Just a Wolf

Amelia

My wolf cries out, “He’s going to mark us!”

I feel it, deep inside, how right it is, how much I want to bear his mark, how much I will love knowing that the whole pack will be able to see by it that I have been claimed. Gone are any thoughts of waiting, or secrecy, or modesty, or anything else in the world, except that I want him to mark me. I have understood this only on a theoretical level before, knowing that once mates find each other, they mark each other, but I didn’t know how powerful an instinct this would be.

I want it. He wants it. My wolf wants it.

But something stops him. He pulls back from me, gasping for air, and says that he thinks we should talk first.

When his teeth leave my flesh, so close to having received his mark, I have a moment of pain, of anguish, a sense of rejection. But he continues to hold my shoulders, and leans his forehead down to touch mine, and waits until we have both caught our breath.

After a couple of minutes, he whispers, “I don’t know what that was. I wanted to …” he stops, and it is like he can’t find a way to describe it.

I wonder if he doesn’t really even know what just happened. He’s a guy, maybe he doesn’t pay attention to that sort of thing.

“You wanted to mark me,” I say, and I hear my voice sounding thick with so much emotion that I can barely speak. “I know. I wanted it too.”

“Mark, yes,” he breathes, “that’s what my wolf said.” He lifts a hand and strokes against the spot on my throat that he almost bit, and it feels super sensitive there, like I have somehow developed more nerve endings on the spot. I inhale shakily, and lean into his palm.

His hand moves down around me, across my shoulder and to my back, then he pulls me back into his arms, and he is holding me, just holding me, nothing else, and it is wonderful. I lay my head on his shoulder, and it feels so comfortable to be here, wrapped up in his arms. I feel myself calming down, my heartbeat slowing, my breathing returning to normal.

After a few minutes, he leans back only far enough to take my hand. Then he steps over to one of his pack’s cars, opens up the back door, and slides into the back seat. “Here,” he says, “get in, let’s relax for a minute.”

I’m surprised, but I realize that I’m still shaky, I think coming down off the adrenaline rush, and when I sit down next to him in the back seat I realize what a relief it is. He pulls me to his side, wrapping his arm around me, and his other hand reaches up to hold one of mine.

Ahhhh.

“My wolf said I shouldn’t mark you until we consummate the mating.”

Oh.

“So, like, not until we.…” Now I’m the one who can’t finish speaking.

He nods, and strokes my arm, and says, “I think we should wait until we’re officially mated. Until we, you know, have sex.”

My wolf says, “Yes, let him claim you in every way, together.”

I sigh. “My wolf apparently agrees. I can’t imagine why. She’s always the one who wants to dive headfirst into everything. Since when does my wolf act like the grownup around here?”

He chuckles. “Mine is the same! Sometimes I feel like he’s a big puppy. But who knows, maybe they know more about this than we do.”

My wolf says, rather snippily. “Of course.”

“Well,” I say, “it makes sense to wait anyway, for a little while, since we aren’t telling anybody yet. I couldn’t very well keep it a secret after I have a big mark on my neck.”

He is quiet for a moment, and seems more serious, like he is trying to think of a way to say something. “It’s more than that, though. I know that marking you would end any chance of keeping our secret. But, what really stopped me is that I realized that I couldn’t make that decision alone. It’s a big deal, and we should decide together when it happens. Once we mark each other, we are bonded for life. That isn’t something only one of us can choose.”

I am so touched by this, by knowing that he has thought about this so deeply. “That’s…” I try to find the right word. “That’s so profound.”

He nods. “Well, maybe, but it is more just common sense. Mates are partners, right? Life partners? We shouldn’t ever be making important decisions alone. Ever again. At least that’s how I feel.”

“Yes,” I say. I never thought about this before, and I would have accepted his mark if he had given it to me without asking first. But this is so much better, to know that it is a decision we will reach together. “I feel the same way. And… thank you.” I feel so included by this, so respected. “I want you to know, though, that I would have accepted it. I would have been so happy about it. My decision is made. So when the time is right, I trust you. Do it when you think you should.”

I hear him take in a shaky breath, and I think that he is very moved by my words, by knowing that he has my permission. I am starting to realize how sensitive he is. When I thought that maybe he is a guy so he doesn’t realize what’s happening, I was so wrong. It is the opposite. He is hyper aware of it, and of me, and he didn’t want to do anything rashly. It means so much to me to realize that he wanted to reach the decision together, and now that we have, it is a relief to know that nothing will stop us next time.

My love for him deepens, an almost physical sensation of emotion welling up inside me. I feel the tingling sensation along my side where I am pressed up against him, the little sparks of feeling that contact with him brings. I inhale his delicious aroma, and feel the throbbing deep inside myself that I have come to recognize as excitement.

We’ve made this decision together, and will wait until the time is right, but I don’t think we can put it off for very long. I think that a lot of what is happening between us is being driven by sheer instinct, and all of the plans and thoughts and decision-making in the world cannot delay instinct for long.