Lycan's Affection

Eleanor's feet found their way away from the chambers, and down the largest door out of the palace. The garden wasn't so hard to find, and she made her way till she came behind the hut, her eyes falling on Conaan. He was standing with his back to her, his fingers clasped behind him.

She swallowed, feeling a huge lump rise up her chest. She had done so much, but it had never quite been enough to have Conaan want to give up on her. The look in his eyes had been terrifying, his words even more so, and when she'd cried, she cried more for those words than all of the years she shared with Alexander.

"Conaan?"

He turned only slightly. She could see his profile, but the facade was off. He looked just as broken as his words had indicated he felt, just as broken as she knew she was capable of leaving him. It wasn't a proud feeling, it just made her feel more out of place, more undeserving of the man Conaan was.

"I..."

"You do not have to come, Eleanor." His voice shook, and he swallowed, then lowered his head, his fists clenching even harder. "You do not have to come here if this is not what you want."

Eleanor swallowed, freah tears pooling in her eyes. "I do not know what I want right now, Conaan. But I would prefer to cover this distance. It is...It is cold out here."

It was in fact warm, but Conaan knew exactly what she meant. He felt cold too. Left out. Like he was sinking into a bottomless pit, and he had no way out.

Still, he said nothing, determined to not push her hand with his words. She would come if she wanted to, and that much he knew. If his arms was where she wanted to find solace, she would come on her own.

Eleanor took a small step forward, entering the hut. It was more steps towards Conaan than she had ever taken towards him, more steps than she had ever dared to.

But it gave her the courage to. The courage to further close the gap. He seemed less and less intimidating with each step she took, less and less far away.

Slowly, she got to him. He still had his back to her, and she felt a little pushed off. Slowly, she brought her hands to either side of him, then gently wrapped her arms around him.

Conaan sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes closing as her head buried in his back, her hands closing tightly around his waist. It was the hug of someone who so badly wanted to hold on, the hug of someone who could not help the tides that kept pushing them away.

"Conaan..." she said, her chest clenching, her fingers around him tightening even harder.

He said nothing, and simply brought his hand to hold her palm. The warmth was enough to have him exhaling, his chest opening up to release everything he had been fighting to keep inside.

Not once in all those years had he cried. Not once. Not even as his father's body was set off on that sail as it burnt to ashes. Not even as the days passed and he knew Eleanor was never coming back. Not even when he looked in the mirror and saw his scar.

His head lowered as his body trembled a little, his eyes threatening to flood.

"I am sorry," she said, her fingers tightening around his robe. She moved futher into his back, her lips sucked in between her teeth.

"I do not know what to do. And when I kissed you, Conaan, leading you on was the last thing on my mind. But maybe I am...a little lost. Maybe I do not know why either. I do not know how to be the woman you want when all I see are traces of the way I left. What all I see are the traces of my infinite mistakes."

Conaan swallowed, then slowly released her hand from around him. He turned to her, and his expression only broke her even more.

His eyes were filled with everything he had kept, and his face had broken. Every piece, every fragment of his heart lay scattered behind the orbs his tears formed around his eyes, and she reached up to his face.

Her single action sent the tears rolling down, and she closed her eyes, feeling them cold against her thumb.

"Conaan...."

He said nothing, but he pulled her in, and leaned into her warnth, his hands wrapping around her like he was grasping into his last lifeline. And maybe he was. Maybe she was his very last lifeline.

His face buried in the crook of her neck, his eyes closing. He hated how he had missed her warmth even though he had never quite gotten enough. How he missed her closeness even though he always deemed her way too far.

"I am sorry," she said again, her voice breaking as she wrapped her arms tight around him. This time she was not the one hiding in him, she was the one hiding him. From the world, from herself.

And he had never felt as well hidden. As protected.

"I am sorry," she said yet again, her fingers coming up to the nape of his neck, as if guiding him to stay there. As if guiding him to forever remain in that warmth.

"Let me find you," he finally said after some time, his body relaxing into hers.

She turned to face him, and he looked up, only enough to watch her. It was two broken hearts seeking solace in the other. Seeking solace in the only place they knew how. In the only place they knew they could.

His hand came up to the side of her neck, and he gently caressed the skin, his lips trembling a little.

"If you ever feel lost, Eleanor...I will find you."

She swallowed, nodding frantically. He said nothing more, his head lowering back into her.

She knew Conaan had said things, done things that made her beart beat faster, made her feel a little too warm.

But this one, just this, it felt very much like a glimpse of paradise.

It felt very much like a reason. In and of itself, for her not to need a mate bond.