Life and other Disasters

“Can I come with you?” David asked.

Ava looked at the guy on the other side of the table. When she had first noticed David, he had seemed familiar, but as she came closer she was pretty sure that she had never seen this man before. His shoulders slumped, there was a bend in his back as if he was broken. His eyes seemed empty, devoid of any sign of life. He had looked as if he had given up as if he was dead already.

Maybe that was what had attracted her in the first place. He didn’t look like the kind of person who would ask questions she didn’t want to answer. Or maybe she was already so close to his table that it felt awkward to turn around.

When she mentioned the tower, she saw a shimmer behind his eyes. It was just a flicker, like she blew through the ashes of a campfire gone cold, and find a cinder setting flame again. And Ava knew that his mind was already made up, no matter what her answer was.

’Sure, I guess,” she said, putting a string of hair behind her ear.

Ava had been awake the whole night, fussing about everything that happened so far. Thinking about her mother, who was so far away, but at the same time, so close.

While she was tossing and turning in her bed, she was very aware that this was all her own fault. She was here because she took the pill herself, no one forced her to take drugs. And after all, it wasn’t the first time she had taken a pill.

It was a habit she had picked up during her time at college. She knew it was a bad one, but it had oh so many benefits.

It helped her to relax, to forget her boring life.

It helped her to get through the rinse-and-repeat rhythm of going to class, going to work, falling asleep.

It helped her to forget that she had no clue what she was going to do after getting her degree. Her classmates, her friends, her co-workers - everyone around her seemed so sure what to do next in life. They all seemed to have a direction, a goal they wanted to reach.

“Do you know how to get there?” David asked. There was food on his plate, but he had barely touched it, she noticed.

“Hmm?” The question pulled Ava out of her train of thought.

David pointed at the tower. “Do you have a plan how we get to the tower?”

She looked out of the window. The building towered over the landscape, it seemed like it was hard to miss. “I think it will be a nice walk. I don’t think it will be too difficult to get there. We will be there by noon. Maybe we can take some food with us.”

Ava kept staring at the building in the distance. It was like a lonely goalpost in the distance. And she liked to have a goal.

On the day Ava was born, the doctors had told her parents that it was unlikely that she would reach adulthood, that she never would turn eighteen.

She had spent so many days in the hospital, for research, tests, and surgery. She couldn’t remember what was wrong with her. Her parents never wanted to talk about it, telling her it was over and it was no use dragging up all the old pain. She herself was too young to remember what was wrong with her. The only thing she could remember was the prediction of the doctors.

And it scared the hell out of her - the fact she was a person with an expiry date.

So that became her first goal ever - proofing the doctors they were wrong, and celebrating her eighteenth birthday.

She lived a careful life, she took no risks, she listened to her parents. She did anything, everything so she wouldn’t die before her eighteenth birthday.

When people asked her what she wanted to become when she grew up, that was her answer - eighteen.

And in the end, she had reached her goal, the ultimate proof that the doctors were wrong.

After her eighteenth birthday, her view of life changed. She never thought twice about things again. It was like nothing could hurt her, not after what she had been through. She had spent her entire childhood walking on eggshells, thinking about all the things that could hurt her, about everything that could kill her. Now she finally lived life to the fullest, tried everything that crossed her path, and didn’t let anything stop her.

So last night, Ava made a decision. She came here by herself, and that was how she would leave as well. She didn’t want to wait around in the inn for some vague feeling, as Liz and Beth had described.

Ava was going to make things happen herself. And when she saw the tower, she had never been more certain of the place she had to go.

“Here,” David pushed something towards her. It was the plate with his breakfast, still untouched.

“Thanks.” Ava smiled, gathered all the leftovers, put them in a napkin, and stood up as well.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to stay - the inn was a friendly place, Liz was a great hostess, making everyone feel at ease and Ava was sure the other guests were lovely people as well, if only she had the time to get to know them, but right now, she had places to go.

“Do you want to say goodbye to them?” Ava said, her hand waving in the air, pointing to the other people in the room.

David watched the people he spent so much time with, but he didn’t know them at all. He swallowed, not sure what to do.

“We are coming back, aren’t we?” he said, rubbing his head. It was one thing to go somewhere, it was something else to never come back to a familiar place.

Ava shrugged.

“I guess,” she said, but she had no clue if they would ever come back to Saul’s rest, Liz and all its inhabitants.

“If we are coming back, I don’t have to say goodbye,” David stated as if he didn’t hear the doubt in her voice, and he walked out of the door, Ava following him closely.

“Leaving already?”

Ava turned around to see who was talking. Liz stood behind her, and an eery feeling crept up on Ava. She had never seen the hostess approach, it was as if the woman had appeared from thin air.

“David is just showing me around,” Ava lied. Her voice was a pitch higher than she intended to. Why she didn’t tell the truth about what they were about to do, she couldn’t say. She had the feeling Liz would never let them go if she told her what their destination was.

Liz quirked an eyebrow. Her eyes were bright and inquisitive. It felt as if she saw right through Ava.

“Is he? How nice of him.” Her tone and her demeanor left no room for speculation - she didn’t believe one word of what Ava had said to her. Ava felt her face turn hot, her mouth turn dry and she was unable to walk away. Stupidly she nodded.

Liz’s eyes traced Ava’s face suspiciously. “Well, have fun then, and be careful.” Slowly the woman turned around, grasping an apple pie that stood close by. “As long as you remember that you are always welcome here. No matter what will happen, this will always be a safe haven.”

“Thank you.” Ava’s voice was a whisper. When Liz gave her a last nod, as if she gave her approval, Ava found finally control over her limbs again. She darted after David, who hadn’t noticed the small encounter between the two women.

Together they walked away on the dirt road, while the sun chased away the last wisps of mist. A whiff of apples waved them goodbye, but they didn’t notice it.

They were so infatuated with their trip, that never noticed the white owl, sitting on a fence, watching them go. When they took a turn and moved out of sight, the bird spread its wings and fly high up into the air, only announcing its presence with a cheerless screech.