Nocticadia: A Dark Academia Gothic Romance

My finger hovered over the submit button. No going back after this.

Damn it.

Damn it!

I hated that this was the easiest solution for me. That I had backed myself into a corner, by being so naive as to think Conner gave a shit about my sister. Or me, for that matter. Jayda was right, though. It was time to stop living under the shadow of men. Even if I had to resort to sex work, it was better than being chained.

Be audacious, Lilia.

Ugh. I wasn’t, though. I was shy and quiet, and entirely uncomfortable when it came to sex.

But I was desperate, too.

A text from Bee popped up, startling me enough, the phone slipped from my fingers, but I caught it before it hit the floor.

And in doing so, I unintentionally clicked the submit button.

My heart thudded in my chest.

In that split second, I changed my mind, and I scrambled to close out of the app before it was too late.

But it was too late.

No. No!

I fell onto the edge of my bed and doubled over, my stomach twisting with needling pangs of nausea.

Shit. Shit! I’d never done anything like that in my whole life. Had never sent so much as a nude to a boyfriend, not that I’d had many of those in my life.

“No, no, no.”

A ding drew my attention to my dropped phone, which lit up my dark dorm room. Your video has been successfully uploaded! Get ready to get paid!

“No. God, please. No!” I damn near dove for it and clicked onto the website, searching for a delete button. There was nothing.

No way to undo what I’d done.

Another notification popped up. One view. Ten views. Thirty views. Fifty views.

No!

Why was there no way to delete!

I scrolled down to the bottom of the page, where I found an email address for a removal request. With shaking hands, I typed out a plea to have my video promptly removed from the site and clicked send. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched the views climb higher and higher with every passing minute. I clicked on the video in my photos, and with teeth grinding in anger, I deleted it.

The pangs of sickness in my gut twisted again, and closing out of the image app, I checked the text that Bee had sent:

I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you and all you do for me. That’s all. Love you.

Not even her sweet words could erase the agony burning a hole in my chest right then, though. I placed the phone on my desk and curled up into myself on my bed. I closed my eyes over tears.

A quick check of my email showed no one had responded yet. Ten minutes later, I checked again. Nothing.

By morning, those views would be at a sickening level. It was entirely possible that my professor had been one of the many to watch it, though he didn’t offer a shred of insight when he’d handed me back the phone. His face had remained as stoic as ever, completely unreadable. And now? Who knew how many were watching it?

Through a black void, an incessant beep rattled inside my head. I opened my eyes to weak rays of sunlight streaming in through my window, and the first thought to pop in my head was that video. I scrambled for my phone, my stomach instantly twisted in knots all over again. Overnight, it’d reached five thousand views. My account showed eight-hundred and sixty-seven dollars in tokens.

Not that I cared about the money.

I checked my email to find a new message from VoyeurBait:

Dear CollegeChick20,

Unfortunately, because you’ve already begun to earn tokens on this video, we cannot delete it.

Thanks for getting in touch,

Tony B.

A sharp cold filled my chest as I stared down at the email. The screen lit up with a text from Jayda.

So did you do it?

I left her unread and dashed toward the bathroom, just making it in time to expel last night’s dinner into the toilet. Acids burned my throat as I wiped away the last bits of vomit, and I undressed for a quick shower, eyes burning with new tears. Why I cried about it didn’t make a whole lot of sense, seeing as I’d done it to myself. I just hated feeling helpless, was all. Not even the prospect of earning all that money was worth knowing strangers had watched me touch myself. I didn’t shame those who did it, like Jayda. I was glad she’d found a way to make extra cash for her family, and I didn’t think any less of her for it. But it wasn’t for me. I’d never been extroverted like that, so why I thought I could’ve posted something so personal and intimate without beating myself up for it was a mystery I’d never untangle.

In the warmth of the shower, I tried to think about Bee, and how the money would allow her to stay in school. She could go back to her regular lunch pass, instead of the reduced one. But the only visual I could summon was a cluster of faceless voyeurs watching it. Doing God knew what as they did.

Once finished showering, I dressed quickly. I didn’t bother to look at the views before setting out for my next class.