Imagine Me (Shatter Me Book 6)

Kenji

We both stare at the bloody scene a moment longer before Warner suddenly straightens and heads out the door. I tuck my gun into the waistband of my pants and chase after him, remembering to close the door behind us. I don’t want those scorpions getting loose.

“Hey,” I say, catching up to him. “Where are you going?”

“To find Castle.”

“Cool. Okay. But do you think that maybe next time, instead of just, you know, leaving without a word, you could tell me what the hell is going on? I don’t like chasing after you like this. It’s demeaning.”

“That sounds like a personal problem.”

“Yeah but I thought personal problems were your area of expertise,” I say. “You’ve got what, at least a few thousand personal problems, right? Or was it a few million?”

Warner shoots me a dark look. “You’d do well to address your own mental turbulence before criticizing mine.”

“Uh, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that a rabid dog could sniff out your desperate, broken state. You’re in no position to judge me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You lie to yourself, Kishimoto. You hide your true feelings behind a thin veneer, playing the clown, when all the while you’re amassing emotional detritus you refuse to examine. At least I do not hide from myself. I know where my faults lie and I accept them. But you,” he says. “Perhaps you should seek help.”

My eyes widen to the point of pain, my head whipping back and forth between him and the path in front of me. “You have got to be kidding me right now. You’re telling me to get help with my issues? What is happening?” I look up at the sky. “Am I dead? Is this hell?”

“I want to know what’s happening with you and Castle.”

I’m so surprised I briefly stop in place.

“What?” I blink at him. Still confused. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing wrong with me and Castle.”

“You’ve been more profane in the last several weeks than in the entire time I’ve known you. Something is wrong.”

“I’m stressed,” I say, feeling myself bristle. “Sometimes I swear when I’m stressed.”

He shakes his head. “This is different. You’re experiencing an unusual amount of stress, even for you.”

“Wow.” My eyebrows fly up. “I really hope you didn’t bother using your”—I make air quotes—“supernatural ability to sense emotions”—I drop the air quotes—“to figure that one out. Obviously I’m extra stressed out right now. The world is on fucking fire. The list of things stressing me out is so long I can’t even keep track. We’re up to our necks in shit. J is gone. Adam defected. Nazeera’s been shot. You’ve had your head so far up your own ass I thought you’d never emerge—”

He tries to cut me off but I keep talking.

“—and literally five minutes ago,” I say, “someone from the Sanctuary—ha, hilarious, horrible name—just tried to kill you, and I killed her for it. Five minutes ago. So yeah, I think I’m experiencing an unusual amount of stress right now, genius.”

Warner dismisses my speech with a single shake of his head. “Your use of profanity increases exponentially when you’re irritated with Castle. Your language appears to be directly connected to your relationship with him. Why?”

I try not to roll my eyes. “Not that this information is actually relevant, but Castle and I struck a deal a few years ago. He thought that my”—I make more air quotes—“overreliance on profanity was inhibiting my ability to express my emotions in a constructive manner.”

“So you promised him you’d tone down your language.”

“Yeah.”

“I see. It seems you’ve reneged on the terms of that arrangement.”

“Why do you care?” I ask. “Why are we even talking about this? Why are we losing sight of the fact that we were just attacked by someone from inside of the Sanctuary? We need to find Sam and Nouria and find out who this girl was, because she was clearly from this camp, and they should know th—”

“You can tell Sam and Nouria whatever you want,” Warner says. “But I need to talk to Castle.”

Something in his tone frightens me. “Why?” I demand. “What is going on? Why are you so obsessed with Castle right now?”

Finally, Warner stops moving. “Because,” he says. “Castle had something to do with this.”

“What?” I feel the blood drain from my body. “No way. Not possible.”

Warner says nothing.

“Come on, man, don’t be crazy— Castle’s not perfect, but he would never—”

“Hey— What the hell just happened?” Winston, breathless and panicked, comes running up to us. “I heard a gunshot coming from the direction of your tent, but when I went to check on you, I saw— I saw—”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?” Winston’s voice is shrill. Terrified.

At that exact moment, more people come running. Winston starts offering people explanations I don’t bother to edit, because my head is still full of steam. I have no idea what the hell Warner is getting at, but I’m also worried that I know him too well to deny his mind. My heart says Castle would never betray us, but my brain says that Warner is usually right when it comes to sussing out this kind of shit. So I’m freaking out.

I spot Nouria in the distance, her dark skin gleaming in the bright sun, and relief floods through me.

Finally.

Nouria will know more about the girl with the scorpions. She has to. And whatever she knows will almost certainly help absolve Castle of any affiliation with this mess. And as soon as we can resolve this freak accident, Warner and I can get the hell out of here and start searching for J.

That’s it.

That’s the plan.

It makes me feel good to have a plan. But when we’re close enough, Nouria narrows her eyes at both me and Warner, and the look on her face sends a brand-new wave of fear through my body.

“Follow me,” she says.

We do.

Warner looks livid.

Castle looks freaked out.

Nouria and Sam look like they’re sick and tired of all of us.

I might be imagining things, but I’m pretty sure Sam just shot Nouria a look—the subtext of which was probably Why the hell did you have to let your dad come stay with us?—that was so withering Nouria didn’t even get upset, she just shook her head, resigned.

And the problem is, I don’t even know whose side I’m on.

In the end, Warner was right about Castle, but he was also wrong. Castle wasn’t plotting anything nefarious; he didn’t send that girl—her name was Amelia—after Warner. Castle’s mistake was thinking that all rebel groups shared the same worldview.

At first it didn’t occur to me, either, that the vibe might be different around here. Different from our group at Point, at least. At Point we were led by Castle, who was more of a nurturer than a warrior. In his days before The Reestablishment he was a social worker. He saw tons of kids coming in and out of the system, and with Omega Point he sought to build a home and refuge for the marginalized. We were all about love and community at Point. And even though we knew that we were gearing up for a fight against The Reestablishment, we didn’t always resort to violence; Castle didn’t like using his powers in authoritative ways. He was more like a father figure to most of us.

But here—

It didn’t take long to realize that Nouria was different from her dad. She’s nice enough, but she’s also all business. She doesn’t like to spend much time on small talk, and she and Sam mostly keep to themselves. They don’t always take their meals with everyone else. They don’t always participate in group things. And when it comes right down to it, Sam and Nouria are ready and willing to set shit on fire. Hell, they seem to be looking forward to it.

Castle was never really that guy.

I think he was a little blindsided when we showed up here. He was suddenly out of a job when he realized that Nouria and Sam weren’t going to take orders from him. And then, when he tried to get to know people—

He was disappointed.

“Amelia was a bit of a zealot,” Sam says, sighing. “She’d never exhibited dangerous, violent tendencies, of course, which is why we let her stay—but we all felt that her views were a little intense. She was one of the rare members who felt like the lines between The Reestablishment and the rebel groups should be clear and finite. She never felt safe with the children of the supreme commanders in our midst, and I know that because she took me aside to tell me so. I had a long talk with her about the situation, but I see now that she wasn’t convinced.”

“Obviously,” I mutter.

Nouria shoots me a look. I clear my throat.

Sam goes on: “When everyone but Warner was basically kidnapped—and Nazeera was shot—Amelia probably figured she could finish the job and get rid of Warner, too.” She shakes her head. “What a horrible situation.”

“Did you have to shoot her?” Nouria says to me. “Was she really that dangerous?”

“She had three scorpions!” I cry. “She pulled a gun on Warner!”

“What else was he supposed to think?” Castle says gently. He’s staring at the ground, his long dreads freed from their usual tie at the base of his neck. I wish I could see the expression on his face. “If I hadn’t known Amelia personally, even I would’ve thought she was working for someone.”

“Tell me, again,” Warner says to Castle, “exactly what you said to her about me.”

Castle looks up. Sighs.

“She and I got into a bit of a heated discussion,” he says. “Amelia was determined that members of The Reestablishment could never change, that they were evil and would remain evil. I told her I didn’t believe that. I told her that I believed that all people were capable of change.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Wait, like, you mean you think even someone like Anderson is capable of change?”

Castle hesitates. And I know, just by looking at his eyes, what he’s about to say. My heart jumps in my chest. In fear.

“I think if Anderson were truly remorseful,” Castle says, “that he, too, could make a change. Yes. I do believe that.”

Nouria rolls her eyes.

Sam drops her head in her hands.

“Wait. Wait.” I hold up a finger. “So, like, in a hypothetical situation— If Anderson came to Point asking for amnesty, claiming to be a changed man, you’d . . . ?”

Castle just looks at me.

I throw myself back in my chair with a groan.

“Kenji,” Castle says softly. “You know better than anyone else how we did things at Omega Point. I dedicated my life to giving second—and third—chances to those who’d been cast out by the world. You’d be stunned if you knew how many people’s lives were derailed by a simple mistake that snowballed, escalating beyond their control because no one was ever there to offer a hand or even an hour of assistance—”

“Castle. Sir.” I hold up my hands. “I love you. I really do. But Anderson isn’t a regular person. He—”

“Of course he’s a regular person, son. That’s exactly the point. We’re all just regular people, when you strip us down. There’s nothing to be afraid of when you look at Anderson; he’s just as human as you or me. Just as terrified. And I’m sure if he could go back and do his life over again, he’d make very different decisions.”

Nouria shakes her head. “You don’t know that, Dad.”

“Maybe not,” he says quietly. “But it’s what I believe.”

“Is that what you believe about me, too?” Warner asks. “Is that what you told her? That I was just a nice boy, a defenseless child who’d never lift a finger to hurt her? That if I could do it all over again I’d choose to live my life as a monk, dedicating my days to giving charity and spreading goodwill?”

“No,” Castle says sharply. It’s clear he’s starting to get irritated. “I told her that your anger was a defense mechanism, and that you couldn’t help that you were born to an abusive father. I told her that in your heart, you’re a good person, and that you don’t want to hurt anyone. Not really.”

Warner’s eyes flash. “I want to hurt people all the time,” he says. “Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I’m thinking about all the people I’d like to murder.”

“Great.” I nod, leaning back in my chair. “This is super great. All of this information we’re collecting is super helpful and useful.” I count off on my fingers: “Amelia was a psycho, Castle wants to be BFFs with Anderson, Warner has midnight fantasies about killing people, and Castle made Amelia think that Warner is a lost little bunny trying to find his way home.”

When everyone stares at me, confused, I clarify:

“Castle basically gave Amelia the idea that she could walk into a room and murder Warner! He pretty much told her that Warner was about as harmful as a dumpling.”

“Oh,” Sam and Nouria say at the same time.

“I don’t think she wanted to murder him,” Castle says quickly. “I’m sure she just—”

“Dad, please.” Nouria’s voice is sharp and final. “Enough.” She shares a glance with Sam, and takes a deep breath.

“Listen,” she says, trying for a calmer tone. “We knew, when you got here, that we’d have to deal with this situation eventually, but I think it’s time we had a talk about our roles and responsibilities around here.”

“Oh. I see.” Castle clasps his hands. Stares at the wall. He looks so sad and small and ancient. Even his dreads seem more silver than black these days. Sometimes I forget he’s almost fifty. Most people think he’s, like, fifteen years younger than he actually is, but that’s just because he’s always looked really, really good for his age. But for the first time in years, I feel like I’m beginning to see the number on his face. He looks tired. Worn out.

But that doesn’t mean he’s done here.

Castle’s still got so much more to do. So much more to give. And I can’t just sit here and let him be shoved aside. Ignored. I want to shout at someone. I want to tell Nouria and Sam that they can’t just kick Castle to the curb like this. Not after everything. Not like this.

And I’m about to say something exactly like that, when Nouria speaks.

“Sam and I,” she says, “would like to offer you an official position as our senior adviser here at the Sanctuary.”

Castle’s head perks up. “Senior adviser?” He stares at Nouria. Stares at Sam. “You’re not asking me to leave?”

Nouria looks suddenly confused.

“Leave? Dad, you just got here. Sam and I want you to stay for as long as you like. We just think it’s important that we all know what we’re doing here, so that we can manage things in as efficient and organized a manner as possible. It’s hard for Sam and me to be effective at our jobs if we’re worried about tiptoeing around your feelings, and even though it’s hard to have conversations like this, we figured it would be best to jus—”

Castle pulls Nouria into a hug so fierce, so full of love, I feel my eyes sting with emotion. I actually have to look away for a moment.

When I turn back, Castle is beaming.

“I’d be honored to advise in any way that I can,” Castle says. “And if I haven’t said it enough, let me say it again: I’m so proud of you, Nouria. So proud of both of you,” he says, looking at Sam. “The boys would’ve been so proud.”

Nouria’s eyes go glassy with emotion. Even Sam seems moved.

One more minute of this, and I’m going to need a tissue.

“Right, well.” Warner is on his feet. “I’m glad the attempt on my life was able to bring your family together. I’m leaving now.”

“Wait—” I grab Warner’s arm and he shoves me off.

“If you keep touching me without my permission, I will remove your hands from your body.”

I ignore that. “Shouldn’t we tell them that we’re leaving?”

Sam frowns. “Leaving?”

Nouria’s eyebrows fly up. “We?”

“We’re going to get J,” I explain. “She’s back in Oceania. James told us everything. Speaking of which— You should probably talk to him. He’s got some news about Adam you won’t like, news that I don’t care to repeat.”

“Kent betrayed all of you to save himself.”

“To save James,” I clarify, shooting Warner a dirty look. “And that was not cool, man. I just said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I’m trying to be efficient.”

Castle looks stunned. He says nothing. He just looks stunned.

“Talk to James,” I say. “He’ll tell you what’s happening. But Warner and I are going to catch a plane—”

“Steal a plane.”

“Right, steal a plane, before the end of the day. And, uh, you know—we’ll just go get J and be back real quick, bim bam boom.”

Nouria and Sam are staring at me like I’m an idiot.

“Bim bam boom?” Warner says.

“Yeah, you know, like”—I clap my hands together—“boom. Done. Easy.”

Warner turns away from me with a sigh.

“Wait— So, just the two of you are doing this?” Sam asks. She’s frowning.

“Honestly, the fewer, the better,” Nouria answers for me. “That way, there are fewer bodies to hide, fewer actions to coordinate. Regardless, I’d offer to come with you, but we have so many still wounded that we need to care for—and now that Amelia is dead, there’s sure to be more emotional upheaval to manage.”

Castle’s eyes light up. “While they’re going after Ella,” he says to Nouria and Sam, “and the two of you are running things here, I was thinking I’d reach out to the friends in my network. Let them know what’s happening, and that change is afoot. I can help coordinate our moves around the globe.”

“That’s a great idea,” Sam says. “Maybe we c—”

“I don’t care,” Warner says loudly, and turns for the door. “And I’m leaving now. Kishimoto, if you’re coming, keep up.”

“Right,” I say, trying to sound important. “Yup. Bye.” I shoot a quick two-finger salute at everyone and run straight for the door only to slam hard into Nazeera.

Nazeera.

Holy shit. She’s awake. She’s perfect.

She’s pissed.

“You two aren’t going anywhere without me,” she says.