If We Ever Meet Again (If Love Book 1)

Blake felt like shit.

He woke up with cottonmouth and a granddaddy of a hangover. Gatorade and a carb-filled breakfast helped with the physical symptoms, but he still felt like shit, and it had nothing to do with drinking too much yesterday.

The urge to regurgitate that morning’s jianbing forced him to clamp his mouth shut until it passed, yet his stomach remained queasy.

“Whose bright idea was it to come here after last night?” Luke flinched when the steel drummers banged their instruments.

The sound pierced through Blake’s head like a drill through drywall.

“It’s the New Year, Luke! Cheer up.” Courtney swung Leo’s hand back and forth, giddy as a schoolgirl.

“New Year’s was weeks ago.”

“This is the Lunar New Year. Don’t be so American.”

Luke became grumpier. “I am American. A hungover American.”

“You’re free to go back to the dorm any time you want.”

He fell silent.

The group wandered through the crowded pathways of Yuyuan Garden. Everyone and their mother (and father and grandparents and siblings) were out in full force for the Garden’s annual Spring Lantern Festival.

Lanterns of various sizes, colors, and shapes hung from every imaginable perch—roofs, ceilings, doorways, balconies. Massive pig-themed installations served as an ode to the Year of the Pig and dazzled viewers with their sheer size and intricacy. There were activities for all kinds of attendees—lion and dragon dances for the entertainment-minded, lantern riddles for the intellectually oriented, and traditional New Year sweets for the culinary-obsessed.

Blake tightened his grip on Farrah’s hand. It was his rock, the only thing keeping him from collapsing into a puddle of regret on the ground.

God, I’m an asshole.

“How are you feeling?” Farrah sidestepped an adorable toddler who was staring up at one of the pig installations in awe. Her mouth curved into a small smile before she turned to Blake, and her brow wrinkled with concern. “We can go back to FEA if this is too much.”

“No, it’s New Year’s. Besides, you want to see the fireworks.”

“I’ve seen fireworks before.”

“Really, I’m ok. I feel much better.” Blake squeezed her hand again, this time in reassurance.

“Ok. But if you don’t feel well, tell me.”

“Yes, mom.”

She scrunched up her nose. “Don’t call me that. It’s creepy.”

He laughed. Some tension eased. The rest remained—a lead ball of worry, self-loathing, and guilt that had plagued him for weeks.

His mind flashed back to Landon’s New Year’s party over winter break. It did that a lot these days.

Blake should’ve known better than to drink that much when Cleo was there. Granted, Blake could usually hold his alcohol. Until last month, he’d blacked out only once, when he was a college freshman trying to keep up with his older teammates at his first frat party. The morning after the party, he woke up in the bathtub with penises drawn all over his face in black Sharpie. It was embarrassing and a bitch to get the marker off, but harmless.

Waking up naked in a hotel bedroom with no recollection of the previous night while Cleo waltzed out of the shower? Far less harmless.

The urge to throw up rose again. Blake drew in a deep, shaky breath. He couldn’t think with all the noise and commotion around him.

That was probably a good thing.

The group paused to watch one of the lion dances. The massive costumes were decorated in bright red and gold, the luckiest colors in the Chinese culture. Red for joy and good fortune, gold for fulfillment and good luck. There were two performers per lion—one to manipulate the head and one the tail. Their agility and coordination would make Blake’s old football coach drool.

Despite their heavy costume, the dancers twisted and turned and jumped from pole to pole with nary a stumble. The audience’s gasps and applause drowned out the drums and cymbals in the background when the performers somersaulted off the 20-foot-poles and nailed a rock-solid landing.

Blake watched without watching. Any other time he’d be right there with his friends, cheering the dancers on, but he couldn’t shake what happened on New Year’s—the American New Year’s—out of his mind.

Blake downed his drink and took in his surroundings. The Zinterhofers’ duplex occupied the top two floors of their flagship hotel in downtown Austin. Blake had been here more times than he could count, but its magnificence never failed to impress. With its polished wood floors, floor-to-ceiling windows, and panoramic views of the city skyline, the penthouse was a far cry from the Ryans’ comfortable but modest home in the Austin suburbs.

Blake swept his gaze over the attendees. It was an eclectic mix of their high school friends and the Zinterhofers’ rich associates. Landon was in the corner, speaking with an older woman in a tight gown that showed off an abundance of cleavage. She touched his arm and laughed too loudly at something he said.

Cougar central.

Blake set his empty glass on the bar and moved to rescue Landon from the cougar’s grasp. He made it two steps when a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Blake.”

His throat went dry. He turned. “Hey, Cleo.”

The two childhood friends stared at each other. It was their first time speaking since their breakup. He’d avoided her all night—damn Joy for bringing her—but seeing her there right in front of him made Blake’s chest hurt. Their romantic relationship may not have worked out, but Cleo was a huge part of his life. They’d been friends since they could walk.

He hadn’t realized how much he missed her as a friend until now.

“It’s good to see you.” Blake ran a nervous hand over the back of his neck. “You look great.”

Cleo’s green dress matched the color of her eyes. Her skin gleamed beneath the lights and her hair fell in glossy dark curls past her shoulders. In fact, he noticed several guys checking her out from the corner of his eye.

“Thanks. So do you.”

There was an awkward pause.

Cleo cleared her throat. “How’s Shanghai?”

“It’s great!” Blake winced. That came out more enthusiastic than he’d intended. “Different, but…”

“Yeah.”

Another pause.

He couldn’t take it anymore. If he had to dance around the elephant in the room one more time, he’d scream.

It was time to man up and look that damn elephant in the eye.

“I’m sorry about the way I handled things before I left,” Blake said. “And for being MIA since then.”

“You’ve been busy.” Cleo fiddled with her clutch. “I hear you’re dating someone in Shanghai.”

His jaw tightened. I am going to kill Joy.

“I am.” This conversation was getting worse by the minute. “Cleo, I care about you. You’re one of my oldest friends. But we never worked as a couple. We both know that.”

Cleo’s cheeks paled. Her eyes swirled with a mix of sadness, resignation, and—panic? No. That didn’t make sense.

“I know.” Her smile looked forced. “I don’t blame you. You’re a good person, Blake, and it was good while it lasted.”

Relief fizzled through him. “Yeah, it was.”

“Why don’t we start over? Put everything behind us and toast to our friendship.” Cleo waved down the bartender. “Two shots of tequila,” she ordered.

Blake’s eyebrows shot up. Cleo rarely drank, and she hated tequila.

Nevertheless, his relief outweighed his surprise. He could tell Cleo wasn’t 100% over their breakup, but at least she was willing to try. She could have her pick of guys. She’d eventually move on, which meant his family would have to move on.

A two-ton boulder eased off his shoulders.

“Here’s to friendship.” Cleo raised her shot glass.

“To friendship.” Blake clinked his glass against hers and knocked back the drink. He laughed at Cleo’s grimace. “We could’ve had something other than tequila.”

“It’s fine.” She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Let’s do another one. For old times’ sake.”

“Maybe we should pace ourselves.” His suggestion was as much for his own benefit as it was for Cleo’s. He should’ve eaten dinner before the party, but he lost track of time Skyping with Farrah. Now, his stomach turned at the thought of another shot.

Cleo clucked her tongue. “Shanghai has made you soft.”

Oh, hell no.

“Soft?” Blake narrowed his eyes. Yeah, his head was starting to spin, but his reputation was at stake here. “Soft, my ass.” He turned to the bartender. “Another round of shots. Make ‘em double.”

The lion dance ended to enthusiastic applause from the crowd.

“That was cool.” Luke yawned. “Let’s get food. I’m hungry.”

“We literally ate like half an hour ago,” Kris snapped.

“We don’t have to get a full meal, just snacks,” Luke said in a conciliatory voice.

Blake expected the rest of the group to walk on eggshells around Kris, but Luke? That was a shocker.

They pushed their way through the crowd toward the vendors selling Spring Festival snacks such as steamed niangao cakes, glutinous rice dumplings wrapped in bamboo leaves, and various sweets.

Blake followed Farrah through the crowds, too lost in his thoughts to navigate on his own.

Blake cracked his eyes open.

That was a mistake.

The sunlight pierced his retinas like lasers and intensified the pounding in his head. He slammed his eyes shut.

A raspy groan filled the room. It took him a minute to realize it came from him.

Where the hell was he? What day was it?

Blake tried to piece together the events of last night, but all he could remember was arriving at Landon’s party, drinking, arguing with Joy, drinking, talking to Cleo, drinking, and…that was it. He couldn’t remember the fireworks or what he did when the clock struck midnight.

Blake groaned again. He turned on his side so he faced away from the windows and tried opening his eyes again. Better. Sort of.

“I am never drinking alcohol again,” he muttered.

“That’s what you always say.”

Blake jerked his head up and looked over his shoulder. The bright light hit him in full force, but it was nothing compared to the dread that slammed into his body when his eyes confirmed what his brain knew.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Cleo stepped out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam. Her damp hair fell past her shoulders in tight curls. A towel wrapped around her body, barely large enough to cover the necessary bits.

“What are you doing here?” Blake’s eyes adjusted to the light, and he realized he was in one of the Zinterhofers’ suites. They always set aside a few rooms for guests who were too intoxicated to drive home after one of their New Year’s parties.

“Showering, silly.” Cleo dropped her towel. He averted his gaze.

She laughed at his reaction. “Come on. It’s not anything you haven’t seen before.” He heard rather than saw her get dressed. “You can look now.

“What happened last night?” The pounding in his head intensified. Blake rubbed his temple. “We didn’t—did we—” He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

There was a pause. “You don’t remember?”

If I did, I wouldn’t be asking you.

Blake bit his tongue. Hangovers made him moody as shit. “I don’t remember anything after our third—” Fourth? “—shot.”

Cleo blinked. Her eyes glowed bright green in the sunlight. A thousand emotions flickered over her face, too fast for him to discern a single one of them.

“We’re friends. Right?”

“Right.” Blake tried to smile. The jackhammers in his head multiplied. “Think of all the friendship toasts we had yesterday.”

She half-laughed, half-snorted. “Yeah. So you really don’t remember what happened last night?”

Unease unfurled in his stomach. “No…”

“That’s too bad.” Cleo took a deep breath and looked down. The seconds ticked by. When she looked up again, her expression was almost apologetic. “Blake, we slept together.”

“Earth to Blake.” Farrah waved her free hand in front of Blake’s face. “Hellooo? Anyone home?”

He snapped back to the present, but the guilt and nausea from that morning continued to churn in his stomach.

“Sorry.” He had to shout to be heard over the noise. It was close to fireworks time, and anticipation rippled through the crowd. “I was thinking.”

“It’s ok.” Farrah patted his hand. “I support you trying new things in the new year.”

Blake side-eyed her. “Do you have to be a smartass all the time?”

“It’s better than being a dumbass all the time.”

He couldn’t help but laugh. When he was around Farrah, it was easy to forget anything else existed. Easy to pretend everything was fine when he wanted to fall to his knees and beg her forgiveness.

He wanted to tell her what happened over New Year’s their first night back, but she looked at him with so much love and trust he knew he couldn’t tell her. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

What happened with Cleo was a one-time thing. There was no use destroying Farrah and himself over a stupid mistake he didn’t remember. Right?

The lead weight in his stomach grew heavier.

“The fireworks are about to start.” Courtney rubbed her palms together. Her eyes sparkled with excitement. “We need to find a good spot.”

“Good luck.” Leo scooted closer to her to allow a young couple to pass. “This place is a zoo.”

“That’s negative thinking and I will not stand for it. We’ll find a spot.”

True to her word, Courtney shouldered her way through the crowd and squeezed them into a corner on the Garden’s Zig Zag bridge. She earned them plenty of dirty looks, but they were going to have a fantastic view of the fireworks.

“Damn, Court.” Sammy looked impressed. “I could’ve used you during my holiday shopping.”

“Come to Seattle and I’m all yours.” Courtney leaned into Leo, who draped an arm over her shoulders. “I missed you guys.”

“I’m so glad I’m here instead of back home.” Kris twisted her ring round and round her finger. “My dad and the stepmonster-to-be can suck a giant bag of balls.”

The rest of the group exchanged glances.

Farrah had filled Blake in on the drama. Kris’s dad’s fiancée convinced him to cut Kris off for “irresponsible spending.” It seemed their extravagant trip to Macau for Courtney’s birthday was the last straw. He dropped the bombshell on Kris the day she returned home.

Kris with a black Amex was grumpy enough. Kris without a black Amex? Nuclear territory.

“He’ll cave. He always does,” Courtney reassured her.

“You’re his only daughter,” Olivia added. “Obviously, you take priority over his girlfriend.”

“Ha. Tell that to him. She has him totally brainwashed. Like she’s that responsible with money! She owns like twenty Birkins.” Kris’s lip trembled. She set her jaw and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “It’s fine. When I’m home for the summer, I’m going to make my dad see what a pathetic gold-digger she is. Their wedding won’t happen. Not on my watch.”

“Let us know if we can help,” Luke said. “We can, I dunno, dig up dirt on her online.”

Judging by the expressions on his friends’ faces, Blake wasn’t the only one who was surprised. Kris and Luke usually bickered more than an old married couple.

Kris choked out a laugh. “Thanks, but I got it.”

“Did we enter the Twilight Zone?” Sammy clutched his heart. “You guys are acting like friends.”

“Yeah, right!”

“As if!”

Kris and Luke spoke at the same time. They stared at each other sheepishly while everyone else laughed.

“We’ve always been friends. All of us. No matter how much some of us bicker.” Courtney squeezed Kris’s and Luke’s hands. “Actually, we’re more than that. We’re family. And there’s no one else I’d rather celebrate the Lunar New Year with.”

The group looked around at each other. Nine college students from all over the US, brought together by fate or circumstance. They couldn’t be more different. Some of them would’ve never been friends had they met anywhere else but Shanghai. Yet here they were.

A family.

In a place as crazy and ever-changing as Shanghai, they were each other’s constants. The ones who had each other’s backs. From overcoming culture shock to crazy nights on the town, they grew into this city together, and that was a bond only they could share.

Despite the chilly air, Blake’s skin warmed. It was almost enough to make him forget about the shitshow that was the rest of his life.

A screeching whistle quieted the crowds. Every head swiveled up. A few seconds later, the night sky exploded in a dazzling display of lights. The fireworks showered the dark canvas with sprays of brilliant color—bright gold, pale green, deep red, and every hue in between. Each time one closed another bloomed, creating an endless, intricate dance that left the viewers on earth breathless.

Blake tore his gaze away from the spectacle to look at Farrah. Ribbons of light flickered across her features as she gazed up at the show, her eyes bright with excitement and a smile of awe on her face.

If he could have one wish for the rest of his life, it would be for Farrah to be as happy as she was at this moment. Always.

Blake’s arms circled her waist from behind. He pressed his cheek against hers. “Happy Lunar New Year, baby.”

Farrah snuggled deeper into his embrace. “Happy Lunar New Year, Blake.”

No one in the group said anything after that. They took comfort in each other’s presence and watched the lights fire up the heavens, so bright they turned night into day.

The dawn of a new year.