Myriad

Kalin lay on his small bed, staring up at the ceiling. He’d been there for hours, all day, until the light turned to darkness, unable to sleep. He just lay there, staring.

Regina had brought him food and water, but it lay untouched on the table. He couldn’t eat; he could barely move. But it wasn’t physical pain that kept him stuck. Something was wrong. Something had kept him alive—something awful.

He rolled onto his side, not understanding what was going on but feeling it was horrible. He hated the pain—not just the pain of not knowing, but the pain of failing. He was supposed to stop Myriad and he didn’t. He didn’t do anything. He’d failed everyone.

There was a knock at the door, and he looked up to see Regina entering the room. He looked back down, not wanting to talk.

She shut the door and walked over to him, sitting on the bed. “Are you alright?” she asked.

He nodded, not looking up. He felt awful for ignoring her, but he couldn’t face her.

They sat silently for a long time. He played with the edge of his pillow, thinking Regina would tire of him and leave soon. To his surprise she moved closer to him, putting her hand on his side.

“Look at me,” she said, and he frowned, not wanting to. “Look at me,” she repeated.

When he finally did, her eyes were full of emotion, sad, concerned. He noticed for the first time she was wearing a dress, different than the plain shirt and trousers she usually wore. It was blue and accentuated her delicate curves. He swallowed.

“Do you know what you being here means to me?” she said, her eyes moist.

He sat up on the bed, taking hold of her hand. He sighed. “Regina, I failed. I didn’t stop him. He got away, and I’m only alive because he let me live! All the training, all the hope, for nothing. I didn’t stop him.”

She reached forward and kissed him roughly, desperately. When she pulled away, tears were running down her face. “Kalin, if someone you cared about nearly died, would you be glad that they lived or would you only care that they didn’t stop someone? Would you be glad that they lived?”

He stared at her in despair, putting his hands around her waist and pulling her to him. “Of course I’d care that they lived. Regina, I….”

“Then why don’t you understand that you being here is all that matters!” she exclaimed, covering her face with her hands and crying loudly.

He put his arms around her shoulders and tucked her head against his chest. He shut his eyes and tears ran down his face too. He was ashamed, but he couldn’t help it. He lowered his head and sobbed, clutching her to him, letting go of the sorrow that held him.

They sat there for a long time, holding each other, their emotions taking control. He finally pulled back when he couldn’t cry anymore.

Regina pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her eyes while he did the same. Embarrassed, he sat there, looking at his hands.

She moved so she was sitting beside him, then kissed him on the cheek. She kissed him on the cheek again, then put her lips to his ear, her breath lightly tickling him. “Kalin, lie down next to me,” she whispered.

He looked at her in surprise and found her gazing at him, an intense look in her eyes. He swallowed, suddenly filled with nerves. They could lie down, but he wasn’t sure it would end there. He took a deep breath. “Alright.”

She nodded and lay down on the bed.

He looked at her lying before him and felt a wave of emotion go through him. He lay down beside her, leaned over her, and put his hand on her waist. He stared at her, her eyes so full. He bit his lip.

She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

He leaned forward and kissed her softly, slowly. She put her arms around his neck, and he moved so he was over her. Their kiss deepened, and he held on to her, moving his tongue in her mouth. His hand traveled down her body, and she curled her fingers in his hair. He moved his hand beneath her dress and caressed her thigh. She gasped in his arms, moving slightly against him, and then she moaned when he kissed her neck. He didn’t know when they were going to stop—and he didn’t want to stop….

***

Kalin awoke the next morning, opening his eyes to the early-morning light filtering through the curtains. He felt Regina next to him, turned, and saw her asleep, her hand beside her head on the pillow. He shifted so his arm was around her, causing her to murmur, her eyes fluttering open. He moved her hair away from her face as she cuddled close to his chest.

He held her for a long time, enjoying the warmth her body gave him. They had stopped last night before going too far, but only just. He smiled, remembering. He wanted to stay there in the moment, but the events of the day before filled his mind. He saw the fight, heard the screams of the others as they were saving Alfred. He felt the pain in his heart as he knelt before Myriad, dying. Then he saw the look of horror on Myriad’s face. He cringed, his misery consuming him again.

Regina looked up at him. “What’s wrong?” she asked, touching his chest.

He frowned. “I can’t forget it, Regina—why did he let me live? Why? What did he see? What’s wrong with me?” He lay on his back, feeling ashamed, horrible, distressed. He clenched his fists, covering his face, wishing he was different.

She moved his hands away, leaned over him, and touched his face. “What did your parents say to you that makes you think you’re not good enough, Kalin?”

He avoided her gaze, looking up at the ceiling, not wanting to admit it. Finally, he sighed and touched her arm, but still didn’t look at her. “My parents, they’re not my natural parents,” he said slowly. “I was adopted. They said they found me as a baby, left wrapped in a blanket on their doorstep. They didn’t have children—they couldn’t. They took me in, said they thought it was a blessing, that a child was given to them. But then… then….”

He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. “I started using my magic when I was very young. I didn’t know what I was doing—it was just part of me. They screamed at me, locked me away, told me it was wrong, that there was something wrong with me. My father would hit me, punishing me when I accidentally used magic. I tried to stop, I did stop, but….” He sighed again. “But it was too late. They hated me. They said they wished they’d never found me. They’d rather they’d never had a child than have me.” He closed his eyes again, tears welling behind them.

Regina leaned over him, gently kissing his closed lids. She kissed away the tears that ran down his face.

He turned to her, burying his head in her shoulder, holding her tight as he wept. He would never be okay. He didn’t know how to make the pain stop.

After a long while, Regina moved so she was gazing at him. She put her hand on the side of his face, staring at him intently.

He looked at her, not knowing what to say. She knew everything now. Nothing was hidden. How could she still want him, knowing he was so broken? Would she?

“Kalin, I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully,” she said, running her thumb over his cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re good and kind and sweet and selfless, and meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. No matter what anyone says, you’re amazing. Would we all believe in you if you weren’t a wonderful person? No one in this house thinks badly of you—no one is disappointed in you. Truthfully, we asked a lot of you, training you so quickly and asking you to fight Myriad when you hadn’t used your magic in so long. But you fought him and you lived. None of us would have survived a moment without you. You’re a wonderful person, and I want you to remember that every day. Even if… we don’t stay together, I want you to always remember that I said this to you.”

Kalin looked at her fondly, his heart filling up with love for her. He kissed her on the forehead. “Oh, Regina,” he whispered, holding her close.

She curled up close to him, burying her head in his chest, and he lay there, his arms around her, so glad he’d met her. Some of his joy returned, some of the brightness that had been filling his heart, but there was still a pressure, a concern, a worry. He knew what he needed to do.

“I need to find him, Regina,” he said, stroking her hair. “I need to find Myriad. I need to know what’s going on. And I have to stop him. It can’t end this way. I can’t let him kill anyone else.”

She kissed his chest. “I believe in you,” she whispered.

His entire body trembled. He kissed her shoulder, and she moved her mouth to his. He lost himself to her, a moment of pleasure before he left.