Make or Break

‘It was so hard to lie to you, sweet girl!’

After kissing Jimmy and getting the most urgent details out of the way: yes, he’d taken the placement; yes, he was here to be with me; and yes, he did like how my dress wasn’t containing my breasts, he said we had to FaceTime Diego immediately because the guilt at lying to me was eating away at his paleo-perfected stomach lining.

‘I felt terrible! I wasn’t sure I could do it!’ Diego said, his face filling half of the screen.

‘I knew you could,’ Ian said.

Diego and Ian, also at a Saturday night party, were cheek to tanned, moisturised cheek in the frame of my phone. Coloured lights reflected off the inky ocean moving gently behind them and samba-like music played in the background.

Annabelle came up and introduced Marcus to Jimmy and while it was just Diego, Ian and me, Ian spoke.

‘I don’t know what you said but after he talked to you Jimmy called Dad.’

‘Two days later he borrowed money from us, took the placement and booked his flights!’ Diego beamed.

‘He and Dad still have a lot of ground to make up but they will get there,’ Ian said. ‘And it’s all down to you.’

I looked over at my own father, dancing with my mum and high-fiving a friend as he jitterbugged past him. ‘Well, I know how that feels.’

Diego smiled. ‘We know you do, sweet girl.’

‘And we’re thinking of you always,’ Ian added.

After I hung up from Diego and Ian, I joined Jimmy, tucking under his outstretched arm, and listened, with an increasing sense of happiness, as he told Marcus how Annabelle had called him to see if he’d consider coming to London a mere hour after he’d booked his flights.

‘You did that?’ I said to my sister.

She nodded and I threw my arms around her petite shoulders.

‘Careful!’ She laughed, and when I stepped back to Jimmy she checked her necklace was still there.

Marcus and Annabelle gave each other ‘let’s leave these two alone’ glances then left, and I felt so happy that my sister had found someone to have those silent, knowing exchanges with.

‘Come here,’ I said, dragging Jimmy by the sleeve, intending on leading him to a darkened corner and planting my lips on his.

‘Hi.’ Pete suddenly appeared in front of us with a look on his face that meant something was just dawning on him.

‘You remember Pete?’ I said to Jimmy.

‘Yes, of course,’ Jimmy said, extending his hand and smiling. ‘Hi, mate.’

‘Yeah, hi,’ Pete said, pumping his hand up and down, his face a plethora of unanswered questions. He flicked his eyes from Jimmy to me.

‘And this is Giselle,’ I said, indicating the vision of perfection arriving next to Pete.

‘Nice to meet you,’ Jimmy said, shaking Giselle’s hand. He shot Pete a look, which made Pete wither with shame.

Jimmy noticed a passing waiter then looked pointedly at Pete’s outfit.

‘Can I get a margarita?’ he chuckled.

Pete reddened. ‘It’s actually quite a different colour, this is maroon and that’s, well, theirs is more burgundy but, you know.’ He gave a stiff shrug. ‘Ha, ha. I get it.’

A couple of older ladies walked past on their way to the bar. ‘Hello, ladies, you look lovely tonight,’ Jimmy said. The women tittered and called Jimmy wicked. ‘This man,’ Jimmy pointed to Pete, ‘makes a mean Alabama Slammer.’

Pete stormed off followed by Giselle and a gaggle of Alabama Slammer grandmas.

I laughed and Jimmy pulled me towards him. ‘I missed you,’ he said, leaning down, his lips close to mine. ‘So much.’

‘I missed you too,’ I said, and drew him into a kiss that made the rest of the room disappear.

A couple of hours later, as the band neared the end of their set, Jimmy took Hunter on stage to watch the musicians close up and I stood at the edge of the dance floor watching Mum and Dad swaying cheek to cheek to Van Morrison’s ‘Bring It On Home to Me’. They looked like a happy couple heading into their twilight years with boozy brunches, trips to southern France and brochures of retirement homes made to look like land-bound cruises. But all was not as it appeared. And only Annabelle and I knew it. Dad had to confess to his other family in Cape Town and Mum had an unknown future. I would never really know what it must have felt like for them. For her to have made this decision to love someone who would never fully be hers. For him to have to split his heart and his time. But they weren’t my decisions to understand. I didn’t know how the future was going to play out. Would my mother cope without Dad? How often would I see my father? Would I be allowed to visit him? To call him? Would I be allowed to invite him for Christmas? How could these questions be part of my life? How could I even be contemplating the access I’d have to my own father?

I felt a slim arm slip around my waist.

‘It’s going to be all right, you know,’ Annabelle said in my ear.

We stood side by side watching our parents. A tear trickled down my cheek and Annabelle wiped it away with a delicate thumb.

‘It’ll never be the same again,’ I said.

‘Who said life is supposed to always be the same?’

I smiled at my sister. ‘Yeah.’

The song finished and the band started playing ‘Moondance’.

‘MAMA!’

Annabelle and I turned to see Katie in Marcus’s arms signing and calling out, ‘MAMA DANCE!’

She looked at me.

‘Go, dance,’ I said. ‘I’m fine.’

She hugged me, adjusted my neckline then skipped over to Marcus and took Katie in her arms. Although Marcus was as stable as they come and Annabelle seemed very happy, I knew I would probably never stop worrying about her. You may cease with the destructive consumables but do you ever lose that wild aspect of your personality? Annabelle felt my gaze and looked up. She seemed to know my thoughts and her face softened and her smile said all I needed to know. It was going to be OK.

‘Hey!’ Jimmy said, arriving at my side with a margarita. ‘Doing all right?’

I watched Dad looking adoringly at Mum while she attempted a very rigid kind of swing dance. I looked at Annabelle holding Katie and laughing at Marcus who was dancing with Hunter on his feet. I looked at Pete explaining the difference between burgundy and maroon to a confused elderly lady from Mum’s weaving group. Then I turned back to Jimmy, with his white shirt open to reveal a triangle of tanned chest and his face in a perpetual smile.

‘Yep,’ I said, and took the margarita out of his hands, dragged him across the room and joined my sister and her kids and her boyfriend on the dance floor.