Chapter 9: Cared For
Picking up the fork she slowly starts to eat savoring every bite as if it were her last meal. The taste is sweet and the texture fluffy. Everything explodes in her mouth and teases her taste buds. After only getting cold canned food or bread throughout the years this is beyond amazing. Despite the never-ending flow of tears, she eats until her stomach is full. She wanted to devour all four but could only eat two of them.
"Thank you so much..." Shyly she stands with plate in hand ready to take his as well when he stops her.
"Guests should not do the dishes.” Taking away both plates he rinses them off before placing them in the dishwasher along with everything else he used to make them. “You enjoyed the pancakes?”
"Very much, thank you.”
"Good. It's the first time I actually make something for someone other than myself. Usually some maids do the food as well as clean and all that stuff I'm too lazy for." Nodding Lyra looks on as he finishes and sits back down next to her. "Why did you cry?"
The question takes her by surprise at first then she gets a bit uncomfortable but years of training on how to behave and not has taught her what lying leads to. “The food." She confesses much to her own embarrassment.
"The food made you cry?" he leans back against the chair with a thoughtful look. "Are you sure you really liked the pancakes?"
Feeling panicked she quickly turns her head in his direction and looks straight into those unusually dark eyes. Did she say or do something that accidentally made him mad or disappointed? Opening and closing her mouth she tries to find the right words to explain herself but her mind is completely blank. Defeated she slumps in her seat, head hanging low, hoping he won't rough her up too badly. "I'm sorry.” she mumbles softly.
"What have I been telling you about saying sorry?"
Anticipating pain, she shuts her eyes hard while shielding her face from oncoming blows but gasps audibly when nothing but warmth surrounds her as Jaze encloses her in a tight hug. Unsure of what to do she simply stands still doing nothing.
"I was only joking. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” he murmurs against her neck, holding her close to himself.
"I honestly enjoyed what you made.” she murmurs back wondering why he's apologizing to her when clearly, she's the one doing wrong. As always.
"I know you did Lyra."
Still tucked away in his embrace she remembers how he held her when she woke up and probably did ever since she passed out. Looking at herself closely she notices she's only wearing an oversized, black, t-shirt that reaches mid-thigh. It does very little to cover up all
those scars and bruises. Not that she minds since they are a normal fixture to her body.
Feeling brave she asks another thing on her mind. "What happened after I passed out?"
Jaze moves back a bit taking the heat with him but never really used to that type of behavior in the first place she doesn't linger on the thought for long. Besides she really wants to know why she ended up wearing what she assumes are clothes belonging to him
"Don’t get all mad now but I bathed you and afterwards dressed you in the only thing that would fit. I only bathed you. “He reassures quickly. "Washed your hair and body as best as I could then towel dried you and re-dressed you in some of my old clothes. I never looked, promise.”
Nodding Lyra processes what he said and feels puzzled about his strange behavior. Having eyes roaming her body whether she is conscious or not is not exactly new or unusual. Neither is being groped or fucked so to be sitting here, with a full stomach, fully clothed and hearing a man say he didn't look or enjoyed himself feels beyond surreal. Did he wait for her to be fully conscious? Thoughts begin to rush around in a fast pace. What if he wants her to show gratitude towards all the things he's done so far? Trembling slightly Lyra slowly goes down on her knees. Nothing is given for free she reminds herself. With unsteady hands she starts unbuttoning his pants when his much larger hands come into view lightly taking hold of hers. "What are you doing?"
"S-sho-wing you m-my gra-atitude for your k-indness..." she stutters uncertain. Did she do something wrong again? This unknown territory is starting to wear her down.
"I understand that something bad has been done to you. All the scars and other marks shows it clearly and as much as I liked to ask, I won't. for now." Feeling dread she wonders if he's mad at her this time. "Look at me Lyra.” he gently lifts her head up to meet his gaze. "If you want to show me gratitude then do so by smiling, say thank you or a simple hug. Okay?"
"Are you repulsed by me or why don't you want me to please you?"
"Why do you want to please me in such a manner?" he asks genuinely curious and concerned. "That's what you're supposed to do when someone is being generous. Perhaps you prefer something else? Did I do it wrong?"
Biting down on her lower lip to keep from crying she hurries to take her former seat praying for dear life that she didn't upset Jaze in any way possible. Seems like everyone was right about her not being able to make anything the right way. Maybe she is useless after all.
"Like I said earlier it's clear that you've been through a lot and I don't know where you come from but here, with me, you never show gratitude by doing sexual favors. I was being honest when I said a simple thank you or a hug is more than enough. Even a smile.”
Jaze's speech stunned her to the point of almost going blank. Not only did he avoid asking for answers to all those scars marring her body but he also made clear that nothing sexual would be happening again. Nothing bad at all in fact. He didn't shout, scream, hit, kick or got out of control. Can things really be that easy? Every fiber of her being tells her how wrong this is. How will she be able to earn her food if nothing sexual is going to happen? Anxiety assaults her body like a truckload of crawling bugs causing her to uncontrollably scratch and claw her skin, breathing is turning shallow, ragged and her vison zooms in and out of blackness. Out of nowhere strong arms constricts her like a boa and shortly after Jaze's dark eyes comes into view forcing her to look at him.
“Breathe with me.” He demands firmly.
Thankful for something familiar she follows his demand and times her breathing with his until she has it under control again. Blinking a few times, she gradually calms down. Taking some extra time to collect her thoughts she contemplates whether or not she should voice her concerns.
“May I ask something?”
“You don’t need my permission to ask questions. Just ask.”
Although he speaks softly and has a smile on his lips it only makes everything worse for her. People doesn't smile unless they want something or is pleased with her behavior. At this point she is so confused and lost that she has no idea if Jaze is the strange one or her. Frustrated and close to tears she nearly pulls her hair.
“If you're not going to fuck me then how am I supposed to earn my food?” It's clear by his perplexed expression that she caught him off guard. Another thing about him that makes her second guess herself. “What do you want from me?”
"For starters how about a little smile and a simple thank you?”
Trying it his way, she hesitantly moves her arms around his waist and awkwardly hugs him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome.”