Chapter 30: Lonely
665 standard years after the signing of the Alliance
“This will be your room while you’re staying with us.” Mikhail said opening the door.
It was a very nice room. It was for sponsors who traveled to visit their chosen slave. Mikhail walked across the room, pulled open the heavy drapes and looked down at the sparkling night view of the city. Mikhail couldn’t feel any sort of interest coming from Dachvinder. He turned to look at daem.
Dae stood in the middle of the large room, daer shoulders hunched, daer arms wrapped around daemself.
“You don’t like it?”
Dachvinder looked down at the carpet, daer arms tightened around daemself. “It’s a very nice room.” Dae said softly. The emotion of wretched loneliness that always seemed to be present in daem went up another notch.
“Will you be lonely? Is that it?”
Dachvinder took a step towards Mikhail and stopped, longing was mixed up with daer fear. “I..I always feel lonely.”
Mikhail studied daem for a moment. “Would you feel better if you were staying on the same floor as the rest of us? I mean, master and his family live on this floor, but they have very different emotions than the everyone on my floor.”
Dachvinder’s eyes brightened. “I could do that?”
Mikhail nodded. “You can stay in my room. I’ll share with one of the other boys. I’ll just need my room if one of my sponsors comes to visit me.”
“Oh…I- could, um.” Dachvinder covered daer face. “I’m sorry. I should stay here. I don’t want to take your room from you. And…and…”
Mikhail smiled and walked over to them. He wrapped an arm around their shoulders. “It’s no problem. Come on, I’ll show you my room and if you find it as monstrous as I do, you can come back up here for the night. Okay?”
Dachvinder raised daer head, daer shoulders relaxed. “You don’t like your room?”
Mikhail laughed. “It’s a lovely room and I’m grateful to have it. It’s just decorated for my sponsor’s taste, not mine.”
“What is like to have sponsors? It must be wonderful.” Dachvinder’s head leaned against Mikhail’s shoulder.
Mikhail let out a little huff of amusement as he started up the stairs. “I’m grateful to have them.”
“Oh.” There was a note of surprise in Dachvinder’s voice.
“What about you? I’m sure you’ve had plenty of admirers.”
The immediate change in Dachvinder’s emotion and body was startling. Dae stiffened and a cold emptiness emanated from daem. “No.”
Mikhail frowned. “How could a beautiful Hosaik like you not have any admirers?”
Shy hopefulness leaked into Mikhail from Dachvinder. “Y-you think I’m…beautiful?”
“You are beautiful.” Mikhail answered truthfully.
“Oh.” The feeling of shy hopefulness heightened.
Mikhail and Dachvinder made their way down stairs and down the hall to Mikhail’s room. Mikhail pushed the door open and Dachvinder let out a breath of awe, delight pulsing out of daem. “Oh, It’s so pretty!” Dae slipped out from under Mikhail’s arm and spun around in a circle daer eyes bright with excitement. “I love it!”
Mikhail looked around the room. It was decorated in pastel colors. There were large stuffed animals scattered around, and fairy lights strung across the ceiling. He had never appreciated the look before, but now with a with a joyful Dachvinder in it, it seemed perfect.
“The room is yours as long as you’re here with us.” Mikhail said with a smile. Dachvinder turned daer starry eyes on him and Mikhail’s breath caught in his throat. He’d never felt like this about anyone before. He wasn’t sure he was supposed to. Weren’t all these kinds of feelings supposed to be reserved for his future master?
“Really?” Dachvinder bit daer lip, excitement warring with fear. “I…I should probably stay upstairs.”
Mikhail cocked his head. “Why?”
Dachvinder turned away. Dae absently ran a finger over the handle of a brush laying on Mikhail’s vanity. “I have nightmares. At home they lock me up in a special room at night so that I can’t feel anyone and they can’t feel me. I give other people/sentients nightmares, when I have them.”
Mikhail swallowed. That must have been terrifying for Dachvinder, to be cut off from being able to connect with anyone. “What does it feel like to you down here?”
Dachvinder turned around. “What do you mean?”
“What emotions do you feel on this floor?”
Dachvinder blushed and looked down. “It’s nice. It’s…” dae looked up at Mikhail. “I feel safe when I’m near you.”
Mikhail swallowed, warmth flooded his chest. “Maybe you won’t have nightmares if you sleep where you feel safe.”
Dachvinder blushed. “Would…would you stay in the room with me?” Dae asked hopefully, daer fingers twisting together nervously.
Mikhail’s heart was beating faster than normal, but he didn’t feel sick. He felt exhilarated. Is this bad? Chentzo had told him to take care of the Hosaik, be daer friend. “Yes, I’ll stay in the room with you.”
“Thank you.” Dachvinder said softly. Calmness settled over daem.
“Do you have luggage?”
“Oh…I don’t know where it is.” Dachvinder said, the look of slight panic on daer face matched the disturbance in daer calm.
Mikhail shrugged. “It’s okay. We’ll find it tomorrow. My clothes will be a bit large on you, but you can borrow something for the night.” He gestured at the closet. “Pick anything you like.”
Dachvinder smiled bashfully. “Really? Thank you.” Shy pleasure emanated from daem.
Mikhail smiled. He went over and started stripping the bedding off his bed.
Dachvinder giggled over at the closet. “You have a lot of pretty clothes.”
“Oh. Yes. Most of them are gifts from sponsors.”
“You don’t like them?”
Mikhail opened his mouth, then shut it. He turned to face Dachvinder. “Oh.” He quickly turned back to face the bed his face burning. Dachvinder had stripped out of daer clothes and was standing in daer undershorts in front of the closet.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you find nudity shameful?” Dachvinder asked worriedly.
“I…no, I…” Mikhail turned back to face Dachvinder. Daer arms were crossed over daer chest, daer eyes filled with flustered concern.
Even though Mikhail found the fact that dae was much too thin disturbing, Dachvinder’s petite, perfect body standing under the fairy lights was one of the most beautiful things Mikhail had ever seen. That had not been what had caught his eye though. He walked over to Dachvinder and brushed his fingers lightly over daer chin. He couldn’t stand the worry in Dachvinder’s blue eyes. “Your back. What happened?”
Dachvinder’s eyes fell, dae shrank into daemself. “I’m sorry. I know, I’m ugly.”
“No. You’re not ugly at all. You’re gorgeous. Just…” Mikhail walked around behind Dachvinder and lightly touched one of the many dark blue stripes that marred daer perfect powder blue skin. The dark blue skin was smooth and hard, the powder blue skin was supple and velvet under Mikhail’s fingers. “What happened?”
Dachvinder’s head bowed. Shame swirled around daem. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know I’m ugly. Those are from my punishments for being too emotional and for…for,” the shame intensified. Dachvinder’s voice dropped to a whisper. “For being sexually attracted to sentients.”
Mikhail allowed his rage to fill him without thinking.
Dachvinder crumpled to daer knees. Dae began to sob quietly into daer hands. The feeling of daer self loathing and humiliation pounded into Mikhail like an Ulkaar’s fist.
“No, no, no,” Mikhail breathed frantically, pushing away his anger. He scooped Dachvinder off the floor and carried daem to the bed. He sat on the mattress and cradled Dachvinder to his chest. “I’m not angry with you. I’m angry because you were punished for being you, for being normal.
“Dachvinder, Hosaik are attracted to pretty much everyone. It’s normal. You should have been attracted to whoever you were attracted to. And your emotions.” Mikhail shook his head. “That’s normal too. You’re an empath. You should never have been punished for existing the way you were made to be.”
A tiny flame of hope warred with the morass of humiliation and loathing that filled the room. Dachvinder continued to sob, daer body resting trustfully against Mikhail.
The green chime sounded. Mikhail looked up. The door opened and one of the Norz that guarded their hall looked in. “Is everything okay?”
Mikhail nodded.
“The Hosaik’s emotions are disturbing the other slaves.” The Norz said.
All emotion from Dachvinder suddenly stopped. “I’m sorry.” Dae hiccuped, wiping daer cheeks with the back of daer hand. “I’m so sorry.” Dae slid off Mikhail’s lap. “I-I should go back upstairs.”
“No, wait.” Mikhail said. He looked at the guard. “I’ll take care of it.”
The guard nodded and shut the door.
“I have to go. It’s too difficult for me to hold my emotions in for long, and I was holding them in all day while we were traveling.” Dachvinder said, dae looked miserable.
“Okay.” Mikhail nodded. “Would you like me to go up and sleep in the room with you?”
Relief spread across daer face. “Could you? You- you’re not repulsed by me?”
Mikhail smiled softly. “No. Not in the slightest.”
Dachvinder’s face relaxed and dae smiled back. “Thank you.”