No Tomorrow: An Angsty Love Story

“I can’t believe you made a raspberry danish.” I take the plate from Ditra and set it in the middle of my kitchen table. “Were you really bored, or was this a dare of some sort? Did you lose a bet? I need a backstory for this danish before I eat it.”

“We were at Billy’s parents’ house the other night and his mom was going on and on about how much he loves danish and how she used to make it for him when he was little and how we have to keep a man fed and give them babies to make them happy and I seriously just wanted to smack her but instead I went home and found a recipe for danish because this chick right here is never having a baby. I’ll give that man all the danishes he wants, though.”

“That seems fair to me.” I pour boiling water into two cups with tea bags waiting in them and carry them over to the table where she’s sitting.

“I thought so. I made two so I could give one to you and Lyric because that’s the neighborly thing to do.”

“I never bring you food.”

“Because you’re not a good neighbor, Piper,” she says with a playful smirk. “But you are a great best friend. Didn’t you take me on a shopping spree last week and clean my entire house when I had the flu?”

Archie enters the room and flops on a sliver of sunbeam shining on the floor.

“I can’t believe that cat is still alive. How old is he?”

“I think around sixteen.”

“Damn. How long do cats live for?”

I cut two pieces from her danish ring and put them on plates for us.

“At least sixteen years, apparently.”

“He’s almost old enough to drive. Think about that.”

“His age doesn’t matter since he wouldn’t be able to see over the dashboard or reach the pedals.” I take a bite of the danish and I’m pleasantly surprised. “Dee, this is delicious. Did Billy like it? Was it as good as his mom’s?”

She nods. “He loved it. He even called his mom and told her it was better than hers. She probably hates me.”

I cut another piece. “I definitely hate you right now. I’ll eat this entire thing and gain ten pounds.”

“You could eat twenty of these and not gain a pound.”

I wish. Since I lost the baby I’ve had bouts of anxiousness and depression and I’ve been soothing myself by eating chocolate and ice cream.

My cell phone rings and I get up to grab it from the counter, licking raspberry puree off my fingers on the way.

“Hello?” I say, hoping it’s Blue since I didn’t get to talk to him yesterday. All I can hear is heavy breathing and gasping on the other end of the call.

“Hello?” I repeat.

“Piper.”

“Reece?” His voice is barely recognizable. I can’t tell if he’s laughing, crying, or choking. “Are you okay?” My chest is already rising and falling fast with anxiety. It’s five a.m. where the band is. Nothing could possibly be okay with a phone call this early in the morning.

Especially when it’s Blue’s best friend calling me.

Ditra flashes me a look of concern.

“Blue’s fucked up…you need to get out here.”

My stomach twists up into an immediate knot of fear. “Wh-what?”

“He’s hurt really bad.” He coughs and gasps again. “I don’t know what the fuck he was doing…I don’t fucking know….”

“What do you mean he’s hurt?” A few seconds ago I was afraid he might be drunk or high again, but that one little word now has my body trembling with bone-chilling terror.

“He fell off the roof….”

“What?” My voice comes out in a shriek and Ditra jumps up to stand next to me. “What the hell are you talking about? What roof? How?” My head is spinning with a thousand questions and worries and insane gory visions and my gut is wrenching with nausea.

“I don’t know, Piper. Everything is chaos here right now. Police and news and everyone’s freaking the fuck out.” He takes a deep breath. “I just know it’s really bad and you should be here.”

The dam of shock breaks and uncontrollable sobs rip through me. “Is he all right?” I ask with desperation. “He’s going to be okay, right?”

Please say yes. Please say yes.

“It’s bad.” His voice pitches. “I’m sorry… but it’s really fuckin’ bad.”

Crumbling to the floor, I drop the phone, and bury my face in my hands. This can’t be happening. There must be some kind of mistake and Reece will take back everything he just said. Blue can’t be hurt—it’s just not possible. Blue’s never been hurt before. And why would he be on a roof? It doesn’t make any sense. Blue walks and sleeps—he doesn’t climb up on things. I can’t lose him. Lyric can’t lose him. Not when we’re so close to the happiness we all want and have been waiting so long to have.

Ditra’s got my phone and she’s nodding and writing on an envelope she pulled off my counter. I want to rip the pen and paper out of her hands.

No. Don’t write things down. Don’t make any of this real. I just want to go back to the table and eat danish and talk about the cat. Please…

Ditra kneels in front of me and forces me to look at her. “I know you’re freaking out and you’re scared, but you have to pull yourself together.” I shudder and try to focus on her face. Tears are in her brown eyes, ruining her perfect eyeliner. “We need to get you on a plane, Piper.”

“He has to be okay. I can’t lose him, Dee. I can’t… I love him so much.”

She pulls me up, helping me stand. “I know you do; and he knows that, too. You have to be strong. I want you to go pack and I’m going to call your mom and Josh. We’ll take care of Lyric and the pets. After I call them I’m going to get you a plane ticket and I’m taking you to the airport.”

Everything becomes a whirlwind. I’m on autopilot, going through the motions that Ditra has set in place. Within hours I’m sitting on an airplane on my way to California and I can’t even remember saying goodbye to Lyric. The only things I can are the awful things Reece said.

Fell off a roof.

It’s really bad.

You should be here.

I’m suffocating in this plane with no way to escape the agony in my heart. I want to climb out the window, fall through the clouds, and find a hole in time so I can go back and undo this nightmare.

The confusion and uncertainty has every nerve in my body strung out. I can’t sit still or relax my mind even for a moment. I fight the urge to get up and pace the aisle of the plane like a ranting lunatic.

Why didn’t I call him last night when I didn’t hear from him? Why did I go to bed assuming he was tired and had just gone to sleep? What if something was wrong and he needed me and I just went to bed—abandoning him?

What could he possibly have been doing on a roof? And what roof? Koler’s house? Someplace else? And when—in the middle of the night? No matter how many times I turn it over and over in my head it makes no sense to me. Was my sweet Blue stargazing? Listening to the rain? Praying for our lost baby?

I need to see him. I need to hear his voice. I need to see his beautiful smile. I need to see him alive and breathing. I need someone to tell me he’s going to be okay so this heavy weight in my chest will let me breathe and think. No matter what’s wrong—no matter what’s happened—I’ll be there for him in every way. Without any doubt. I’ll take care of him forever if that’s what he needs. I can be nurse, wife, best friend, and lover. I can be everything he needs.

Anything. Anywhere. Anytime.

That’s what love is.

I lift my hand and press my lips to my engagement ring, just like he does. I can see his intense blue eyes and hear his gravelly voice.

Love you, Ladybug.

I love you, Blue. Please hold on.