zeroed in on the target, my tail rested softly on the ground as I sniffed the air around me, making sure there wasn’t anything that possibly could betray my position. Once satisfied, I turned my attention to my prey.
My body softly rose from the ground, careful not to alert our target to my presence. I circled around the creature in the underbrush, paws pressing quietly into the ground, but my gaze never wavered from our prey.
The wind howled in the treetops above me, further masking my movements. I inched closer and closer, recognizing my target as a deer. The moon’s silvery light filtered down, illuminating the forest floor.
Once in an opportune position, I crouched low. My body would begin to tense, coiling tightly like a spring. My breathing slowed to the point where it blended seamlessly with the brush. When the deer turned away from me, its attention centered solely on the grass, I saw my chance.
I flew out of the bush I was hiding under, sounding like a rushing breeze. My jaws flung wide as my fangs glistened brightly in the light as they sank into the soft flesh of the deer.
Hot blood flushed into my mouth as the prey’s heart continued to pump. The sounds of air wheezing through its throat as it struggled to breath. The deer’s body went limp as its life finally faded away.
I felt a soft nudge on my shoulder, my vision whirling from the scene as I returned to sitting on the balcony. My body was drenched with sweat, my breathing heavily labored.
I looked up to see Silvi kneeling beside me, her armored hand gently stroking my back. I smiled to my sister, blushing softly, still tasting the fresh warm blood on my lips. My body ached as though I charged headlong myself into the fray.
Even while hunting with Silvi as a dragon, something she and I loved doing together, witnessing a hunt through another’s perspective was exhilarating. In fact it felt exactly the same as when she and I would go hunting together.
There was a reason as to why she is here. Silvi has been helping keeping me in check as Fenris and I linked together. My sister knew when to pull me back, making sure that I didn’t dive too deeply into the connection that I might lose myself and her to it. The three of us would agree on when we conducted these experiments, with Silvi flying onto the balcony pulling me into her lap.
After the hunt ended, I’d collapse into my sister chest, utterly exhausted. She smiled, holding my close to her chest. I wondered if Rachel knew of my experiments, but for whatever reason, she’s kept silent. In the end, this was a secret just between the three of us.
With all of my training and schooling, it was something that I really hadn’t delved too deeply into. It had been ten months since Fenris and I had bonded with one another. While the two of us enjoyed our morning runs together, sparring, and overall spending time with one another. We never explored what we could truly do with that bond.
My curiosity, over the past few months, had grown stronger and stronger with each passing night. These little hunts helped us explore our connection. I could see the world through his eyes, feel his breath as though it were my own, and even experience the thrill of a successful hunt.
When Fenris and I were alone, we often spoke in silence, opting to convey our thoughts to the other through both stroking and telepathy. Fenris and I would also test our connection while out the field. We would play games with each other, often selecting the most basic of children’s games, hide and seek, but with a twist.
We would enter from different points and begin to run through the forest. Each player would send glimpses of their position which the other would attempt to capture. It was a fun game, and it strengthened to bond between us, beyond the magical bond.
Fenris loved playing with me; much like any father would with their daughter. Over time, I learned that I could actually summon Fenris by calling out his name. When we would start each of our games, we gradually increased the distance of our placements.
The hunts served as a method of increasing the range of our mental link, with me at the Manor and Fenris within the forest. I also soon learned that the magic between Fenris and I was far stronger once he and I were fully in sync. While he clearly was far more powerful than I, I felt myself growing closer and closer to him with each lesson.
While he and I had made significant progress, my impatience slowly started to show. I wanted to know how deep we could take the connection. Unbeknownst to Silvi, whenever Fenris hunted, I delved deeper into the link. I would tend to dive not only into his perception of the hunt, but actually inserting myself into his mind, nearly forming a part that might spring out of him.
The sensation of hunting while on all fours had grown intoxicating to me and incredibly addictive. I kept this secret from everyone, even Fenris.
My blood would boil at the thrill of the hunt; again feeling equally is exhilarating as hunting as a dragon. But this was different, more…intimate than merely soaring through the air and snatching an unsuspecting deer like an eagle upon a rabbit.
There would also be times when Silvi wasn’t around to help keep me in check. On occasion, I would sneak out of the Manor and run into the forest. Something within me had either awoken or grown with every hunt.
With each nightly escape, I felt more feral, more animalistic. I would run through the forest, and begin hunting on my own.
I slowly began to lose myself to the base instincts, often losing track of myself. Fenris would stay by my side at all times, often slipping out with me, while I descended away from my humanity. His voice was often the only thing that kept me anchored. Even with a simple snap of his jaws was often enough to pull me back.
He knew that I was slowly getting over-my-head, but I was becoming blind to my own stupidity. During one such night however, I managed to take my diving too far.
While hunting within the forest one night near the end of September, Fenris and I both stalked a deer, with each hiding within brush opposite of the other. The moon shone brightly in the night sky as it light gently filtered through the leaves and branches of the trees around us.
As was always, I could see the deer through the wolf’s eyes. The scent of the animal flowed through his nose, a scent that I filled mine as well. The only difference was that I was hiding several yards away from the deer. My body then crouched low, my muscles tensed as I stared at the target.
I dug my fingers into the soft moist soil, my feet pressing into the ground. I was poise to spring forth and tackle the animal. My mind dazed into a fog as my heart began to beat heavily within my chest.
My breathing slowed as he and I inched closer and closer, waiting for the perfect moment. I had become a little too carried away in my anticipation as my gaze narrowed on the deer.
My heart thumped loudly in my chest. A sly vicious grin drew across my face as I bent down onto all fours. The area around me grew darker as I soft chill settled on the ground.
I felt more beast-like as I delved into the connection. I almost could feel Fenris’ heartbeat, as though it were my own. Our breathing synced in unison as the hairs on my arms and legs stood on end.
Something then spooked the deer and it bolted. As I gave chase, I could hear Fenris’ voice calling out to me, but it sounded muddled within my mind, almost as though it were a whisper.
I softly ran through the underbrush, easily weaving and dodging passed exposed roots and low-hanging branches. Nothing would stop me from hunting down my prey. The further I pursued, the more lost I became. Nothing else in the world mattered.
My mind slowly felt as though it were being locked away within a cage as my body reacted more upon instinct. I felt my body transforming into a kitsune as my tails and ears sprang out from my body. My fangs grew longer and sharper as I drew closer to my prey. A fire burned within my chest as I chase after the deer.
Before I realized it, I was actually running on all fours. My fingers and toes dug deeply into soil as I neared my target. I suddenly lost track of the deer. I sniffed the air, attempting to regain its scent.
A soft growl rumbled through my body as I clawed at the ground. In defeat I looked around me, realizing that I had become lost. My tails slammed into the ground in frustration as I sniffed the air once more.
Time had lost its meaning to me as I stared into the dark forest. A creeping fear crawled up my spine as the subtle sounds of the forest grew louder. I backed up slowly, tails swishing around me.
Darkness began to envelope my mind as the mist began to grow thickly on the forest floor. I had forgotten who I was and in that moment, I was merely a lost beast.
I curled up inside a hollowed out tree, wrapping my tails around me as my body shivered. My eyes grew heavy as I huddled tightly in a ball.
“Aria.”
A voice echoed through the mist. My ears perked up as I peered out into the darkness.
“Aria.”
Again the voice sounded, but now it was louder, familiar. I recoiled into the hollow, a snarling growl rolled from me. A figure slowly formed from the mist, followed by a dark shape. My fangs bore as I growled at the approaching figures.
“Aria,” a second voice rang out, but now it was different, deeper, and forceful, yet gentle.
“Aria… please come out of there,” spoke the first voice, “there is no need to be scared sweetheart.” The mist then parted slowly, revealing Rachel, with Fenris standing beside her.
The tension within my body began to melt away. My mother knelt to the ground, hands held outwards to me, “Aria…come to me. It’s all right sweetheart.” I looked to her, shame instantly swelled through me as I inched out of my hiding place.
“You are safe little Aria, there is no need to fear,” spoke the wolf.
I crawled out completely of the hollow, tails dragged across the ground as I crawled over the Rachel. Tears soon rolled down my face as I looked up at her and Fenris.
A hand reached out to my face, stroking it gently, “There’s my girl,” smiled Rachel.
I curled up into her, clinging tightly to her shirt, hot wet tears still running down my cheek. My mother wrapped her arms around me and stroked my back, humming to me.
My tails and ears receded into me as I reverted to a human. Rachel kissed the top of my head, feeling Fenris lying next to me, his head rested on my legs.
I looked up at her, my face burned brightly with shame, “I’m…I’m sorry.”
Rachel looked into my eyes, “As you should be,” her gaze was soft, but contained a tense, piercing disappointment, “you should not have kept this from me. If you were curious about experimenting with your bond with Fenris, then you should have done the right thing and come to me. If you had, we could have conducted it in a more controlled environment. You acted foolishly and rash.”
I looked away, nodding, “Yes ma’am.”
My mother turned my face for me to look into her eyes once more, “Even if your sister was at hand, making sure you did not overexert yourself, keeping this hidden from me is unacceptable. I am extremely disappointed in you Aria.” Her words cut straight through to my heart.
Rachel stood us up, brushing off my clothes. She glared into my eyes, “Aria, I am grounding you for two weeks. You are not to leave the Manor; this includes going to see your aunt, sister, or anyone else on the Estate.”
“While within the Manor,” she continued, “you are to only travel between the conservatory for your lessons, the library, and dining room. If not in either place, you are to be in your room. No phone or computer either during this time. I will be assigning you three papers on topics of my choosing, including length and detail, and finally…”
My mother cupped my chin, “I want you to promise to never…hide something dangerous as this from me.”
I nodded, “Yes ma’am.”
She nodded over to Fenris, “You should grateful to your bonded, who informed me of what you were doing shortly before this night. He was growing more and more concerned of your impulsiveness and impatience.”
I peered over to my wolf, who brushed my hand with his face, “You are not yet ready, little Aria. We are strong and our bond is unbreakable,” he then pressed his face into my chest, his bright ice-blue eyes looking up into mine, “never forget who you are.”
I gripped his fur, laying my head onto his, nodding as a more tears rolled down my cheeks, “Yes Papa Wolf.” Fenris rumbled a soft growl.
Rachel smiled, stroking my hair, “Now…let us return to the Manor. You young lady are filthy and your clothes are in tatters.”
I nodded, looking up at her, “Yes Ma’am.” The three of us the slowly exited the forest with Rachel gripping my right hand tightly and my left clinging tightly to Fenris’ fur. In that moment, I felt as though I were small child between her parents. A feeling I am certain was shared by both of them.
As the weather began to slowly turn cooler, I often found myself sitting upon the railing of my balcony. I gazed out onto the Estate, smiling softly as I watched the wind sweep onto the fields below. Nighttime especially was my favorite to merely sit in silence.
On certain nights I would be joined by Fenris, with him sitting on the floor behind the railing. He enjoyed being near me at all times, mainly in the event that I might possibly slip off the railing, so that he might catch me.
At times I could feel his breath beating against my back as we looked out into the night sky. His face would often rest on the railing beside me, pressing against my thigh. My hand naturally rested upon his head, softly stroking the wolf’s fur.
Times like these were spent it quiet reflection, after I had completed whatever homework my mother had assigned me. Mostly I would think over the day’s events, letting them run through my mind like a movie. A sigh tended to leave me on more than one occasion.
There were a couple times when Rachel and I had clashed over schoolwork. Not that I wasn’t completing it, but with the prospect of doing a full-on theses on more sagas from ancient civilizations began to manifest, I felt like bolting out of the conservatory . It wasn’t so much doing the papers that were the problem…it was the act of having to translate them from the source material.
Sanskrit and ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs both drove me insane. It was from those exact sources that I had to read from in order to complete the assignments. Reading in long-dead languages often had the side-effect of turning my brain into mush.
The last paper I wrote was over a hundred pages long and I still didn’t have enough of a response in order to complete it. I smiled in relief after I completed it, with the final paper being the longest and most difficult.
I pulled my legs into my chest, sighing heavily. It had been two weeks since my late night run through the forest, and I finally was off of being grounded.
As promised, I did not delve any deeper into the connection between Fenris and me. After that night, I became frightened by how deep I let myself go, and how easily it was to do so. It had always been a fault of mine to go head first into anything new and exciting, and I often would go in blindly, becoming overconfident.
I have often considered myself an idiot, and that night proved my claims. Rachel started to keep an increased eye on me after that night. Not intruding on me while I was in my room, but while I was walking around the Manor
I peered back out onto the Estate, the sun slowly setting into the hills. My thoughts then turned to how upset Rachel was with me. My mother’s opinion of me is one the most important aspects in my life, and for her to say that she was disappointed in me felt like a knife stabbing me through the heart.
I never wanted to have that feeling again. Oh sure, she had punished me in the past for creating mischief around the Manor, but these were merely childish antics. What I did was far worse.
I rested my chin onto my knees, feeling the wind as I picked up slightly. Fall was coming and so too the harvest. As always, I wanted to go help out once it became time. Last year I missed out on it, given that I was merely visiting at the time.
I remembered my old apartment. I had never once regretted my decision to move in with Rachel. In fact it was probably the best thing I had ever done.
I still thought about it on the rare occasion, much like anywhere else I used to live. I then shook my head, breaking my train of thought as I hugged my legs tighter to me.
I felt warm arms wrapping around my body, pulling me backwards. I looked up and saw Rachel standing over me. “Good evening my love,” smiled my mother.
I smiled timidly to her, “Hi.”
She leaned down and placed a kiss onto my forehead, “Your time of punishment has ended, and I am glad you abided by it my darling.”
I nodded, “I know…still kicking myself over it.”
She continued to stroke my hair, running her fingers through it, “Acknowledging one’s mistakes is important in our growth as a person. But you shouldn’t punish yourself more than you should. You made a mistake yes and have since paid for said mistake. But now you must move on.”
I nodded again, “Yes ma’am.”
She held me closely to her, humming tenderly. A soft smile grew on my face as I looked back out onto the Estate.
Rachel kissed the top of my head, “Why don’t you come downstairs. I am fairly certain dinner will be ready for us.”
I nodded, looking up at her and smiling, “I’ll be down soon, just want to stay up here for a moment.”
She stared into my eyes, grinning, “Not planning on an escape are we?”
I chuckled, “No, just…just had something on my mind.”
Rachel then gently turned me around and grabbed a chair, seating herself into it, “What troubles you, my little girl?”
I fidgeted with the folds of my skirt, “Well…why is Fenris bonded to me?” quickly shaking head, “scratch that. What makes me so important to have someone like him connected to me?”
Fenris laid his head into my lap, his eyes staring up into mine. I smiled as I leaned over and stroked his fur, “I’m not saying that I’m ungrateful or not wanting him around. He’s been amazing and I love him to death. It’s just that…well…in the grand scheme of things…I’m no one.”
Rachel looked at me, her face softened and saddened. I laid my head onto his, still stroking it, “You once told me that Uldulvan wolves were the guardians of great noble houses of Dewloura, but as far I can tell…I’m not of any of them. Not that I do. I’m just some kid from the southeast.”
Rachel then rose from her chair and softly raised my chin, her eyes staring into mine, “You are not ‘no one’, Aria. You are my daughter. I do not know the reason as to why Fenris is here or why the two of you of such a strong connection to one another.”
Her hand moved to my cheek as she pressed her forehead against mine, “All I know is that you are here, that he is here, and that you are with me. That is all that matters to me.” I closed my eyes, feeling her warmth and gentleness, and nodded.
Her eyes then stared into mine, “I know you have questions my love, and the heavens know I wish I had answers to give you.”
I sighed softly, recalling tons of other questions that I had asked in the past, many in fact. While it's ordinary to want answers in one’s life, my life on the other hand has been anything but ordinary.
With my family being killed, then adopted by Rachel, and basically being thrown into entirely new world, and not to mention going to Europe to mingle amongst some of the most powerful people on the continent.
There is an entire litany of things that I had endured that I couldn’t even begin to fully list out. I still had questions about how my family died; still thinking that it was Beltrok. There just too many other questions that love to float around in my mind.
Fenris raised his head and licked my cheek. I smiled softly, stroking his fur, and looking to him, “Do you know why you came for me?”
Fenris’ eyes glimmered as they gazed into mine, “I know not, little Aria. What can be said for certain was the very moment of your birth, a fire rose within me. A link between us had been formed. Upon my arrival to these shores, our connection was lost. It was though you were shielded from me. I was unable to reestablish it until near the middle of last summer, when it blazed within me once more.”
I thought for a moment, with a slight smile rising on my lips, remembering the awakening of my magic while in Japan. I then looked to Rachel, furling an eyebrow, “Shielded? Like how you were trying to keep me hidden?”
She shook her head, “I do not believe that is what he is referring to. Aside from forgetting our first meeting, I too could never find you afterwards. To be honest, it was sheer luck that I did.”
My fingers ran through the wolf’s fur, “Do you think it was the Kinstone?”
She gently ran her fingers through my hair, “I don’t think it was. While the Kinstone does indeed offer some forms of protection, the ability to hide the presence of it wielder is not among said abilities.”
I looked at both of them, “Well…yet another mystery to pile onto my life.”
My mother held me close to her chest, gently stroking my back, “Have patience my love. I am certain you shall find your answers in due time.” She then pulled back and patted my thigh, “Now, feeling hungry my love? Dinner should be served right about now.”
I smiled, nodding, “I’ll be down in a sec.”
My mother smiled, kissing my forehead once more, “Don’t take tarry too long.”
I nodded again, “Yes ma’am.” She then turned and walked back into my room. Fenris looked up at me, appearing concerned. I smiled, kissing his nose, “Go on, I’ll be down, I promise.” The wolf gave a soft whine and huff, but then turned and walked off.
I hopped off of the banister and turned to look back out onto the Estate. The sun was slowly beginning to sink beneath the hills, creating a golden amber aura in the sky. I grumbled and swore under my breath, still dwelling over the past conversation. I sighed and headed off for dinner.