Mistake (completed)

It's been a month since the hallucinations started and I feel like I'm completely insane. My beautiful mate has also begun haunt my dreams so everything feels impossible.

I don't understand why this keep happening, she has André now and from what Leon has told me he's loved around town and he's really good to her. That's all I've wanted for her since I found out she got mated to me.

That also makes me question her sanity. Why hasn't she accepted my rejection? André sounds perfect for her but yet she holds on to me.

Leon told me that André took Cadence on an amazing date in the city, romantic candle lit dinner at one of the best restaurants and they spent the night at The Hyacinth in the penthouse. It sounded amazing and I'm sure she loved it. She deserves to be spoiled.

While she's had André sweeping her off her feet, I've been alone. I broke it off with Sandi because it just wasn't fair to her. I would ruin her life and she deserved someone that can give her everything. I couldn't even focus on her because Cadence rules my whole life.

I'm a bit lonely but I deserve it. I wanted Cadence to move on and I'm getting my wish. I just hope she accepts my rejection soon, I don't know if I can go on like this.

..:::Cadence:::..

I've been having the most unusual dreams. In them I follow Antonio around and beg him to come home to me, I've even been begging his bear Diego too. It's really taking a toll and I'm glad I'm free from the Hardware store, it's been a blessing. If I had to work I'd be even more exhausted.

André has been so worried about me he asked me if I'd be willing to see a doctor. Sadly the only doctor available is Dr. Rodriguez, Tony's mother. André didn't know or he'd have called the other doctors but either way it's a long drive.

I am hauling my bag out of my room with some difficulty when André asks if I need help, I could use it but I'm stubborn so I decline his help. He already went above and beyond when he booked us at the Warbensons bed and breakfast for the night. Since it takes about five hours to get there from here.

He also thinks we could go wander around the woods and have a picnic when the appointment is over since I've basically been on bedrest he thought I'd enjoy it. He's right, I would. Emara is already excited to spend some time in the great outdoors.

After I drop my bag at the door I go join André on the couch. He's been so worried for me.

"Are you sure you're ok? I hate watching you go through this". He slings his arm over my shoulders and I rest my head on his.

"I know you do and I hate worrying you but I'm alright, I promise". We cuddle a bit longer before we have to get going.

André is so good to me and it makes me feel so guilty that I still haven't accepted Antonio's rejection. I know this is what Tony wanted for me but I still wish it was him here with me.

That's why I still haven't been intimate with André. We kiss a lot and we still bathe and sleep together but I'm not ready to have sex with him. It's bad enough Tony won't be my first. And I hold that guilt too.

Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder when André is going to get tired of me denying him and just run off to Riley.

"Hey beautiful, get out of your head a just relax". He smiles at me before resting his head in mine.

We stay like that for a bit before I have to ask, "André, why are you still here?"

He doesn't talk a lot about his past, I know it's painful for him and I don't want to push him, all I know is he lost his mate and that's why he's here.

He turns to face me and I cup his cheek, "I'm here because I enjoy spending time with you".

"I know, but when is that not going to be enough? I feel so much guilt that you're here with me when you could be with someone else, someone that can give you everything".

He leans into my touch, "Cadence, you give me everything I need right now. I'm not looking for someone to replace what I had I'm just looking for someone to share my time with, to have fun with and I have fun with you and I enjoy sharing my time with you".

He's so sweet.

"So... you aren't upset that I haven't rejected Tony?" he kisses my palm before taking my hand.

"No I'm not upset. I had my mate for a few years and it was the most amazing time in my life, not that time with you isn't wonderful... because it is, it's just that being with your mate is almost magical, it makes everything right in the world. I know you still hope he changes his mind and honestly, I hope he does too".

I'm shocked. He really wants that for me?

"You do?"

"Of course I do, I want you to be happy and you'll be happiest with your true mate." He pauses and cups my face in his hands, "but that isn't the only reason though, it's also out of selfishness. I feel so much guilt being happy with you".

Poor sweet André, he shouldn't feel guilty. I pull him in to a hug and I thank him for being so incredibly perfect.

"I'm sorry André".

"Don't be. I just miss Talia a lot. We had plans, you know. We wanted a family, she wanted to open her own business but she was taken from me before she got to see it through".

A tear escapes my eyes and André wipes it away. We comfort eachother a little longer before André says we should get going. He's right we should. We can grab some more coffee when we get to town.

*****

The next day André wakes me and takes me to the restaurant in town for an amazing breakfast. I'm pretty nervous about this appointment and he's nice enough to distract me until I have to go.

I wait for fifteen minutes before I'm called into the room. I wait for a while giving a brief run down to the nurse before Dr. Rodriguez comes in.

"Hello Miss. Richard's, what brings you in today?" she looks at me and gives me a small smile.

"Just Cadence is fine... Uh, well for the last month I've been dreaming that I'm with my mate begging him to come home to me and it leaves me feeling drained all day".

"Why isn't your mate with you?" she asks.

"Uh he... He rejected me and I accepted him".

She looks up at me, "You're Antonio's mate?"

I'm shocked. I hadn't expected her to know that. This is really not a comfortable situation and I'd really like to leave.

"Antonio rejected you and you didn't accept, why?"

"I'm sorry but how do you know this?" I try to keep my voice even but she's giving me dirty looks now, like I didn't something wrong.

"Tony called me a while back, saying he's been hallucinating his mate. She's begging him to come home to her but he won't because he knows she deserves better than him. You should reject his worthless ass".

I'm stunned. I can't believe how horrible she is.

"He's your son, how can you say that?" does she really blame him for Gabriel and Angel?

Venom mixed in her tone, "He got his brother and sister killed but what would you know about that? You didn't even know them!"

"That isn't true! I cared a lot about Gabriel".

She hardly let me finish, "If that was true you'd have rejected his worthless brother!"

I lose it, "You're a bitch. Antonio went to war and lost his brother and sister right in front of him and when he got home everyone turned on him. Everyone rejected him and I won't do that. Gabriel and Angel wouldn't want that!"

"What do you know about what they would want? They were my children!"

This is so heated, I'm about ready to slap her into next fucking year.

"I know Gabe and Angel loved Tony more than anything. I know they went with him because they wanted to protect him because they love him. You are a horrible person, Tony lost everything when they died. Everything!"

"Stop being a stupid girl and reject him".

The door slams open and André is standing there and he looks furious.

"Come on Cadence, we're going. You don't need to listen to this bitch talk about your mate like that".

I take his hand and he leads me out of the office. Everyone looks at me with disdain.

She follows us out and yells, "The only way to stop it is to reject him or convince him to accept you".

André whispers that I shouldn't listen to her and he helps me up into the truck.

As soon as he gets in and closes. His door I burst into tears. André hugs me tight rubbing my back to comfort me.

"I never knew a mother could be so cruel to her own son".

"It's one of the reasons I accepted him... That and I always wanted him to be mine".

That makes me cry more. He is mine but he'd thinks he doesn't deserve me. I don't deserve him... If he knew my biggest secret he might hate me and I wouldn't be able to handle that.

"I think Antonio really truly cares about you, he's just showing you in all the wrong ways. Have you tried reaching out to him?"

"Not recently, why?"

"I think you should, remind him you still want him, that you don't care if people don't like him. You do and that's the important thing".

"I'll think about it".

He kisses me sweetly and settles in for the long drive home.

I try to write something to Tony on the way back... But I'm not entirely sure what to say other than what I've already told him.