Losers: Part I

If there was ever something serious going down, we handled it together. I’d fucked up when I hadn’t told Manson about his dad right away; that was my bad. But I wasn’t going to make that mistake again, not now.

Not when things had already escalated.

We were all gathered in the living room after dinner, tired after another long day. Jojo had wedged herself between Manson and Lucas on the couch, her mouth hanging open as she slept. Little Bo was curled up on Jason’s lap, as usual, and as for me?

I had a big bag of weed.

“I find it concerning that you call for a meeting and then immediately start rolling joints,” Manson said, watching me with his arms folded. He didn’t smoke very often, but God, he was going to need it tonight. Talking about his dad was never any easy topic for him, but I had a feeling this would be worse.

When it came to Jess, Manson couldn’t keep his cool as well as he could in other situations. It was like she disarmed him, shaking the careful hold he had over his emotions.

“Everything’s better with a bag of weed, right?” I said, passing around the joints. Jason already knew why I wanted to have this discussion, but Lucas and Manson were in the dark.

Jason had been as upset as I was when I told him about Reagan. “Who the fuck does he think he is, messing with our girl?” was the first thing he blurted, not even realizing what he’d said until it was already out. But he was right, for better or worse: Jess was our girl. Even if we called it a game, even if we weren’t playing for keeps — which I increasingly doubted — Jess was under our protection and we were going to look after her safety.

Everyone lit up, the sour herbaceous odor wafting through the room. The open windows let the cool night air seep in, and I waited until everyone was looking a little more relaxed before I said, “Jessica ran into Reagan today. He talked to her. He knew her name. I’m pretty sure he knows she’s spending time with all of us.”

Lucas’s face darkened with anger, and he shook his head as he took another hit. But Manson looked as if I’d said I saw zombies in the front yard.

“He talked to her?” he said, disgust in his voice.

“Yeah. He grabbed her, apparently. Seemed like he was aggressive, and he was on a public street.” I exhaled, the smoke clouding around my face. “He’s escalating things, and obviously not leaving.”

“We need to figure out what we’re going to do,” Jason said.

“We keep our heads down and mind our business,” Lucas said. “If he wants something, he can come knock on the door.”

“It’s not that simple.” Manson’s voice was riddled with tension. “We need to figure out how to keep him away from Jess.”

Lucas’s frown deepened and he looked away, glaring out the window. His mood had been even more unpredictable than usual lately — brooding in his thoughts all day but barely saying a word.

“I told Jess to tell us when she leaves the house,” I explained. “And send us the address for wherever she goes.”

“As if she’d agree to that,” Lucas said. “She probably laughed at you.”

I shook my head. “She agreed. She was scared, dude. This is freaking her out.”

“All the more reason for her to cut her little vacation to the losers’ side of life short,” Lucas said. “A hundred bucks says she’ll have a tow truck over here by tomorrow to haul that damn BMW away to get it repaired somewhere else, after we’ve already bought the fucking engine —”

“Hey.” Manson tapped the back of his hand against Lucas’s chest. “Quit it. She’s not bailing. She could quit the game any time she wants, but she hasn’t.”

“Well, now’s the perfect time, isn’t it?” he snapped. “Shit’s getting real; it’s not just about kinky playtime anymore.” He laughed bitterly. “Do you think she’s going to want to stick around now that Daddy Dearest is involved? Fuck no.”

Manson was staring at him, his expression so hard I almost expected him to raise his voice, but he didn’t.

“You’re wrong.” His tone was perfectly even, angry in a way I rarely heard from him. “And even if you weren’t, we helped get her into this. She’s involved whether she likes it or not, whether she ghosts again or not. My dad isn’t going to care about the details. If he thinks he can hurt me by getting to her, he will.”

“She shouldn’t be alone,” Jason said. “She goes to the gym every morning, doesn’t she?”

“Every other day,” I said. “Or something like that.”

“I’ll switch to her gym and start going there to workout instead,” Jason said. “That way, at least she has someone with her in the morning.”

Lucas tipped his head back, rolling his eyes in disbelief. “You’re going to start waking up early to get to the gym with her? Really? You can barely even get out of bed by 10 am!”

“I’ll set an alarm,” Jason said easily. “I need to get into a better routine anyway.”

“I can give her rides on my days off,” I said. “She works during the week, so I don’t think she’s running around to very many places.”

Manson was nodding, his eyes downcast as his mind churned. “We’ll figure it out. Between the four of us, at least one of us will be able to find the time to go with her.”

“Y’all are fucking ridiculous,” Lucas said. “We have shit to do, we have work to do! Jessica is fine. So Reagan scared her a little, big deal. What’s he going to do?”

“Don’t fucking ask what he can do,” Manson said. His tone was as sharp as a blade, but that didn’t do a thing to intimidate Lucas. “You know what he can do.”

“She’s not even going to fucking stick around,” Lucas grumbled. “You’re acting like this chick is our girlfriend. She’s not. She’s not dating us. I wouldn’t call her a paramour. We have a mutually beneficial agreement and that’s it. As soon as she gets that job offer she’s waiting on, she’s going to be gone.”

“Then we’ll protect her until she’s gone,” Manson said fiercely. He got up from the couch, abruptly rousing Jojo from her sleep. “It’s not an argument; it’s what we’re doing. Is everyone clear on that?”

Jason and I both nodded, but Lucas stayed where he was, glaring at Manson. Finally, without a word, he lowered his eyes and got up, stalking out of the living room. The front door slammed a moment later.

Manson sighed, his shoulders deflating as he sat back down. It wasn’t often the two of them argued, but I hated to see it when they did. Tapping out my joint in the ashtray, I left him and Jason in the living room and went out to the front porch.

Lucas was pacing in the yard, obviously too pissed to have a normal conversation quite yet.

“Hey, so —”

“Don’t start that shit.” He cut me off, pausing to take a long drag on the joint. “You already know I’m going to hear it from Manson later. How I need to let my guard down and work through my issues.” He snorted. “Fucking therapist bullshit.”

I let him pace for a bit, working out a little more of that nervous energy before I said, “I was going to suggest that you smoke more weed, but uh, yeah, those other things would be a good idea too.”

He growled in frustration, sitting down heavily on the front porch and rubbing his hand over his head. “I don’t get it, man. I don’t trust her. Why should I? After all this time, suddenly she’s feeling so friendly? Going out in public with us? Celebrating with us? Acting like a little flirt? I don’t buy it. Jess is just getting what she wants, so why the hell should I get attached?”

Ah, so there it was. That was why he was so damn moody this week.

After taking a seat beside him, I pulled out another joint from my pocket once he’d smoked his down to the filter. I had it ready and waiting for him by the time he’d flicked the old one away.

“Damn, you’re on it,” he said, taking the lighter when I offered it. He passed the joint to me after he’d taken a hit, and we sat like that for a while in silence.

“You’re attached to her,” I said finally, when I felt he’d smoked a sufficient amount to hear it. “You’re falling for her.”

He scoffed, grumbling something under his breath.

“I get it,” I said. “It’s hard when there’s so much history between all of us. But people can change. You have, I have…all of us have changed since high school.”

“Not Jess,” he said determinedly. “She’s the fucking same.”

I laughed, although I tried to make it gentle. “You know that’s not true. It’s different this time. She’s different. I think she’s trying.”

“Trying what?” He looked at me, and I could see the desperation on his face. The confusion. “What the hell does she really want?”

“Ask her,” I said simply. “Talk to her, Lucas. If you need to hear something from her to help you feel better about this whole thing, then ask for it.”

“Don’t need shit,” he said, but he didn’t sound very confident. “I don’t…fuck…” He stared at the ground; mouth pressed into a thin hard line. “What I need to know…all I fucking need to know…is if she’d choose us over them. Over those assholes she thinks are her friends.”

I understood the feeling, the anxiety of impending betrayal. I tried not to dwell on thoughts like that, but there were things Lucas dealt with that I didn’t — mentally and emotionally. I couldn’t expect him to have the same easygoing approach I did; he had to find his own way.

“I think she’ll prove herself,” I said. “If you give her the chance.”

“And how exactly would I do that?” he said. “Put Alex on one side of the yard while I stand on the other and see which one she runs to first?”

I chuckled. “At least you still have your fantastic sense of humor. I don’t know, man, I’m sure you’ll think of something. Hell, you and Jason have been plotting that whole scheme to get back at Alex’s merry band of assholes, why not invite Jess to come along? See what she’ll do.”

He was silent as he thought about it for a moment. “That might be a good idea…we could bring her along on the revenge mission and really put her to the test. See who she’s loyal to.”

I clapped his shoulder. “There ya’ go. Very healthy method of communication, totally normal.” He glowered at my teasing, but hell, I was the one who’d suggested it. Nothing about our lives was totally normal — we were weird fucks through and through.

And although Lucas had his doubts, I knew Jess wouldn’t let us down. Call it a hunch, intuition, whatever. But this time…

This time was different.