Lustful Hearts

I opened my eyes wide and his thumb grazed my cheek. His face was barely inches away. I felt his warm, soft breath tickle softly against my skin as his sparkling green eyes stared deep into mine. Oh god.

Abort the plan. Abort the plan.

"Something wrong, Iz?" Joel snapped loudly. The cold, hard edge to his voice made me jump with fright.

I spun around fast to find him standing in front of me. His jaw was tight, and I watched the muscle twitch when he glared at Scott. He looked like he wanted to kill him.

I got my reaction then.

I bit back the smile threatening to take over my face. Quickly slipping back into my little actress role. "Well, Scott here was helping me with an eyelash, which thankfully he's managed to get out," I replied, hoping my innocent little act was doing the trick.

Scott grinned acting like the big hero, lapping up the praise. Despite the fact he'd never even touched my eye. Joel stood seething, with his fists curled up in rage, his eyes dark and dangerous.

My plan had definitely worked. I had got the response I wanted. Now I needed Scott to leave, but it looked like he wasn't going anywhere.

Shit.

Major flaw in the plan.

I guess I was the one leaving then? Before the toxic triangle got anymore awkward.

"Well I'd better be going, that essay won't write itself," I said breezily, trying to act natural. I quickly gathered up my coat and bag, ready to make a sharp exit.

"Hey, can I have your number or give you mine?" Scott asked, looking hopeful as he flashed me another blinding smile.

Seriously?

The guy never missed a beat.

Plus a girl would need sunglasses to date him. I think he really should tone down on the whitener.

I watched Joel's hands grip the bar tightly. I was afraid to look up into his face; I knew it already would be dark and thunderous.

Scott reached into his tailored jacket, which had to be expensive. The cut on his body was amazing. I could tell he worked out by the definition of his chest through his expensive shirt. He really was a catch, any girl would be lucky to have him.

But I just wasn't interested. The only guy I wanted was standing burning a hole into me with his eyes at this precise moment.

He pulled out a flashy business card, handing it over. His finger deliberately grazed against mine. He grinned with obvious delight when my eyes grew wider, clearly enjoying my reaction.

I really had to get out of here now.

"Well, it was really lovely to meet you, Scott," I muttered through gritted teeth. I felt like my face was about to crack if I kept up this expression for a moment longer.

He smiled giving me a cheeky wink, bringing a hot blush to my face. Which made him smile even more.

I glanced over at Joel. A look of pain flashed across his face and his eyebrows scrunched together. His eyes remained sad, questioning my actions. I knew I'd hurt him. It was obvious from his reaction he was jealous.

I felt like a complete and total bitch. My only consolation was I finally had the reassurance I needed. I knew things were about to change, and for the first time in a while I couldn't wait for that to happen.

***

The next day I tried and failed to speak to Joel. I wondered if the gods were sending me some sort of sign to just leave it and move on already. Was it seriously worth having a nervous breakdown over? But then I was gifted the perfect opportunity. My mother was leaving to stay at my aunt's for the next five days, and Mike was given the unenviable task of running her to the train station.

She lectured us all on our behaviour before she departed, but I knew Mike would get the brunt of her nagging during the car journey, which made me smile even harder.

Waving the final goodbye, I watched with a smile on my face as the car drove off into the distance.

Perfect.

Could not have planned it better.

I closed the door ready to begin the conversation I knew would ultimately change things forever. But the grave look Joel gave me sent my heart plummeting. "Joel, we need to talk-"

"Iz, please..." He cut me off, letting out a loud exhale of frustration.

Fuck.

My eyes flashed to his. "No, Joel, I need to say it. I need you know I can't stop thinking about you. I feel this intensity when we're together, the way you look at me. I want to be more than friends. I want to be with you. I know Mike won't be happy, but I've never felt this way before, and I know you feel it too, but I need to know for certain. Please tell me what you're thinking..."

The last part came out as a sob. He'd barely given me eye contact throughout. In my heart I knew what that meant, I just had trouble accepting it.

"Iz..." he whispered. His eyes dropped down to the ground, sending my heart plummeting further.

He didn't want me.

I'd just freed myself of the secret that had tormented me for six years only to be rejected within a matter of seconds.

He let out a long, deep breath, he slowly looked back up, his eyes now sad and pained. "We can't be together. Yes, I do feel it too, but I'm no good for you. You deserve far better than me..." "But I want you-"

"I can't I won't do it to Mike. He warned me off you. He said from day one you were off limits, and he's my best friend. If we were to get together, it would rip your family apart, and I love your family. I don't want to destroy it. We can't act on our feelings. I think it's best that we just keep our distance from each other."

"NO!" I screamed. "I don't give a shit about what Mike thinks, if we want to be together then it has nothing to do with him. Please if you feel anything for me you would try. We owe it to ourselves to see where this could head," I pleaded, my eyes begging for him to change his mind.

His eyes burned into mine for a few moments. "Izzy, I have to respect my best friend's wishes. God knows I would feel the same if I had a sister. We can't be together, and I think we need to keep away from each other until whatever this is blows over," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

What the fuck?

"Blows over? It's not like a fucking cold, I have feelings for you. I want to be with you, and if you felt the same about me, then you would go with what's in your heart. Obviously I don't mean that much to you then!"

Joel's eyes widened, and he grabbed my arms, pulling me close to his face. "How can you say that? I am in agony here. I don't enjoy this misery, it's killing me."

"Then be with me," I screamed, my voice was so full of anguish I barely recognised it. Everything was crumbling around me, I was grasping for dear life, hoping and praying for any sign he'd change his mind. He immediately dropped his hands like I was suddenly tainted. He walked over to the window and pressed his face into the glass, taking in long, heavy breaths.

I stood up, but my feet remained cemented to the floor. Tears streamed down my face, my eyes never left him for a moment. The air had turned toxic and despair filled my lungs as I struggled to breathe. I knew what was coming before he even opened his mouth.

He turned around, and my eyes locked with his.

"Please, Joel." It came out more as a whisper. I held my breath, waiting for him to shatter the little piece of hope I had left.

"I can't, Iz, and you need to accept that. We will never be together."

A loud sob broke free. Joel flinched at my response, and his jaw tightened. I wanted to collapse in a heap right there, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

I had to leave.

I couldn't bear to be around him a moment longer. I stormed out of the room as the sobs came thick and fast, my body losing the fight to hold them back.

I raced up the stairs, slamming the door hard behind me. I flung myself down onto the bed giving into the misery and pain as my heart slowly shattered into a million pieces. After a few minutes, I heard a light knock on my door. "Iz, are you okay?"

Was he actually kidding?

"Just leave me alone, Joel," I managed to croak out. "You asked me to do that for you, so you need to respect my wishes too."

"I'm sorry, Iz. I never meant for it to go this far." His voice sounded strained. I wondered if he'd been crying too? But I was too angry to care. I'd long run out of sympathy.

"I'm sorry too for ever thinking we could be together, I'm such an idiot."

Yeah, a right fucking idiot.

"Iz, you're not. I'm the idiot. You'll be glad one day when you meet Mr Right that I turned you down, you deserve so much better than me."

The thought alone made me sick. I only ever wanted him, but he didn't want me.

Game over.

"Just leave me alone, Joel." My voice cracked, and I pushed my face deeper into the pillow, muffling the sobs.

He sighed deeply before moving away to make his way back downstairs. Once the front door slammed, I gave into the grief, welcoming myself into a whole new world of pain.☐☐☐