Kanin

We pull back into the mansion’s drive way before I’m ready. I sit there a moment, staring up at the house. I liked being with Arya. She got my mind off the tragic reality that was my life. She made me smile. She was a lot like Delilah, and I couldn’t even begin to describe how much I missed her.

“Kanin,” Arya said slowly, noticing that I wasn’t making a move to get out of her car. Getting out meant facing the truth, and most importantly it meant facing Jax. I was never ready to face him. “I know you might not understand this right now, but Jax is trying to protect you. He’s definitely not going about it the right way, but trust me.”

“Trying to protect me?” I scoffed, crossing my arms over my chest and looking away from the house. “He told me he was going to kill me!”

“That was just to scare you.” Arya explained. “He says those things so that you fear him. Jax thrives off fear. If people fear him, then he can control them.”

“He can’t control me.” I said angrily. “I’m not one of his wolves, Arya. I’m a person. I have a life. I have my father who’s probably worried sick about me right now. I have friends. I have school. I can’t just disappear off the face of the earth.”

Arya tensed at my words, like I’d said something hurtful. Had I? I hadn’t said anything that wasn’t the truth. I hadn’t said anything that she shouldn’t already know. Her eyes were suddenly guarded and I saw them flash red for a split second. I’d said something that upset her. But what?

“I think you should get out now, Kanin.” She warned.

I stared at her a moment before I spoke, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything to upset you.”

She shook her head and let out a sigh, her hands tightened on the steering wheel, “It’s not your fault.” She didn’t look at me, it was like she couldn’t.

There was an uncomfortable beat of silence.

“I’ll just go.” I said quietly and reached for the door handle.

Arya reached over and put her hand on my shoulder, “Just be careful what you say, alright?”

What did she mean by that? What had I said? I only nodded, unsure what to say. “Thanks for the dress.”

She nodded and I stepped out of the car. She didn’t leave until I disappeared into the house again. I leaned against the big French doors with my dress in hand. I still couldn’t get Arya’s face out of my mind. She was upset, angry even, and I wasn’t even sure what had happened.

“Kanin, there you are.” Cade’s voice entered the foyer. He was coming out of the living room. “Did you get a dress?”

I motioned to the bag in my hands.

“Oh cool, can’t wait to see it.” He winked.

I smiled at him, trying to forget my talk with Arya. So many things she had said was going back and forth inside of my mind. But mostly how she warned me to be careful of what I said. How was I supposed to be careful when I wasn’t even sure what set them off? The truth was I didn’t know anything about any of them. I was completely in the dark, completely overwhelmed.

“I’m going to go put it in my room.” I said quietly, slipping past him and up the stairs.

“Hey,” Cade stopped me, his hand gripping my upper arm lightly to get my attention. “Are you okay?”

No.

“Oh, yeah, I’m great.” I faked a smile and pulled away from him. I was back in my room in no time. I placed the dress on a hanger in the bare closet. I then leaned against the wall and slipped down it until I was sitting on the wooden floors. I couldn’t help the tears that started falling down my cheeks. I felt like I was drowning.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there for, but the next thing I knew there was a knock at my door. I quickly reached up and wiped the tears from my face. I had to be strong. I couldn’t let them see me weak like this, especially around Jax. He would use that to his advantage.

I stood to my feet, cleared my throat, and answered the door. Cade was standing there with a smile like usual. Just the sight of him made me feel better. He was the one good thing out of all of this. “Jax wants you down in the yard.” He said quickly, looking me over once. “So, you might want to change.”

"Change?” I questioned.

“Training.” He said once before disappearing back down the hall.

I sighed, standing there a moment before stepping back into my room. I went over to the dresser and pulled open the drawers. To my surprise, there were clothes piled in the drawers. I wondered if they came from Arya again. I riffled through them and pulled out the closest thing to work out clothes I could find. I pulled on the yoga capris and t-shirt. I fixed my braid and then stepped out of my room.

I jogged down the stairs and made my way out the back door. My eyes landed on Cade first who was sparring with Trent. They both sported friendly smiles which was a good sign. Last time I’d watched training, Cade got a little too worked up and had shifted. It didn’t end well.

Then I saw Jax before me. Just like always, he took my breath away. I hadn’t quite decided if it was a good thing or if it was just because I was absolutely terrified of him. I’d never been so scared of something or someone in my life. Jax was watching his two-wolf’s fighting, his arms crossed over his very shirtless chest. I had to force myself not to stare at his impeccable muscles for too long. He wore the gym shorts he’d been wearing earlier and his feet were bare. I noticed that they never wore shoes during training, probably for safety.

I knew he saw me come up, but he didn’t turn to look at me, he didn’t even acknowledge my presence at all. The fight ended quickly, Cade was laying on the ground on his back. I heard his laugh. Trent pulled him to his feet and patted his back.

“You needed me?” I finally said, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at Jax.

Jax turned to look at me, “I’m going to teach you how to fight.”

I laughed, “If you didn’t notice, I know how to fight already.” I’d proved that last night. I’d gotten the better of the alpha. I’d escaped, but only for a moment before he came after me. That’s when I’d met Ean and managed to put myself in even more danger than before. I’d messed everything up once again. Now, Ean was hunting me. That wasn’t even the worst of it. I’d also been summoned to attend a pack meeting where the revival pack’s alpha wanted me dead as well. This just kept getting better and better.

“You’re sloppy and predictable.” He snapped.

"Predictable? You’re joking.” I was angry and it seeped into my tone. “I was anything but predictable last night, if you remember correctly.”

“I underestimated you, but it won’t happen again. I thought you’d be a weak, little girl without proper training. Turns out you have a little training. But not enough to cause a lot of damage if needed.”

“Did you just call me weak and little?” I bite back. I couldn’t believe him. “Do I need to remind you what a knife feels like in your gut? Because I have no problem recreating that memory.”

His jaw tensed and I swore I saw his wolf’s eyes for a split second. I think Trent and Cade noticed it to because I saw them take a step back out of the corner of my eye. I wasn’t paying attention to them though. I was only paying attention to Jax, who seemed to have an uncanny knack for getting under my skin. Right now, nothing else mattered but putting him in his place.

“Like I said, I underestimated you, but I promise you that it won’t happen again.” He fisted his hands at his sides in a fit of anger. “During our fight, I had a chance to pin point your weaknesses and learn your moves. You use the same one’s repeatedly. That will get you killed.”

“Then let it.” I snapped. “Because if I’m not mistaken, you said you’d kill me anyway. So, what does it matter if I die a little earlier than you planned.”

I heard a low growl escape from the back of his throat. No doubt a sign that his wolf wanted to show me who was boss. Jax wasn’t used to people talking back to him, putting him in his place. He was used to giving orders and being feared. But that wasn’t me. He might terrify me, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. And I wasn’t going to take orders from him. I’m sure his ego didn’t need the extra boost.

In two quick seconds, he was before me. He was so close that I felt his breath fan across my face. I could hear his heavy breathing as he tried to remain in control. “The only reason you’re alive right now is because I’m allowing you to be. Make sure to get that through your thick skull.”

“We both know you want me dead, so just kill me now! Really, what’s stopping you from doing so? It would save both of us a lot of trouble. Because, frankly, I’m getting tired of being stuck listening to you try and order me around all the time! I mean one person can only listen to a death threat for so long before they go completely insane and I’m pretty close!” I was yelling now. I’d been simmering for so long that I felt like it all blew up. I couldn’t hold in my anger anymore. If he killed me right now, I think I’d feel grateful.

As soon as my words registered, Jax snapped. His eyes went completely blood red and his muscles tensed. He growled, but it sounded completely inhuman. I’d really done it now. Suddenly, someone was grabbing me by the arm and pulling me back. I watched as Jax dropped to all fours and his bones started cracking into place. He was screaming and growling so loud that I swore I felt the earth shake and my ears started ringing. Jax’s shift was ten times worse than Cade’s had been.

Before me now stood a completely black werewolf. He was incredibly huge, taller than me and over a hundred pounds heavier. Cade’s wolf hadn’t been near this size. It must be because Jax is an alpha. Jax’s wolf pawed at the earth, grunting and shaking its head. His eyes were blood red and staring right at me. He growled, giving me a full view of his killer canine teeth. He could rip me to shreds in seconds and I was sure he was going to do just that.

“Kanin, don’t move.” I heard Trent warn behind me.

Everything was so quiet. I couldn’t even hear the birds chirping anymore. The forest had gone utterly still as Jax shifted, probably just as frightened as I was. My eyes didn’t once leave Jax’s. Now, as I stared back at him, I was no longer afraid. That night on the road when I’d first met his wolf came springing back to me. I hadn’t been afraid then to. I’d been calm for some reason. Jax’s wolf hadn’t hurt me that night, he didn’t even try to. Jax had been under control always, completely calm like he usually is. But now, it was like he was fighting for that calm. I’d made him impossibly angry.

“Jax.” Cade’s voice sounded small as he tried to get through to his alpha. I realized now that his hand was still on my upper arm. He tightened his grip as Jax’s wolf took a tentative step forward. “Jax, can you hear me?”

The black wolf before us snapped his teeth and growled once again. He was shaking and his claws were digging into the earth, like he was trying to hold himself back. I shook off Cade’s hand from my arm and stepped forward.

“Kanin!” Trent gasped.

Cade reached for me again, but I pulled away. I said nothing as I reached my hand out to the wolf in front of me. My heart was pounding erratically in my chest, but everything else about me was calm. I thought only of Jax as I looked his wolf in the eye. The wolf flinched back from my hand and growled.

“Jax.” My voice was merely a whisper, only meant for him to hear it. “I’m sorry.”

The wolf stopped moving for a moment and his eyes softened. He pawed at the earth one last time. His gaze moved from mine to his two wolves standing behind me. Then he turned around and sprinted into the woods, disappearing.

“Wow, you’re like the wolf whisperer or something.” Cade said to me. All at once, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and my knees wobbled. Cade reached out quickly and caught me. “Whoa, I’ve got you.” He brought me into his arms, one hand under my knees and the other around my back. He carried me back into the house and sat me on the couch. I looked over his shoulder, but didn’t see Trent following us inside.

“Where did Trent go?” I asked softly, my voice weak.

“To go after Jax.” Cade told me as he sat on the coffee table before me. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “I’ve never seen him shift like that before.”

I felt horrible, it was all my fault. “Cade, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad like that. I never wanted him to shift.”

Cade cracked a smile, “It’s okay, Kanin. You both make each other angry. It’s just surprising that you make Jax that angry because he’s usually in control all the time. I’ve never seen him shift out of anger before. Heck, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him angry.”

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked, suddenly finding myself worried about him.

“Oh, yeah. Jax is tough. He probably won’t get very far before Trent finds him. We have a connection, like a built-in GPS so Trent can pick up his trail.” He explained. “Don’t worry about him.”

I nodded. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten that angry at him. I wasn’t normally an angry person, but something about Jax brought it out of me. I thought things couldn’t get any worse from here, but I was sure they just did. Jax would bring down the alpha hammer now. I’d be very surprised if I even saw the sun tomorrow.