DRAMA NOVEL ONLINE In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes: Chapter 49
TWO SUNDAYS LATER, Holden and I were walking along the beach in a neighboring town. The rain had let up for the afternoon and we had spent the morning in bed before I dragged Holden out to have our Sunday adventure.
I slipped my hand into his as we wandered down the beach, watching the waves crash on the shore. He looked down at me and smiled.
“How’d painting go this week?” he asked.
My mouth twisted and I shrugged. “Fine.”
A couple mornings after I started staying at Holden’s, I walked past one of the spare rooms to find him setting up my easel and painting supplies. The morning light shone through the trees and lit the room up. Sometimes I opened the window and listened to the birds chirping.
I’d been thinking about Holden’s words at the art gallery, about trying to paint another self-portrait. I’d shoved it to the back of my mind for years but the idea was back with a vengeance. Holden’s encouragement and belief in me made me want to do it.
Every time I set up my paints and stared at the blank canvas, though, I came up with nothing. I didn’t even know where to start.
As if he could sense my frustration with myself, his heavy arm came around my shoulder, anchoring me.
“It’ll be okay,” he murmured in my ear. “Give it time.” He pressed a kiss to my temple and I leaned into his chest.
Being with Holden was so easy. Every day, I forgot another reason why we shouldn’t. The friends with benefits thing was far in the distance and I didn’t have a clue what we were now.
I avoided bringing it up, in case we uncovered something that would undo it all. I wasn’t ready for everything to come undone.
“Did the arborist find anything?” I asked him.
He shook his head, eyes on me with an unreadable expression. “You’re not going back to the inn, though. I like you staying at my place.”
My heart thrummed with pleasure. This was terrible, and I knew this was terrible, that I enjoyed this pushy, protective side of him. I thinned my lips to hide a smile.
“Fine,” I said, as if it didn’t thrill me. I hid my grin.
His phone buzzed and he read who was calling before turning to me. “I need to take this. Be right back.” He pressed a quick kiss on my cheek before striding off with his phone to his ear.
I stared after him with narrowed eyes. Discomfort swooped and dipped in my stomach.
Holden had been acting weird in the past two weeks. Not bad weird, just… different. He took phone calls in the other room. The owner of the hardware store was chatting with him at the bar and abruptly ended the conversation when I stopped by, like they’d been talking about me. When I asked how Holden’s day was or what he had done that day, sometimes his answers were vague or he changed the subject.
He was keeping something from me.
I sat on a log at the beach and watched him talk on the phone. He said something before listening and nodding. His gaze moved to me and he smiled and winked at me.
My stomach pinched. It was happening again.
He’s not Grant, I reminded myself. I never knew Grant’s family. I never connected with Grant like I did with Holden. Holden had opened up his entire life to me, not the other way around. He cared about me. What did I have that he wanted? Nothing.
Holden loved me. He hadn’t said but I knew he did. It was in every glance, and every brush of his fingers over my skin.
Grant never loved me. None of those other guys did.
It was fine. It was just a few phone calls.
But why didn’t he want me to overhear? I thought about a book I had read shortly after the whole Grant thing happened, about fear instincts. It said we had been through millions of normal interactions, and our guts always knew when something wasn’t right.
Holden walking away while he was on the phone was weird.
My stomach tensed. I leaned my chin on my palm while I waited, watching him.
When he hung up, he walked toward me, hands in his jacket pockets and watching me with a warm gaze, and my shoulders eased as I admired him. A gust of wind blew his hair back and I held back a sigh of admiration.
He was so goddamned handsome.
“Let’s get lunch,” he suggested, holding his hand out.
I stood and brushed the sand off my jacket from the log.
It was nothing, I told myself. Holden couldn’t be more different from Grant.
We headed to the town’s main street and strolled past the shops on our way to the sushi restaurant. Holden’s hand wrapped around mine, keeping me warm during the chilly day. We passed a jewelry store and he stopped.
His gaze traveled over the rings in the window. He glanced at me and tilted his head to the store. “Let’s go inside.”
Something in the window caught my eye and my stomach dropped.
It was my ring. Or, my old ring. My actual old ring was probably still sitting in that pawn shop back in Toronto, but it was the same design, with gold instead of silver.
It sat in the display case under glass, sparkling. When Grant had presented it to me, I had gasped in awe and delight. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I had ever seen.
I stared at it, stomach twisting like I was going to be sick. My lip curled. It hurt my eyes.
That ring reminded me of everything I could have walked into by getting married. I couldn’t believe I was so stupid as to trust Grant with my entire life.
“I’m hungry,” I lied, staring at it. “Let’s get lunch.”
Holden arched an eyebrow at my disgusted expression. “It’ll just take a moment.”
Every cell in my body protested. He tugged on me hand but I stayed rooted in place. My lungs constricted, like someone was sitting on my chest.
Alarm streaked through me and my stomach tightened into a tiny ball.
“You go in and I’ll wait outside.” My voice sounded strangled.
He stared at me, eyes narrowing. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form in my mouth.
I shook my head, staring at the ground. “I don’t want to go in the store.”
“Why not?” He took a step toward me.
“Because I don’t!” I burst out, eyes wide. My gaze darted around and I heaved in a breath. I couldn’t get enough air. I glanced at the ring again.
I hated that stupid fucking ring. I hated everything it represented. My stupidity. My naiveté. All the debt I was in. That ring reminded me I once had big dreams and now I had nothing.
I swallowed past a lump in my throat, still staring at it.
“Honey.” Holden led me away from the store and I let him. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
The further we got from the store, the easier it was to breathe. By the time we got to the sushi restaurant, I could almost take full breaths again, although that panicky, shaky feeling still rattled through my blood.
“Sadie.” Holden’s hands rested on my shoulders and he peered down at me. His gray eyes were bright and concerned.
“I don’t want to go in there,” I said in a small voice.
He frowned. “Can you tell me why?”
I met his gaze and thinned my lips. “The ring in the window, it was the same design as the one he gave me.”
He nodded slowly with understanding. “Got it.”
“I freaked out.”
“I noticed.”
“I’m sorry.”
He gave my shoulders a gentle squeeze, his expression so pained. “Honey. Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.” He pulled me into a hug and I sunk into his chest, resting my head against him and closing my eyes for a moment. The tension in my chest and stomach eased as he rubbed my back in slow, steady strokes.
“You’re okay,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
I nodded against him.
We stood like that for another minute until my pulse slowed to a normal pace.