Lycan's Affection

Conaan closed his eyes as he let himself slowly submerge in the water, the blood staining the water and turning it a light red.

He brought his hand to his hair, the robe he had gone in with clinging to his skin, his lips forming a smalll o as he let out a small breath.

It was exhausting. The war, and with Eleanor. She exhausted him. It exhausted him.

He swallowed as he pulled out of the water, then sat on the edge, watching solemnly as the water drained away slowly.

Clean water was filled in, and he watched it as it reached his feet, his lips turned upside down, his fist lightly clenched.

Once it was done, he started to move his hand so he could remove the robe, just as another pair of hands came over his shoulder.

He turned, as Eleanor carefully helped him remove the robe, her eyes meeting his only once.

He swallowed, feeling himself lose the little control he had tried so hard to muster with that attack. It reminded him of the man he was without the gripping love he felt for Eleanor, but now that he was back, he realized just how empty he had felt. Just how much of a hole he had carried all through. He only succeeded in realizing he was nothing without Eleanor. It made him wonder how much longer he would be able to last before he ran back to her warmth, before he gave into his searing need of her.

"You can go in now," she said, keeping his robe away.

He clenched his teeth as she started to walk away, and he turned, just in time, holding her hand in place.

She turned, her lips parting. "Your Highness..."

"Conaan. I am Conaan to you."

She swallowed. "Be one, Conaan. Be cold and ignore me or just..."

He let go of her hand, then slowly turned away. He had grown way too tired. Of feeling like he was losing. Way too tired of being the only one to feel this much, being the only one to be that soft.

Suddenly, she was in front of him, her hand cupping his cheek, her face a mere inch away from his. His lips parted in surprise, his heart beating wildly in his chest, his eyes meeting hers.

"I missed you. Hell, I missed you. I could not do a thing without your thought skipping through me. I tried hard to forget you but....you were the only thing running through my mind. All day, every day."

He closed his eyes, his heart skipping a few beats. "Why would you need to forget me?"

She swallowed hard, shaking her head. "I am not who you want or deserve."

"How do you know what I want or deserve?"

"Exactly, Conaan. How do I know what you want? How do I know what keeps you glued to me? How do I know how I can make you mine?"

He moved his face a little from her, his eyes darting across hers. All of his emotions were in his eyes, crystal and bare to see.

"You confuse me so much. I do not know what to do for you, who to be for you. I am not sure what to not do. I am sorry we lost out on all those years, but...but it just makes me obligated to start to learn you now. Over again."

Conaan seemed to think about it. She couldn't gauge what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Sometimes, he was cold and she couldn't approach him. Other times, he had his heart so close in the reflection of his eyes and she didn't know what to feel.

"Have I not been speaking enough?" He asked slowly, like he was being careful.

"Not clearly enough. Not the sort that makes me know what to do."

He sucked in his lower lip, then clenched his teeth. A sudden shrill yell came from outside, but none of them seemed to care.

"If I say...that I just want you to love me, would that be too ambiguous?"

She slowly caressed his face, feeling him lean into her touch. He lowered his eyes, and she could almost feel him having trouble talking, having trouble expressing what he needed to.

"I am...I am insecure. I really am lost too, Eleanor. I am scared deep inside that you molded all of you to fit Alexander and that would not accommodate me. I am scared deep inside that a man who is any lower or higher than that might be too much or too little for you. I am scared. That you would never want me. Look at me. Nothing really matters. Maybe I keep picking these things out because....because I do not want to show you just how desperate I am now."

"Conaan..."

He closed his eyes, letting the emotions go a little unrestrained. Everything probably only reached up till now. This moment. If he held back, his hand might never reach Eleanor's and there was nothing he was more afraid of. Nothing he was more scared of.

He moved closer, burying her face just below her neck. He looked almost submissive as opposed to the cold stone he had been earlier.

"I have never attached the word deserving to you. You deserve the world and I would give it to you. But sometimes...I do wish I saw the woman who slit the lycan Prince's eye than...than the helplessness and the tears in your eyes. It hurts when I see it. It feels like...like you are afraid of me. Like you are scared of what I am. All I had ever hoped is that you would accept me. Nothing more."

She swallowed. It all boiled down to the insecurities she herself had instilled in him. As opposed to what she thought, he was the one who thought she couldn't accept him, and that is why he kept trying to show her exactly who he was, hoping she would want him that way.

And maybe she had let herself grow too weak, choosing to cry instead of letting the fiery temper she used to be known for take over.

He moved away, blinking rapidly as he let you a deep breath, his lips parting.

"I am sorry if I.."

"No," she said, closing the distance, her hand slowly caressing his face, her breath teasing his skin. "No."

He said nothing more, and she moved forward, her eyes closing. He let her take charge like he was telling her how she was the only one who could tame him the way she did.

Suddenly, the door flew open, and Alpha Michael barged in, a crazed look in his eyes, a knife in his right hand.

"Conaan!" He yelled, turning to Conaan.

The guards were running to him, and he still had chains to his hand and feet, but apparently, it was loose enough for him to run with.

Conaann stood up fast, but Eleanor was a second faster. Micheal ran to them, conveniently ignoring Eleanor and heading straight for Conaan.

He never did make it, however, as Eleanor caught him by the neck, only a few inches away from Conaan.

"Eleanor," Conaan said, but she did not reply.

She held him in a deathly grip, till his veins popped, strength slowly leaving him.

He swerved the knife violently, but she moved just in time, at the same time moving her hand with inhumane force.

The sound of breaking bones filled the bath house, as the alpha stilled, his neck bent at an impossible angle.

Conaan's eyes widened as she slowly released him, and he fell to the floor with a thud, the knife clattering to the floor just beside him, his eyes still wide open.

He looked up from the fallen alpha to Eleanor who now turned to him, her face calm, her eyes still turbulent from his prior emotions.

"I will protect you," she said, and Conaan would be damned if that was not the sexiest thing he had heard all his life.