Never Have I Ever: Submitted to my Enemy

“But why purple?”

“Why not purple?”

Alex rolled his eyes and slumped back in his seat.

We’d been at this for nearly an hour, and we’d accomplished next to nothing. It didn’t help that both of us were in bad moods.

I still didn’t understand why I’d invited Alex to my place and introduced him to Rain. I kept my personal life as far away from my student life as I could.

It might be harsh, but I wasn’t at school to make friends and lifelong connections. I was there to get my degree, get into grad school, and eventually get my mom and sister out of this god-forsaken place.

I could count on one hand the number of people who’d been to my apartment in the six years I’d lived there. Jake and Derek, my occasional threesome buddies, the friend who’d done my ink, and a girl I’d had a casual thing with back when I’d first moved in. That was it.

And I’d never introduced anyone from school to my sister.

Having Alex in my space had affected me in ways I wasn’t quite ready to examine. He’d looked good sitting on my couch, like he belonged. And the tug on my heartstrings when Rain had hugged him, her little arms wrapped tight around him as she hummed the theme song to her favorite TV show. Alex had been relaxed, a small smile on his lips as he breathed deep. He’d looked younger, softer, and so damn sad.

My sister was an empath. She was incredibly intuitive and gravitated toward people who were hurting or seemed to be going through something.

When we went out, she always found one person, whether we were in line at the grocery store or sitting on a bench in the park. She’d stare at them until they looked at her. Then she’d smile and wave. Usually, people would give her a quick smile and avert their eyes. Some people ignored her. Others would return her smile and wave back.

Rain never got discouraged when someone ignored her or didn’t cheer up. She just kept looking at them, giving them big smiles every time they’d look back until they eventually gave her a genuine, happy smile.

I wasn’t shocked she’d hugged Alex. The guy was coiled so tight he could snap at any moment. What bothered me was how much I’d wished I’d been in Rain’s place. I wasn’t a hugger. I didn’t cuddle, and snuggling with someone didn’t appeal to me. Yet I’d stood there, jealous of my six-year-old sister because she was hugging a guy who felt like mine.

“Purple is a random choice. The rest of the graph is in red and yellow. Why not go with green?” he asked.

“Because green doesn’t have that same element of surprise. People are used to seeing red, yellow, and green together.”

“A stoplight.” Alex pursed his full lips. “But what does that have to do with our presentation?”

“Do you know what change blindness is?”

He shook his head.

“The graph on the previous slide is nearly identical to this one. Humans don’t see changes while they’re focusing on something. Have you ever taken a psych course?”

“101 and 102. They’re school requirements.”

“Did you do that experiment where everyone watches a video clip, but you’re concentrating so hard on something specific you miss whatever the prof asks about?”

He nodded. “It was a halftime show at a basketball game. We were supposed to watch the mascot and count how many times he clapped. The prof asked us about the clown. When no one knew what he was talking about, he played the clip back. A random clown did a face-plant in the corner of the clip, and no one noticed.”

“That’s change blindness. If we want people to notice the point we’re making, then it has to stand out and catch their attention.”

“I guess.” Alex ran a hand through his hair, messing up the long strands.

My hand itched as I pictured gripping his hair and holding him in place.

Fuck. Ever since Alex had told me we’d flirted, I’d been trying to place him. I flirted with a lot of people. Pretty much everyone. He wouldn’t be the first I hadn’t texted when I’d said I would.

I’d never thought about how much that could hurt someone. I was wired differently. If someone blew me off or didn’t message when they said they would, I brushed it off and forgot about them. But that was me.

I’d hurt Alex’s feelings and most likely a shit ton of other people’s over the years, and that made me feel like an asshole. Adding to my assholery was how I’d apparently been the wedge that had driven him and his girlfriend apart.

I didn’t hook up with taken people, and I always asked before I did anything physical with someone.

I remembered Elissa. She’d come onto me hard, zeroing in on me the second I’d arrived and gluing herself to my side. The barn party was one of the few I’d attended in years, and I’d only gone because Derek and Jake had invited me.

I’d enjoyed kissing her. She’d been flirty and pretty and eager, but the spark hadn’t been there. An hour later, I’d bailed on the party and hadn’t thought of her since.

Alex’s anger made sense now, especially if she’d made it seem like I’d promised her more.

This was such a clusterfuck.

I’d had an inkling that Alex wasn’t completely straight by the way he’d sometimes look at me. The appreciation and heat in his eyes weren’t exactly subtle. Now that I knew he swung both ways, my imagination was having a field day creating one lewd image after another.

Alex had a beautiful mouth, his lips pouty and full. Dick-sucking lips, as some people would call them. Then there were his eyes. So dark but so expressive.

How would he look on his knees? Those eyes staring up at me, his lips stretched wide around my cock. Would he glare at me as he swallowed my dick?

Blood rushed south, and my cock filled until it was fully hard. Great. Now I had a boner in the middle of the library. Just fucking awesome.

The image of Alex on his knees melted into the faceless one that my mind had created for Fun.

I had no idea what he looked like from the neck up, just that his hair was longish. That didn’t stop my imagination from inserting him into all my dirtiest, filthiest fantasies. The ones I only broke out in the dead of night when I was alone. The ones that would make any sane person run away and never look back.

Fuck. I needed to get laid.

It had been months since I’d had sex. Well, sex with another person who was in the same room as me.

Between work, school, and helping my mom out, I barely had enough time to sleep. Finding a hookup had been low on my priority list for a long time.

Kinksters was perfect because I could log on, get off with someone in real time, and go back to my life until the urge hit again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

But Fun had changed things for me. The thought of swiping on some random didn’t hold the same appeal anymore, and the few times I’d looked for a new match, I’d closed the app and took care of business on my own. Usually while I thought about Fun.

Now that I knew Alex was into guys, my sex drive seemed to have tripled overnight. Everything about him turned me on from his pretty face to his surly attitude.

Blowing out a breath, I pulled my hoodie off. Focus, Kai.

“So, we agree that purple works?”

“Yeah, sure.”

I glanced up from my laptop. Alex was staring at my left arm.

“Do you have a lot of ink?” he asked, his voice hollow and his eyes blank. His shoulders tensed.

“Yeah. Two sleeves, chest and side piece, back piece too.”

The way he was staring intensely at me was a bit concerning. “What? You don’t like tattoos?”

“No. Not that. How did you afford to get ink like that done? That couldn’t have been cheap.”

“It was for me. A friend I used to work with apprenticed to be a tattoo artist a few years ago. We did a trade. He got a blank canvas to practice on, and I got all the ink I wanted for free.”

“You let an apprentice work on you with zero direction?” He gaped at me.

“I let my friend work on me.” I shrugged. What had caused this shift in his attitude? “Dude’s an amazing artist. And it’s not like I didn’t have a say in what he designed. Why?”

“No reason.” He looked down at the laptop screen. “So purple. What’s next?”

Huh, what was that about? I clicked to the next slide. The little question mark in the bottom right-hand corner caught my attention. Right, I hadn’t had the reference for the information I’d plugged in.

“Do you remember where we got these statistics?” I asked.

A paper was shoved under my nose.

I took it and turned the laptop toward me so I could input the reference information.

Zzzzz zzzzz zzzzz.

Typing with one hand, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked my notifications. One was from Kinksters.

Fun and I had been randomly messaging for the last week, ever since we’d had that midnight talk. That had also fucked with me. I wasn’t in the habit of chatting with people I’d gotten off, and I’d never told anyone about that homecoming incident. But I’d sat in bed like some eager teenager and texted about personal shit with Fun. I liked the guy, and in another world, I could see us being friends. But I was way too attached to him.

I unlocked my phone and opened Kinksters while I typed in the reference info.

The last message I’d sent had been an illustration of a guy getting railed by a werewolf-type monster. Fun had told me he enjoyed animated porn, and after doing a bit of googling, I got the appeal.

Fun had sent me a GIF of Blanche from The Golden Girls fanning herself.

I chuckled and sent back a smirking emoji. I was just about to close out of the app when another message appeared.

FunTimes: look up

Confused and more as a reflex than a conscious choice, I did. My eyes collided with a pair of wide, dark ones.

The panic in them was unmistakable.

“You’re Wrong,” he croaked.

“I didn’t even say anything…”

I snapped my mouth shut as the reality of the situation hit like an anvil.

No. No fucking way. Alex couldn’t be FunTimes.

Could he?

“No,” Alex whispered, jumping up.

His entire body was tight, his eyes flashing with what looked like terror.

“Wait—”

I stood, knocking my chair over in my haste. “Alex—”

He shook his head so violently his hair whipped around his face. “No.”

As I stepped around the table, I tripped on the strap of my backpack. “Fuck.”

Alex darted across the room in a full sprint.

“Shit!” I kicked off the strap wrapped around my ankle, but Alex was long gone. The heavy door to the stairwell banged closed. “Fuck.”

How the fuck could I have been messaging with Alex and not known?

We’d kept things pretty anonymous on the app, not sharing any identifiable details. But still.

I glanced at my arm and winced. No wonder he’d recognized my tats. The sleeve on this arm was a mishmash of nature-themed pieces. Lots of flowers, vines, birds, and leaves. The work was custom, and the small jack-o’-lantern nestled among a cluster of pastel-orange marigolds was one of a kind.

Had he seen me in a T-shirt before? I cycled through the memories of the few times we’d met up. I’d always had a sweater on. Even when he’d come to my place, I’d been wearing long sleeves.

Shit.

In a daze, I righted the chair I’d knocked over, then slumped into it. I’d told Fun—Alex—shit I’d never told anyone.

I closed my eyes. The image of a faceless Fun on his knees merged with one of Alex doing the same, all pouted lips and flashing eyes as he glared up at me. All those times I’d gotten Fun off, it had been Alex on the other end of the line.

Sounds of Alex coming for me echoed in my ears, and a rush of heat shot through me. I cursed my sex-starved brain.

What were the fucking odds that the one guy I’d connected with online also happened to be not only my presentation partner but also someone who hated me for being a dick to him.

I scrubbed one hand over my face.

Alex had left all his stuff, including his phone, on the table. Should I wait for him to come back?

He’d been pretty spooked, and I wasn’t sure he would come back, not even for his phone.

Sighing, I stood, gathered our stuff, and shoved everything into our bags.

When the table was clean, I pulled on my hoodie and tucked Alex’s phone into my front pocket. Hopefully, he’d get a friend to text his phone or call it so I could drop it and the rest of his stuff off at his place.