Julia Lelieveld and the fifth element

Ten minutes later the movie started. They were indeed zombies from hell.

People were slaughtered in big numbers and either died or became zombies themselves. After five minutes I was already done with it.

I just couldn't stand seeing all that blood anymore. Images came back to my mind of my father, my mother and I in our old house. How my father was tied up, I was assaulted by a knife to my throat and my mother. How there was more and more blood. I could still feel my clothes getting wet and warm from my own blood. My mother's screams and the fear in her eyes. My own pain that I had as the knife in my throat cut deeper and deeper. The screams of the gang members. No, I couldn't do this.

I got up and walked out of the room, without even looking at Eva or Bas. I came out in the hall and continued to the other room where we had had the party earlier. The room now looked large and deserted. I sat down on a couch and held my fingers to my temple. I took a deep breath in and out a few times to calm down and get the images out of my head. I wondered if this would bother me for the rest of my life?

What I feared so much should probably happen anyway. I had to give my friends an explanation for my behavior. Should I tell them what happened? Or should I try to put it off as long as possible?

Probably the latter.

I tried to relax and sat down a little more comfortably. I heard the screaming of the movie in the background. A nice background music would be nice, I thought to myself.

I looked around and saw an MP3 player. That's better than all that yelling.

There was good music on, music to relax. I stretched out on the couch with my eyes closed. I thought about tonight. To the fact that Daddy hadn't been able to take me away and that I hadn't heard from him yet. The conversation with Eva about Lucas and Bas that he hugged me and kissed me like a friend. I was extremely grateful that I could consider Eva and Bas as friends. They are really nice.

As I lay there on the couch, sleep overcame me. I didn't realize I was so tired.

I really enjoyed tonight. It cost me a lot of effort to ignore all the bad thoughts. But I had actually laughed for the first time in a long time. I got up quickly before falling asleep. I walked across the room and saw pictures on the mantelpiece. Let's take a closer look, I thought to myself.

They were family portraits.

Eva and Bas had a younger sister and an older brother. They both had that jet black hair too. You didn't have to look far to find out who got them. Their parents also both had black hair.

So that was the older brother Daan that Eva was talking about. She had told him he was in the army. Her brother looked good. He was almost a head taller than Bas. His jet-black hair was in sporty quills. He smiled openly and honestly in the photo. Everyone looked happy. A stab ran through my heart that resembled jealousy. We could never be photographed as a family again.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, I startled and turned around. Bas was looking at me. Oh shit, I still had the mp3 player on, I quickly turned it off.

"Sorry, all the screaming from the movie got a little too much for me." Embarrassingly, I held up the MP3 player and placed it on the chimney. "It doesn't matter, I thought I'd come and see if you're enjoying yourself a bit. But it looks like you've discovered our embarrassing family photos." He nodded with a smile at the pictures on the chimney.

“These are beautiful photos, anything but embarrassing. You look happy."

Bas looked at me for a moment. "Well, it just depends on how you look at it." He raised his shoulders. "What shall we do?" he asked me.

I looked at him questioningly. "The film isn't that long anymore, why don't you watch it? I'll wait a little longer."

"To be honest, I don't like it much, too much blood." He grimaced and sat down on the couch.

"Ah, well then you're not alone."

He laughed and slumped on the couch. I did the same. "So you have a sister and a brother?"

'Yes, my sister Sofie is a bit of an afterthought. She is 8 years old and still in primary school. She absolutely loves ballet. My brother Daan is 18 years old, he has been employed for a month and a half and comes home on weekends when he has time. He was also supposed to come this weekend, but couldn't at the last minute." He seemed to think for a moment. "And you? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No, no siblings."

"Gosh, I couldn't imagine it, but maybe that's because I have a twin sister."

“My father works as a detective and he met your father once in the hospital. He works there as a doctor, doesn't he?"

“Yep, I think he's been working there all his life. And my mom is a psychiatrist." He rolled his eyes for a moment. "But your dad is a detective, gosh that's nice! Surely he has many exciting stories?" He looked at me expectantly.

"He prefers to keep work and private life separate", I said in the negative.

"Oh too bad, there goes the sensational stories."

I shrugged and looked disappointed. I didn't feel like talking about this. I could totally get one story out of my head, but I'd rather not talk about that.

Suddenly we heard the end credits of the film. Little by little the partygoers trickled back into the room we were in. The girls who had been chasing Bas earlier in the evening looked angry and jealous at us that I was sitting there so relaxed on the couch with Bas. Geez, I thought to myself. Resign yourself to the fact that he isn't crazy about you.

Bas's cell phone rang. "Okay, Peter, I'll tell them, thanks," he said to whoever called him. I looked at him questioningly.

"That was Peter, the doorman at the barrier. The first parents are already here, so I have to play host for a while." And he ran away among the people. Half an hour later most people had gone home. A few stood with their coats on saying goodbye in the hall of Eva and Bas. Okay Julia, time to go home, I told myself. I walked to the hall and grabbed my coat.

"Oh, are your parents here too? We hadn't heard from Peter yet," said Eva.

"No, I'm on my bike." I looked at them a little embarrassed.

"By bike? So late? But you live all the way in the tree-lined neighborhood, don't you?", Eva said concerned.

"Yes, but I'm used to cycling. It's only half an hour," I said reassuringly.

"Can't your father come and pick you up?", Bas asked.

"No, he's still working, so that's why." I tried to appear nonchalant.

"What about your mother?"

There was that feeling again. It was as if he emptied my whole lungs. I tried to breathe slowly.

"My mother is no longer alive."

"Oh shit, are you serious? Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." He looked at me guiltily.

"Don't worry, you can't know that." I reassured him.

“Sorry to hear that Julia." Eva walked up to me and gave me a big hug. That did me good. It was nice to have those warm and sincere arms around me. She let go of me and looked at me.

"I can ask Dad to take you home?"

"No, that's not necessary. I'm just going to enjoy my bike, get some fresh air." She looked at me doubtfully and then resigned herself to it.

"Would you let me know when you get home?"

"Yes I will. And thanks for the invitation, it was a lot of fun tonight." I looked at them gratefully and walked out the door.

"Ride safely!" The twins yelled after me in unison as I rode my bike down the driveway.

Here and there candles were still burning in hollowed-out pumpkins by the houses on the sidewalk. Some pumpkins were already gloomy and dark. In many houses the lights were already out. It was cold. I cycled faster so that I could quickly crawl into my warm bed.

After half an hour I was home, Daddy's car was still not there. I went in through the garage, the note I had written to Dad was still the same. So he hadn't been home yet. I threw the note away, went upstairs and got ready for the night. While I was in bed, I texted daddy and Eva that I was home. I wondered what he was doing, was he all right?

I tried to clear my head to have a quiet night. That night I dreamed about anything and everything. A mixture of the party, the movie and Lucas. Really weird, but luckily not a nightmare. I've had enough of that lately.

Sunday was a quiet day. My father had come home early in the morning and spent the rest of the day working on his business at the kitchen table.

It was almost worse than before we moved here. He had promised to be home more often and to have more free time. Instead, he was only away from home more often and when he was home he continued to work. I kept Sunday for a clean-up day, which was much needed. At the end of the day everything was spick and span.

With a tub of ice cream and a season of Buffy, I headed for my room. I snuggled into my blankets and turned on the TV for a relaxed evening.