Manipulate

My footsteps bounce off the walls and echo within the corridors. Aj’s scar is now permanently tattooed in my mind. I can’t help but wonder, what drove Donatella to throw Aj down the stairs like that? Is it because of me? There has to be more to this picture. To this mystery that somehow is tied to me. And Mom.

I walk back down to the training room to check if everyone else is still in there. My thoughts are shattered by a blood-curdling screech from the training room. The door is unlocked and I open it. Erika is ten feet off of the ground gripping the rope tightly in her hands. Tears stream down her face as she screams. Marie attempts to coax Erika to come back down but that only causes Erika to scream louder.

I slip into the crowd of yawning and bored people as we watch the live drama show. It takes Marie another ten minutes until Erika’s feet are on the ground once again. Erika shoves everyone aside as she storms out of the training room. No one dares to stop her. The lights in the room flicker on and off and the sound of electricity hums in my ears.

“Now that’s over,” Marie says, “you all may return to your dorm until dinner time. Have a good night.”

Excitement fills the room and cheers bounce off the walls like a child who had too much sugar. I smile as I attempt to blend in with everyone in the room. We march out of the training room and the TID-Borns and TID-Transfers part their ways as we head to our separate dorms. I fight my way through the crowd to find Mia and Kayla.

It’s sort of hard to miss them now. Kayla’s hair is red at the ends and Mia’s whole entire head is dyed a bright blue.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hi, Abhaya,” Mia and Kayla chirp.

“How did you guys do on the rope earlier?” I ask. “Not to push the subject.”

“I made it five feet up off the floor,” Kayla says. “Mia?”

“Same,” Mia replies. “Oh, by the way, Abhaya, nice job on completing the entire rope.”

My face flushes at Mia’s comment. “Thank you,” I whisper meekly.

Kayla slings her arm over my shoulders and pulls me into a hug. Mia soon joins the two of us and we’re walking three-by-three down the hallway. For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I feel like I can smile and laugh again. For the first time, I don’t feel trapped.

But, for the first time, I feel more aware. I feel more mature and more responsible. I feel stronger and more stable.

Since training started, I’m a phoenix rising out of the ashes. I’m a fire that burns day and night. I’m reborn and stronger than I have ever been. I’m not that hurt and broken little girl I used to be. I’ve changed. And I left that girl behind. There’s no turning back now. I kissed her goodbye when I arrived at TID.

The door to the dorm swings open when we get back. Everyone sits on their bunks talking and laughing with each other. I climb up on my bunk and sigh once my body hits the mattress. I may be sweaty and hot but the relief of being able to lay down is amazing.

A giggle escapes from someone underneath my bed. I bolt up and lean over the edge of the bed. I stare down and see Erika and Nick lying next to each other whispering to each other and exchanging kisses. My stomach twists in and out of knots. Disgusting.

I roll back over and sigh. One lesson I’ve learned about life is, most of the time boys never say what they mean. And Nick is a perfect example of that. A thought pops into my mind.

I jump off of my bed and exit the dorm. I let my brain take over and soon, I find myself in the training room. I smile. Somehow, I manage to find relief here when I can’t sleep or when I bottle my emotions up.

I go to the storage closet and pull a bow, a quiver of arrows, and a target out. I wrap the quiver around my waist and in one hand I drag out the target and in the other, I hold the bow. For some reason, I didn’t bother to close the door to the training room. But for now, I just want to shoot arrows and pretend that they’re Donatella’s head.

She will pay for hurting Aj. Donatella has so much she has to pay for but some of the things she’s done, she isn’t aware of. I think of the times she whipped me. The crack of the belt is fresh in my mind.

I draw the string back after I nock the arrow in place. I draw back and aim at the target. This arrow if for the times Donatella locked me in my room when no one else was home. I release the arrow. Bullseye. I hit the center of the target. Donatella’s face.

I smile as my heart sings with glee. I keep shooting arrows at the target until the target is full of arrows. I lay my bow down and I go to retrieve my arrows. I yank them out one by one and place them back in my quiver.

I don’t know how much time had passed until I glanced at the clock on the wall. It’s been ten minutes since I started practicing. I smile at the fact that I thought that my aim would be a little rusty from not practicing for a while. We have dinner in a little over five hours and I can tell that some people in the dorms are not going to wait that long.

“Abhaya, are you in here?” A male voice asks.

I turn around and see Theo. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. He looks relaxed and more comfortable than he did earlier. I lower my bow and turn around.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Do you mind if I come in?” Theo asks

“I don’t see why not,” I respond as I remove the arrow from the bow and place it back in my quiver. “Hold on though.”

I hear Theo chuckle softly from across the room. From what I can tell, Theo is a wise and kind-hearted person. He’s always full of good advice and gives it to us when we need it.

“Okay,” I chirp.

Theo enters the room and smiles at me when he sees me. I feel my face immediately heat up. What Mia, Kayla, Peter, and Trey said about Theo liking me makes me feel even more embarrassed. God, what am I even doing?

“Hey,” I say, my face burning even hotter than before. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Theo runs a hand through his hair and concentrates on the ground for a moment before looking back up at me. He scuffs the toe of his sneaker on the ground before opening his mouth.

“Uh...” Theo starts. “I was wondering if you wanted to- ugh, this is so awkward. Do you want to hang out with me? At my apartment?”

My face feels as red as a tomato now. I wring my hands together and think for a minute. I don’t want to say no but I also don’t want to say yes. Goddamnit Abhaya, pull yourself together.

“Maybe later,” I say. “Just not at the moment.”

Theo nods. “Fair enough, Phoenix.”

I press my palms to the side of my thighs as I attempt not to collapse due to embarrassment. I stare down at the ground until the same question I asked earlier comes back to mind.

“Why do you call me that?” I ask.

“I can’t tell you yet,” Theo replies with a smile.

I nod my head and turn around. I pick up my bow and drag the target back into the storage closet. I hang the bow back up on the rack it was on and I turn off the light in the storage closet after I remove my quiver.

When I close the door behind me, Theo is still standing outside in the training room, waiting for me. My entire body goes rigid and it feels as if my entire body has stopped working. Oh, dear God, is all I can think. What is wrong with me?

I smile sheepishly at Theo when our eyes meet. The air around us suddenly becomes heavy and uncomfortable. It’s like the box I was stuck in earlier. My eyes dart straight down to the ground and I feel my blood rush through my blood as Theo and I stand in silence for what seems an hour.

“Sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “I should leave.”

I turn around to leave but Theo catches me by the arm and spins me around. Blush creeps up his neck and tints his face and ears in a light pink shade. My heartbeat accelerates at his touch. Theo’s touch is the wind on a nice day and I’m a tree. Just one slight touch makes me move. His touch makes me feel something that I thought that I would never feel again. A feeling I can’t express.

“Um-uh... Sorry,” Theo apologizes, his face turning a deep crimson. “See you around.”

I leave the training room with heat radiating off of my face. God damn it, I’m so stupid for doing that. Get ahold of your goddamn emotions. I walk back to the dorm and duck into the bathroom.

I splash water onto my face to help decrease the heat that is radiating off of my body. When I’m done, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Bruises form along my face and the bags under my eyes become more noticeable. I roll the sleeves of my jacket up and more bruises and cuts cover my arms. TID has changed me a lot in just a couple weeks I’m definitely not the same girl I used to be.

I exit the bathroom and find Mia and Kayla sitting on Mia’s bunk talking. I walk toward them. Kayla squirms as Mia brings a black pencil to her eyes.

“Come on, Kayla,” Mia urges. “Hold still.”

“I’m trying to,” Kayla says, giggling.

“Then quit moving and stay still,” Mia says firmly, tracing Kayla’s eyelid carefully. “There, now the other one.”

Another giggle escapes Kayla’s lips as Mia touches the pencil to Kayla’s eyelid. I don’t want to interrupt them but I want to talk to someone and Mia and Kayla are the only people I can trust. Mia caps the pencil and smiles when she sees me.

“Hi, Abhaya,” Mia says, glee filling her voice. “Where were you?”

“In the training room,” I say. “Do you mind if I sit somewhere?”

“You can sit here,” Kayla says, scooting over to make room for me on the bunk.

“Thanks,” I say. “What are you guys doing?”

“Helping Kayla with her makeup,” Mia says as she rummages through a small bag. “Lipstick?”

“Sure,” Kayla says, Mia hands her the bag and she rummages through the bag until she finds the shade she likes. “Trey and I are going out later.”

“And I want her to look her best,” Mia adds, painting Kayla’s lips with a dark red shade of lipstick.

Mia puts the cap back on the black tube of red lipstick and produces a tube of black mascara. Kayla blinks whenever Mia tells her to. I smile. Kayla’s black and fire red hair is plaited into a braid that reaches her shoulders, her brown eyes sparkle with excitement, black eyeshadow covers her eyelids along with the eyeliner and mascara. Kayla changed into a black t-shirt and a pair of maroon leggings. Her tennis shoes have been ditched and a pair of black combat boots have replaced them.

“All done,” Mia chirps. “I can’t wait for later! Trey is going to love it!”

“As you can tell, Mia is the mom friend,” Kayla whispers to me. “She acts like one to me all the time.”

“I’ll do the same to Abhaya,” Mia adds with a smile.

“Hey, you should do Abhaya’s makeup!” Kayla exclaims.

“Of course! Can I, Abhaya?” Mia asks.

“I-uh,” I hesitate.

Mia shoots Kayla a look and soon I am being tackled my two sets of hands. In my head I sigh. I have no idea what the hell I am doing now.

Ten minutes later, my eyelids are drawn with two thin lines of black pencil, and my eyelashes are coated in black mascara. Mia smirks at Kayla; Kayla puts her hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle. I raise my eyebrows at them, shooting a questioning look.

“The black really does bring out your eye color,” Mia points out. “Here, take a look for yourself.”

Mia hands me a small compact mirror. She is right. The black makes my eyes look calmer and less intense. My gray eyes are now replaced with dark and bright blue ones. I smile. It may be a small change but it sure does go a long way.

“Thank you,” I say. “Thank you so much. It’s beautiful.”

Mia and Kayla wrap their arms around me and hug me gently, remembering my tattoo on my back. I laugh as they do so. TID is my home now and I’m hoping that I can be rebuilt here. I’m leaving the broken girl behind. She is long, long, long gone.

Trey comes over to greet us. Peter tags along behind him, wearing a large grin that shows off his back teeth. Kayla shoots us a sheepish smile and walks toward Trey. Trey squats down on the ground and Kayla wraps her arms around Trey’s neck. Trey stands up and his arms hold Kayla’s legs.

“Bye!” Mia calls as Trey and Kayla leave the room. “Don’t do anything stupid. And by stupid, I mean, don’t go near The Cliff!”

Kayla turns around and waves at us as she leaves. Mia laughs at Kayla as they leave. Soon, it’s just, Mia, Peter, and I left in the dorm. I scoot over near the end of the bunk and Peter sits down next to Mia. Peter wraps an arm around Mia’s shoulder and pulls her near his chest.

I smile. They’re so in love together and it’s sweet. Peter stares at Mia with kind eyes and Mia presses a sweet kiss to Peter’s cheek.

I stand up to leave. They don’t notice that I left and thank goodness. I exit the dorm and walk down to the tattoo parlor. When I get down there, the door is propped open and Ash is sitting on the edge of an armchair sketching.

I knock on the doorframe and Ash’s head snaps up. Her face lights up when she sees me standing in the doorway.

“Hi Abhaya. Can I help you with anything?” Ash asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “Can you help me with another tattoo?”

“Of course! Come sit here,” Ash replies as she clears off an empty chair.

I sit down and stare at all the pencil sketches. Some have color and some are just black and white. One piece manages to catch my eye. A feather. It may seem silly but I like it.

“Do you see anything you like?” Ash asks, peering over the immense pile of sketches.

“This one, on my collarbone,” I say as I pick up the feather sketch.

Ash smiles and takes the paper from my hands. She leads me back to a station and tells me to sit. I sit down on the chair and lay back. I remove my jacket as Ash comes back with two bottles of ink, gloves, and a new needle. She sits down and presses the stencil to my collarbone.

It takes all of twenty minutes for Ash to do the tattoo. When she finishes, the snap of the latex gloves signal for me that she’s done. I stand up and see the feather with each end done so carefully I’m afraid to stare at it.

“Thank you,” I say, wrapping my jacket around my waist.

“No problem,” Ash says, smiling at me. “By the way, how’s the one on your back healing?”

“Pretty well.”

“Good to hear. Have a good day, Abhaya.”

“Thank you. You too.”

I leave the tattoo parlor with my collarbone covered in a bandage and a rush of adrenaline rushing through my veins. When I get back to the dorms, Nick and Erika are sitting on the floor talking to Lee. I climb up onto my bunk and sit there for a moment. I inhale, then I exhale. The door flies open and Max and Theo stand there.

“You need to quit flinging the door open!” someone calls out. “One day it’s going to fly off the hinges!”

The room bursts into laughter and it soon dies out. Theo stares at Max and shakes his head.

“I need everyone to follow us,” Theo calls out. “We’re going to introduce some new things.”

Whispers and murmurs fill the room as Max and Theo lead us out of the room.

“Where are we going?” someone asks.

“No idea,” another voice replies.

An unsettling feeling settles in my stomach as we’re led to where we got onto the train back at when we had the paintball game. Whatever we’re doing must have to do with trains. The horn from the train blares in the distance as wind rushes past us.

Theo begins running with the train. Just as he has enough speed, he jumps onto the train. His hands gripping the handle and Max follows. Everyone begins jogging or sprinting to keep up. No one wants to miss a single thing.

We’re all a blur of green, maroon, and black. It’s almost interesting to watch the crowd.

We’re all different here but we fit together. Like a puzzle. Some of us are sharp like corners and some of us connect others like the other pieces do. But in the end, we create one huge picture. A family. We’re all just a broken and bended family here but it’s beautiful.

My feet echo against the stone walls as I run with the crowd. Everyone desperately grasps for a hand or a handle. People grab wrists or arms to get on the train. Before I tell myself to grab a handle, my hands wrap around the cold metal bar. Against all the wind, I manage to pull my body into the train car.

My body hits the hard and cool floor with a loud Thud. I scramble to stand up but my legs shake from the unexpected landing. I lean against the wall as the train travels at full speed. I smile and a small laugh escapes my lips. That was really interesting.

The door opens from another car and Theo enters. His face is beaded with sweat and everyone stares at him. Theo’s eyes jump around the car, checking to make sure that we’re all here.

“We’ll be jumping off in a few moments. When you’re all off, I want you all to follow Max and I. Then, we’ll explain why we’re doing this. Got it?”

Everyone nods and Theo takes that as an answer. Theo makes his way through the car as we part for him to move through. Someone opens the door and we begin jumping out of the car. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I leap off of the car into a field somewhere outside of the city.

We jump into some kind of field outside of the city. The dark sky overlooks a tall fence covered in barbed-wire separates us from the rest of the world. No one knows why we were shut out from the rest of the States. We just know that something terrible happened and that is all.

My feet hit solid ground with a soft and muffled Thud. My boots may not be the best shoes but they work. Soon, all of the unit is on the ground waiting for Max and Theo. When they appear, we follow them. No one speaks. It’s silent and highly uncomfortable.

TID is a crowd of black, green, and maroon as we parade through a field of grass. Thankfully no one comes out here anymore and if they did, it would be a little odd for them to see a group this large here.

Max and Theo stop walking. Theo turns around to face us. A cool wind blows past us, making people’s hair fly around their face. I untie my jacket from my waist and tug my arms through the sleeves.

“Is everyone listening?” Theo asks loudly over the wind. We nod. “Okay, the reason we brought you here today is because there have been some rumors about the Government coming out to find TID and destroy us.”

Gasps echo through the air. Max claps his hands to gather our attention.

“We’re doing this because, time doesn’t stop; it’s always moving. So, if there were to be some kind of circumstance and we had to leave TID, this would be the way. We’ll be practicing this every day from now on. Do you understand?”

We nod. The place we all thought that was safe isn’t after all. While we wait for the next train to come, Max makes us run laps from him to Theo. That has to be about two miles total.

The horn echoes in the distance and we all begin running with the train. The muscles in my legs and arms burn from running and grabbing train car handles. I know that by tomorrow morning, my legs are going to burn with lactic acid.

My hands grab onto the train handle and this time when I land, it’s much smoother than before. I land on my feet but I’m still unsteady. The ride back to TID is uncomfortable and a heavy weight hangs in the air; weighing us down each passing second.

When we get back to TID, most of us jump off without a problem, while others need some help. Max and Theo lead us back into TID silently.

Many things in the world are wrong now and nothing is the same. One day may be the best day and the next is the worst. TID seemed safe in the beginning but now, I’m unsure. I’m unsure about many things not just about TID; but about everything.

“We’re done for today. Just remember tomorrow we’ll be practicing again. Be ready to be up early in the morning. Four-thirty at the earliest,” Max says, grinning as he does so. “Bye.”

Kayla finds me in the crowd as we go back to the dormitory. I smile when I see her. Mia soon catches up to us and stands in the middle of Kayla and I.

“That was weird,” Kayla says.

“You think?” Mia asks, raising her eyebrows. “This has never happened in all of TID’s history! By the way, how was your date with Trey?”

Kayla blushes and Mia and I lean in attentively to hear what Kayla has to spill. Mia raises her eyebrows and smiles.

“He-Trey- he-um-well, Trey kissed me on the lips,” Kayla says shyly, a sheepish smile creeps over her face.

Mia’s eyes light up with excitement for her best friend. Mia and I attack Kayla with a giant hug as we walk three-by-three down the hallways. We break out into laughter. Even though we’re being threatened by the people who run our city, we still find times to laugh and have fun. We somehow can still act like normal teenagers that are not a threat to their city or to their family.

When we get back to the dorm, Mia and Kayla join me on my bunk. We sit there talking quietly until Erika climbs up on her bunk. Erika shoots the three of us a dark look as she stares at us coldly.

“Why are you three always together?” Erika asks us, hate filling her voice. “You’re always walking down the halls together, eating together, sitting together, or doing stupid stuff together! Why?”

“Because we’re friends,” I say. “And friends never let friends be lonely. And if they’re lonely, then you have a free pass to annoy them.”

Erika’s eyebrows draw together and then she sighs, annoyed. Mia, Kayla, and I turn back to each other, laughing quietly.

The bell rings for dinner two hours later and everyone sprints down the hallways to get to the cafeteria. Mia and Kayla find Peter and Trey in the crowd and I walk alone. Lee pushes past me to get to Nick and Erika. I feel my sore arms burn from him pushing past me.

“Bishcuit,” I mutter.

When we get to the cafeteria, everyone is either laughing or talking loudly. But one feeling seems to hang in the air, worry. It’s like a weight that’s holding us down and we can’t lift it. It’s practically trapping us and squeezing the life out of slowly.

The scent of chicken, bread, corn, and cheesecake makes my stomach growl. I don’t realize how hungry I was until all the scents wake me up. When the line shifts, I get a plate and pick up a small serving of chicken, two slices of bread, half a scoop of corn, and a slice of chocolate cheesecake. I fill a cup with water and make my way to a table.

I sit down before Mia, Peter, Trey, and Kayla do. The bench next to me scrapes against the floor and someone sits down.

“Hi,” a male voice says.

I turn my head and see Theo sitting next to me. A plate of chicken, bread, and cheesecake sit in front of him. I smile at him.

“Hey,” I say, regretting my choice of words.

“Why aren’t you talking to me as much anymore?” Theo asks, breaking the barrier between the two of us.

“Maybe it’s because we’re all busy and you’re busy doing instructor things,” I say.

Theo looks at me and raises an eyebrow, then he shrugs. “Did you get a tattoo?”

I look down at my collarbone. I almost forgot about the bandage on my collarbone. “Oh, yeah,” I say. “I did get one. Yeah.”

“What is it?” Theo asks

“A feather,” I say. “Why would you want to know?”

“I’m just curious. That’s all.”

I turn away from the conversation before it gets to awkward. This is exactly what happens when I get involved with people, it gets awkward very, very, very, fast. Mia and Kayla sit down across from me and smirk at each other. I sigh mentally and pile the chicken onto the bread.

“What is that?” a voice asks.

I turn around and see Nick standing behind me with a look of disgust plastered on his face.

“You know, you could get that expression tattooed on your face and it would suit you,” I say.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Nick says. “‘What is that?’”

“A chicken sandwich,” I say.

“Disgusting,” Nick mutters under his breath as he leaves. “Disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting, Nick,” I mumble as he leaves.

The bell rings fifteen minutes later and the race to the dorms is on. Just as I am leaving, Theo catches up to me. His blue eyes catch mine and I feel an electric current rush through me.

“Hey, Abhaya, are you busy after dinner?” Theo asks.

“Uh-no,” I say. “Why?”

“Do you want to hang out with me?” Theo asks, cringing at what he’s going to say next. “This is going to sound super weird, but at my apartment?”

I don’t want to decline and I’m free so why not? “Sure,” I say.

Theo smiles sheepishly at the ground and I feel everything inside of me stop. He’s just a friend and that’s all he is to me. I can’t fall in love with my instructor, that would just be weird.

As everyone goes back to the dorm, Theo and I walk back to his apartment in silence. Our hands brush every now and then and my heart races.

We climb multiple stairs and when we get to the top, I’m sweating. I give Theo a small smile when I catch him looking at me. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.

“Freedom isn’t free, neither is love; you have to work for it. It takes time and patience,” Mom would always say before she left us.

“Here,” Theo says, as he unlocks the door. “This is where I live.”

I smile at him as I step into his home. Theo flips on the lights and the apartment is lit up. It’s small but cozy and few pieces of furniture are fitted into the room. An armchair is placed next to a nearby window, a small kitchen is across from a black bed frame that is covered in a maroon bedspread.

“I know it’s tight but-” Theo starts.

“It’s really nice,” I say. “Well, for not living with a bunch of people.”

“Thanks,” Theo says, smiling at me. “You can uh-sit wherever you want.”

I sit down on the chair and Theo disappears into the bathroom. When he comes back, he’s dressed in a pair of maroon sweatpants and a black sweater. His black socks pad on the wood floor as he crosses the room.

Theo sits down on the bed, facing me. I smile awkwardly at him as we sit in an uncomfortable silence.

“Why do you call me Phoenix?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Theo looks up at me and a smile crosses his face. “I call you Phoenix because you remind me of a phoenix,” Theo says. “Since you arrived at TID, you-you’ve just blown my mind. You just came out of your shell, just like a phoenix rises out of the ashes. You also just have this flame around you. Why do you call me Wolf?”

I feel my face turn pink from Theo’s comment. “You’re very loyal to the people you know,” I say. “You’re very wise when it comes to making decisions and you seem to have an instinct for protecting others.”

Theo smiles at me and covers my hand with his. That’s it. My heart goes insane and I hear it pounding in my eardrums and against my ribcage.

“Wow,” Theo says, his ears turning pink around the edges. “That’s-that’s just wow.”

I smile and run my free hand through my tangled ponytail. I feel my blood rush to my face at Theo’s touch.

“When did you start wearing makeup, Abhaya?” Theo asks.

My head perks up and I feel my face deepen into a red instead of a pink. I quickly stare back down at my lap.

“Today,” I say. “Mia and Kayla talked me into letting them apply some.”

“It looks good,” Theo comments. “It brings your eyes out.”

“Oh. Thank you,” I say sheepishly.

Theo and I sit facing each other and talking for the rest of the evening until I glance at the watch on his bedside table. It’s ten o’clock. I stand up and walk toward the door.

“Are you leaving, Abhaya?” Theo asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “Night.”

“Night,” Theo calls out as I leave. “Abhaya, wait.”

I turn around as I’m halfway down the hall and see Theo jogging toward me. Theo’s eyes burn into mine as he stares at me.

“Please don’t punch or shove me off for this,” he whispers. “If you’re uncomfortable with this, you can leave.”

Before I can respond to what Theo just said, his lips are on my cheek. Theo’s lips are soft and warm. Just this one action sends electricity through my veins. The kiss is soft and sweet and gentle. It’s fast but I feel like there’s a meaning behind it.

“Night, Abhaya,” Theo says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Theo turns around and I continue walking back to the dorms. My cheek is warm and the feeling of Theo’s lips are tattooed on my face now. Mia, Peter, Kayla, and Trey might as well be right; Theo may like me. I might be falling for Theo now. I just might.