Of Ash & Linen

The sight of the carriage laden with her trunks sent another wave of nerves through Ava. Any last hopes she had of avoiding her fate quickly withered. She looked down the line of nobles and statesmen that had come to see her off.

Assembled in the courtyard were some of her uncle’s closest friends and advisers. Several of the lords and ladies in attendance were here in the hopes of gaining favor with the king; others were merely hoping to catch a glimpse of the King’s niece as she was whisked away to her foreign suitor. The absurdity and false glamour of court life had always disgusted Ava.

Ava nodded her head in response to well wishes as she followed her father down the sendoff line.

At the end, Pernice assaulted her with a tight hug and an excessively cheerful goodbye. Ava reluctantly returned her hug and then grabbed her by the shoulders and planted her at arm’s length.

“Oh, Avocetta,” Pernice preened, “How will I survive without you? The days will surely be dreary without your peculiarities and adorable antics to entertain us all.”

Pernice had spent her entire silly life trying to settle a vendetta against Ava that Ava didn’t understand. As for the peculiarities she spoke of, Ava had never been very good at fitting in with palace life. She would much rather be out riding or searching the library for a new book than spreading court gossip or taking tea like a proper lady should.

“Pernice.” Ava smiled sweetly, a false expression she had mastered. “Don’t seem so happy or people with think you’re excited to see me go.”

Pernice smiled even bigger.

“Let them think what they will,” Pernice said. “They always have anyway. At least with this marriage you will put their gossip to rest and prove your worth as a royal lady.”

Ignoring the insult, Ava took in her cousin’s face one last time; pretty, with dark eyes like Ava’s, but much fairer hair and a slightly more rounded face. Pernice was a few years younger and some childlike accents still lingered in her features.

Ava remembered standing here months ago when Coralli left for her own arranged marriage. The memory gave her the motivation to leave with her head held high, following the example set by her eldest cousin.

She grasped both of Pernice’s hands tightly and pulled her close.

“I wish you the best, little cousin,” Ava kept her voice low so that only Pernice could hear. “And though my heart is heavy with the goodbyes I have had to say today, the thought of never seeing you again lightens that burden. Thank you for giving me something to look forward to today.”

Pernice huffed and pulled away, straightening her pink ruffles. Ava did not return her glare. Instead, she turned to her father who stood waiting at the open door of the carriage.

“Father,” Ava’s voice cracked only a little.

Ava thought her father was about to speak, but instead he stepped forward and wrapped her in a firm, gentle hug. Ava wanted to hug him in return. She knew beneath all of his pride and sense of duty that her father loved her. But try as she might, she could not forgive him for sending her away, for taking away her future, for taking way her freedom. She did not hug him in return.

“Avocetta,” her father released her and took her hand. “I am proud of you. You bring your mother’s memory great honor today.”

Ava thought that if her mother were here, she would not let her father send her away. Then again, Ava hadn’t really known her mother that well. She was only eight when her mother was taken ill by the sickness that eventually killed her.

“Father, please,” Ava whispered. The plea slipped from her mouth before she could stop it. She immediately regretted it when her father stiffened before her. He did not make eye contact with her, and she knew she had just given him one final chance to wound her heart.

“Write to me,” her father said as he lifted her hand and guided her to her seat inside the carriage. A silent maid sat across from Ava, dutifully ignoring the painful scene unfolding before her. Only when Ava was seated did her father release her and raise his eyes to look at her again.

Ava squeezed her hands together tightly and blinked away her tears. She reminded herself of her promise to leave with dignity, like Coralli.

“Go in peace with your new beginning,” Ava said. She saw the sadness leak into her father’s eyes as he recognized the traditional Minoran farewell. “And may our ending bring blessings upon your life.”

It was a saying reserved for when both parties knew they would never see each other again in life. Her father understood that she would not write. She was so wounded by him that she swore to herself that he would never hear from her again.

“Go in peace,” her father delivered the customary response and closed the carriage door. He watched her through the open window, his face a mixture of reluctant despair and decided determination. As soon as he stepped away, the carriage lurched forward. Ava tore her eyes away from her father and stared straight ahead.

As soon as they were outside the castle walls she slid the window cover closed and dropped her face into her hands. With only the quiet maid left as witness, Ava finally allowed herself to cry. The tears fell freely long after the carriage left the smooth roads of the capital.

***

The longer Ava stared at the interior of the carriage, the more imperfections she found. She had counted thirteen small tears in the fabric lining the ceiling and seven scratches where the paint had chipped off of the wooden frame around the door. Ava imagined the paint had been scratched away by unwilling passengers, like herself, trying to claw their way out of the carriage, trying to escape the fate they were being carried away to.

The thought was absurd. The carriage door didn’t even have a lock.

Ava sighed and looked away from the ceiling at her maid. She was the most boring companion Ava had ever endured. She’d introduced herself as Moretta.

“Can I call you Etta?” Ava had asked.

“I’d rather you didn’t, my lady,” Moretta replied and returned to her knitting without another word.

The incessant clicking of the wooden needles was setting Ava’s teeth on edge.

Searching for a distraction, she looked toward the covered window. She sat up and leaned forward to raise the covering. She shaded her eyes momentarily while they adjusted to the bright afternoon light. It had been hours since she had left Cincia and the traveling party had hit the open country of Minore.

Ava took in the rolling green hills and the distant trees. She longed to jump from the carriage and run freely though the grass until she collapsed from exhaustion. The last of her tears had dried hours ago. Now, she was mostly bored stuck in the rattling carriage all day.

The constant shaking made it impossible for her to write properly. She had started a letter to her cousin, Coralli, but abandoned the effort when she’d ruined her third sheet of paper. The movement made her sick when she tried to read one of the several books she had brought along. That left her sitting with nothing but her thoughts.

The sunlight helped brighten her musings slightly. She wondered if maybe she would find more freedom in Erdene that her life might actually be better there. At least she would be free of her father and uncle.

Ava folded her arms on the edge of the window and rested her chin on her arms. She was watching the scenery when a form came into view.

It was a solider astride a light brown horse. Ava lifted her head but kept her arms resting where they were.

“My lady,” the soldier said with a slight nod of his head. “Do you require a stop?”

Ava blinked. She hadn’t realized until now that she was the highest-ranking person in the traveling party. All of these soldiers were hers. They had their orders to deliver her safely to Erdene, but other than that they were under her command. Why shouldn’t they stop if she felt like it?

“Actually, yes, “Ava said as she straightened her posture, “I do require a stop.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the soldier nodded again and kicked his horse forward.

A moment later the carriage rolled to a stop, and the door was opened for Ava. A different soldier was standing there with his hand held out to help Ava down. She took the soldier’s hand and stepped out of the carriage.

They were on a small dirt road surrounded on either side by fields of wild grass. Ava took a deep breath of the fresh smelling air and turned toward her riding party.

The soldier helped Moretta down then regarded Ava with a grin. She guessed he was in his early forties. His reddish-brown hair was cropped short like all men in the Minoran Army and slight wrinkles branched from his bright blue eyes. He looked like someone who smiled often.

“First time out of the city?” he asked.

“Yes,” Ava said and returned his smile.

“Name’s Antony,” the soldier said. “I think you’ll find you like it away from all the noise, the smells, and, well, the people.”

Antony turned away for a moment and reached up near the driver’s seat at the front of the carriage. When he turned back he had a leather pouch in his hand which he extended to Ava. She regarded the pouch, unsure what he expected of her. She glanced at Moretta for help, who proved to be useless. The maid simply looked annoyed and turned away.

“Water. You must be thirsty,” Antony said as Ava took the pouch. “I don’t know how you royals put up with living in that city every day. I nearly go mad when I’m stuck in Cincia between assignments.”

Before she had a chance to respond, Antony began walking towards a few of the other guards who were grouped several yards away from the carriage drinking from similar pouches.

“Let me know if you need anything, Lady Avocetta. I’ll be stretching my legs a bit.”

Ava watched him go and wondered if he had lost a bet and gotten stuck being the one to deal with her. She had no idea how to respond to him. She had never met anyone who idly chatted with her so boldly. Things must be different outside of the city walls.

As the day progressed, she noted other differences. Drinking from a pouch instead of a glass was only the first of many new experiences for her. The most uncomfortable being when she was left to relieve herself behind a grouping of trees while her guards waited nearby. She and Moretta had quite a time of it, trying to hold up Ava’s bundle of skirts while she leaned against the tree hoping she wasn’t making a mess of herself.

Once straightened and decent, she kept her eyes forward as she strode back into the carriage, refusing to look at any of the guards for fear of embarrassment. She swore she heard laughter after she slammed the carriage door closed.

Antony had introduced her to the other guards in their company when they had stopped for the evening. Martis, a very big man with a thick black beard, was preparing their meal over an open fire.

Ava was sitting on a crate while the others set up their camp for the night. She stared at the meat roasting over the fire and the pot of boiling potatoes. She would have turned such a meal away under usual circumstances, but she was so hungry that it looked delicious. The mid-day meal had consisted of dried fruit and bread. The party had not stopped but kept moving while they ate.

Martis caught her looking at him as he took a drink from the small metal canister he kept in his breast pocket. He held the canister out to her, but she shook her head. He chuckled and returned the canister to his pocket. Ava could smell the drink from here. It reminded her of the liquor her father favored. She had never liked the taste of it.

The others gathered around the fire as they finished their task, and Martis doled out a healthy serving of meat and boiled potatoes to Ava and Moretta first and then to each of the men. Ava was relieved to find that they had brought plates and cutlery, though they were made of a light metal material instead of porcelain and silver.

The soldiers carried on hearty conversation and laughter while they ate, and Ava found herself laughing at some of their jokes. Meanwhile Moretta didn’t crack a smile the entire night.

“I’ll take first watch,” Darius, one of the younger guards, said once the meal was finished.

Ava stood to retire to her tent for the night.

“Otis, you’re with Lady Avocetta tonight.” Antony nodded to another of the younger guards.

Ava started at the mention of her name and looked from Antony to the guard he had addressed.

Otis nodded and gathered his bedroll. “Come, my lady,” Otis said has he led Ava to her tent.

Ava had no idea what her accommodations would be like, but she had resigned herself to modest hopes. She was sure to encounter yet another unpleasant novelty that was life outside of Cincia.

Martis caught the look of trepidation on her face and let out another hearty chuckle. She narrowed her eyes at him then beckoned for Moretta to join her as she followed Otis.

When he reached Ava’s tent, Otis held the canvass opening back for her so that she might enter. He was a tall, lean young man with thick blonde hair and a crooked nose, broken in a fight most likely. He was currently returning Ava’s stare with his eyebrows raised.

“My lady?” he asked.

“Thank you,” Ava said and gathered her skirts. She ducked as she stepped into the tent followed closely by Moretta. Upon turning, she saw that the guard had already let the tent flap fall closed. Curiously, she peered through the narrow gap in the canvas.

Outside, Otis was unrolling his bedding on the ground. He was to be her night guard.

She let out a sigh of relief and turned to survey her own bedding situation. There were two similar bedrolls already setup on the far side of the tent. Her small traveling trunk was also present with a lit candle in a brass holder resting on top. The tent was otherwise empty. Her remaining belongings and trunks had been left strapped to the carriage.

Moretta helped Ava out of her dress and into her nightgown before donning her own change of clothes. The maid blew out the candle without consulting Ava and settled into a bedroll.

Ava sat on the remaining bedroll and rubbed her face with her hands. She was suddenly tired. The small feeling of freedom she had experienced from being outside the city had shriveled away. She was still no more than a captive. She even had a guard stationed outside of her tent. He was there to protect her, she was sure, but it still felt like he was there to keep her in more than he was there to keep others out.

***

The next day progressed much the same as the one before. They were still within the borders of Minore, and the scenery hadn’t changed much; still open green fields as far as sight could reach.

Ava was looking outside of her window when the guard from yesterday trotted up next to her again. His name was Anthus, Ava had learned. He was second in command in the small six-man squad, behind Antony. They were brothers. That was evident in not only their similar looks but in demeanor as well. Though Ava found Anthus to be a bit more approachable.

“Get any writing done today?” Anthus asked with a grin. He had seen her through the window trying to draft a letter using a crate as a table earlier that day. Ava had thought the idea clever, but Moretta had not been amused.

“No, but I did manage to mutilate more of my paper supply,” Ava replied.

Anthus gave a short laugh.

“Where are you from?” Ava blurted. Boredom had made her bold, and she clearly wasn’t getting any conversation out of Moretta.

“A town near the mountains north of Cincia City, my lady,” Anthus glanced at her. “Why do you ask?”

“Your accent. It’s different from most people in Cincia. It reminds me of my lady’s maid.” Ava felt a small sting at the image of Padovana’s face that flashed in her mind.

“My brother and I came to the city as youngsters,” Anthus said. “We sought the glory of your father’s army in place of plowing fields and sowing wheat like our father. Ours is a simple farming family, my lady.”

“I expect you don’t find much glory in serving as the crown’s delivery men,” Ava lowered her eyes momentarily.

“On the contrary.” Anthus smiled. He adopted a comically grandiose demeanor. “To be trusted with the daughter of the general,” he said as he bowed slightly in Ava’s direction, “the niece of the king. There is no higher honor for an errand boy of the great crown of Minore.”

Ava laughed. She liked the way Anthus found the pomp and circumstance of the royals every bit absurd as she did. Anthus straightened in his saddle and gave her a quick grin.

“So, my lady, if you cannot write to otherwise fill your time trapped in that carriage,” he asked, “what will you do with your abundance of idle time?”

“I don’t know.” Ava sighed and rested her chin atop her arms, which were folded on the window frame. “How long will it take to reach Erdene?”

Anthus thought for a moment. “Oh, about six or seven days I should guess,” he said, “and another six after that to reach Shirnelen, the capitol city. For that bit of the journey you’ll be with the Erdenic.” Anthus continued lightly like he wasn’t talking about the most life-shattering event in Ava’s life.

“They will take you the rest of the way,” he said. “Our orders state that the Shar himself will be just across the Erdene border to meet us.”

Ava felt a queasiness creep into her gut that had nothing to do with the bouncing of the carriage. Still, she lifted her chin from her arms and sat up a little straighter.

Six days. Six days and he would have her.

Six days and she would be gone, replaced by the wife of the Shar. Ava wondered if a person could vanish with their freedom. She could become an empty shell, her body autonomous in her absence. Then, maybe then, she could survive the death of her free will, of her aspirations, and all of the other things she would be forced to surrender in her new life. Dying to herself would surely be better than living trapped inside.

“Are you well, my lady?”

Anthus’s voice pricked her thoughts, and they deflated, receding into the depths of her mind. Ava shook her head to clear it, and then realized the shaking made it appear as if she were replying “no.” Anthus’s eyes creased in momentary concern. In the edge of her vision, she saw Moretta glance up from her needlework and knew the maid had been listening.

“Yes,” Ava said quickly. “I’m all right. Thank you.”

Satisfied, Moretta when back to knitting.

Anthus didn’t look like he believed her, however, so she gave him a smile she hoped looked confident.

“How long until we stop for the day?” she changed the subject. “The sun will set soon.”

Anthus nodded. “We will be stopping shortly. I’m sure Antony will call a halt once we reach this cluster of trees we’re approaching.”

He was right. The party stopped ten minutes later.

No one objected when Ava insisted on retiring early that night. She needed time to write, to relieve her mind of her miserable thoughts before they consumed her.