Chapter 4
While I was thinking about marriage proposal or rather a contract marriage. I started reviewing the household's income for the last five years. Thank God, that in my absence there was always an income and mother left enough saving, so I can start renovating the resort and probably start my new clinic, out of the empty house that once my grandfather lived.
I was pretty tired, but I decided to go on a walk to visit my parent's grave. During those three days, I haven't found time to visit my parent's grave.
What an unfilial daughter I am, I thought sadly to myself.
The Mountainville cemetery looked gloomy in January, my parent's graves are covered in snow. The flowers that covering my mother's grave is still here and I was unable to attend my mother's funeral.
The tears escaped from my eyes.
"I'm sorry!" My voice trembled and I started sobbing.
"I know that I'm the worst daughter, I selfishly ran away from home without considering your feelings too." When I lived in Etria, I thought about my actions and wished to come back early, but it's was either my pride or fear that kept me from coming back.
"I'm stupid for not coming home earlier. I wished I could come home sooner where you were still alive and now it's my turn to suffer and I deserve this." I sighed then turned my eyes to my father's grave, my father's grave is not that decorated like my mother's.
"I missed you and I still do."
When I was sad or just have anxiety, I could always seek comfort from my father. He would always comfort me, cheer me on and support me, living those five years without him was hell, especially since I lived alone in Etria, but luckily I managed to survive with the help of my friends and graduate college.
Now that I thought about it, I was really lucky that I survived because especially with my anxiety I went through a lot of things and even considered suicide as an option one time.
My anxiety isn't that bad as it's used to in my childhood and during college years, kudos to my therapist.
"During my difficult times, I wished that you could comfort me. But If I hadn't learned to move on with life without you, I wouldn't be here without my degree or complete sanity."
"I guess I came back more prepared?" I hesitantly asked. Even though compared to other women of my age who were raised in the noble household I had more experience with the real world than them.
"This time I'll make sure that I would never disappoint you both." I vowed to my parents. Then I took a deep breath and went back home.
During those five years, I've matured and became more capable. I've changed and I don't know if I will able to fit in society, or even want to.
Living in Etria, I've got used to the idea where men and women can be equal, but in Ravendale where the women are more dominant in society and in the country where is a very rare thing to be raised by alcoholic parents, is very rare to be raped by the men.
It's hard to convince people in Ravendale that women and men can be equal when positive points are far more than negative and we lived like that for centuries.
I can't force my beliefs to other people's throat, even if I want to or need to. I guess in six months I have to try to fit in the society if I want to open my clinic successfully. To do that I need to marry into an influential family, and Amethyst family is one of the most influential families in Ravendale.
I guess if I to marry husbands who would probably hate me, I need to make a strategy that will let me survive this marriage.
"There you are!" I looked up to see Alice's green eyes filled with worry.
"I was looking for you! Where have you been?" Alice asked me.
"I've gone to visit my parent's graves, sorry for making you worry. Have you checked the condition of the resort?" I asked Alice. It's important to know how much I need to renovate the resort, so I could re-open the resort and make sure it's will a much bigger profit.
"There is no problem with plumbing, but the kitchen and other rooms might need some renovation." Alice reported to me.
"Good, Later I will check the resort for my self, so I can know specifically what we should renovate and change. Also, I decided what should I do about the marriage." I answered and Alice looked at me.
"So what have you decided?" Alice asked. Alice thinks that I should marry into the family, rather than lose money. I agree with her if I manage to survive the marriage, I could increase my household's influence.
"I think I will accept the arranged marriage." I answered and Alice looked at with a shocked look.
"Really? You will marry them, even though they have a bad reputation with their previous fiances?" She asked. I don't know the real story behind those two women's death, but I can guess they probably started being bossy or something since my future husbands didn't start terrorizing them in the beginning when they moved in.
"I guess so, it's only for six months. It's will be very beneficial if I survive marriage." I explained to her.
"Then, you should start writing the letter since it's only four days left until the deadline."Alice recommended.
I nodded and went to my father's study. This place gave me a nostalgic feeling, remembering watching my father designing the buildings. There are lots of books about philosophy, poetry, law, psychology, and politics. Also, there is a picture of me when I was little on my father's desk.
I inherited light brown hair from him, while from my mother I inherited light blue eyes, while my father had dark blue eyes. I hand gentle features from mother, while my father had sharp features. No matter how much I inherited facial features, I still looked like a female version of my father.
I started writing the letter, but soon I had to rewrite a lot of times because I wanted my letter to be brief, but self-explanatory, I tried to write with fewer errors and I wanted to make sure my writing is understandable and beautiful.
After finally finishing writing the letter, I gave my letter to my maid, that was on her way to the post office.
But there is one thing I forgot.
James.