Lustful Hearts

"Iz, what can I do to make you feel better?" he asked, pleading with his eyes. But the past couldn't be changed and nothing could be undone. Everything was ruined, shattered forever. I walked past him pretending he wasn't even there. I caught sight of my room and the bed was stripped, but the room would be forever tainted. A constant reminder of Joel's betrayal. Joel walked out of the spare room. His gaze immediately dropped down to the ground, too ashamed to look me in the eye.

Coward.

"Sorry, Iz," he muttered, shuffling from one foot to the other.

Sorry?

You've got to be fucking joking.

"Well, that makes up for everything, I can't even bear to go in my own bedroom now because of you. Why my room, Joel? You want to twist the knife in farther?" I screamed, barely inches from his face. "I was drunk, Iz, I didn't know who's room it was."

Fanfuckingtastic.

He turned away to escape my hate filled eyes. Mike tried desperately to diffuse the situation, pulling me away from him. "Hey, let me take you for breakfast. We can get some pancakes. I know they're your favourite.

He knew where he could stick his pancakes.

My frosty glare spoke a thousand words. "I don't want pancakes. I want to know what you're going to do. I can't sleep in that bed after god knows what he got up to. I feel sick at the thought!" I placed my hand over my mouth beginning to gag.

"You can sleep in my bed, Iz," Mike said smiling, trying to appease me.

"No chance, you're just as bad. Did you have two as well last night? Because obviously one is not enough for you both now." I glared at Joel at the last part. He blushed, looking awkwardly back down to the ground.

He should be ashamed.

"I'll buy you a new bed, Iz," Joel whispered softly.

Turning, I looked at him with a sneer. Joel finally looked up giving me a half smile like it was going to solve all my problems. "Can you build me a new room while you're at it? Because the whole fucking thing is tainted," I shrieked, the anger back with a vengeance.

Did he really think buying a bed would solve everything? Was he that much of an idiot?

"I'm sorry, Iz. I never meant to hurt or upset you. I was so drunk last night, I don't remember anything." He looked at me with desperation in his eyes, seeking some kind of solace but I was hollow and empty. I let out a loud exhale in frustration. "I'll have to sleep on the sofa till the new bed arrives."

Mike automatically scowled. "Iz, you can't. Mum will wonder what's up with your bed." He ran his fingers through his hair in agitation, but any concern I had for them both was long gone.

My eyes widened at his selfishness. "So I'll tell her you two dickheads had a party, and man-whore here, shagged two women in her precious daughter's bed. I'm sure she'll be fine about it."

They both stiffened at my words, signalling with their eyes that wasn't an option. I knew they would try any form of tactic to keep me quiet, but nothing would buy my silence.

Closing my eyes, I rubbed my fingers against my temples. I could feel the start of a migraine coming on.

Great, just what I didn't need!

I just wanted to drown everything out like it never happened.

"Iz, we'll go to order you a bed now, but it will take a few days to deliver. You can't sleep on the sofa all that time. Why don't you take the spare bedroom, and Joel can have your room when he sleeps over?" Mike placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

I quickly shrugged it off in disgust. "Errm, I don't think so. He's never setting foot in my room again." I pointed towards Joel to solidify my point.

"Well, where's he going to sleep? You know he comes here when his dad is kicking off." Mike's eyes pleaded with me to be reasonable.

"To be honest, Mike, I couldn't give a flying fuck. The way he acts at times he probably deserves a slap off his dad." I regretted the words the moment they left my lips, but I was on a roll. Watching what I said had long gone out the window.

Joel openly gasped, and his eyes instantly turned cold and hard. He rushed past me, almost running to put distance between us.

My words had clearly touched a nerve. I'd been cruel using his dad as a weapon against him, but I was still angry. Everything's was still so raw inside, I didn't care about the impact my words had on him. "Iz, that's a fucking terrible thing to say. You know what his dad's like and to say he deserves the abuse is hurtful. I don't care how mad you are, and I know deep down you don't mean it, but he thinks you do. I've never seen him cry the whole time we've been friends, you've really got to him."

It was my turn to drop my eyes in shame. My eyes flicked over the pattern in the carpet, hearing my own cruel words reverberate in my head. I did feel bad, but apologise to him, I'd rather have my tongue ripped out.

I dragged my eyes up from the carpet looking Mike square in the eye. "I don't give a fuck about Joel's feelings. I hate you both, and I hope Mum has the common sense to throw you out as well. Stay away from me. I'm ashamed to call you my brother."

His mouth dropped open in shock. I stormed off into my room, slamming the door hard behind me. My eyes filled with tears as I snatched up the sports bag, shoving the clothes deep inside, along with my books, laptop and iPod. I grabbed a few other bits and pieces, heading towards the bathroom to get my shampoo.

Mike was still stood there looking physically frozen to the spot, obviously still reeling from my words.

I marched right past him not caring I'd wounded him. He glared when his eyes flashed over the shampoo in my hand.

"Where do you think you're going?" he snapped, his voice making me jump.

"I'm leaving," I yelled back, heading towards my room.

"Where to?" He was right behind me, breathing down my neck.

"A friend's." I tossed the shampoo into my bag before finally zipping it up.

He grabbed me pulling me around. "For how long?" His hands gripped me so tight I knew he'd leave a mark.

"Till I decide to come back," I screamed, pushing myself out of his hold.

His hands scrubbed over his face, he was barely containing himself. "Mum is back tomorrow. She'll know something's up when she notices you're not here." He grabbed my arm, but I snatched it away giving him my back off glare.

"Ahh, so not really bothered about me but scared about the wrath you'll face when Mum comes home."

Always looking out for number one.

Selfish pig.

"No, but she'll want to know why you left." Panic flashed in his eyes as he realised he couldn't persuade me to stay.

I squared right up to him so we were both eye to eye. "Then tell her the truth," I screamed, almost spitting with rage. He was such a coward. I knew that would never be an option.

"It's not that easy and you know it, Iz." He sighed, flopping down onto the bed.

"All I know is I can't be here. I can't even look you in the eye. You both disgust me, and I need some distance from all of this!" I waved my hands up in the air. I hated my room now. It was just a constant reminder of the hurt that was deep inside.

Mike's eyes flicked up to mine. "Okay, stay at Elijah's tonight. Joel and I will tidy up and get things back to normal, then you can come back after college. I'll make tea ready for Mum coming home at six." He smiled in an appeasing way, hoping I'd relent and give in.

Did he really think I would go along with his little plan?

I shot him a look of disgust. "I don't think you're in a position to bargain with me, Mike. I'll come back when I choose to, and I hope the shit hits the fan and you two dickheads get what you deserve." Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I stomped down the stairs. I heard Mike shout my name, but I kept walking. I'd had enough, I needed some space away from it all.

The cold air was welcoming against my enraged skin, but after a few minutes my teeth begin to chatter. I pulled my jacket tightly around me, wishing I'd brought my scarf and gloves. But I'd flounced out now, and I wasn't prepared to go back and ruin my exit. If I died of pneumonia, then so be it.

The moment I heard him shout my name, I flinched in horror. My eyes automatically snapped up to the sight of Joel walking towards me. He was heading back from the shops with a pint of milk in hand. I could tell he was working his way up to talk to me. But I didn't need his words; his actions spoke loud enough.

My eyes quickly dropped down, I couldn't bear to look at him. The closer he was, the faster my breathing became. My body reacting to his close proximity.

I had to escape.

My legs began picking up speed. I launched myself across the road to save myself from his pathetic excuses. I'd witnessed enough in the brief glance we'd shared, his guilt and shame. I didn't want any of his apologies. They were meaningless. No words could ever mend the unforgivable pain he'd caused.

"Iz, please, I'm sorry," he shouted, but I carried on running, afraid he'd try to chase me.

I didn't look back.☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐☐